Narcoleptic Necrosis
Conscious. Trapped. I can't move. Can't feel. Darkness is surrounding
me like a shroud. I try to break through but I have no energy. I drift
back into sleep.
I'm in another world. It's late at night. There are clocks everywhere
in my room. I like the clocks. The one with the horse is my favourite
in this dream. It represents a part of me. It makes me feel sad over
the mistake I have made. It symbolises a feeling of 'me' that threatens
to dissolve.
I go into my hallway. The venetian blind at the window is crooked. I
can't bear it. I take it down to mend.
Surrounded again. Why can't I move? I feel pressure on me but I cannot
be aware of it.
Now I'm in my room again. Another life. Globes everwhere represent my
desires. I like them. One gives off a soft glow I feel I could bask
in. But now I'm asleep. Drifting.
Now I do feel a weight upon me. Someone is stopping me from moving.
The darkness has concentrated in a figure lying on top of me. I cry for
help but no one hears. There is nothing here, no one there, but still I
cannot move.
Awake. This time things are real. Sick with dehydration and ill from
nausea, I decide to put a hand to my stomach to relieve the feelings a
little. My hand looks yellowed even in the early morning light. Still
drugged from the sleeping pill I thought I'd vomited much earlier, I
retreat back in to my sleep.
Blackness. But I can move. This darkness I have put here. I can feel
it in the soul of the one I am near. Decay I sent through days of malevolent
thought, concentrating deep in hatred. Why should I pay for my mistake
when the one who pushed me lives untouched?
Now I'm in the dark limbo I don't control. But I remember. I remember
to relax. But now it's gone.
In another room, my room in yet another life. Floating up toward the
window I see a figure there half my height. Glowing green and made of
stone, it radiates its presence all around me. I don't
like it. I send it light and I am sent back.
Back to the darkness. But I remember to relax. Suddenly, I feel myself
slide to the right. I fight the excitement which threatens to overwhelm
me and I slide again. It feels like a long way. I feel stuck. I begin
to concentrate on moving but the lack of success forces me to remember to
relax and I slide again. My hands are mobile. I use them to push
myself free and now I feel myself floating, only my left foot slightly
trapped in my body.
I swim in the air around me, free from all physical restraint, but for
my foot I can feel still slightly stuck. I draw energy around me and
see the bright yellow burst, causing me to realise that I had been
blind. I send light to my foot and do my best to move unhindered.
Suddenly I can see properly, but my room is upside down as I rush back
to my body. I tingle as I awaken but the nausea soon stops the
feeling. Next I drift.
No darkness. Just a car ride and then an argument in a living room
which could be mine. I tell them about my mistake but they won't
believe me. But here I want it to be so. I don't like the idea that I
am wrong, or lying. I don't like it here.
Conscious again. My breathing disturbs me, a life-cycle that both
sickens me and fills me full of fear just like any other. I wonder how
long it will last. The thought of eating makes me feel afraid despite
my hunger.
Darkness again. At least I don't have to see myself, look at the
hideous colour of my skin. My body, slowly poisoning itself now that
the liver has been destroyed. I can feel myself disappearing again;
maybe it's another dream. I don't know where I'm going. But I know I
won't return.