Life as I Know It
I can't remember the last time I felt "truly" happy. What is happiness but a feeling or an emotion? Happiness is a little like love in my opinion; it's great at first but you always end up feeling like shit at the end of the day(or relationship). Love is crazy, life is crazy and I'm going crazy. Love takes all your feelings bunches them up in a little ball, kicks them around, then when they are all scuffed up love puts them right back inside of you so you can feel like shit for the rest of your life. In my experiences love has never been worth it. My only relationship ended with me losing everything.
"Hey Izzy!! Wait for me!!" Ken yelled as he ran up to me.
"Hey Ken. What's up?"
Damn he was sexy. The way he hair bounced slightly as he walked, the way his lips moved when talked... god there were too many ways to count. I wanted him so bad it was making me go crazy.
"Oh, nothing." he replied, "I was just curious, would you like to come to my place and...uh...hang out?"
Oh my god, he's asking me to come over. I don't care if it's just as friends, any time with him is great.
"Sure." I said with a smile.
We walked slowly to his apt. and talked about the upcoming summer vacation. Next year Ken would be a freshman and I'd be a sophomore, and 16 finally. I was so excited.
When we finally made it to his apt. we decided to sit down and watch a movie. I wasn't really watching the movie, I was watching Ken instead. He was curled up on the east end of the couch, his silky hair fell perfectly around his shoulders, he eyes moved in line with the characters on the screen, his lips... I just wanted to kiss those perfect lips. That's when I got the crazy idea in my head to tell him how I felt.
"Ken..."
Ken sat up and turned towards me. "Yes Izzy."
"I've got something to tell you."
"What is it?"
This is the part were I'm supposed chicken out or say something dumb like, 'Is it hot in here or is it just me.", but I didn't.
"Ken... I-I think I'm falling in love with you." I said quickly.
I was confident when I started but now I was getting scared. Ken looked at me like I was crazy, the he looked a little sad, finally he smiled.
"Really?" he asked.
"Yes." I blushed and stared down at my hands.
Ken grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Me too." he said.
What the hell. I was so surprised. Life just doesn't work like this.
"Uhhhh......" I just stared at him like a dumbass in the way of an oncoming truck. That's when he kissed me. I pulled back, hesitant to where this was going. But the little voice in my head said, " Why ignore a good thing. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." This time I listened and embraced his perfect lips. He wrapped his arms around me as our mouths made contact. His tongue brushed against my upper lip, requesting permission to enter. I allowed his tongue to make it's way into my eager mouth. As our tongues fought against each other Ken's hands had made their way into my shirt and were massaging my nipples. We stopped kissing and Ken practically ripped off my shirt and attacked my nipples with his tongue.
"Oooh Ken..." I moaned as he went for my zipper on my pants. He pulled off my pants and boxers and licked up and down the length of my cock. That's when we heard a key go in the door and start to unlock it.
"Oh, shit." Ken whispered. "My mom..."
I grabbed my clothes and ran to the bathroom and Ken threw a pillow over his erection.
"Hi mom." I heard him say as quickly jacked myself off and got dressed.
"Hi honey." She said, "I just came by to grab my papers for my meeting tonight. I'll be back at 10:00."
"Ok mom, Bye."
I heard the door close so I decided it was safe to come out.
"That was close." Ken laughed as I emerged from the bathroom.
" Yeah. God, I though she was really going catch us. We gotta be more careful." I said.
I looked at my watch. "Oh hell, I gotta go. My mom's gonna be worried."
Ken kissed me "See ya later sexy."
We had many, many other encounters over 6 months, usually ending with us having sex. It was great sex. Ken's shyness disappeared and his kinky side came out when we were all alone. Ken was extremely kinky. He loved anything and everything, but he especially loved torturing me. He loved to tie me up work from top to bottom and front to back, slowly. I loved this just as much as he did, and he knew it.
My parents were out of town when Ken came over one day. Right when I pulled him through the door we were on the kitchen table and in the process of stripping. I grabbed some chocolate syrup out of the fridge and Ken pushed me on the table and squirted it all over me. He licked the chocolate off my chest and then kissed me. He tasted so good. He licked me up and down then moved down to my cock. He sucked me slowly and as I came he swallowed it. I closed my eyes and moaned softly. That's when my life as I knew and Loved it changed.
