Fluff and Prattle
by Tobie Abad

Drinking had never been so fun. Vodka is quaffed with ice and soda. Tequila served in small glasses and grape juice. And the ashtray is full to the brim. "So, being a free man and a soon to be graduate to boot, what are you looking forward to?" asked the chubby Erwin, whose English accent gave his voice more personality than he truly had. All eyes in the smoky room stared at Pancho and waited for his answer. Sensing their anxiety, Pancho took a deep gulp of vodka, smiled, and said only one word. Then again, it wasn't really a word. More of a name, actually: Janine.

"She doesn't exist," Kevin explained, his voice exasperated and firm, "Ain't no way she does! I mean, come on people. We made her up!" But Kevin glanced around the room and merely saw Alvin and Erwin toss their heads back in defeat. If confusion could be given a solid form, it would be the hazy clouds of nicotine that circulated the now quiet room. A few minutes ago, the three were celebrating Pancho's birthday: drinking and trading stories as if they hadn't seen each other in ages. But they were close friends, as unlikely as the combination seemed. Alvin was handsome, muscular and tall; The epitome of the perfect male. But his "charisma" more often than not dissolved any interest women had in him faster than a horse could run. He was blatantly proud of his body, and never failed to voice it out. Erwin, on the other hand, was the opposite: chubby, short and wore glasses. But his charming personality and clever wit never failed to make him an interesting conversationalist with women, although not anything else. Kevin to make it simple was gay. But of course was more than just a gay guy. He had looks that could catch another's attention without any conscious effort, until of course the other heard him speak. Proud he was of his identity, his voice had the slide usual of gay men. And though many women had perhaps pleaded for a miracle for him to turn his eyes towards them, there was but one person he claimed his lover. Intermittent lover, that is. And it just happened to be Pancho.

"He can't be out seeing her in Makati. She doesn't exist!" Kevin declared again, his voice beginning to have the tone of a jealous wife. Or an impassioned lover. "We know that," Erwin retorted, "But for some reason, I don't think he does." Alvin lit a cigarette and shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe he caught on, you know. I mean, he's gullible-"

"He's not gullible!" Kevin defended.

"Like I said, he's gullible and all," Alvin continued with his voice made louder to overpower Kevin's, "Maybe he really thinks she's real."

"No, I will not accept that," Kevin stood his ground, "Pancho probably is simply playing along with our prank and is trying to make us go crazy as to what's going on." "Sounds like he's succeeding so far," Erwin affirmed, "But I still find it hard to believe that he's just faking it all and pretending nothing foolish is happening." Kevin bit his lower lip and reached for a cigarette. It was the last one. "I've got to find out what's going on. I've got to get to the bottom of this."

"Kev," Alvin asked, "You aren't like just acting this way cause you're jealous, are you?" A cuss was the only reply before Kevin set off on a collision course with truth. For sure, someone was going to come out of this hurt. And deep inside Kevin's mind, he truly hoped that it would rather be him than Pancho.

It began with a page to Pancho. Although it was Alvin who dialled the number and Kevin who spoke on the phone the message said: Janine: Nice to have met you. Hope we meet again. When the three bumped into Pancho, there was no time wasted before he brought out his pager and shared the message he received. Could it be someone I know, he asked before Alvin suggested that it might be someone who'd be an easy date. Two weeks passed, the messages continued to flow, each becoming more interesting than the last. Each hinting at some unknown intellectual discourse that stimulated her. Each previously prepared by Kevin in accordance to what he knew Pancho looked for in women.

One day, in Pancho's house, the gang was having a little jamming session. A white lie of needing to visit the toilet gave Kevin the time to page two more messages, one a minute from the other.

Janine: Hey, why don't we meet later in Streetlife, Glorietta. 8:00p.m.

And

Janine: I'll be wearing the black vest you liked. See you there.

Group prodding and peer pressure succeed in convincing Pancho to scope her out. Just see if she's pretty and all, Erwin suggested, the whole time holding back the urge to laugh. Why not, Pancho thought and got dressed. When he left the group shared a tremendous laugh and waited for his return. For sure he'd be back by midnight at the worst, they joked, and after that, the prank would be over. Kevin headed home with a smile, seeing a falling star, and making a wish he silently kept to himself. For sure, Pancho would be back by midnight at the worst, they joked, and after that, the prank would be over. He didn't go home that night.

