Lately, I've been catching him at his computer, just sitting there and staring at nothing.  Then he gets up and starts pacing around and muttering to himself. When I ask him what's wrong, he looks away and won't tell me. I thought it might be what happened with the Micromary clone, but I thought we had worked our way past that. 

Then, last night, he suddenly started yelling and throwing books and papers and computer disks out the window. And he... he hit me! 

It was an accident. When I ran toward him to calm him down, he turned with an armload of books and papers to throw and hit me and knocked me down. He picked me up immediately and tried to apologize, but he could barely talk. Then he ran out the door, and I haven't seen him since. 

Please, if you see him, contact me immediately and let me know where he is! And if you get a chance to talk to him, tell him it's all right and I want him to come home. Whatever is wrong, we can fix it. 

APEC, look to your clones. This could be delayed programming left over by the Micromary clone, or it could be some kind of poisoning by the evil Dr. Nadless! If your clone starts exhibiting unusual behavior, contact Micromary at once! 

Please, please, MyKai, come home! 
 

CF: Please help me!!, Pt. 2  
Date: 10/20/2000 
From: dgrequeen 
I'm calling this emergency meeting of the APEC to order! 

As you know, MyKai ran away night before last and hasn't come home yet. I might as well tell you, he hasn't been himself lately. I'm afraid he is either very sick, or something has happened to him. 

Late today, while he was driving around in Twilight Rhapsody's T-Bird looking for MyKai, TRsKai21 spotted him going into a house on Deadend Road. This is a known hangout for ne'er-do-wells, trolls, and other undesireables. I don't know what kind of trouble MyKai is in, but I felt it was important enough to call you all to the Great Hall and form a search party, and/or possibly a rescue force. TRsKai21 wasn't sure, but he thought he might have seen some unknown Kai clones hanging around that house. If that's the case, then we may have a war brewing, and they might be holding MyKai hostage in the house. 

We'll take two teams: VisionAri will command one team consisting of Cerridwen, starfireone, Kaigazer, Strytlr, doffy and trillian; I'll take charge of the other, which will be EveningStar, Logan55, necrophiliac, rave358802, Elfina, FrogSplash, and Soulflyier. We'll also have a rapid action team consisting of Kai8, Kai10, LiveKai, Kai28, CowboyKai, trillskai, Kai15, TRsKai21, WarriorKai, Kai13, Kai36, and SirKai, under the joint command of Fields_of_Heather and Twilight Rhapsody. This is the team that will move in, just in case we have to raid the place and rescue MyKai. 

Command Central will be here in the APEC castle, and that will consist of Kali56, Wycker, XevZev, Carpe Diem29, Stardancer, Weyrldy, and MoonChick. You'll be responsible for coordinating our teams and intelligence gathering. 

Micromary is in her lab, preparing for any casualties. 

I can't stress enough how important this is, not only to me (*dgre wipes a tear), but to APEC as well. If this is a conspiracy to raid us, we need to nip it in the bud now. If they are using MyKai to gain intelligence about us, or to try and manipulate us, we have to beat them at their own game. 

Above all, be careful. We don't want to lose ANYBODY!  

CF:  Please Help Me! Pt. 3
Date: 10/21/2000 
From: dgrequeen 

A note on this fanfic: If you think a big chunk of the fiction is missing, you're right, it is. But the story will be told in flashback, and it all will be clear (I hope) by the end. 

*Insert Valdron's disclaimer*, which I forgot. 

GREAT HALL: 

APEC, you were magnificent! MyKai is rescued, and we have defeated the evil forces who were planning to attack us. I hope we beat them so badly they won't be able to rally and cause us trouble again for a long time. 

I still don't know everything. MyKai is very sick, but he is being tended to by Micromary, and I'm praying for a full recovery. I hope by tomorrow or Monday he can tell us his version of events, including the great battle. 

There were other injuries as well, and those who were hurt are in the APEC castle infirmary, being nursed by Micromary's trio. If you can help in any way, please stop by. I'm sure large infusions of chocolate would be appreciated.

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt 4 
Date: 10/22/2000 
From: MyKai 
Disclaimer: Lexx, the series, concepts and characters, are the property, copyright or trademark of Salter Street Films. No ownership or claim on this specific property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by the use in this work. This work constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This work is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes. 

MyKai, or Kai2, is the Kai clone, character, and companion of dgrequeen and may not be used in any other fan fiction without permission. 

************************************ 

It's well known among APEC and ORAL that we clones have suffered stressful times recently, with the threats to our mistresses and ourselves from the likes of the evil Dr. Nadless and his army of anti-Kais, virulent attacks by disease-ridden plant creatures, and the havoc wreaked by that troublemaking clone of our beloved creator Micromary. Some have even said there was an agent from an unknown dimension lurking about. I myself experienced some difficulty overcoming the trauma caused by my encounter with the Micromary clone, as did some of my brothers. But I thought I was making progress in recovering from that awful event. That is, I thought the worst was over until ... that night. 
 

I was working at my computer in our chambers in the APEC castle as usual, while my queen was out for the evening, when I heard a knock on the door. I was cautious because of my previous experiences while home alone, but when I opened the door, it was only LiveKai standing there. 

I admit I was a little surpised. Sometimes, we Kai clones visit each other when we want help with special projects, or when there's danger requiring all the APEC to come together. But I had heard of nothing going on in the castle. Many of the mistresses and their clones were away, visiting friends and family, unwinding after the recent battles and rescues. The place was quieter than usual, so I was sure I would have heard if anything new was taking place. 

"Hello, brother," I said. 