"Oh my god...." someone gasped from the area of the front door. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't really hear anything, it was my imagination, right? Ken stopped sucking and turned slowly around as I opened my eyes. It was my mom.
"M-m-m-mom..." I stuttered. She glared at me and Ken.
"Get dressed. Ken get out." she said. Her voice was icy and emotionless, she was furious.
"We gotta talk abou..." she interrupted me,
"NOW!!" she screamed. Ken scrambled to get dressed, but I was frozen in place. Ken threw my clothes at me then approached my mother to talk to her. He didn't get one word out, she slapped him just as he came in reach.
"Get out OF MY GODAMN HOUSE!!!" she screamed.
He retreated out the door, so I was left to take the full effect of her fury. She was silent as I slowly put on my clothes.
"How could you?" she finally asked me.
"How could I... How could I what?" I asked angrily. I was extremely mad. Who the hell did she think she was. Yes, she's my mother, but she CAN'T tell me who I can love and who I can't.
" How could you turn into a little faggot." she said
" I love Ken, and you can not, you can not tell me who I can love. You are not a dictatorship, you are my mom. You're supposed to be loving and caring and UNDERSTANDING!"
"Go to your room, damnit."
"Mom... we need to talk about this."
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!!"
I turned and practically ran down the hall. She wasn't gonna listen to me , and I know my dad won't. I had started raining. Ken must've been getting real wet. I sighed. I loved him and couldn't live without him. What was I going to do?
That was almost a year ago. My mom doesn't talk to me anymore and my dad rarely does. My life as I knew it doesn't exist anymore, now I'm living in hell. My dad moved us to America two months after "the incident". Ken promised he'd wait for me. I'm not allowed to call him, and I'm discouraged from talking to any of my other friends that live back in Japan. Luckily I'm going to college in about four months and I've been accepted at a college in Japan. I can't wait. Ah, hold on the phone is ringing.
"Hello?"
"Izzy... it's Tai."
"Tai, oh my gosh how are you."
"I'm fine."
He didn't sound fine.
"No you're not. What's wrong."
"Izzy, it's about Ken."
My heart sunk to my feet.
"What's wrong..."
"Izzy... he's-he's...umm... he died yesterday."
My heart and brain stopped working right at that moment.
"What? He can't be....no, no, no."
"I'm sorry. He was so sick. The doctors couldn't figure out what it was. I'm sorry."
I dropped the phone and sunk to the floor. Tai muttered something the hung up. I hadn't cried in long time but I'm crying now. I wonder what it feels like to die. I wonder if Ken's lonely where he is. He won't be for long. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I held my left wrist over the sink and slowly cut into it.
"Ken I'm coming." I whispered.
"No you're not." a sweet voice behind me said.
I dropped the knife and turned around quickly. Behind me was Ken. He was a sweet, beautiful hovering angel.
"Ha, I must be dead. That was fast." I laughed.
"Your not." the Ken angel said.
"Well then I'm hallucinating."
"Izzy, please just listen to me."
"Why? You're not real."
The angel kissed me. It felt real.
"Ken, it cant be you." I cried.
"Izzy, stop. You have so much to live for. I love you, I want you to live a happy life." Ken said.
"Ken, I love you too. I love you so much. I need you. I'll never be able to love anyone else but you."
"Izzy, I want you be happy, I'm happy, you be happy too." Ken kissed my hands.
"I love you Ken, I'll be happy for you." Tears poured out of my eyes.
"I love you Izzy. Good bye. I'll wait for you in heaven."
"Good bye Ken."
He disappeared. I grabbed a dish towel and pressed it against my cut to stop the bleeding. I was feeling dizzy, the blood wouldn't stop. I called 911. As I waited for the ambulance I thought about Ken. I did love him, but I knew I must move on.
"I'll always love you Ken and I'll see you again someday." I whispered as I heard the sirens of the ambulance come down my street.
The End
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I don't really like this story much but it is my first lemon and I'd greatly appreciate some feedback. Please, don't send me any hate mail because I will send something just as bad back. Any writing tips are welcome as well.
Thanks a lot!!
~Amanda~