| 30 Things that make me smile.... (1-5) |
| Someone said to me, they thought I was too negative. That all I did was moan about things that piss me off. Well I thought I�d set the record straight with a very vegetarian friendly article called �Thirty things that make me smile�. This will be a six part article, each with five heart warming things that make me grin like a Cheshire cat�..do they actually grin? So put that up your ass, call me negative�..I�m always positive, positive I hate stuff. 1 � Alcopops, what is the point? �Oh, I don�t want to taste the alcohol I just wanna blame it later�. Sounds like another rant I know, but the make me smile. The reason they make me smile is that they are such a dumb invention, yet have sold in record numbers. It�s really simple, an alcoholic drink without the taste of alcohol. Genius. It�s a drink for vegetarians, Europeans and women, people who don�t wanna drink really, but the feel obliged to do so. But the fun doesn�t begin until after five or six of these things, because you can�t tell how many you�ve had. Beer, you know what you�ve drank. You can tell simply by the small amount of pressure on your bladder and the almost warm aching of you liver��now that�s a night out. But with this shit, you can�t tell. It�s literally like drinking soft drinks. You feel fine until. BLAM. Suddenly you can�t control both your legs at the same time, your tongue develops its own personality and you believe you know every word to every song ever written (especially those by Frank Sinatra and Frankie Goes to Hollywood).Brilliant. 2 � People Falling over � Come on, it may sound cruel but people falling over would raise a smile from 99.9% of people, assuming they didn�t get hurt (too much) because then it becomes sadistic. It�s not just the fall, it�s the �Will they? Won�t they?� wobble period before they topple, I love it. Everything from the first unsure step to the failed chance to rectify the balance, to the embarrassment that follows the fall. Every bit is golden, how anyone can not laugh or at least smile at someone�s pride being hurt. They�re the real sickos�.. get a sense of humour you pricks. 3 � Maddox, He kicks ass, he�s an inspiration to many, a voice of a generation, a prophet of gospel and a real smart ass. Check him out at�� http://maddox.xmission.com/ 4 � Retro TV. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, The Racoons, Transformers, Thunder Cats, Captain Planet, Fun house, Rainbow, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Saved by the bell, Duck tales, Blossom, Man from UNCLE, Bewitched, Dungeons and Dragons, Mission Impossible, Quantum Leap, Count Duck-u-la, He-man :Master of the Universe, Art attack (when it was good), Happy Days, The Saint, Hawaii -50, Mork and Mindy, Cheers, Dukes of Hazard, Fresh Prince of Bell air, Magnum PI, The Munsters, Ironside (Obese Cop in a wheel chair�golden), Starsky and Hutch��.need I say more? 5 � Weight lifters, why? It�s just weight, sitting there. It�s completely inanimate. Who was the first person to think �I know, I�ll lift some weight, not for any reason, I�ll simply move it�.then put it back� God damn, they must have been bored shittless to come up with this as a form of entertainment. I mean, what is the point? Here�s a plan, actually move stuff that needs moving, instead of simulation weight, surely this would be more useful. People will soon be simulating every conceivable activity, it�s getting stupid. My friend has a mother (I know, everyone has a mother, but you get my meaning) and she drives three miles away from her home to get to some exclusive gym, then when she gets there she goes on the walking simulator�.am I the only one who can see where this is a little stupid? She could simply walk to the door, not even go in and get the same exercise for free�.what a cretin. This made me smile out of pity�.stupid woman. It�s not just �Keep fit� freaks; it�s the pros that make me smile as well. The hardcore weight lifters that enter into little competitions. Why, again is my only question, but it is not this that makes me smile. There is something else which stimulates my cheeks to perform an eerie crescent arrangement (that�s a smile for the linguistically inept). How gay is weight lifting? Ask any weight lifters and they�ll be offended by what I just said, but it�s true, how homo-erotic can you make a �sport�. I mean it�s not openly gay, that�s not fun at all, the Mardi Gras and the Gay pride march are good and all but to be fair, I�m kinda used to openly gay men now, and it�s no skin off my ass. The ones that make me smile are the closeted gay men. This brings me back to shirt lifters�.I mean weight lifters. If you know someone has suppressed gay feelings what do they do? They take up weight lifting or become a lumberjack, that�s it, they try to pump the gay away�.but that ain�t gonna happen�they�re just walking in to a world of hardcore iron pumping, sweaty rub down and group steaming sessions�.yeah, perfectly heterosexual�.me thinks not. It�s not just the work outs, it�s the oil, the sun bed and the flexing in front of your work out buddies to impress them in the competions�.please. Everything about weight lifting is camp, they aren�t real men, real men are lazy, overweight and lack motivation, weight lifters are just strippers with a penis and a six pack. |
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| How Hetrosexual are we? |