| Scum of the earth have messenger conversation... |
| So I started this website with the intention of having people constantly emailing me with awesome, new articles with fresh perspective and comical tones. This wasn't the case. I've had anonymous diary fairly funny...well...he tried hard and an "article" that consisted of a single paragraph about some football team, and how much he hates their fans...didn't quite make the grade. I don't know why people don't write in more...maybe it's because they feel they don't measure up and that's not the case....well it is....but they should at least try. Anyhow, I got sent another article that is in a similar tone to the diary (draw links if you wish). It is a conversation between two friends (I've called them Bill and Ben for convenience) over MSN messenger, they are talking casually this is where adventure and hilarity doth ensue. (ha ha, inside joke) Oh, don't take it seriously. I think they made it slightly offensive/controversialin order to get my attention and hopefully become famous.....so forgive them, they know not what they do. |
| Bill: aha, I�ll tell you a story today, for some reason, I ventured to Robs house. This was a mere stop off point before we went to town� Ben: lol.... Bill: ...it was me, Max, Tom and Rob. Ben: Yeah Bill: And the day went fine, no interruptions. Until . . . . Ben:*sick already in anticipation* Bill: the idea was raised that we should attend the cinema. The 'public' cinema (That means they let anyone in). We paid for our tickets with a viable currency unlike the indigenous people of Somalia whom use old mighty ducks shirts... Ben: Lmao! Dirty people Bill: and it hadn�t dawned on me till we had taken our seats in the screen that the title of our desired viewing was 'once upon a time in . . . . MEXICO' Mexico? Mexico! That�s a far too sweaty place for comfort but I relaxed surely no self respecting film maker would permit people too watch a film about a country who actually wants to send people over to the United States the title must have been a play on words a pun of sorts Ben: Lmao�lmao so much Bill: my mood changed as the film started Ben: lol Bill: I was presented with an orange coloured landscape; the heat was literally rippling off it I began to sweat nervously I readied myself at what was to come. Ben: Lmao, you gotta copy this into a document Bill :the first horror I saw forced me to spew the hula hoops I had put delicately in my mouth I coughed them all over the person in the row in front (luckily they were oriental) Ben: Lmao Bill: I had seen a horrible short man hair the length of robs with a fat furry moustache untrimmed and wild Ben: Wild Bill: his horrible fat face was brown and filthy, and I watched as beads of sweat slowly dripped down his wrinkly forehead Ben: Lol, More detailed than the motion picture Bill: this could have all been dealt with but he was sporting a leather eye patch he wasn�t even a pirate! Ben: lol Bill: not even a pirate a lower grade human he can�t steal from other peoples cultures just because his is infested with grime and the sickening multiplication of his species Ben: Lmao! Were u laughing? Bill :when? Ben: In the cinema Bill: nooo Ben: At this, 'man' Bill: I was having a mild heart attack Ben : Lmao.Strokes�Minor Bill: then I was sent into convulsions, as this veteran of a diseased country, this sub spawn of man began to . . . . Dared to . . . start talking Ben : Lol, Utter cheek Bill: my mind became numb and my ears started swelling t�was no mere gruffness of voice, or horrible dialect that destroyed my inner ear Ben: Lmao Bill: it was the language that protruded from his overgrown crinkly, TANNED lips Ben: lol Bill: a horrible sound like nails on a chalkboard Ben: Lmao Bill: was the writer having a fucking joke! Ben: He screamed Bill: why didn�t the projectionist just turn it off? Ben: Lol, or censor it. Censor all the shots within Mexico Bill: presumably he had collapsed Ben : Lmao Bill: from then on I was forced to READ READ in a cinema Ben: Lmao Bill: read ha! I'd have better luck leaving my car unlocked in jervoise Ben: Lmao. You gotta record this Bill: anyway�.This man wasn�t the only gringo to revolt me there were hundreds of them in the scenes to come some of them wearing sunglasses hiding the beady black eyes of a Mexican native Ben: hhh... hun...Hurdreds? How did you cope? Bill : I didn�t Unfortunately my stomach had been corrupted enough I�m only a 16 yr old I�m not ready for such sights Ben: lol Bill: the point where one of these Mexicans started toting a shotgun was the cut off point Ben: lol Bill: who would trust an inhuman sand chewer with a weapon? It was too much Ben: lmao Bill: Me and max decided it was time we grabbed Tommy and the heathen rob by the scruffs of their necks and pulled them out of the theatre Ben: Lmao. You left? Bill: we had only seen 42 minutes worth it was enough to haunt me the rest of my days Ben: lmao so badly Bill: and that is a true storey Ben: You left a cinema? Did people look at u leaving? The epitamy of offensiveness... You walked out of a film, because it was too foreign. It was far too foreign Bill: in one bit they were climbing walls for fucks sake Ben: lmao! Bill: where�d they get the upper body strength? Ben: were they genuine meximen or actors? Bill: from pushing a cart full of nuts around all day Ben: Lmao�and moving ploughs from one mule to another Bill: Disgusting next time id better make sure I know what I'm watching I think I've developed cancer Ben: lmao You got a lump? Exposed to Mexico Bill: what kind of a place has chilli as its national dish? Ben: Do you advise me to avoid this film? Bill: avoid it with a machine gun Ben: lmao Bill: if that fails set fire to the cinema how else can we rid the world? Ben: lmao, I cud go to the showing for the film and sabotage it like, IRA style Bill: Does u have the balls? The sound that film makes is enough to make a grown man weep Ben: lmao Bill: You�d have to be tougher than a marine Ben: I try to jump out and bomb something but I�d collapse and ref down my top Bill: and start vibrating Ben: and walk out� ashamed�. |
| What did you think? Shit? Good? I don't care...I just wanted to whip out some articles that weren't mine. If you wish to comment then email and I'll tell the author what you think |
| I bet you're thinking "Racist bastards" unless you're a neo-nazi then you'll be thinking "Damn right". So what can I say. It was OK. I'm guessin these pair are in a relationship (I know they're both male but hey this is the year 2003, welcome to the 21st century asshole). You can tell this because of the language they use. Or Ben at least fancies Bill, look at all the "lol" and "lmao". Somebody is lickin someones ass...wink, wink "Oh yeah, submit it to that site...it's so good. You're so smart, and strong...and sexy". I don't think this is too bad. They both get good grades for effort, achievement on the other hand.....less flattering....keep trying junior maybe one day you will create an article that is as thorough and yet painfully simple as "Swearing...it's not big and it's not clever". Until then.....back of the line bucko. |