Fergie- The Dutchess (A&M/Interscope/Universal) (W)
When Stacy Ferguson- A.K.A. “Fergie”-
joined The Black-Eyed Peas in 2003, she had immediate success. The group that
had previously never broken through in the mainstream suddenly gained a
non-stop slew of hits, dominating the radiowaves whenever they released a new
album. Many credited the group's success with Fergie's addition, since she gave
the group an obvious sex appeal that they had sorely been lacking, but despite
Fergie's modest talents as a dancer and a singer, there were those who believed
she was nothing more than a figurehead, hired simply because she was pretty and
not because she had any actual singing talent.
So enter “The Dutchess”, an
album obviously released so The Black-Eyed Peas could silence the critics and
show the world that Fergie is actually a legitimate performer. Instead, all
this album does is give her critics more ammunition. This is nothing more than
a run-of-the-mill pop album, full of silly lyrics and even sillier beats. If you've
heard the nauseating “London Bridge”, you've pretty much heard the album-
there's really nothing else. For example, Fergie tries to play coy and lovelorn
in “All That I Got (The Make Up Song)” and simply comes across as depraved.
Then there's “Maybe We Can Take A Ride”, a ballad obviously used to show that
Fergie can sing only for it to backfire, as her voice is thinner than toilet
paper. Speaking of which, this brings me to Fergie's best effort, “Glamorous” which
features the album's most danceable beat and a modest rap from Ludacris, but it
is undone by its distintct indistinctiveness. Simply put, it is so cliched it's
more recycled than a pop can.
In short, there's really no reason to think that Fergie
is anything more than a figurehead, the replaceable sex image used by The
Black-Eyed Peas to sell their albums. The beats are recycled, the lyrics
garbage and her voice, while listenable, is too anonymous for anyone to think
she'll be a legitimate star. “The Dutchess” shows she’ll be nothing more than
an entertainer, so if any Peas fans are worried that she’ll leave the group in
disarray, they shouldn’t worry- there’s millions of girls like Fergie, so if
she leaves, there will be 1,000 girls ready to take her place. In the meantime,
if you’re ever stuck with this sorry excuse for plastic, just remember- CD’s
make a good Frisbee. See, there’s an upside to everything.
-DG