| I've done it in reverse order, to give it that Top of the Pops feel. I know, didn't work. 10 Urinating � It�s only really here because it is the �proper� name for the act. I don�t like it, it�s really only there for legal reasons. It just makes the whole experience sound so dull, when realistically it�s one of my favourite pastimes. 9 Passing water � Passing water? What the hell? This is the English country cottage of urination terms, the little house on the prairie of piss. It�s something I would expect my Nan to say and perhaps a teacher. Don�t get me wrong it has its place but the main reason it didn�t finish higher was the fact that it restricts people who can say it to those act responsibly in public, all the time. That�s something the others just don�t demand. 8 Number one � Number one at number eight. It is the most basic of codes, number one means urination. Mind blowing I know, I haven�t worked out what number two is, bound to be something shitty (see what I did there?). 7 Going wee wee � When you first become able to decide (maybe not completely) when and where you urinate, this is what you learn, wee wee. I like it, makes the whole process sound like a game but then I think, why can�t kids be taught real terms. I mean we are wasting our time teaching this sissy baby talk bullshit, speak properly. It would be cool if we could say it from uttering our first words to dying sentences but when you reach a certain age wee wee goes straight out the window. 6 Taking a piss � Many people would be surprised this isn�t sitting pretty at the top of the tree, but I have gone against the grain for a couple of reasons, firstly I�m a bad mo-fo who plays by their own rules (like shaft) and taking a piss is the only one to use a profanity, all the others manage to code or describe the act without going to such depths, then again taking a piss sounds and is way cool (again like shaft). 5 Taking a leak � This is one I like because it reminds me of plumbing. It reminds me that the human body is made up of pipes, to me something that should never be taken for granted. So feel lucky that you can empty you bladder because we�d (ha ha sounded like weed) be in the shit otherwise. 4 Taking a Whizz � I love this term; it makes me feel like I�ve got a party blower under the hood instead of�.well�I won�t divulge. It makes it sound like a game, but a more adult game than wee wee, kinda the evolution when you stop playing Alex Kid in Miracle world and start playing Mortal Kombat. It also makes me feel that urination should have some kinda sound, not just the patter of water hitting water, a zoom sound would be good. 3 Going for a gypsies kiss � Undoubtedly the single most romantic term for urination. To me this screams Turkish delight and belly dancing; if you ever want to make pissing sexy this is what you�d call it. I don�t know why I also can�t say it without bursting into a full on version of Eternal Flam (by the Bangles, not those scouse slags Atomic Kitten); I think it�s because they kinda look like gypsies in the video. 2 Choking the water snake � This is by far the most macho term for urination. Makes the whole deal sound like a struggle, man on�..man? The choking sets it off, let your genitals know who is boss, I�m gonna choke you bitch! Very primal and Tarzan-esque. The water snake also implies that you are hung like a��snake. 1 Pointing Percy at the Porcelain � This is my favourite. By a mile. Firstly I�ve heard like three people say it in my entire life, therefore it�s a rarity and so it�s value increase. Secondly it was in a film; thirdly the film was really shit so hardly anyone has seen it, again making it rare. In the film a young Australian man sings a song about this act and he refers to it as the above. Genius, it rolls off the tongue like a greased up seal (assuming the greased up seal was bite sized and wasn�t forcing it�s self to stop), it�s almost poetic in its demeanour. Plus I can sense a re-release of the song from the film as I�m sure this article alone will set off a ripple effect of popularity and blood thirsty demand from coast to coast. Also I like Percy, so personal, so delicate, so me. This really is the dogs bollocks of piss terms. |
| Top Ten Terms for Urination |
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