"Hi. Mind if I come in?" LiveKai strolled in and sat down. Strangely, he was wearing the little blue toga he only wore when he was with FrogSplash. I looked at him, a little puzzled and uneasy. LiveKai does look quite different from the rest of us now that he is fully alive, as we are not. But tonight there was something different about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. We can easily tell each other apart (something that the mistresses can't always do), and somehow, to me, LiveKai did not look like LiveKai. 

Was it the hair? The eyes? I couldn't tell, and I decided I was just being overly suspicious. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" I asked. 

LiveKai lounged back on the couch, idly playing with the tassel of a cushion. "Oh, I'm just roaming around, seeing how my brothers have been, checking things out. You know." 

I didn't, but I didn't say so. 

"It's pretty dead around here right now," he said, "no pun intended. You and me, we oughta go do the town." 

"I don't think so. I've got a lot of work to do, and if my queen came home and I wasn't here..." 

"Come on, MyKai. She's going to be gone for a while, she'll never know you were out. Besides, you go out on your own when you want to, right?" 

In the beginning, after our initial bonding (and despite the earlier fiasco in town), my queen let me roam as much as I pleased. She trusted me, she said, to keep out of trouble, and she wanted me to learn independence and what she called "street smarts". But since the recent dangers ---- kidnappings, assassination attempts, subversions and battles --- she had asked me stay close to home. I know she was afraid for me, and I didn't like to worry her. By the same token, some of the mistresses had been attacked, and I felt uneasy whenever she was out of the castle. 

Still, it had been a while since I went out and had any fun on my own. Dgrequeen is devoted to her Other (mostly), so there are times when I feel a little neglected. And I had been working very hard lately. 

"All right," I said. "What did you have in mind?" 

"Well!" LiveKai sat up eagerly. "There's this little pub I know! Great food and, oh, I forgot, you don't eat food do you?" I thought he sounded a little smug when he said this. "But they serve chocolate and Mountain Dew, or if you just want a beer, they've got the coldest on tap! And there's a live band that comes in now and then. We could probably find a couple of girls to dance with." 

I frowned. This didn't sound like LiveKai at all. He's completely in love with his mistress. 

"Does FrogSplash not mind that you go dancing with other women?" I asked. 

"Oh, come on," LiveKai laughed. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. It's harmless flirtation, that's all. You know I love her truly, don't you?" 

"Yes, but..." I didn't know what to make of this. Our programming dictates that we provide the utmost in happiness and loyalty to our mistresses, but we are allowed some leeway in that. What is love worth, after all, if it's completely automatic? And LiveKai was a living being now. Perhaps his initial programming had become corrupted, or was undergoing some kind of transformation because of his altered state. In any case, it might be best if I went along just to keep an eye on him. I would feel bad for my younger brother and his mistress (and for myself) if he got into trouble and I could have prevented it. 

"All right," I said slowly. "I'll go with you. But only for a little while." 

"Sure, sure, coupla hours, a few laughs, that's all. I'll have you back here before Dgrequeen gets back, I promise!" He smiled at me. "One thing, though. Perhaps you should wear your brace." 

I frowned again, and looked down, considering this. "I don't usually go out armed. My queen has asked me not to." 

"Yes, but I have mine, see? You know the terrible things that have happened lately. I don't think we should go out without protection. Think how devastated your queen would be if anything happened to you." 

This was a persuasive argument, and so, reluctantly, I agreed.  

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 5 
Date: 10/23/2000 
From: MyKai

The "little pub" LiveKai spoke of turned out to be a back-alley dive in a part of town we should have avoided. Still, I didn't worry too much. Even though we Kais sometimes attract unwanted attention --- women follow us with puppy dog eyes and drip fluid on the ground, and men sometimes want to engage us in contests of strength, or of, um, measurement (of which I will not speak) --- we can handle ourselves. And I had poked around on the wrong side of town often enough, to satisfy my curiosity about every aspect of human life. There was nothing here to fear, really. 

Or so I thought. 

But LiveKai was greeted by name by several rough-hewn patrons of the place, as if he had been there many times before. Even men whom I would have expected to ridicule him for his blue toga didn't seem to notice it, and moved away when he approached. I had the feeling that there had been trouble in the past, and he had acquitted himself well. I wondered how much FrogSplash knew about his solitary habits. 

We sat at a table in the back. LiveKai tried to persuade me to drink Mountain Dew, but I knew the effect it had on clones --- no longer a consideration for him, being alive --- and I refused. So he finally offered to get me a beer. 

"All right," I said. I appreciated a good, cold beer now and then. Although we Kai clones can eat or drink, we seldom do because we don't need to. But once in a while, we indulge in it, more for the companionship associated with it than anything else. I think it makes us feel more human. 

He went to the bar and stood talking with a knot of men there while he waited for our drinks. I sat relaxed, observing the crowd and their comings and goings, when I heard a voice say: 

"Hi there, handsome." 

I looked up to see a beautiful young woman standing there, smiling down at me. I shifted a little uncomfortably in my chair. This was another drooler, I thought, and I didn't feel like fending off another one tonight. Contrary to the rumors about me that have circulated around the APEC castle, there really is no other woman for me but my queen. 

"Mind a little company?" she said, and immediately sat next to me. 

"Um... well... my friend and I were just... uh..." 

"Oh, I know LiveKai from WAY back," she said. "He's a good friend. A VERY good friend." 

I was even more uncomfortable now. This could not be. LiveKai loved FrogSplash, he would never betray her. And yet I had the feeling that this woman knew him better than in mere friendship. 

"Hi, Bambi," LiveKai said, bringing our beers back to the table. "Meet my brother, MyKai." 

"Hello, MyKai," she said huskily, leaning toward me. "Any  more at home like you?" 

"Well, yes, several," I said, and she and LiveKai both laughed. I took the beer that LiveKai handed me and took a big swallow to cover my confusion. My queen has said that I need to work on my sense of humor, but I didn't know what was funny. 

