QANTAS - THE TRUE SPIRIT OF AUSTRALIA

by the editor*

Qantas airlines has been criticised left right and centre over the last couple of months. Sure, they have had a few "safety" incidents. But don't all airlines. Just look at the Concorde - allegedly the world's safest plane. Then there was that upstart "IMPULSE" airline. I mean, would you trust anything a deoderant company told you? (give me two lebs and I'll show you a misleading advertisment as to the benefits of 'anti persperant' deoderants). Well, Impulse Airlines may claim to be "different" to the deoderant, but still, with a name like that, you know you're not getting exactly the best advice.

You may be surprised that I, the editor, should be especially critical of the upstart Impulse. After all, my love for the "underdog" is well documented, and I have on occasion run a viscious verbal campaign against Qantas. But I realised that I was falling under the spell of the basest Australian impetus - attacking the tall poppy. And surprisingly, that's what Qantas says we are doing. Many would say that Qantas was grossly overcharging for seats when tickets were 270 dollars one way (to Melbourne), or at the cheapest, $299 return. But when you think about the SERVICE that Qantas offers, you realise how that money is spent. Firstly, every passenger, be they economy or business class, gets a MEAL! Their bacon and egg breakfasts are legendary. Also, there are complimentary drinks. As we all know, it is possible to single handedly drink the cost of your airline ticket. And Qantas gladly provides these drinks and the clean toilets to deplete them from your system in the inclusive price. But Impulse is so tight, they charge passengers for something as simple as a pack of peanuts. No wonder they can afford tickets to be up to five times cheaper than Qantas. As for their "attractive" flight crew - it's all a facade. As if they really appreciate your custom. The Qantas crew on the other hand are brutally honest - they're not thanking you for flying on their planes simply because a) their planes are the best or b) their planes are the only ones available.

It is time that we as a society begin to SUPPORT our tall poppies. We shouldn't wait for every opportunity to tear them apart. Sure, impulse may have resulted in the slashing of ticket prices. Sure, the unfounded accusation may be made that Qantas' ability to match Impulse's prices while still forecasting profits thus proving that they've been ripping us off for years, can be made. But surely if this were the case, people wouldn't be flying Qantas. Indeed, wouldn't Qantas flights be flying coffins with barely a passenger on them (except frequent fliers)? Well, I can attest they're not. Australians love the flying Kangaroo, and realise that this great Australian company gives them value for money on every cent they spend, whether it's a full fare 600 buck ticket, or an Impulse matching 66 dollars. So, all you tall poppies, lay off Qantas!

* The editor has just acquired three hundred shares in Qantas