Lazslo's 21st Speech
If there was one person you could rely on to be rude, obnoxious and under dressed for every occasion it would be Laszlo. Laszlo is the type of person you look at and say a loud, "that is the reason my grandfatherdied in the war so let's give peace a chance."
Laszlow and I first butt heads in year nine when we were up against eachothers debating team in year nine in the grand final. His team won due to his cynical tone, his smart arsed wit and his femine girly voice. My friend Dominic thought the judges awarded the win to Laszlo's side because the issue of tolerance and acceptance was very weak in mainstream catholic schools and that teachers needed to model compassion to students who were well… different. Helping cement Laszlo's macho image he later joined the infamous St.Mary's Cathedral College as a senior student were he excelled in musical theatre. Laszlow always held a tune with his powerful influential singing voice and almost Charlie Chaplain comic moves. Okay maybe the latter statement was somebody else and thinking back it probably was, but you could always rely on Laszlow for being a cynical son of a bitch who always had to get in the last word.
Even if he just made a bodily function sound after someone spoke was enough for the eternal spot light hogging, steal everyone's two seconds of fame by farting or talking about female hygiene, Laszlow Virag and hell the *fucker hasn't changed. And the quick smart arsed retorts aren't all that good either, case point in example and I'm sure that hisfellow colleagues at home, work and school can relate to this but it's an average day and whilst in conversation with people and in the presence's of the almighty you say that time and space is calculated by the ratio of interplanetary magnetism to solar radiation and Laszlow feeling you've swept the wind from under him quickly adds " yeah so my nipples get really hard when I cluck like a chicken".
Laszlow developed a strange closeness with a number of boys at the cathedral and with academic intelligence, his obvious flirting with the teachers and his all so dreamy boyish goodlooks, he scored a position as prefect. This excellent leadership skills and confidence made him standout like a cesspool of seagulls flying to a sea of phlegm. He was a superior role model for growing boys in that institution.
Since leaving high school, Laszlow's life has been dwindling in many areas. University, work and his social life were making him feel like he was stuck in a directionless state. Showing initiative, he deferred university and got a job working at an airline company. Were he is now known as an effective leader resulting in company productivity improvement by 10%. Laszlow strived to create a warm environment were he and his co-workers feel happy and comfortable with each other. This objective was achieved and the proof is in the recent company Christmas party were the staff were all too comfortable with each other and the photos of that event can be seen on the roof of Laszlow's room. A great worker, great role model and an educated mass-debator, is Laszlow this great icon like I have stated in this speech?
After all shouldn't I be trying to embarrass him by telling these ridiculous lies about him instead of regurgitating facts? Well here goes, Laszlow has the psycho streak in him. Dismissed by most of his friends as a bad mother *fucker wanna be, Laszlow now makes sure people know that he's got tickets to the latest pearl jam concerts and how many times have you heard him get off over the latest Nirvana or Pearl Jam CD? Or talk about going to the big day out or homebake? Well it's obvious he is our nineties Fonzie! Laszlow has also developed a perverse flair for slamming the horn on his friends cars at innocent passers by, other activities include; taking old ladies walking sticks, pissing on public toilet floors performing lewd acts at bus stations and more recently flicking lit matches on busy roads and public beaches. This bad boy act is an obvious attempt to release some evil energy out of his clean cut conservative image but we all know it's an act of emancipation in other words Laszlow is trying to find what people call a life.
Relationship wise Laszlow is strictly a casual sex man deterred by long term relationships, Laszlow prefers to see diverse faces on his pillow everynight rather than the same face all the time. The eternal swinger, fully equipped with all the lube and lotions, Laszlow will cater for the needs of his conquests. Although on a sex drought right now, Laszlow isn't bothered as he told me recently," it's cool in think dirty thoughts now, just wait till I hit puberty!" Laz, I'm sure the ladies can't wait…oh did you hear that, I'm speaking like you now. But all seriousness aside, Laz you are a good man and I hope you succeed in everything you do in life. So thanks for making us part of your existence and all the best in your future endeavors and conquests in life.
*Certain words were modified at the time due to importance of the subject to audience, i.e. parents
Delivered on 13-12-1998 by Ian Bennie.