Dear Sirs:
I am writing this letter to the gentlemen at the Lut Gholein town hall who are responsible for the appointment and continued operation of the Lut Gholein mercenaries, headed by one Greiz, at the north end of your fair city.
While I am not in any sense of the word an elitist, I nevertheless feel compelled to complain about the quality of mercenaries available for hire at the present time within your city. My reasons for such complaints are numerous and sundry, so I shall make them as concise and clear as possible.
First of all I would like to lodge a complaint against the so-called leader of these mercenaries, Greiz. While he seems quite competent and is in all fairness an amicable enough fellow, he does little in the way of actual �leadership', unless one defines leadership as standing in a corner behind a palm tree making vague allusions to troubles currently plaguing the area. When questioned about the current crises in the area, he responds with pleasant yet entirely irrelevant drivel, or vague allusions to pointlessly philosophical questions, or even conspirational reports as to his current romantic involvements. Again, while not indicators of a bad individual, they are, I am inclined to point out, not symptomatic of great 'leadership'. His competence as leader may, I fear, adversely affect those under him. At least that is my sincere hope, as the thought that 'those under him' are not being detrimentally affected by poor leadership is frankly appalling.
In support of this line of rhetoric, I'd like to make a few hopefully incisive, thought-provoking comments and list some hard evidence.
That being established, I would like to submit the follow evidence. Each of these cases, numerically ordered, lists the name of the mercenary having been hired, the cost for his services, his general attitude and behavior, length of employment in seconds (once outside the safety of the city walls), and conditions on which the aforementioned mercenary left my employment.
- Alhizeer (800 gold) - Cheerful, alert, responsive and if I may say so quite zealous. Very eager to test his mettle and puissance at arms, so much so that immediately upon leaving the city gates, he charged headlong into a small pack of what appeared to be large, hairless squirrels with a propensity for jumping and, apparently, dealing quite handily with mercenaries from nearby cities. (7 seconds) Left employment and life rather suddenly, as though angry with his lot in life and eager to move on to the next, which apparently involved landing face first in the dirt and not moving a great deal.
- Kasim (300 gold) - Quiet, nondescript, seeming quite tired and perhaps a little annoyed. Perhaps understandable at his current working wage and lack of properly fitted pointy hat that seemed standard issue to the Lut Gholein mercenaries. (22 seconds) Left employment due to excess of spears flying through the air (and, sadly, through him) though he surely confused his attackers with the way he ran about and dodged wildly, though I use the word "dodged" loosely, as that would imply that through some skill or dexterity, he caused his attackers to miss their mark as, sadly, was not the case.
- Durga (580 gold) - Of average height and build, and relatively pleasant temperament, though a bit lacking in dialect useful for conversation (such as 'yes', 'no', and, apparently, 'I am extremely fragile please do not use me in actual combat'.) (19 seconds) Left employment due to violent allergic reaction caused by interaction with large cloud of locally indigenous and seemingly innocuous insects dubbed "itchies". My confidence in the locally available warriors-for-hire was, at this point, I admit rather shaken. One assumes (or at least I did) that when one hires a supposedly competent warrior, he will not meet his end at the hands of things approximately 1/1,000,000 his size while attempting to attack them individually, no matter their density or toxicity (high on both counts, evidently.)
- Vikhyat (600 gold) - Gave an impression of competence and deftness of hand, which was, at this point a welcome relief after my previous 3 experiences with the mercenaries of Lut Gholein. Had a cold gleam to his eye and a twitch in his appreciable muscles that led me, deludedly, to believe that I had at last found a worthy fighting companion. (142 seconds) While time of employment for this mercenary was vastly greater than any of his predecessors, I feel inclined to report that while his time of survival was indeed impressive considering the hazards of this world, his worth as a combat investment failed to approach that of his predecessors, even that of old "7 second Al" Left employment at my urging, as he had become something of a liability in combat. His preferred method of engaging enemies seemed to involve following closely behind me (a Necromancer, weaponless and with little skill at arms) and allowing my other minions (an iron golem and various skeletonry) to handle the actual fighting. While this muscular presence immediately behind me was at times comforting, it became rather disconcerting in several instances in which he completely clogged the passage behind me, causing me to become the primary target of ALL our enemies. Numerous arrow and sword wounds later, I did indeed "urge" good man Vikhyat to walk through the noxious green cloud billowing forth from an urn, assuring him, apparently in error, that the fumes and vapors were quite harmless and inoffensive. Several seconds and the sound of a body hitting the floor later I learned of my error and deduced the true caustic nature of the greenish cloud, now fortunately dissipated.
These are only a few instances of my recorded dealings with the mercenaries of your city, though I can assure you that the rest of my experiences were of the same sort, if not more discouraging. I hope you take this most serious matter into consideration immediately, as the thought of your options should, god forbid, a serious threat like war rear it's ugly head, do not seem reassuring. Should such occur, I would endorse any plan of yours not directly related to actual violence and would encourage you to take whatever steps necessary to ensure the safety of your people. Surrender comes immediately to mind.
Sincerely and with all due respects,
de_Torquemada, Gentleman Adventurer
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