Well I joined the military in January. I made it through a week of training and ended up have to have my appendix removed(no they didn't burst). They put me in md hold. I got to leave on convelsant leave(which means I went home for 30days and healed). Con-leave was wierd but I don't mind. I spent time with friends. When I got back to basic, I was ready to go back to training but I couldn't. They kept me there to work on physical training(pt). While I was there working on building my stomache muscle back up, I ended up getting a cold that caused breathing problems for me. Well they thought it might be asahma. So they made me stay a month longer in Med Hold before I could get tested all because I had meds for the cold. I didn't think sudifed took that long to flush out of your body.

Well it is now the middle of April and they finally do a testing. On the day of my testing, I couldn't find a girl to escort me to the medical center. Well a girl that didn't have something very important to do. So one of the girls that I am now glad to call my friend, took me. That day she was to start her convelestant leave. She was glad to take me but we found out that she wasn't suposed to go. Its ok though. She didn't get in trouble because she followed the core values. Their main one being service before self. I spent most of the day at the medical center waiting to find my results. I already knew what they were going to be though. I failed the test on purpose. Everyone said that it was impossible to fail the test. Its very easy to do, you just inhale and then exhale very quickly. Oh yeah, if you fail you don't have asahma. Well I went back to my dispencery, and gave the doctors the paper work. They told me that it was because of conditioning that I was having trouble breathing. I knew that was not the reason. I asked them if it could be allergies. They basically told me no the asahma test would have showed them that. Well conditioning lasted for 3 weeks, it is now the start of May.

Well during the last two months I had started getting depressed and began to think that I was never going to make it home and that I would never see my family again. I ended up going to a doctor about it 3 times within a month. On my secound trip they said they were going to put me in a class to help me with depression. When I got back to the sqadron, they told that I had to return to training. Well by this time I didn't have the heart to return to training or to even finish training. But they sent me anyways. If it hadn't been for my insturctor that I got at the new squadron, I honestly don't know where I would be. He made me promise to not kill meself. I told that was never the plan but he made me promise anyways. So I pormised him and he kept everyone off my back. When I visited the doctors for the third time, they finally said I was depressed and that I wasn't able to adjust to military life. I was happy about that because that meant I was finally able to go home. I was still depressed when they put me back in med hold. I knew I was going home but still depression doesn't go away that fast. So I began to work on getting better. They put me a class that helped some. It kept me busy during the day. The rest of the time I was being an element leader. I was mainly second in command of my dorm. Sometimes I was considered in commmand of the dorm.I also became the dorm guard monitor(in lame terms I asigned people dorm gurad shifts). Either way I spent most of my time working with others and writting a friend of mine. You pretty much just wanted to do anything to keep busy and not think about getting out. I thank all those who wrote me and tried to keep up with me. I prayed that I would be home by my brother's graduation. Most cases took two weeks before it finishes and you can go home. Mine took longer it took about 3 weeks. To many of you that may not seem long but when you spend days wondering why your case isn't going anywhere, it seems like eternity. As I spent many of my nights working on what became called "novels" and helping the girls that came in that day, I also spent time praying that God would get me home in time. The 29th came and I was getting a little depressed(more than what I was), I thought for sure that I wasn't going to get home until June. As I sat in the dayroom of the dorm, one of the girls put up a list of names of people that were being seperated for the 30th. I watched some of the names come up and then I started talking to the new dorm chief saying that we were going to be leaving next week. Then one of the girls that had been there almost as long as I had was shocked to find out she was leaving. I looked up at the board to see who was all being seperated. I was sitting on my feet and ended up falling to my knees. My name was sitting there on the board. Everyone was so excited to hear that I was going home. I spent that night getting very little sleep. I pulled dorm guard(its a watch) at 02:30-04:30(that would be morning). Then pulled a little more so the girl after my shift could eat breakfast. I didn't eat breakfast that day. I was to nervious to eat. No one in my house knew I was coming home except maybe the 17yr old. I had to call my mom while I was at the airport.She wanted to know where I was. I said at the airport in San Antonio. It took some time to get arrangements made to get me home. I remember sitting there at the airport helping a girl that seped with me. She was not wanting to go home cuz of b/f trouble. I told her the guy wasn't worth it and there were alot more out there just as crazy as her. She laughed and we had a good time talking before her plane left. When I got on the plane I was sure I was going to hate the plane ride home(not really one for flying). The guy I was sitting next to was in the air force. SO we talked and then started teasing some of his friends that were sitting in front of us. He made the plane ride better. Well when I got to DFW airport, I couldn't find my bag. It came in like two flights before mine. We had a couple of hours before my brother's graduation. Just enough time to find food and to get a pair of pants that fit me. Mine that I wore home were like 3 sizes to big for me. Well I still hadn't realized that I was actually home to stay yet. During the middle of his graduation I realized it. I started crying. For those that don't understand why I was crying, stop and imagine your life with out anyone you love being near you. Not being able to see them for 4months. You end up messing alot in that time.

While I was in basic, I had turned 20. I spent my birthday with no one knowing. I was in a new squadron and spent my birthday and mother's day weekend with an instructor keeping an eye on me. So many times I cryed myself to sleep. Not only because I missed my family but also because I didn't know how my friends were doing. Most of the people I went to high school with are in the military and were overseas. The guy that I love was overseas and I really had no clue how he was. So I prayed for them all and then cried myself to sleep.

Life gets complicated but even I can make it through.That's one of the things I learned while at basic. I learned that I'm not as tough as I make myself out to be. The tomboy I grew up as has pretty much left me being a simi normal girl. I also learned about what type of guys I like. Trav if you ever end up reading this I know you will know what I am talking about. Thanks for being right and not really saying I told you so.