Instead, they found him in school the next day telling them of his plans. Gotta go see her again, he said to their disbelief. Gorgeous. Funny. Sneaky in her own way. Kevin memorized each and every word he used to describe "her", and in the back of his head checked off the qualities he himself had. Four days passed, he still claimed to be seeing her, although the gang never saw her. Finally, on the 7th day, just when the group thought their sanity was at the brink, they saw Pancho headed their way. As a direct approach to reveal that it was all a prank Alvin called out to him. "Hey Panch! About time we bumped into you. Who's the babe, man?" Expecting laughter and perhaps a few cuss words the three found themselves the audience to, "Oh, this is Janine. She'd rather be called Jayn though," and with that Pancho began to introduce "her" to his buddies. The three remained silent during it all, and even as Pancho apologised about having to leave to bring her to the bus stop, they kept their composure. But once he had left the three began to raise questions to each other: Did you see anyone? Is he riding along or what? What's going on? And before that night concluded, one final question appeared in their heads: Are we going insane? Or has he?

So they invited him to go out drinking. And asked him to invite "her" as well. She can't come, Pancho replied, ignoring Alvin's lewd reaction to the word "come" and promised to pass by. He did, and the three tried to make any reference to the joke. Pancho dismissed their claims and stood his ground. He was in love with Janine and he was to tell her today.

Kevin found him (or should it be them?) in the Greenbelt Park, sitting on a bench and pointing at a nearby tree. He could feel his heart pounding so hard, like something was struggling to break free. He smiled and realised that that something was a monster named jealousy. Sneaking closer, he strained to hear his voice. It was evident from Kevin's vantage point that Pancho's mouth was moving. He loved to talk. Kevin knew this because every night the two would be just talking about nothing in particular, and these conversations that Kevin loved to label as "sweet nothings" would last till the wee hours of dawn.

"Yeah.. I know-" he could hear Pancho mutter to the space beside him. Kevin was quite sure that no one was there, but Pancho continued to talk as if he was carrying a conversation with some invisible entity. A conversation with Janine. "I can't take this anymore," Kevin cried out and appeared from the shadows, "What's going on here, Panch?"

"Kev? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," Kevin replied then glanced again at the empty space beside Pancho. Unless something deceived his senses, it was obvious that there was NO ONE there. He decided to try and gamble on an attempt to prove that there is no "Janine." He leaned towards the side and suddenly began to descend on the space, "Mind if I sit down?"

"Kevin!" Pancho yelped and suddenly pushed his friend to the floor. Kevin struck the grass with a slight woosh and tossed his head towards Pancho, "What the heck was that for?"

"You were about to sit on her, Kev."

"Who?"

"Jayn, who else?"

"There is no Jayn?"

"What are you talking about. She's sitting right here beside me!"

"There is no one there, Panch. No ONE!" Kevin screamed, his voice so loud that numerous people in the park looked their way. Pancho stared at Kevin, anger peering from behind his eyes, and suddenly stood up. With his right hand, he grabbed a hold of Kevin's shoulder, and with his left, signalled towards empty space in the bench. "We-" he paused to give it weight, "have to talk," and with that headed off to one side.

Reaching a more secluded spot, Kevin found himself sitting on a bench with Pancho. At first, the thought that Pancho had decided to end the joke. But Pancho rose and began to push closer to Kevin, he realised that the prank, had it just been one, was not over. He began to dread the possibility that his best friend and secret love had finally gone insane. Pancho reached for his hands, and with a deep breath pleaded, "Kevin, please� what is going on?"

Kevin was speechless, feeling their hands touch. He looked to Pancho's side and struggled to see something� anything that could remotely resemble a human being but his eyes denied him any sight of the chimera Pancho claimed he loved. Again, Pancho's plea, "Kevin.. tell me what's going on?"

The words were lost somewhere before it reached his lips. He knew he had to convince Pancho that he was being played a prank somehow. But he didn't even know how this prank was still continuing to occur. "This isn't real. This can't be happening. There must be some rational explanation."