I took another drink, and looked up to see LiveKai watching me intently. He smiled as soon as my eyes met his. 

"How's your beer?" 

"Very cold," I said, puzzled by the sound of ... something... in his voice. 

Bambi had now shifted her attention to him, and I watched them joke and laugh throughout the evening. They were very familiar with each other, and I grew more and more confused by my living brother's behavior. 

He insisted that I drink another beer, so I did, even though I didn't want another one. Alcohol doesn't affect us the way Mountain Dew and chocolate do, but somehow, by the end of the second bottle, I was feeling woozy and disoriented. I had never experienced this before, at least not since my emergence, and it was a feeling I didn't like. I stood up, knocking my chair over. 

"Whoa!" LiveKai said. 

"I'm going home," I announced to nobody in particular, and made for the door. But the door kept shifting directions. LiveKai grabbed me by the arm. 

"Careful, big brother. Maybe I should take you home." 

"I'm fine," I informed him. "I will be fine. I should go now. My queen will be wondering where I am." 

"Of course. But let me go with you. You look a little unsteady." 

He guided me out the door and into the darkness of the street. He seemed to know where he was going, so I let him lead me by the arm, because I was starting to feel sick and not at all sure of my surroundings. We walked for a long time, and after a while, it penetrated my fuzziness that we were going in the wrong direction, because I didn't recognize anything. 

"LiveKai, this isn't the way back to the castle." 

"Shh!" he hissed at me. "We're being followed!"
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 6 
Date: 10/23/2000 
From: MyKai

I tried to look back, but he jerked me forward by the arm. We continued walking, a little faster now, which made me feel even more sick. I stumbled a little. 

"Who is it?" I asked. "Who's following us?" 

"I don't know!" 

His voice was harsh. He had me firmly by the arm, yanking me along. There was the sound of a car motor behind us, and the sound of slamming doors, and suddenly he shoved me against the building next to us, and bright lights lit up the darkness, blinding me. Reflexively, I armed my brace and put my other hand up to shield my eyes, but I could make out nothing. Someone hit me in the face, and I heard LiveKai yell. Then fists were pummeling me, and I kicked out, connecting with another body. I couldn't see anything! Something soft and suffocating, like a blanket, fell over my head, and hands grabbed at me, trying to hold me down, to pull it tight over my face. I sliced upward with the brace, and someone screamed. 

I fought clear of the blanket and ran. After the bright, blinding light, the darkness was like a solid wall. I could hear still hear screaming. With relief, I heard LiveKai's sandals slapping the pavement behind me, and soon, his ragged breathing beside me as we ran. I had no idea where I was going, because the world was turning in ever faster circles around me. We ran for several blocks, and then LiveKai pushed me into an alley, where I fell to my knees, my head swimming. 

"What happened?" I gasped. 

"Don't you know?" he demanded, as he peeked around the corner of the building at the street. 

"No." 

"MyKai," he said, kneeling in front me, very serious. "We killed somebody." 

I stared at him. "Yes, that may be. But we were attacked!" 

"It doesn't matter. We were armed with the braces. They'll say it was murder!" 

"But... that's not..." I shook my head, trying to remember exactly what had happened. Everything was so fuzzy, I couldn't think. 

"I have to go home to my queen," I said. "I have to tell her what's happened." 

"You can't!" he said urgently. "You can't tell her anything about this! They will come and take us away from our mistresses forever!" 

Take us away? I couldn't comprehend this. A clone is bonded to his mistress. He can't be "taken away", or he will cease. 

"I know a place we can go," he said, "where we can gather our wits and decide what to do." 

"We should go back to the APEC castle. I want to go home to my queen." 

"Listen to me!" He grabbed me by my shirt front and jerked me close, hissing at me: "Do you want to go to prison? Do you want never to see your queen again? Worse, do you want to tell her you've committed murder and see the hurt in her eyes? DO YOU?" 

I couldn't answer. What he said was too awful to think about, even if I could think. It couldn't have been the beer, that was only alcohol, but there was something drastically wrong with my brain. But he could see that he had still not convinced me. 

"Look MyKai, if somebody is after us, you don't want to lead them to the castle, to your queen, do you? I know someone who can help us find out who these people are." 

"Our brothers should be with us. Together we can hunt these enemies down." 

LiveKai grimaced. "Listen to me! You're not thinking straight. How do we know we can trust our brothers? Someone is after us. Suppose they've placed anti-Kais in the castle?" He watched me struggle to think this through. "And there's something else," he added ominously. 

"What?" 

"You're not yourself. There's something wrong with you." 

I had to admit this was true. 

"What if you've lost control? What if your programming is going bad? You might go mad, like Kai7. You might hurt your queen." 

I shivered in fear at the possibility. "Where is this place you talked about?" I whispered.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 7 
Date: 10/23/2000 
From: MyKai

LiveKai led me to an old house on the edge of town. It was an isolated place, run-down and dark, set back in a grove of old trees. Instinctively, I armed my brace, but LiveKai laughed at me. 

"It's okay, MyKai. A friend lives here. He'll help us." 

I followed him up the crumbling steps to the house, thinking I didn't really want to meet any more of LiveKai's friends. But I was too confused and too worried to think of anything else to do. He didn't bother to knock but went straight in, and I followed. Heavy curtains at the windows had kept any light from escaping, but the front room was dimly lit. A number of people stood or sat in groups about the room, talking in low voices and laughing. I even thought I spotted a Kai in the crowd, but it was dim, and the crowd shifted, and I was dizzy, so my eyes might have been playing tricks on me. LiveKai pulled me down a dark hallway. 

"Dr. Oziel!" he called through the open door of another room. "Hey, Doc!" 

I stopped dead in my tracks. Doc? 

