Brett Hall is at the centre of another furore. This time over his alleged attempts to cover-up his taste in music. While Brett Hall had people convinced he had normal musical tastes (The Titanic Album, Celine Dion's "Song for Asthmatics - You can sing like me without going to the ER ward", Aretha Franklin's "R.E.S.P.E.C.T' and Edith Piaf's "Say you really love me, really love me"), video footage demonstrated that Brett had a fascination for wildlife music. While one was labelled "thunderstorms in rainforests", the most shocking was titled: "Songs of the Dolphins - Ken Davis".

But in a move that stunned everyone in the lounge room of the Hall residence at around 1 am on Sunday Morning, Brett walked into the lounge room, where the group was listening to "songs of death - a tribute (and royalties from) to my dead niece" (Celine Dion), and in full glare handed the CD to a bewildered Geoff Tomms, and said: "Oh, forgot to give you this. You loaned it to me in year ten."

The room errupted into jeers at the news of Geoff's alleged ownership. Mr Tomms, who was engaged in a fascinating discussion on the price of Scotch Fillet (he works at a registered club, they can't afford the expensive Scotch Fillet because of that pokie tax) said "nah, that's not mine." Someone, remembering a very sad AIDS joke from earlier in the evening said: "are you positive?", to which Tomms replied, "yeah mate!" The Australian Voice sent in a special investigative unit to cover the party and immediately seized the CD in question before Tomms touched it (not surprisingly he didn't touch it). Extensive fingerprint testing showed that there was no link to Geoff Tomms. In fact, one of our investigators noticed a stain on the album cover. Our reporter, Gwenyth Starr sent it in to be tested in conjunction with a vile of blood obtained from Brett's face that Adam Chessel had refrigerated after a gutter incident last year. Starr's report was released to the world on the internet yesterday, revealing shocking information. Below is an exerpt:

(Excerpts only)

I NARRATIVE

A) Blood samples

The blood, refrigerated diligently be Adam Chessel since the "bike incident" (21) was sent to the CSIRO for extensive testing. The "Dolphin" CD was also sent to the CSIRO where the stain that was spotted by special prosecutors would be tested against Mr Hall's sample. 

B) Test Results

Blood tests showed (with a 1 in 1.78 trillion chance for error) conclusively that the there was a DNA link with Brett Hall's DNA sample and that contained on the CD Cover.

C) Corroboration

Many friends recall Brett raving about the CD at school. One of them said:

"Brett always used to say how much he loved listening to the CD. He always used to say 'it always helps when I need to clean the pipes'. We always thought he was referring to cleaning the pipes of the pool filteration system, which, as I remember, were badly rusting."

Mr Hall had a six year window of opportunity to hand the CD back to the man he accuses of owning the CD. The question remains, if he didn't have such an attraction to it, why didn't he return it more quickly?

E) Testimony

Friends were shocked by Brett's cover up. Immunity was given to Mr. X (name with held) for his testimony:

"I can't believe he lied about the CD to cover up this disgusting incident. This bloke is sick, he's taking "waxing the dolphin" into a literalism that only a psychopath could! Thank God he doesn't like whale sounds, cause I'd hate to see his interperative literalism to Free Willy"

Further shocking testimony and video evidence revealed that Brett confessed to others about the lurid details:

"Once he even told me about an act involving a bottle of EEC produced Vodka"

Evidence into Brett's fascination with another CD containing tree leaves rustling furiously under stormy conditions were left out of this report for matters of relevancy.

F) Deny Deny Deny

In his version of events, Mr Hall denied all allegations that he was the owner of the CD:

"It is Geoff Tomms' CD. I have never owned nor will own the CD. And I reject any imputations that I "get off" on dolphin sounds. It's just a relaxing CD."

Brett Hall also denies buying the Titanic CD for his "personal use" and denies he technically commited perjury by claiming not to have enjoyed the CD, while admitting to us that he found it "makes me feel young again".

-Gwyneth Starr (Special Investigator)

However, it is believed that Brett's reputation has not fully recovered from other scandals, including his role as a security officer at Bankstown Square as well as his threats of exposing Square authorities over "environmental pollution" caused by a cleaner emptying a cleaning bucket in a drain UNLESS he was paid an undisclosed sum of money (this is known as blackmail). As the bombshell Starr report points out, Mr Hall had much time to give the CD back to Mr Tomms if he had really borrowed it. The stains, no evidence of Tomms fingerprints and that infamous bottle of vodka all add up to evidence that incriminates Brett in a serious conspiracy between himself to hide and deny evidence of his ownership and enjoyment of the dolphin CD.

Geoff Tomms, the innocent victim throughout the sordid ordeal, spoke to the AV yesterday while stemming snow peas and peeling carrots:

"I suppose I can understand why Brett would want to pass the buck. I'd also be severely pissed off if someone found out about my fetish for dolphin sounds. I've got the good life: a mad car, a steady stream of girlfriends and a great job, and I can see how Brett, without these things can turn to the sound of dolphins. I just wish he didn't put the blame on me. But I forgive him and it was his twenty first anyway. Chef! Two eye fillets for the rich cunts on table 21."

Thankfully, there are still people willing to forgive. If Brett Hall could take a leaf out of Mr Tomms' wisdom, perhaps he would be able to beg his friends for forgiveness. But Hall still is on the offensive, unrepentant in spite of his high misdemeanors:

"This is a private matter, and it is no-one's business."