Jennifer Lopez-
Rebirth (W) (Epic/Sony)
Three years ago, when Jennifer
Lopez released the rather misguided "This Is Me…Then", the world sat
in anticipation over what kind of music she'd release, because back then she
mattered. Now, three years later, Lopez is still a star in her own right, but
now it’s diminished somewhat.
This is partly because “This Is
Me…Then” was such a bad album that it faded from memory rather quickly, both
critically and collectively. The same, too, can be said for the confusingly-named
“Rebirth”, as Lopez doesn’t learn at all from her previous mistakes and instead
amplifies them.
Truth be told, “Rebirth”- which
is hardly more than a rehash- isn’t as bad as “This Is Me…Then” but it’s
close. About the only two songs that are the remix to the first single, “Get
Right” featuring Fabolous (who’s really the only one worth hearing in the
entire song) and the second song on the album, “Step Into My World”, a clear
stab at adult-pop with its darker tone. The rest range from the merely okay to
the truly awful.
The first case is the original
version of the first single, “Get Right”. The song is another of Lopez’s
attempts to produce a “club anthem”, and, like previous attempts it fails
horribly. The beat to the song isn’t actually that bad, but listening to
Lopez’s voice and her strained attempts at being “hood” (for one, when Lopez
uses the word “homie” and “trippin’” it not only sounds forced but sounds
rather uncomfortable). It’s not just here where the confused gangsta girl appears-
“Hold You Down”, the attempt at an urban duet with Fat Joe, slows so much to a
crawl that if you’re not asleep by the time it’s over you either a) overslept
b) drunk way too much coffee or c) should go into scientific research for being
able to not sleep at all. It also doesn’t help that Fat Joe sounds as though he
just finished the Quarter Mile before getting to the studio.
Of course, it’s not just the
tortured urban references that make “Rebirth” bad- it’s also the ballads, of
which Lopez’s whiny, flat voice is incapable of singing (in fact, I could argue
that Lopez’s voice deserves a distinction quite like Bing Crosby’s “cry”, only
that in this case it would be notable for just how distinctively bad it is).
The worst of these are the songs “He’ll Be Back”, featuring the grating opening
lines “I know better than anybody how it feels/To want somebody so bad after
you break up” (yeah, sure…), and “(Can’t Believe) This Is Me”, which is not
what the title suggests. It’s supposed to be about a fighting couple where
Lopez can’t believe she’s brought herself to that level, but it becomes a
lesson in tortured ballads where Lopez strains for feelings she just doesn’t have
and the whole thing plods so uncomfortably that you’ll be wondering what got
into you to buy this album in the first place. It’s also co-written with Lopez
by Marc Anthony, who has also led a career of terrible ballads himself.
So, what’s the end result for
this tortured lesson in endurance? That Lopez- even though her Latina roots
were just as contrived- should go back to making the fun, Latino dance numbers
she did before, because she’s definitely not a gangsta girl and she’s
definitely not an adult pop star. Do yourself a favour and leave “Rebirth” on
the shelf where it belongs.
-DG