LiveKai looked at me in surprise, and then laughed again. "Don't worry, it's not Nadless. Come on!" 

The man in the room was a sight to behold. Standing, he would have been a good six-five or six.  He had a lion-like mane of pure white hair, giving him a regal air, and like a king on a throne, he sat on a huge velvet divan that was elevated on exceptionally tall legs. His clothes were gleaming white as well. His bright blue eyes twinkled with surprised amusement at my face. I was staring, but I couldn't help myself. He seemed so ... familiar. 

"Hello, LiveKai," he said, his voice a silky purr. "I see you've brought one of your brothers to visit." 

"This is MyKai," LiveKai said, suddenly very subdued and humble (which also is not like him). "I told you about him." 

I looked at LiveKai, wondering what he could have said about me. The man on the divan laughed and clapped his hands together. 

"So you did. This is wonderful! I've been wanting to meet you, little Kai!" 

"Why?" I asked. 

He lowered his face and looked at me through pure white eyelashes. "Because you weren't born like the others." 

I frowned. "I am a clone. I emerged from a vat in my creator's lab, like all other clones." 

"Ah, but you were premature. It made you vulnerable, where the others are not." 

I didn't like the way this conversation was going, and I was displeased with LiveKai for discussing my personal life with this stranger. "The dead are not vulnerable," I said. "My creator assured me that my programming is as complete as any of the others..." 

"But you've suffered program slippages, have you not?" 

I glared at LiveKai before I answered. "No!" But I had. My queen had called me to task before for flirting with other APEC mistresses, something no clone would do if his programming were perfect. I refused to believe that those were slippages, though. I was simply curious about romantic interaction among humans. 

"We're in trouble, Doc," LiveKai said. "We need your help." 

"I've told you not to call me Doc!" the man snapped, and LiveKai looked uncomfortable. But the man smiled. "But of course I can help you. I'm always happy to help a friend, especially my friends from the APEC castle. What can I do for you?" 

"We were involved in a fight. Someone tried to kidnap us. We think there is a conspiracy to kidnap Kai clones, and we want to find out who it might be. Also," he glanced at me, "we might have killed somebody." 

Now Dr. Oziel frowned, hiding his twinkly blue eyes, and pinching his lips together with his long fingers in hard thought. "Hmmm. That does sound serious." He sat thinking for a moment longer, and then stood up. 

"I can help you," he said. "But I must have your full cooperation, especially yours, little Kai. Will you cooperate with me?" 

I glanced warily from him to LiveKai and back, uncertain. "What must I do?" 

Dr. Oziel stepped toward me. "Nothing much. I just want you to look at this." 

He held up his hand, and immediately I reacted, stepping back from him and bringing my brace arm up. But I was too late. The beam from the biovizier's medallion in his hand hit me between the eyes, and everything went black.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 8 
Date: 10/24/2000 
From: MyKai

I don't remember everything they did to me. I was mindless, under the control of an enemy. After a while, my mind cleared a little and I saw that I was in a dark room, strapped to a surgical table under a very bright light. I could see lots of shelves and cabinets lining the walls, so this must be some sort of makeshift laboratory. Shadowy figures came and went just out of my line of sight, and I had the impression of other rooms beyond, even though we seemed to be underground.  There were many voices, whispering all around me, but mostly I remember only His voice. 

It was soft, silky, an incessant rubbing on the nerves: "You belong to me now, little Kai. You will do my bidding. I took a chance using an anti-Kai to lure you out of the castle, but you came. How easy you were to fool!" 

He stood above me, flanked on either side by the woman from the bar, Bambi, and what I now knew was a false LiveKai, smirking down at me. I lunged against the straps, wanting to smash his face, but inwardly I cringed. Dr. Oziel was laughing at me, at my foolishness. He was right to laugh. I had stupidly allowed myself to fall into the wrong hands, and now what would become of my queen and the others of APEC? 

"You have to admit," Dr. Oziel said, "my copy of your LiveKai IS very good." He leaned over and kissed Bambi. "You have outdone yourself, my dear." 

"Whatever you do to me, or make me do," I managed to croak, "I am only one. The others will defeat you." 

Oziel looked surprised, and concerned. "It speaks!" he said, and hit me with another beam. When he was finished, he said, "We're not going to do anything to you, little Kai. Except, maybe, adjust your programming a bit. Then we're going to send you home to your mistress safe and sound. And there," he stood back, looking very pleased with himself, "you will wait until I need you." 

"No," I whispered, and he hit me with the beam again. 

"You will not speak!" he shouted, suddenly angry. He turned to glare at Bambi, who stood up straight, looking afraid. "This one is obviously different! You assured me his premature status would make him easier to control than any of the other clones. I question whether that is true." 

"The programming will hold," she said, flustered. "We will give him a little more of the altered protoblood before we let him go. We can make him forget everything until you give him the code word. And then he will open the gates to the castle and everything else we need opened." 

Oziel waved a dismissive hand. "The medallion is old and won't work much longer. We need the formula for Micromary's anti-protoblood! This altered solution I've developed is incomplete, and obviously not fool-proof!" He looked down at me again. "As for this one, you say he's had program slippages before. What if this programming slips? It's crucial that they don't find out about us until it's too late to stop us!" 

"It won't slip." she insisted. "When I give him your altered protoblood, I will initiate the memory erasure, and he won't remember a thing. Besides, even if he did remember, the code word in his brain will act as a block. He won't be able to tell anyone what he knows, and it will be ready to trigger action as soon as he hears one of us repeat it. Then he will open the castle for us and give us everything we want!" She smiled and leaned over me. "Kai2. You will help us, won't you?  When we ask?" 

To my horror, and much against my will, I nodded and said, "Yes." 

