Rumors

May 31, 2008:

I feel the need to address some rumors about myself and Diana's Den/Coven of the 5 Sisters. These rumors are being spread by an ex-member who now runs her own group in the 08096 area. Her rumors and lies have hurt me personally and affect my friendships. She have negatively affected the good work I was doing for other Pagans and Womyn in other NJ-area groups.

I don't remember too much to be honest, but I'll share what I do here.

Diana's Den was an open Dianic group I ran/faciliated for years. It was a hard, but rewarding experience. After a few years, a core group was formed. This core group decided to become a coven - The Coven of the 5 Sisters (there were five women and we each represented the 5 elements).

Even though the Coven of the 5 Sisters was around for a short time, I learned a lot. I left after about 10 months, because of an argument between me and another member during a Samhain ritual (in circle) while using drugs in ritual. It created some serious tension and to preserve the group I left. I encouraged the group to go on. It did, but then fell apart due to other conflicts (I am not sure about the details.)

I should have stayed and fought for my group. I should have kicked the other woman out and stayed as the leader. But I was a different person back then - I wasn't the happy, strong, and wise heartless bitch/amazon that I am today.

Anyway, a year or so afterwards I got a call from the ex-member I am having trouble with. Let's call her Jane Doe. Jane says that the woman I had an issue with is threatening to use magick against me and the others in the group. So, I collect my books, some resources, and magickal supplies. I go to her home. We talk more about the situation. It becomes clear to me that something isn't right. So, I have Jane call this woman and ask her about it. The woman replies: "Are you kidding? I was only joking. I wouldn't do that." It become clear that there is no problem and that I wasted by time and energy. I was annoyed. I felt this was done to either try and bring Diana's Den/Coven of 5 Sisters back together or for attention. So, we chatted, I gave her Reiki and then I left. It just let it go.

I thought everything was fine. A few weeks later I get a nasty email from Jane Doe, accusing me of abandoning her because of her MS. It was another long rant, like the one below. She accused me of needing psychiatric help and all sorts of things. I don't remember it all, but I remember thinking this situation is nuts. So, we went back and forth through email. We decided not to talk and just end our friendship. Other friends had mentioned the MS had affected her personality and she was taking a large amount of painkillers. So, I wrote it off and let it go.

So a year or so passes. Then I see her name. Curious, I search Jane online, to see what's she's up to. I read Jane's posts where she talks about me, see her use of the name Pythia (my magickal name when I started serious training and running Diana's Den), so I emailed her about it. I got a very nasty email in reply.

First, I was just annoyed and not suprised by her email. When I discovered the extent of the situation, I got angry and expressed my myself and here we are. Now she is accusing me of harassing her.

I'm not sure how it got this far - maybe it was the talking beyond my back or the BTS situation. I was kicked out of BTS for not being a good faciliator and not helping to bring the Pagan community together. I never understood where this opinion came from. But after finding out Jane told the BTS leaders about our past friendship and group situation, I know now. BTS wanted her group to join for publicity sake, so they kicked me out in the hopes that Jane's group would become part of BTS. I wish I could have known what she said.

If nothing else, I've learned some good lessons:

1. Be careful who you trust. The ones that are sweetest to your face, are often the ones that talk behind your back. Trust the women who are come off as "bitches" - at least they are honest to your face!
2. Don't let negative/bad memories ruin the good ones.
3. You can't change some people, just how you react to them. Don't let the complainers and whinners bring you down, which is their goal. They want others around them who are as weak and needy as they are.
4. Honesty is the best policy.
5. Fight for what you love. Don't just let other's take it from you.
6. You can't please everyone, so just worry about pleasing yourself. And if others consider you a bitch, then embrace that - be true to yourself first!
7. Don't trust opinions - look at hard facts. Get to know someone before believing any rumors or other's opinions about them.
8. Keep and open mind, but don't be a sheep. And don't become a follower just to stay in a group or to please someone else. You want someone who likes you for you - not some watered down version of you.
9. It's never to late to start again - letting wisdom and experience be your guide the next time.

The rain is really coming down and the thunder is rocking. What a release! It feels so good - healing, relaxing and cooling at the same time. Now that all the negative has been let out, it's time for some healing.