Interview with a Lemming
Mao Du Halde
The
weary scientist, tramping trougth the mountains of northern Europe in the
winter weather, dropped his knapsck and prepared to sit on a rock.
" Careful brother
", said a voice. "Sorry", murmured the scientist, nothing with
some surprise that a lemming which he had been about to sit on had addressed
him. " It is a source of considerable astonishinent to me", said the
scientist, sitting down beside the lemming, "that you are capable ofr
speech".
" You human beings are always
astonished" , said the lemming, " when any other animal can do
anything you can .Yet there are many things animals can do that you cannot,
such as stridulate, or chirr, to name just one. To stridulate or chirr, one of
the minor achievements of the cricket, your species is dependent on the
intestines of the sheep and the hair of the horse".
" We are a dependent animal", admitted the
scientist".
"Yuou are an amazing animal", said the lemming".
" We have always considered you rather
amazing, too," said the scientist." You are perhaps the most
mysterious of creatures".
" If we are going to indulge in
adjectives begining with " M " said the lemming, sharply, "let
apply a few to your species-- murderous, maladjusted, maleficient, malicious
and muffle-headed".
" You find our behavior as difficult to
understand as we do yours?"
" You , as you would say, said
it", said the lemming . " You kill, you mangle, you torture, you
imprison,you starve each other. You cover the nurturing earth with cement, you
cut down elm trees to put up institutionsfor people driven insane by the
cutting down of the elm trees, you --".
"You could go on all might like
that" said the scientist, "listing our sins and our shames".
"I could go on all might and up to four
oīclok tomorrow afternoon," said the lemming. "It just happens that i
have made a lifelong study of the self
-sttyled higher animal. Except for one thhing, I know all there is to know
aboutyu , anda singulary dreary, dolorous and distasteful store of information
it is, too , to use only adjectives beginning with "d".
"You say you have madde a lifelong
study of my species--" began the scientist.
" Indeed I have ", broke in the
lemming . "Iknow that you are cruel, cunning and carnivorous, sly, sensual
and selfish, greedy,gullible and guileful--"
"Pray donīt wear youself out",
said the scientist, quietly.
" It may interest you to know that I
have made a lifelong study of lemmings, just as you have made a lifelong study of people. Like you, T
have found but one thing about my subject which I am not able to understand!"
" I donīt understand" said the
scientist, " Why youlemmings all rush down tom the sea and droun yourselves".
" How curious", said the lemming.
"The one things Idonīt understand is why you human beings
donīt".