"There. You see? And Kai2. When I tell you to kill your queen and the other APEC mistresses --- you will do that for us, won't you?" 

Again, I nodded and said yes. And inwardly, I screamed.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 8 
Date: 10/24/2000 
From: MyKai

I don't remember everything they did to me. I was mindless, under the control of an enemy. After a while, my mind cleared a little and I saw that I was in a dark room, strapped to a surgical table under a very bright light. I could see lots of shelves and cabinets lining the walls, so this must be some sort of makeshift laboratory. Shadowy figures came and went just out of my line of sight, and I had the impression of other rooms beyond, even though we seemed to be underground.  There were many voices, whispering all around me, but mostly I remember only His voice. 

It was soft, silky, an incessant rubbing on the nerves: "You belong to me now, little Kai. You will do my bidding. I took a chance using an anti-Kai to lure you out of the castle, but you came. How easy you were to fool!" 

He stood above me, flanked on either side by the woman from the bar, Bambi, and what I now knew was a false LiveKai, smirking down at me. I lunged against the straps, wanting to smash his face, but inwardly I cringed. Dr. Oziel was laughing at me, at my foolishness. He was right to laugh. I had stupidly allowed myself to fall into the wrong hands, and now what would become of my queen and the others of APEC? 

"You have to admit," Dr. Oziel said, "my copy of your LiveKai IS very good." He leaned over and kissed Bambi. "You have outdone yourself, my dear." 

"Whatever you do to me, or make me do," I managed to croak, "I am only one. The others will defeat you." 

Oziel looked surprised, and concerned. "It speaks!" he said, and hit me with another beam. When he was finished, he said, "We're not going to do anything to you, little Kai. Except, maybe, adjust your programming a bit. Then we're going to send you home to your mistress safe and sound. And there," he stood back, looking very pleased with himself, "you will wait until I need you." 

"No," I whispered, and he hit me with the beam again. 

"You will not speak!" he shouted, suddenly angry. He turned to glare at Bambi, who stood up straight, looking afraid. "This one is obviously different! You assured me his premature status would make him easier to control than any of the other clones. I question whether that is true." 

"The programming will hold," she said, flustered. "We will give him a little more of the altered protoblood before we let him go. We can make him forget everything until you give him the code word. And then he will open the gates to the castle and everything else we need opened." 

Oziel waved a dismissive hand. "The medallion is old and won't work much longer. We need the formula for Micromary's anti-protoblood! This altered solution I've developed is incomplete, and obviously not fool-proof!" He looked down at me again. "As for this one, you say he's had program slippages before. What if this programming slips? It's crucial that they don't find out about us until it's too late to stop us!" 

"It won't slip." she insisted. "When I give him your altered protoblood, I will initiate the memory erasure, and he won't remember a thing. Besides, even if he did remember, the code word in his brain will act as a block. He won't be able to tell anyone what he knows, and it will be ready to trigger action as soon as he hears one of us repeat it. Then he will open the castle for us and give us everything we want!" She smiled and leaned over me. "Kai2. You will help us, won't you?  When we ask?" 

To my horror, and much against my will, I nodded and said, "Yes." 

"There. You see? And Kai2. When I tell you to kill your queen and the other APEC mistresses --- you will do that for us, won't you?" 

Again, I nodded and said yes. And inwardly, I screamed.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 9 
Date: 10/24/2000 
From: MyKai

I woke up walking on the road back to the APEC castle. My mind was very clouded, and I couldn't remember anything that happened after LiveKai and I left the bar. I had no idea where he was. I only knew that it was daylight, and I had been out all night doing who knew what, and my queen would either be worried sick, or furious with me, or both. 

I was also very tired and strangely sick, as if my protoblood was not functioning properly. I was ready to give up and fall down in the road when, thankfully, I saw KaiONE walking down the road toward me. He approached calmly, as always without expression, and stopped in front of me. 

"MyKai. Dgrequeen is looking for you." 

I couldn't think of anything to say. I just hung my head in shame. 

"Come on," he said, but I couldn't move. He looked at me closely. "What's the matter with you?" 

"I'm sick." 

"Clones don't get sick," he said impatiently. 

"I am." 

KaiONE rolled his eyes and looked away, then back at me through his hanging lock of hair. He took my arm, supporting me. "I will help you," was all he said, and together we made it back to the APEC castle, where he deposited me on my queen's doorstep. 

"Go in and tell her you're sick," he told me. "She will take care of you. And don't even try to be stoic and brave. She will like taking care of you." 

I nodded miserably, but I couldn't summon the courage to go in. 

"She will forgive you, MyKai. The bond between our mistresses and ourselves is unbreakable." 

KaiONE has always treated me like an irksome little brother, something I've resented at times because he is the only clone older than I am. But that day, I was unaccountably more grateful to him for his kindness than I could say. I held back my tears only because I knew if I cried in front of him, he would later make fun of me unmercifully. 

What he could not know, and what I did not understand myself, was that I was gripped with some unnameable fear. Something lurked just below my level of consciousness that made me want to run away without having to face my queen. 

And I was no less afraid when she suddenly opened the door, smiled at me with relief that I was safely home, and drew me in.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 10 
Date: 10/25/2000 
From: MyKai

Over the next few days, as I worried and tried to make sense of my missing time --- it disturbed me greatly that I could not remember where I had been or what I had done after leaving the bar with LiveKai --- I began to develop a kind of waking nightmare. I saw myself hurting --- perhaps even killing --- my queen with my brace. The image would assault me at any time of the day or night. I went to my cryopod, intending to stay there until my mind had rested sufficiently and righted itself, but there was no rest there. Even though we clones do not dream in cryostasis, it seemed to me that I heard voices all night long, laughing and telling me I would soon go mad. 

