A\N: I'm only writing what I'm feeling... my lit teacher wants me to express my feelings and not keep them bottled up so they destroy me. I broke down today cuz I can't do what Emily is doing anymore... so.. this is a little hard for me to write...
~*~
Emily sat on her bed looking over pictures. Pictures of her friends, family, her and her life so far.
Let's begin this story by introducing Emily. She had short black hair with blue highlights. She was about five foot three inches tall. She had beautiful brown, almost hazel eyes. Long legs, tiny waist. Everything a nineteen year old girl would want to be... except Emily wasn't happy. Everyone always said she was perfect. She knew she wasn't. She had problems that nobody knew about.
For so long she had kept her feelings at bay while she cared for everyone else. She shut her feelings off so she could be strong for her friends. So she could be their leaning post. Often she would retreat to the bathroom and cut herself. Not her arms so people would see, but her legs, that no one ever saw. She didn't want to appear weak, but she had to let her feelings out someway and she didn't know how else to.
Some people say Emily lived the perfect life. Beautiful, popular, prom queen. All of these great things that ment nothing to Emily. She just wanted to be happy again. Instead she felt dead inside. She was numb. No feelings. She mastered the perfect plastic smile and the recorded giggle. The tears she shed, if any, ment nothing.
Emily had been this way since she was twelve. Her abusive father, sister-in-law and her so-called friends. They all helped in making her what she was today... A shell of her former self. She couldn't even remember the last time she was truely happy, or actually smiled, or laughed or even cried. Every emotion she once felt was all a blur of her past.
After a while, cutting didn't help her anymore. It was just a routine. An everyday event. To others as normal as brushing your teeth. It helped Emily relax, but only a little. Cutting use to be her escape, but life was almost meaningless to her now. She was only here to help her friends. To get them through their problems. Sure, she felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, but she wanted to be selfless. She wanted to be there for her friends. She never cried in front of them because she feared they would turn away from her for someone stronger.
Now... we go back to Emily.
She fingered the pictures of her mom. When her mother died she didn't cry. Her friends cried, but Emily couldn't. She didn't feel any emotion. Just another scar on her leg.
There was a knock on the door. "Emily? C'mon, we're leaving."
She looked at the door and saw Joel, her boyfriend, enter the room. She put on her plastic smile and got off the bed. She kissed his cheek and grabbed her hoodie off the chair. "OK. I'm ready." She said quietly.
Joel smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they left the room. They walked into the living room to see Benji, Summer, Billy, Rain, Paul, and Courtney.
Courtney was crying. Emily walked over to her. "Court, what's wrong?" Again, Emily put her friends before herself.
Courtney hugged Emily and cried on her shoulder. "Everything. Nothing I do is ever right."
Paul rubbed Courtney's back. "Her dad kicked her out of the house."
"Aww Hon... it's OK." Emily told her.
Courtney turned to Paul as he wrapped his arms around her. Emily patted her friend on the back and smiled. "It's OK. You have Paul. You have us."
Courtney smiled. "That's right. I do..."
Paul kissed Courtney's forhead. "You can always stay with me you know..."
"Thank you Paul..."
Emily looked at her friends. "Excuse me..." She said politely as she headed for the bathroom. She walked into the huge bathroom and locked the door behind her. She took her razor out of the its hiding place in the droor and dropped her jeans to the floor. She left her boxers on and stepped into the tub. She sat on the edge and slowly placed the blade to her skin. She made a small cut. The blood dripped off her thigh and splashed on the white porceline.
Emily sighed. She could barely feel the pain. She wiped off her leg and placed a bandage over the small cut. She put her pants back on, cleaned and put the razor back in its spot then left the bathroom. She rejoined her friends in the living room.
"You ready to go to dinner now?" Joel asked, taking her hand in his. She nodded. "Good." He smiled as the group of friends left the house.