Excess baggage
by Divina C. Paredes
Every once in a while, I would receive an email from friends that they too, would embark on that great adventure 'moving to a foreign country for good' that I took nearly four years ago.
They would often ask me for advice: What should they bring to their new home?
If they are moving to New Zealand, my advice is simple: Bring lots and lots of walking shoes, jogging pants and sweatshirts because the laidback lifestyle here guarantees they would practically live in these outfits. Oh, and don't forget, I tell them, pack your favourite family photos and at least one valuable item that would remind you of home, or make you feel good. (Mine were watercolour paintings of Araceli Dans and Architect Joven Ignacio which the two gave to me on a despidida luncheon that now grace the walls of my humble home.)
These days, I am tempted to amend my pointers to include an appeal to our kababayans to put as much importance to what hey would - and should - leave behind.
For none of the things I am referring to would fit into their luggage anyway, though these would be much harder to shrug off. They are values, beliefs and judgmental attitudes that are best relegated to the dustbin of history.
The work conundrum
Foremost is their view about work - both paid and domestic chores. When one arrives in a foreign country, often the first thing is finding a place for the family to settle. And the next, which is the tricky part unless you have brought with you a sizeable nest egg, is finding a job.
One of the things an immigrant learns sadly - particularly in New Zealand - is that a number of employers would demand "local experience" from jobseekers. But how can one have that experience if you have just arrive in a new country? The solution is to take jobs that would offer that much-vaunted "local experience" which may not be in any way related to the profession you practiced back home. The work may even be unpaid, like volunteering in non-profit organisations, schools and libraries. What is essential is to keep an open mind. Forget about the image, pogi or ganda points and kantiyaw from kababayans mostly from back home who do not know the reality of living in a foreign land or who just glimpse at foreign shores as tourists or conference delegates. They won't help you pay the rent and groceries, so their opinions don't matter. What is important - no imperative - is to prove to employers you can adjust in your new surroundings, and yes, can speak and understand English very well.
For those who like to brandish they have graduated in the so-called top tier schools in the Philippines, those diplomas don't matter to employers who are not familiar with the Philippine educational system. In fact, they may not even recognise those credentials (despite your rolling Rs) and suggest you take additional courses - degree or short-term courses - to be able to practice your profession.
Heartbreaking if ego busting, yes, but that is the reality most professionals face when they move to Western countries.
Household work is also one area where one's perspectives should change. The bottom line is - you have to do these yourself. There would be no household help to do your bidding. So even if you are an executive back home, you will have to take out the garbage bin, wash the dishes, mow the lawns, launder your clothes and fold them, and yes, help your spouse or partner with childcare. Hired help is simply out of reach for most households. And don't expect the wife to shoulder all housework or running the household as is the norm in the Philippines - doing so does not mean you are ander de saya (jokes of this genre are just out of sync with what is happening in households in modern societies), it means you are a responsible and caring partner.
The payback to all these? It brings the family or couple together, and the children become more responsible because they have no one to depend on or delegate tasks to. You know exactly what your child ate through the day, or will eat in the next few days because you are the one who planned, bought and prepared the food. And in may case, I have unearthed my dormant cooking skills as I could not ask my sisters 'all superb cooks' to be my culinary saviours as they have done in the past.
One thing I discovered when living in OECD countries is that doing household duties is not tedious. Why is it so? For one, there is always the assurance of water 'cold or hot' coming out of the taps. So one need not wake up at night to fill in drums of water and take advantage of the few hours when water actually comes out of the taps (does this evoke not so fond memories?). Second, brownouts or power outages are rare, if these happen at all. One can do time consuming tasks and stress including tasks like paying bills, buying groceries or dealing with government agencies through the telephone or the internet. Transport services run like clockwork (well, almost) so you know what time you will arrive home from work even if you take public transport, and plan accordingly.
Private property: No trespassing
Filipinos find out 'the hard way' how Western people place a premium on privacy, or do not share passion forrisque, homophobic and sexist jokes.
For instance, it is rude to ask another person how much he or she earns, how much she bought the house for or what is the monthly amortisation. While Filipinos think it is fine to ask these questions, they would be in for a rude shock if they ask a Western counterpart or even a grizzled fellow kababayan these things. They will be told outright it is none of their bloody business.
Another quaint trait of most Filipinos is their innate curiosity on another person's domestic arrangement, even if they had just met the person. Not unless the person you are talking to is really close to you, and even so, it is very, very rude to ask if he or she has a partner. Yet, upon hearing a person is divorced or separated, Filipinos instantly like to know what happened, including the salacious details. Or if one is still single, they would ask all sorts of probing questions with the zeal of an investigative journalist.
Being the mother of a special needs adolescent, I also have strong feelings about how majority of Filipinos look at differently-abled people. I cannot fathom why disabled people and those with disfigured faces or bodies continue to the butt of jokes in Philippine media.
I recently borrowed the CVD of a film about the friendship of three Filipinos that focused on the lead actress, angular features for laughs. Sad to say, I hardly found humour in the film, though it was billed as a comedy.
Before I left Manila, I was watching a game show in television (in a government station at that) showing a comedian (he is now an elected local official, horror of horrors!) parodying his co-host by pretending to interpret her spiel in sign language; in effect making fun not only of the actress but the hearing-impaired community.
Need I say more about movies where a disability is used to justify character to disrobe or be sexually uninhibited or abused? Fortunately, since moving to New Zealand, I have yet to encounter a program on radio, television or film that made fun of differently-abled members of society. What I instead witnessed, was an understanding of their plight, and an effort to develop programs for them and their families.
Trave light
Many of our kababayans who have decided to undertake that great leap (migration) may not realise it but their growth and development in the country that has welcomed them to its fold may be hampered when they bring this luggage of judgmental attitudes with them.
Hopefully, they would realise that in modern, networked societies, privacy reigns supreme, sexist jokes could lead to lawsuits and dismissals, and differently-abled people are nurtured, not ridiculed. And that, by letting go of excess baggage, they could make the most out of their decision to slug it out as a citizen of the world.