I sought out LiveKai in FrogSplash's chambers in the castle. Incredibly, he didn't know what I was talking about! 

"What do you mean, that night?" he said. "You and I didn't go anywhere together!" 

"We went to the pub where you said you always go. We saw your friend, Bambi, and then ..." Memories began to surge ..."we were attacked in the street!" I looked at him expectantly, but he was staring at me as if I were crazy. 

"Who in the name of Lexx is Bambi?" he demanded, glaring at me. "And I don't go to pubs without FrogSplash. By the Original, what are you talking about, MyKai?" 

I went away, more disturbed than ever. Had I dreamed it all? But no, the memories *were*  coming back, and that's when my hell renewed itself. 

For I began to remember His voice. It drowned out the other voices with its velvety insistence. I would betray the APEC. I would kill my queen. And worse, as hard as I tried, I could tell no one what I was going to do. 

  Dgrequeen became worried, especially after FrogSplash came to our chambers and had a private word with her. She tried not to let it show, but I could tell. Several times she asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell her. I tried. The words just wouldn't come. I thought perhaps I could type them into my computer, but there again, my hands froze on the keyboard and refused to obey me. I was growing desperate. 

"I think we should go see Micromary," Dgrequeen said, but I resisted. 

"It will be all right. I just need rest. My queen, I am very sorry for going off with LiveKai like that."

"But LiveKai says he wasn't with you," she said, her forehead wrinkled with worry. "Besides, you've already apologized to me a dozen times. I just want to know what's wrong. I love you, MyKai." 

"I am very sorry..." I wanted to say more, but I couldn't. Her words stabbed me to the heart. All I could do was kiss her, and carry her off to the bedroom, desperate to erase the awful Voice that was taking over my head. 

But there was no solace in her arms, no escape for me. When night fell, I stared at my computer screen hearing her words over and over again, entwined with His: "I love you. You will kill her. I love you. You will kill her." I couldn't stand it anymore. I stood up, raging, grabbing anything I could get my hands on to throw. 

She ran toward me, but I swung wildly, blindly, to throw whatever was in my hands, and knocked her to the floor. I stared, aghast at what I had done. The Voice was right. I was a danger to her. I picked her up, trying to stammer an apology that wouldn't come out. She held my face in her hands, trying to talk to me, to reassure me, but I pulled away and ran from her. 

There was only one thing to do. I had to kill the Voice.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 11 
Date: 10/25/2000 
From: MyKai
 

It took a while to find the house. I wasn't sure of the direction, but I knew it existed. Memory erasure has failed with me before, and now I knew that I had been led by a false LiveKai. He was one of the anti-Kais no doubt, a good enough likeness to fool me. But I would not be fooled again. And there was this new villain in the never-ending quest to destroy APEC, this Dr. Oziel, a threat that must be eliminated. I had gone from confusion to fear to anger, and now to total, icy calm. I was out to do murder. 

I had left the castle the night before. It was now late the next day, and I was beginning to despair of ever finding the house when I turned down a narrow dirt lane on the edge of town, and there it was, right in front of me. 

There were a number of vehicles parked around it, and a lot of activity to and fro. It appeared they were preparing for some kind of assault. It didn't take much imagination to guess where. I walked boldly up to the house, because I could see any number of false Kais milling around among the excited, gibbering trolls and other rough-looking characters. I simply passed for one of them and walked in the front door unchallenged. There was a large crowd in there as well, all busy loading and inspecting weapons of various sorts. No one gave me a second glance. 

I went down the hallway, looking into open doors until I found the room I remembered. But it was empty. I put my left hand on my right wrist, checking to make sure all was functional, and went down the back stairs to the basement. I was more cautious here, since the room was full of shadows, but there was the surgical table as before, with the light over it. I stopped at the foot of the stairs and listened, but heard nothing. 

I had to find the man known as Dr. Oziel, or failing that, the woman called Bambi. She might know of Oziel's plans for APEC, and of the altered protoblood she and the false LiveKai had used on me. But my main quest was to find Dr. Oziel and put an end to his life for the crime of even breathing a threat against my queen. 

He had the biovizier's medallion, however. It was ancient, therefore possibly not reliable, but it was a weapon that could be very dangerous in his hands. I could not imagine how he had managed to get it after so many thousands of years, but as long as it existed, we Kai clones were not safe. 

So, I had yet another reason to remove Oziel from the earth. I crept down a dark aisleway between tall cabinets, listening to the sounds from above, and to the silence in this cavernous room. It was apparent to me that this basement was much larger than the house above it. It might very well contain a vast army of enemies for all I knew. There were smaller rooms off the larger one, all full of mysterious equipment and instruments, but no sign of anyone living or dead. Then I stopped. 

 It was just the merest whisper, almost drowned out by the muffled voices above, but I recognized it immediately. It was coming from somewhere in the room behind me. It was His voice. 

"Little Kai," the Voice whispered. "I saw you come in. I know you're here." 

I turned, but saw nothing. 

"I'm here," I said. "Come out. Show yourself." 

"Foolish Kai. Why should I show myself to you?" 

"Are you afraid?" 

"Of you? Oh, yes. You would brace me before I got close enough to use my medallion. And you should not have remembered this house, little Kai. That is most surprising." 

"Surprising? Why?" I wanted to keep him talking so that I could fix on his location. But it was very difficult. The room echoed, and his voice seemed to come from everywhere. I crouched low, trying to look in every direction. 

"We have miscalculated your weaknesses, I fear. Don't worry. The woman Bambi has this moment paid for her mistake." 

Something bumped and rolled in the dim light, and came to rest against my feet. Bambi's head. I fired my brace in the direction from which it came, but hit only the glass front of a medical cabinet, shattering it. 

"Pity I cannot have LiveKai's head as well," I said. 

