Benji stared out the window of his home that he shared with Joel once. He had not seen his brother in a little over a week & everyone told him they didn�t know where he was. But if they did actually know, he could tell they weren�t going to tell him anytime soon. He sighed & ran his hand over his hair, closing his eyes & saying a small, short prayer for his brother to be safe.
He looked over at the phone when it rang & picked it up. �Hello?� He said into the receiver.
�Benji, can you come over please?� Billy asked, his voice pleading.
�What�s going on?�
�Just come over��
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When Benji got to Billy�s house, he got out of his car & ran to the door, banging on it. When Billy answered the door, he pushed past him & turned to face him. �Why did you seem so urgent on the phone?� He asked. �What�s going on?�
Billy sighed & grabbed Benji�s arm roughly, yanking him to & up the stairs, half-dragging him past a few doors before stopping at the bathroom. He looked at Benji. �Your brother has been in there for twenty minutes & he won�t answer. I can�t break down the door & when I beg him, the only thing he has said this entire time, is your fucking name,� Billy said as he pushed Benji against the door. �Talk to him, now.�
Benji looked at Billy, then the bathroom door, not knowing what to do about this situation. He bit the part of his lip that didn�t have a lip ring & knocked on the door. �Joel?�
A few moments of silence went by before a timid voice replied. �Benji?�
�Yea Joel, it�s me,� Benji answered, tilting his head down slightly. �Joel, can you open the door & let me in please?�
�No Benji. I don�t want you to come in here,� Joel answered, a small shake in his voice.
�Why not Joel?�
�I just, don�t.�
Benji sighed & leaned his head against the door, closing his eyes & allowing a wave of sadness, fear, & relief washed over him; a feeling he was getting from Joel. �Oh god,- he thought to himself as he recognized the feelings he had felt once before himself. �Joel, will you please let me in?�
�Benji, just go away,� Joel said, his voice sounding slightly softer than before. �I�m sorry I made you hate me by being gay, but I can�t help it.� By now his voice was cracking & Benji could feel the sadness building up inside of him. �I can�t help it that I ended up being gay. I would stop it if I could. But at least now you don�t have to be ashamed of me anymore.�
Benji heard his brother give a soft sob & that was the last button to be pushed. He looked at Billy before he stepped back a little bit & ran at the door, hitting it with his entire left side, grunting when he hit the door. He could have sworn he heard a crack on the impact.
�Benj�� Billy said, tapping his friend�s shoulder with the tips of his fingers. �Benji!�
�What?!� Benji snapped, looking at Billy. When Billy pointed to the ground, he looked down & moved back when he saw there was blood seeping out from under the door. �Fuck Joel, open the god damned fucking door now!� Benji yelled.
When his brother didn�t open the door & respond, he stepped back again. �Billy, go call the fucking hospital,� he said before he ran against the door, forcing all of his weight onto the door as he hit & this time he heard a louder crack.
He looked at the door to see a crack starting to form in the middle. After a few more runs at the door, his shoulder & side killing him by now, it finally broke the door off its hinges & to the side. �Oh god,� he whispered as he looked at the sight in front of him. Joel was on his side on the floor, his hands by his head, blood pooling around underneath them as it poured from the slit on his wrist.
He knelt down by his brother, not caring if he got blood on him, & carefully pulled him into his lap. �Joel, come on bro, wake up,� Benji said, running his fingers through Joel�s hair. He felt tears building up I his eyes as he held his brother against him. �Joel please� I�m sorry I was that way to you; I promise I�ll change� Please,� he begged as a tear fell down his cheek.
He looked up to see four paramedics standing in the doorway, waiting for him to move so they could get to him. He got up, letting his brother down carefully before he left the room, watching every move they made as they went in the bathroom.
�I hope you�re fucking happy,� Billy said as he pushed Benji�s chest, anger in his eyes. �This is all your fault you fucking jerk! If you hadn�t treated him like shit then he wouldn�t have done this.�
�What the fuck did you do to stop it?� Benji asked, anger in his eyes as well. �He was at your fucking house. If you were such a good friend you wouldn�t have let him go in there.�
�What?! So now because I didn�t stop him from taking a piss like he told me he had to, I�m the bad guy. He came over, we talked about some stuff then he excused himself� After five minutes I went up to check on him then I called you.�
�Oh come on! You knew he was upset, how could you not suspect at least something?!�
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Benji had his head in his hands, rocking back & forth slightly in the waiting room, her mind racing with a million questions he wanted answers to. He looked up when he heard someone clear his or her throat. When he looked, he saw it was Paul standing there with his arms folded over his chest. �Let me guess, you came to jump down my throat too?� Benji asked.
�No. I came here for Joel & to try & get news on him from Billy,� Paul replied. �I know you can�t give me anything because they aren�t letting you in there just yet.�
�It�s not fair, I�m his fucking brother!�
�You sure act like it Benji� He trusts you with a secret & turned him away like he was diseased. I�m sure you can feel inside just how much you fucking tore him up but you didn�t even seem to care. That fucked him up more, you know that?�
Benji just stared at him, not knowing what to say in his own defense. Everything Paul said was true & there was no denying it.
�I hope you�re learning some kind of lesson from this shit Benji,� Paul said before he left the room, walking to Billy who Benji could hear call to him.