My words are not as brave as my thoughts
First season

I cannot bring myself to do what I should
only lament
only torment myself
with slow days that cover me like honey
drowning me until my skin is more golden
sweeter to your tongue
so long
that it seems like the first
Spring winds carry me and my pages
surrounding me with pollen
stinging my eyes
where the skin had decayed
Warm dreams make me sweat in my bed
and rain when they touch my heart
I cannot bring myself to an end
only a door that remains
heavy to push
adamant to pull
There's moisture in the sky
and I'll wait for it to wet me
and renew me
touch me where I had forgotten I could be touched
Amnesiac and insomniac
is how I pass my days
in the middle of my world
No extremes to speak of
only balance
painful balance devoid of sensation
in my veins, on my lips
racing across my fingertips
If only I could be wanted again
I would tear myself to the right
to be abandoned again
I would fall into the left
So, bring moisture to me
cover me with honey and pollen
and I'll be sweet to you, new to you
and look at you with life
and not with distant eyes
This river runs through me
I call her my muse
she calls on me to speak her views
She finds colors in my grays
takes me and berates me
until my fingers are
red
and my mind is
blue
Complicated

I've got this elaborate face
that I put in place
I take reputations
and make them an arm
as a method to keep
me away from harm
so I can swim against
and always resist
the pain of having no name
A modest abode

When do you ponder that which you can't digest under day's light.  When you smoke a cigarette at hours of the night that were meant to remain unnamed.  Futures and pasts whirl in front of you, enticing you to ponder, understand and digest.  Where do you find the place to ponder and wonder about how much longer until you surrender to the night's light that takes you to a place where you are your past, where you are your future.  I call it an insomniac's paradise, where I am sloth and glutton, pride and envy.  You call it bedtime
Borders that aren't Mexican

Bring me to an absolute limit
where my mind falls from my words
and I fail to know the difference
between the thoughts of my critics
and the thoughts of my mind

Surrender to me a place
when I can longer stand by my legs
and watch them walk along the path
that I did not choose

This place should be beautiful
inciting of imagination
so my outside looks like my inside
when I turn myself around
and follow my shadow instead
my name is Picasso and I am fractured like war
timeless

I still remember you
burning laughter into my dreams
stirring warmth so it would flow through my hands
when you touched them, when you kissed them
when you made them a part of your own
I still need your love
on my neck, on my face
below my senses
deep down inside of me
Through your kiss I taste
your eyes as they make me beautiful
On your skin, I smell your hopes
our dreams, as they crash through your warm hands
In your embrace, I forget to have regrets
Difficult

I'm thinking I'm difficult to define
whenever I peel back these layers of skin, I just find more
more walls in my veins that restrict me and criticize me
I always feel like I'm being critiqued
subjugated, castigated
because my heart is not close enough for me to reach
and my arm is always serving to bay

It's an excellent pay that conscience offers as wage
just keep one's self in line
clean, ongoing and pursuing
what no one sees as truthful or sincere
just a pursuit of a dream as far away as an arm's length
or a heart

Inspiration is tricky and difficult to define
it has emotions and a heart
a brain that parts readily with your passion
in order to find a higher ground
that's dry
from wet impulses and desire

It's just a thought
it's harder than I thought
to define what I think might be the next big wave of movement in my veins
will it be some poetry
or will it be love relocating again, next to me, far away me
travelling with me because that's what it thinks I want it to do
not so simple, not so clear
not so short that I would overlook it in a winter's blizzard
or a southern breeze

Yeah, I know what's true
I know how far my hand can reach
my arm can bend
how many walls I can build in my brain so perfectly tall
and I'll make them fall when I think
this world is ready to see them

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