1. Every time they make a friend, move.
2. Whenever they fall asleep, (make sure they are asleep) beat them with a broom stick.
3. Lock them in the basement for days on end.
4. If they puncture their eye, (whether on purpose, or by accident) do not take them to the hospital until several days afterwards.
5. Kill their pets for fun and/or punishment.
6. Dress the child as the opposite sex for a couple of years.
7. Make the child believe that they are of the opposite sex.
8. Make the child dig around inside crypts to gather bones for voodoo practices.
9. Shove a rusted nail into their forehead.
10. Have sex in front of them.
11. Have sex WITH them.
12. Use their ears as handles.
13. Have your friends use their ears as handles.
14. Have the neighbor teach them to have sex with animals.
15. Adopt them.
16. Trade them for a pitcher of beer.
17. When they reach puberty, tie them up, and shave their genitals... claiming that they are dirty, and you must purify them.
18. Lock them in the closet, and force them to wallow in their own filth.
19. Kill one of their siblings.
20. Completely ignore them at all times.
21. Set impossible standards for them, and when they fail, beat them severely.
22. Avoid touching them, and when you do, wear gloves.
23. Don't teach them anything a normal child would know... like about how stoves are hot, and that knives are sharp, or that other people feel pain too.
24. Make child believe that they are mentally retarded.
25. Tell them that monsters are real.
26. Threaten to castrate them if they are male.
27. ACTUALLY castrate them.
28. Tell them that they are worthless.
29. Tell the neighborhood humiliating facts about the child.
30. Make them have sex with their brothers and sisters.
31. Tell them that it is only normal to do that.
32. Live near a nuclear testing ground.
33. During the pregnancy, inhale strong chemical fumes.
34. Use their genitalia as an ashtray.
35. Distribute kiddy porn of them on the Internet.
36. Involve them in your bondage sex.
37. Be a prostitute and bring customers home.
38. If the child is a boy, get a male neighbor to rape him.
39. Stare at the child for hours on end, and if they protest, beat them.
40. Lock them in a cage of some kind, and invite neighborhood teenagers to urinate on them.
41. Constantly tell them that the rapture is near and that the only way they can save their friends, is to cut their heads off.
42. Go camping in cemeteries.
43. Demand a password from them when they enter the house.
44. When Grandma dies, taxidermy the body, and keep her in the living room... Tell children that she is always watching them.
45. Pierce their genitalia.
