| Clarissa's Diary *Profile* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name: Clarissa Peterson Age: 23 Sex: Female Occupation: Small business owner (entrepreneur) Notes: Suffers from complete incontinence due to spinal cord injury in car accident. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ July 1st 1996 Dear Diary, this morning I woke up and my diaper was soaked as usual. Last week I started putting pampers in my night-time diapers at bedtime and it seems to have stopped the leaks for the most part. I swear, I am not going to get used to being this way for a while. Since the car accident two months ago, I've been trying to adjust to this life of diapers, rashes, funny looks from people, and pooping on myself and not being able to do anything about it. Incontinence has totally overshadowed my life and its going to take a long time to adjust, but wearing diapers isn't the worst that could happen I realise this, but its still something major and cumbersome. Oh well, enough about that. After getting up and getting a shower, I diapered myself, adding a babies disposable for added protection, and made sure the tapes were snug on the side (God I hate when the tapes pop). I went to work as usual and stopped at McDonalds on the way for breakfast (going through the drive up window).I got to work and opened up shop but didn't have a customer until around noon or so, business has been down a bit this month but its looking up. At around 1 o clock or so I had a messy accident and had to close the shop while I changed my diaper, I have a bathroom in my back office so I can get a shower when I need to, the bathroom was there before the accident and I never really used it much except to pee (back when I had a choice when I did it) but now I use it much more obviously and it really comes in handy. A few hours later, I was helping out a lady who had a question about the price of some candles and when I was walking away and went back behind the counter, she gave me a funny look, I think she heard my diaper crinkling, I have to be more careful, but disposable diapers make so much noise and I don't think there's much I can do about it, I've heard that cloth works better for that, but I'm much to busy to deal with so much laundry and I prefer the convenience that disposables allow, so I guess I'll have to get used to the sound. The day went pretty much as normal after that, my diaper was pretty wet from not changing it for a while, most of the time, I don't know when I'm wet or not, it just kinda comes out in a constant drip so I don't notice it until I notice that my diaper is heavier than it used to be. I closed up the shop and made my way through the mall towards the parking lot I felt like I was going to poop soon (of course it always happens at the most appropriate times *sarcasm*) and thought I would make it home on time since its only a 5 minute drive but didn't and loaded my pants right in the middle of a busy mall, helpless to stop it. Not being able to control when I defecate has been a little harder to stomach than I thought, I still find it disgusting and hate cleaning myself up, the first time I did it, I almost threw up and would have if a nurse hadn't cleaned me up. But I can deal with it a little better now, it doesn't bother me as much. I got home and had a very good feeling shower. I got diapered again and noticed that I was low on Attends AND pampers and made a note to get more tomorrow. the night was pretty much uneventful, I logged in for a while and chatted with some folks and only had to change my diaper once. Right now I'm in bed and am going to end this entry soon. I'm praying a little prayer that I'll be able to regain control of myself soon, night night diary! July 2nd 1996 Dear diary, early this morning I had another nightmare about the car accident, I have them a lot but they are slowly decreasing in occurrence. I woke up and changed my wet diaper in bed ( I keep a stack of them on my bed for when I wake up at night) and soon went back to sleep. I didn't get up until around 10 am or so, I was feeling kinda lazy and was slow getting up. I was wet again of course and took a shower and got ready for work. While I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth after getting out of the shower, I started peeing on the floor and scrambled to get a towel. I got the floor a little wet but not too bad, I guess I'll have to keep towels on the floor from now on. On the way to work I stopped at a nearby pharmacy to buy more diapers. I purchased them and chatted with the owner of the pharmacy. She is a nice lady who knows about my condition, she knows because I was referred to her by my doctor for incontinent supplies. She is very understanding though and I appreciate that. We talk about my incontinence as if it were a part of normal life and she makes buying diapers a lot easier than I thought it would be, at first, I dreaded the thought of buying them, I was afraid of the embarrassment, but having someone who understands makes it easier to deal with. While I was in there, she also showed me a product called Nullo, she said it takes the smell out of bodily waste, but she also said it takes a few days to start working, I bought 2 packs and took one in the car. I hid the diapers in my trunk and finally got to work around 11:30. It was sort of quiet since the mall had just opened and I could hear my diapers crinkling under my pants, I'm always paranoid that everybody else can hear it but usually, people don't notice or don't say if they do, I opened up the store and got busy on the workday. |