T'was the night before Christmas -- Ole Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks...
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my @ss for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa" -- what do I hear?
The old lady b*tches 'cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money -- The reindeer all fight!
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant, now Vixen has AIDS!
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those @ssholes from the IRS sent me a letter!
They say I owe taxes -- if that ain't d@mn funny.
Who the hell ever sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days -- they all are the pits.
They want the impossible -- Those mean little sh*ts!
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls... Arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo's -- NO request for them,
They want computers and robots... they think I'm IBM!
Flying through the air... dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees!
I'm quitting this job... there's just no enjoyment,
I'll sit on my fat @ss and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year... you now know the reason.
I found me a blonde -- I'm going SOUTH for the season!
