bookstore

Everywhere you have it. Those big city companies are always at each other's throats in an ugly scuffle to have the sole right to rip us off.

Starbucks helped spawned Coffeebeans, Spinelli's and a host of other sidewalk cafes selling equally overpriced coffee. Mcdonalds has the likes of Burger King and Kentucky Fat Chicken to grapple with. Happy Cup (oh my god!) contends with other similarly crappy stores with the same lousy pearls for us to choke and die on� though I won't comment on the scantily clad ladies. Uh-hem!

It seems a new war has emerged in recent years. Borders vrs Books Kinokuniya. Battle of the dodgy Bookstores. And they are outdoing each other on the nonsensical scale at a rip-roaring level. Its quite funny if you think about it. Mega bookstores like them, for all their pseudo-intellectual images, reducing to half-witted, retarded practices.

Take my last trip down to Orchard to buy a few paperbacks for example. I didn�t get what I wanted. Unbelievable! There must have been 20 million books between them and they couldn�t give me what I wanted. Bloody hell! Countless sections they have- literature, magazines, foreign languages, popular fiction, medieval, non-fiction, travel, history, self-help, lifestyle, art, film, but they're hard pressed to get me a copy of 'Trainspotting'?! Two of the biggest bookstores in SouthEast Asia not selling what I want to read? What are they trying to tell me? I�m a nerd? Ok, I don�t need them to tell me that...

What about Border�s pre-programmed stock phrase at the Information counter?
Go try it. Just ask for something.

�Do you have Seinlanguage?�

�We don�t have it but would you like us to put in an order for you? It�ll take 6-8 weeks.�

�What about �Hemingway on Writing�?�

�We don�t have it but would you like us to put in an order for you? It�ll take 6-8 weeks.�

�Can I have your sister�s bloodied tampons?�

�Eh? � We don�t have it but would you like us to put in an order for you? It�ll take 6-8 weeks.�

I mean, you might as well ask for the 'Secret Diaries of Britney�s Gangbang'. Not that I�m interested in that kind of thing, of course.

Kinokuniya? Even worse. I was sent to the blues/jazz section for �Seinlanguage' by Jerry Seinfeld and the fantasy section for E.M Forster's 'Aspects of a Novel'. What�s the logic? -oh, that's where we keep these books hidden to irritate the hell out of swotty twats like you. And guess what? You won't even find it after we'd told you to look there, haha!
Bastards! No doubt hoping for me to settle for those overstocked �Lord of the Rings� series before they go mouldy.

Maybe that's why they all have their friggin' cafes. Its a bloody archaeology expedition uncovering what you want you might just need a break for some sandwiches and coffee. And more rip offs, come to think of it.

So, after 1 hour of despair and wild-goose chase in Kinokuniya I went right to Sunny's at Far East(Mecca for freaks of Singapore); shuffled to the classics/serious reading section and in twenty moves -voila!- found what I'm looking for at half the price. It�s a bloody crazy world I tell you.

And who oversees the pricing system in these Bookstores? Over 10 bucks for Russell Lee�s �True Singapore Ghost Story Vol. 12� which was the same book as the past 11 volumes but 4 bucks for any of Dickens�s or Tolstoy�s works? What a major foul up! How did it all go?
Cue - book pricer in the stores.
�Russell Lee. My school boy hero� 10bucks! There you go!�
�Dickens? Ahh, boring old git. *Slap!* That�ll make him look cheap.�
And that�s how a world�s classic�s reduced to a worthless paperweight cheaper than FHM.

Final verdict: Kinokuniya held more crap despite its much-touted efficiency but Borders pulled off a great leveller with the now immortal line 'would you like to put in an order with us? It'll take 6-8 weeks.' I can't be arsed anymore. I'll just stick to Archie Comics and Harry Potter from now on.