Capricorn (December 21 - January 19)

 

You're the dudes who are always running into bargains. You really ought to have a money sign on the head of your dick (or is that flash?). Think twice before shining on some bro you meet while out of town. He's for real and not just blowing hot air out his ass! He'll lead ya straight to some of those hard-to-find knucklehead parts and at a ball-bustin' price too. What's more, there will be plenty of pussy to point your pork in.