1. Constipated People Don't Give A Sh*t
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
11. If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My @ss
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
34. If Sex Is A Pain In The @ss, Then You're Doing It Wrong
35. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
36. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over
[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
37. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph
38. Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]
39. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hutt?
40. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One
41. Ax Me About Ebonics
42. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
43. Boldly Going Nowhere
44. Cat: The Other White Meat
45. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
46. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
47. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
48. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
49. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
50. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
51. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
52. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
53. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
54. Grow Your Own Dope - Plant A Man
55. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
56. Some People Are Only Alive Because It Is Illegal To Shoot Them
57. I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke
58. WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
59. BEER: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore
60. So You're A Feminist... Isn't That Precious
61. I Need Someone Really Bad... Are You Really Bad?
62. Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beer Holder
63. God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
64. My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
65. I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We're OK Now
66. What If The Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
67. Liberal Arts Major... Will Think for Food
68. Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
69. If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen
70. Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is A Real Eye Opener
71. If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You
72. The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard
73. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade
74. I'm Going To Graduate On Time, No Matter How Long It Takes
75. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like Night
76. Old Age Comes At A Bad Time
77. In America, Anyone Can Be President... That's One Of The Risks You Take
78. I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got
79. Reality Is A Crutch For People Who Can't Handle Drugs
80. As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools
81. Hang Up And Drive
82. I Want To Die Peacefully In My Sleep Like My Grandfather...
Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car
83. I said "NO" To Drugs, But They Didn't Listen
84. Your Kid May Be An Honor Student, But YOU'RE Still An Idiot
85. Where There's A Will... I Want To Be In It
86. Don't Drink And Drive... You Might Hit A Bump And Spill Your Drink
87. Consciousness: That Annoying Time Between Naps
88. Always Remember You're Unique... Just Like Everyone Else
89. Keep Honking While I Reload
90. Jack Kevorkian For White House Physician
91. Alcohol And Calculus Don't Mix... Never Drink And Derive
92. If We Are What We Eat, I'm Cheap, Fast, And Easy
93. Stop Repeat Offenders... Don't Re-Elect Them!
