The name��Pritt-stick, well that�s false advertising from the offset, does it actually stick anything? A man once said to me �What is brown and sticky?�, �Dunno� I replied (just for the record I was humouring him, I�m not a moron), causing him to shout �A stick!!� in a mass of orgasmic joy. I thought I�d fuck with him a little (again, turn of phrase I�m no veggie) and said �What is white and sticky?� He looked confused and slightly sickened, and I don't think he was ready for the answer �Sure as hell not Pritt-stick, that stuff is bullocks. I doubt it could stick it�s way out of a paper bag (can you stick your way out of a paper bag?)� the man then ran away, probably to tell his friends about the time the fraud of Pritt-stick was revealed�.maybe not.
I hate the packaging, the chirpy red white and blue abomination, some of these tubes even have what I can only assume was meant to be happy/cute faces. �Well that�s nice� I hear cretins say, try no. It�s shitty, if I wanted to be friends with my stationary I�d delve into the mind bending world of hallucinogenic drugs. Friends with glue? Its fuckin� glue, when I go to my to my local glue distributor (I�m on about a legitimate shop, not Dodgy Dave) I want the most hardcore shit going (Still legitimate shop, not Dave). The type of glue I want should only be sold with a permit, it could hold a small house together, I don�t wanna purchase the first piece of shit with a smiley face and a happy colour scheme.
It�s not just the lies that surround the image of the product, it makes more bullshit claims.
On the glue it says that Pritt-stick is �Quick, easy, clean and washable�.
Quick � Pritt-stick is quick, oh wait it isn�t. Its super fuckin� slow, it�s practically going backwards, systematically un-gluing everything I�ve ever�..glued. But seriously, you�re forever screwing the thing at the bottom to raise and lower the glue stick (insert innuendo here), and that thing just loves to fuck me up. It�s forever coming off the screw thread thing, causing me to attempt a poke manoeuvre in order to rectify the situation, never works. All it does is leave suspect white gunk on your fingers, try explaining that.
Easy � The only thing easy is the decision not to buy this shit again, but even this can fail because most jackass shops only supply this shit. Bet the man at Pritt-stick is laughing his ass off as he monopolises the glue market. Bastard fat cat.
Clean � Don�t think so. This stuff is shit; I can�t comprehend its success. It�s like me saying �I have this paint�.it doesn�t really go on the walls but it will end up all over your floor, clothes and pet/children/sofa. It�s a bastard to open, even harder to close and even if by some miracle you manage to coat some of your wall it will ware off within a week�..wanna buy some?� This shitty glue ends up everywhere except where you want it to go, and if it is so clean. How come if you accidentally get it on some paper where glue wasn�t needed, it goes an off brown colour and looks more suspect than the sticky (I use this word loosely) white stuff on your fingers. Clean? My arse.
Washable � What the fuck? Washable there�s nothing to wash. It can�t glue for love or money. I mean �witness the incredible gluing power of the shit that can�t even stay on my clothes�. That�s half the job of the normal glue, they bond two surfaces together, all I�m asking of Pritt-stick is to hold it�s sorry ass to my clothes and it fails at this the most mundane of tasks.
So join me in a revolution to topple the fat cat corporation that supply this sub par adhesive. Strike forth to your local supplier and demand decent glue.
Go on, STICK it to �em (that�s not olden, it�s golden)
