his cologne lingers still on my right hand
when he shook me for you
and in tandem that plan
of absence began, on the steps of our building
on a night like armour shielding
me from a future that's looming in the fast lane
creeping as behind my sane
window-strained brain
through which I explained,
"Go grasshopper"
jump after your comings,
swim farther into his hands
let me slide back into protected plans
don't let me learn of a
weary
dreary
fear he
placed inside our progress
take him at face value
like a pink movie-set prom dress,
made from the fabrics of all
the loves we've known
don't land again until you've
fairly flown
because
I don't know if I'll wait for you
I can't drown out all the dreams I must pursue
I won't settle for half-glazed karma
You can't assume we're kindred because that does me harm
and I wish I'd never loved you, kissed you
wish I'd actually told you, dismissed you
when you said we were linked by eons
how very wrong I knew your radar were
[the door]
so his cologne rests happily
fulfilling a frequent fantasy
that silent solace rest for me
allowing prose to paint into poetry
good-bye science fair project
i'm not class president, don't elect
to try before you buy with me
you've been handed your hat in this your final
cunt-spree
so fly
give my
life back
to me
choose he, not she
�Ellee 2001
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