The
catch of the day
by Gilainne Sytingco
It is often said that no matter how much in love two people are, in the end, it all comes down to suitability.
Often, when we are in search for a boyfriend, girlfriend, life-partner or our so-called �soul mate�, we are initially driven by physical attraction. Then, we move on to a more insightful look at their character. We evaluate whether there is a common interest in the things that we enjoy, our values, our beliefs, our backgrounds, culture, and per- haps even our religion. Hence, in our search for the ideal - the 'perfect' partner and companion - we have something like a profiling system, where we attempt to assess if we do indeed have our 'Catch of the Day' (a.k.a. Mr or Ms Right).
But is there really such a person? There are approximately six billion people in this world - how do you expect to find your Mr or Miss Right? It would take you a whole lifetime to do so!
All the articles that I have read about love or relationships seem to have one thing in common - they all dictate what relationships should be like. Sure, generally speaking, we all need things like trust, faithfulness and honesty. However, everyone is different. Different people have different needs from a relationship. Adam may need a mental connection and a constant show of appreciation. Eve may need physical intimacy and affection. Not all people like apples, and not all like bananas.
So what am I saying here? I guess a simple way of putting it is that: (I believe) there is no such thing as a Mr or Miss Right out there. The essence of suitability lies in the ability to discover your partner's ins and outs, his/her deepest traits and knowing what exactly it is that makes him/her tick. What is he/she like under stress or pressure? How does he/she react to disappointments, frustrations or failures? What about all the good times? That's only the first half. The next bit is adapting yourself to meet your partner's needs.
Think about the perfect piece of clothing. One that fits you perfectly. Obviously to achieve this effect, one needs to have had all their measurements taken and have that piece of clothing tailored especially for them. Suitability is something like this - tailoring to meet your partner. After all, a relationship is a two-way exchange: �it takes two to tango.�
There is a saying that two people brought together by love may eventually drift apart and separate due to knowing each other too well. The little things you find annoying at the beginning of a relationship may eventually grow into bigger things if not 'sorted out'. Those little habits may eventually lead to the ultimate dislike of the person you once loved so much. "All you need is love" may be a catchy phrase, but is that what you would say when faced with a multitude of frustrating little habits, or even bigger issues (such as broken promises and a bunch of lies)? In working towards suitability, per- haps these are also some of the knicks that needed to be worked out.
Eternal love cannot be forever without a stable foundation. Perhaps suitability will con- tribute to such a base, leading to less problems, a long-lasting relationship, more of faith, hope and, of course, the greatest of them all - LOVE.
Ed�s Note: Trinity College London announced recently the awardees for Speech Exhibition Awards 2003. Multi-talented Gilainne Sytingco was awarded the Trinity College of London Exhibition Award for Grade 7 in effective communication for gaining the highest mark nationwide together with J. Lansdown of Napier. Gilainne is currently studying law and philosophy at Auckland University and is a regular columnist of this community paper usually tackling issues about the youth. Congratulations Gilainne and best wishes for your continued services. You are a pride of the Filipino community in New Zealand.