thousand dreams.
I dreamt a thousand dreams last
night, a thousand times. I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of oblivion. I
drifted into the space where only I can go; where only I know of.
But last night these dreams were
not my own.
The space was not my own. It was
another’s.
For in them stood a young man;
tall, not thin nor burly, unconventionally beautiful. Deep brown eyes,
prominent nose, unruly hair and brilliant smile.
Brilliant.
Perhaps to anyone else it would
have been a simple smile, given by a simple man; but to me it was beautiful,
enchanting, amazing.
Brilliant.
And in these dreams, the man would
walk over to me; confident with his movements; confident with himself. He would
whisper softly into my ear, breath soft, mouth softer. He would tell me things that no one else was
supposed to know. Things about us.
Speaking softly, he opened my mind.
Explained that he too felt what I felt for him. That my touch was a joy, as his
was to me. And after that, he would close his eyes and wrap his arms around me
and we would sway in the quiet darkness.
And then his lips would brush my
own, touch my own in such a sweet heart wrenching way that he would jerk back
and look at me incredulously.
Brilliant smile, suddenly dull.
Deep brown eyes, suddenly shallow.
In the dreams, he would turn away
and I would open my mouth to stop him but my words were caught in my throat.
And I would begin to scratch at it, trying to dislodge those words I so needed
to say.
Don’t leave me.
His back was turned, and he was
suddenly swallowed into the darkness, and that’s when I realized that these
dreams were not my own... They were his.
For if they were my own dreams, in
my own space, he would have turned around and kissed me.
Touched me.
It wouldn’t matter that he was my
family, my band mate, my best friend. Nor that I was a man and so was he. It
wouldn’t matter that I was JC and that he was Joe.
All that would matter was the
knowledge that he loved me the way I loved him.
I dreamt a thousand dreams last
night, a thousand times.
I wish they had been mine.
-oct.01
________
Authors Note: I actually never really liked this but oddly enough people have really enjoyed this so it’ll stay up. And I’ll try not to grimace every time I read it.