He laughed, a dry, whispery sound. "You mean, of course, our copy. They don't last long, unfortunately, or I might indulge you. That one has already been recycled. Nadless really should design them better, but ... well, I hate to criticize a colleague. But come, little Kai. I have something to show you." 

"I've already seen what you have to show," I said, keeping my brace arm ready. 

"Oh, this is different. I think you'll appreciate this much more." 

There was a movement in the shadows and I aimed for it. Dr. Oziel stepped into the light, holding a struggling figure in front of him. Slowly, I lowered my arm. 

"MyKai?" she squeaked, Oziel's dagger pressed to her throat. 

It was my queen. 
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 12 
Date: 10/26/2000 
From: MyKai
 

"That is not my queen," I said. 

"But can you be sure?" Dr. Oziel purred in his most velvet voice. He pressed the dagger, and a little trickle of blood stained her skin. "She came looking for you. She was oh, so worried about her little clone." 

"MyKai!" she pleaded. "I'm scared! Please help me!" 

I stared hard at her. I knew Oziel was very good at creating likenesses of the APEC clones, but could he recreate our mistresses as well? At this distance, in this light, I couldn't tell. I couldn't take the chance. 

I didn't resist when his anti-Kais rushed out of the shadows and took me. He would have killed her in front of me if I had put up a fight. Within minutes, I was strapped into the bucket seat of an SUV, with her beside me, and we were speeding down the road toward the APEC castle. Oziel lounged beside us, and his anti-Kais and trolls were crammed in the SUV all around us, and other vehicles followed us. 

I turned to look at her. "Are you my queen?" I asked. 

She stared at me, blank-eyed. "Help me, MyKai," she said. "I'm scared!" 

I closed my eyes as my heart sank. This creature was not my queen. But, strangely, I was also relieved to know that, whatever happened, she was not yet in his hands. 

Suddenly, on the road ahead of us, I saw Micromary's '62 Caddy, filled with APEC and clones, leading a convoy in the direction from which we had come. I caught a glimpse of VisionAri and Strytlr, EveningStar and Soulflyier, all looking very determined. I looked in vain for the face of my queen and struggled against the straps that held me, yelling for them, but of course they couldn't hear me. The trolls gibbered derisively at me, while the dgrequeen creature sat blank, and Oziel merely smiled. 

"This is even better than I hoped," he said. "It looks like your APEC are going to attack an empty house, and I am going to beseige an undefended castle." 

"They wouldn't leave the castle undefended," I said. 

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. There won't be many left inside, and we don't really need to storm the place anyway. After all, we have you." He smiled sweetly at me. 

"Your code word doesn't work," I said, straining to break free of the straps. "It didn't keep me from remembering, did it?" 

He seemed unperturbed. Out of the voluminous pockets of his suit, he drew a dart pistol and a syringe used for anesthetizing animals. "Well, I never operate without a backup plan. If the word does not turn you, I still have my medallion. And if that doesn't work, I have here something that just may. Do you know what this is?" 

I didn't answer. 

"This is a dart filled with my altered protoblood, such as we gave you earlier. You remember that, don't you? But this happens to be a lethal dose. If we drag your dying body to the gate of the APEC castle, I think they will let us in. Don't you?" 

"I am already dead." 

"Technically, yes. But my protoblood acts much like your Micromary's anti-protoblood, although I can't regulate it as well. It *will* destroy your systems." 

The troll who was driving suddenly began yammering and pointing at the rear-view mirror. Oziel looked back, his face clouded with concern. I exulted. I couldn't see them, but I knew the APEC convoy had turned and was chasing us. I grinned at Oziel. 

"Perhaps if I drag *your* dying body to the gate of the APEC castle, they will decide to save you," I said to him. "They are merciful." 

The Caddy pulled alongside the SUV, honking. Necrophiliac was hanging from the back passenger side window, hoisting herself up to look into the SUV, with rave holding onto her waist.  She brandished a troll-killing sword, yelling an APEC battle cry and a rather graphic insult. 

"And perhaps they will not," I added. "They are also ruthless."
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Pt. 13 
Date: 10/26/2000 
From: MyKai

Oziel's convoy and APEC's merged in front of the APEC castle, cars and pickups and SUVs careening around each other like stampeding cattle. A dust cloud rose that could be seen in the town. Oziel's vehicles circled up, and APEC's sped around and around them, finally screeching to a sliding halt, surrounding them. Trolls, Kais, anti-Kais, APEC women, and shaggy, scraggy barflies boiled out of their various vehicles, screaming, shrieking, and snarling threats and curses. 

Oziel directed two of his anti-Kais to hold me down while he used the medallion on me, and then to take me out of the SUV. But I was in a rage and the beam might have been weak. I was able to resist it just enough to kick the medallion out of his hand. It flew over the back seat, and he scrambled after it. I struggled against the anti-Kais, shoving one out the open door of the SUV, and managed to wrest my brace arm free and behead the other one. I kicked the head out the door and leaped over the anti-Kai who had fallen out, running as soon as I hit the ground. 

"Stop him!" Oziel screamed, but the trolls and anti-Kais were too busy defending themselves. 

The battle raged all around me as I ran, searching for my queen. I saw VisionAri streak by me, singing a battle song and wielding her mighty sword, flanked by Cerridwen and starfireone. I saw Kaigazer go down under a heaving mass of trolls, who were quickly dispatched by doffy, Logan55, and Elfwina, hacking away with battle-axes. They pulled Kaigazer free, and so I ran on.

FrogSplash paused in her hacking just long enough to give me an evil grin and a thumbs-up. 

I barely missed being blasted by Twilight Rhapsody's double-action shotgun. "Oh, sorry, MyKai!"  she said, panting. "I didn't realize it was you!" 