"To what," Pancho asked, his face showing the mark of confusion. It became clear to Kevin that Pancho truly believed that Janine existed. Even if she was someone no one else could see. Nor hear. Pancho believed that there existed a woman he loved named Janine. But how could such a love exist, Kevin thought, how could the love even be conveyed? Unless.. a sudden birth of a solution presented itself in Kevin's head. What better proof that she didn't exist if he tried to, "Kiss her."

"What?" Pancho replied, startled, and suddenly entering a fit of laughter. "Are you crazy! We barely know each other." But Kevin realised that the found an edge. It seemed the two never truly touched. "Then ask her," he replied, playing the game, "Ask her if its all right."

"Kevin!"

"Ask her!" Kevin replied, this time more insistent. He watched as Pancho hesitant turned to the side and began to laugh. He nodded, as if hearing something, then looked towards Kevin, "Okay fine, she said yes. This is ridiculous. Aww.. all right." Kevin smiled, and stood from the seat. Best give them some room, he thought with a laugh in his head, So they can kiss all they want. Once Pancho realises he's kissing no one, then its done, he thought triumphantly. His eyes watched as Pancho kept both hands on his lap, and cocked his head as if to receive a kiss. Pancho's eyes closed, and his breathing deepened.

Kevin stared with wonder, unsure if Pancho was feeling someone kissing him. His curiosity began to get the better of him. He quietly sat on the bench and felt the surface around for anything. It was nothing but an ordinary bench, wooden and old, its paint peeling like oranges. He glanced at Pancho again and wondered. Was he feeling anything. He waved his hand slowly in front of his face and still felt nothing, nothing but air and the light of the moon on his face. He stared as it shaped the curve of his brow. It highlit the rise of his cheeks. Shadowed the shallows of his face. It seemed magical. Romantic even.

It seemed too much for Kevin to bare.

He kissed him, eyes both closed and lips touching so softly. And that's when Kevin knew Pancho felt something now. Pancho gave out a soft gasp, then began to lift his hands from his lap. Kevin, engrossed in the kiss, laid his hands on Pancho's lap. Pancho's caught Kevin's face, holding it passionately with both hands and felt the rim of Kevin's glasses against his skin. Eyeglasses, Pancho thought, She doesn't wear- He opened his eyes and saw Kevin's face kissing his. He freaked out and pushed Kevin back, losing his balance and falling backwards as well. The two hit the grass with a thud. "What the hell were you doing?" Pancho suddenly cried out, quickly glancing around to see if anyone saw what happened. Kevin bit his lower lip upon realising what just had happened. "Oh crap, I'm sorry! I wasn't in control," he exclaimed and realised just how lame the excuse sounded. He struggled to stand and returned to the bench, unable to look at Pancho. A moment of silence. Then a tap on the bench. Pancho looked at the bench and sat down, still shocked to say anything. He glanced about quickly and tried to find Janine in the area. This time, she was nowhere to be found.

"Panch-" Kevin began but felt the words fade away. He breathed in a few times struggling to get the words to unclog in his throat. "Listen," Pancho suddenly blurted out, "Its all right. It was a mistake.. or something like that." Silence again. The uneasiness seemed to grow. "Listen," Kevin found his voice once more and prayed it hold, "Did you feel anything before I kissed-" he paused, and rephrased the question, "Did you ever feel her? Like hold her hand? Or guide her shoulder? Or brush her hair?"

"No," Pancho replied after a moment of thinking, "Come to think of it no.." "She never existed, Panch," Kevin spoke, but in his head he was stabbing himself for how lame it sounded. "She wasn't real." "But I could see her," Panch replied, confusion like a mask on his face, "I know I could." Someone dropped a bottle in the park, the sound broke the silence of the night for a moment. Kevin closed his eyes and recalled a wish he had asked for. Funny how the one's least worded properly seem to be those that are granted. He recalled the shooting star streaking across the heavens and his lips whispering to himself a wish for the one he loved: "May he see the one perfect for him." And now, looking at his friend staring at the silhouettes of lovers in the park, he regretted he didn't use the word "meet" instead.