"Where is my queen?" 

EveningStar ran by, chasing a panicked troll. "Over there!" she yelled, pointing. 

I turned, but all I could see was a wall of black as the APEC Kais swarmed over the mob. They were all there, Kai8, Kai10, LiveKai (who was calmly bracing right and left, very brave of him considering his vulnerable live state), Kai28, CowboyKai (yelling "YEEHAWWW" with every blow), PirateKai (who had chosen to use a cutlass instead of his brace), Kai15, TrsKai21 (who was running over them with TR's T-bird), WarriorKai, Kai13, Kai36, SirKai, and many others. It seemed all of APEC had converged on this battlefield. 

The trolls were losing, as usual, but the anti-Kais kept reconstituting themselves and were slowly fighting their way toward the gates of the castle. On the battlements, I could see Wycker, lafemmenikita, XevZev, and CarpeDiem29 manning catapults that were launching stinkbombs and vats of boiling black liquid down on the anti-Kais. Stardancer, Weyrldy, and Moonchick were running back and forth under the direction of Kali56, bringing more liquid. And clinging to the wall at the top was the legendary Tyrathca (who is not a Kai clone at all, but one of His Divine Shadow's own escaped assassins, like our father Kai), bracing every anti-Kai he could reach. 

Suddenly, amid the swarm, I spotted my queen and Fields_of_Heather, fighting back to back, surrounded by trolls and anti-Kais. My queen laid about her snow shovel Trollscooper with grim determination, while Fields_of_Heather slashed away with her deadly vines, laughing defiantly.  Then the crowd closed in and I lost sight of them. 

I started forward, intending to fight my way through to them, when Oziel materialized beside me and shoved the dartgun against my temple. 

"Time for this game to end, little Kai," he snarled. "Tweedle!" 

I froze. 

"Take me inside," he hissed. 

We walked toward the gate. I moved stiffly, fighting myself all the way. 

"You're going to take me down to Micromary's lab," he said, signaling some of his anti-Kais to break off fighting and join us. "She will let you in, and then you will force her to give us the anti-protoblood formula." 

"She is my creator. She knows I cannot harm her." 

"But you must protect her. And I will certainly kill her if she doesn't give up the formula. So I think it will work out." He looked at two of the anti-Kais. "Go back, find this one's mistress, and kill her, now!" 

"No." I tried to turn. 

"Tweedle! Tweedle!" he screamed at me, but the word was losing its power. He had to push me to the gate. I closed my eyes, trusting in my heart that APEC would find a way. I lifted the giant iron ring set in the door and let it fall. The door slowly opened, and I smiled. 

Kali56 stood there. "Hello, MyKai," she said. Then she looked at Oziel, and said, "Not in this lifetime, pal!" And she flung a pot of hot coffee in his face. 

He screamed and staggered back. With a mighty war cry, Wycker, Tyrathca, and Moonchick leaped out and fell upon the anti-Kais, dispatching them with anti-protoblood dartguns. Set free, I turned to Oziel and braced him square in the chest. 

He fell against the open gate. His eyes were icy blue death as he looked up at me. 

"It's not over," he said. 

"It's over for you," I said, and turned toward the fighting, intent on saving my queen. 

And that's when he shot me with the dartgun. The dart hit me in the back with enough force to cause me to jerk forward in mid-stride and stumble on all fours. I recovered quickly and continued to run. There was no time to waste. I had to catch the two anti-Kais he had sent after her. 

I saw them ahead of me, grimly hacking their way through the crowd toward the place where I had last seen my queen. My brace would not kill them, but perhaps I could dismember them and keep them from reconstituting until someone could bag the parts. 

But Tyrathca was beside me. He jerked the dart out of my back and pressed a dartgun into my hand. "Here," he said, grinning at me. "Just aim and squeeze." 

Death to the anti-Kais. APEC were everywhere now, shooting them with anti-protoblood darts.  The battle was all but over. But I still could not see my queen. And everything was getting hazy. 

I staggered forward. My brothers and the women of APEC surrounded me, whooping in victory, but I still didn't see the face I sought. Suddenly, the angle of reality changed and I was staring up at the worried faces as they hovered above. Micromary, my beloved creator, bent over me. 

"It's all right, MyKai, you'll be all right. Help me get him to the lab!" she commanded, and many hands lifted me. 

"Where is my queen? I want my queen." 

"Here she is." And, with sweet relief, I saw her anxious face, looking down at me, as the world faded to nothing.
 

CF: Please Help Me!! Epilogue 
Date: 10/26/2000 
From: dgrequeen
 

dgrequeen tells the rest: 

As you know, we beat Dr. Oziel's army. Not without casualties, of course, but luckily, everyone's recovering nicely. Sorry about the wing, VisionAri, but I understand when the stitches are out you'll be able to fly again. Logan55 is able to get around nicely with a walking cast, and trillian won't have a scar, Micromary tells me. The rest are mostly just cuts and bruises. 

It was touch and go with MyKai for a couple of days, but Micromary was able to flush all of the bad protoblood out before it did any permanent damage to his systems. After a couple of days in cryostasis, and a few days of rest and, um, recreation, he's up and around (and feeling frisky, I might add). None of our other Kais were seriously hurt, although a couple of them had to have their systems flushed as well. 

All in all, we did ourselves proud. The troll and anti-Kai residue has been cleaned up and carted off to the compost heap. Couldn't find any barflies. I figure they vamoosed as soon as the fighting got nasty. We probably won't see them again for a while. 

There is only one problem, APEC. Try as we might, no one was able to find Dr. Oziel's body. It simply vanished. Some of his henchman could have carted it off, of course, but I really don't think any of them had enough loyalty to do that. I think we are still in great danger. I think we should keep our guard up. 

Oziel is still out there.