Please Vote Labor - Rudo Wedding XP

PLEASE VOTE LABOR

Ignore the critics who say there's no difference between the major parties. This is the most important election since Paul Keating's victory against John Hewson. This is probably more important than that because if Howard is victorious, his policies will remain with us for much longer than they deserve and for much longer than any Australian can afford.

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"Whatever people say about Howard, and however we think of him - and it is mostly negative - this Prime Minister is the greatest Liberal leader since Sir Robert Menzies and would have to rank as one of the most astute and enduring figures of Australian politics. Personally, the man represents the odious undertone of the older generation "decent" Australians... He more than any other person understands "middle Australia" and has tapped into their desires for economic security. And a vast mass of this nation consists of people who would come under this category."

Australian Voice Editor June 29, 1999.

In 1999, the AV editor wrote a piece about the astonishing Democrats brokered GST legislation. He made this point to articulate that Howard has this uncanny ability to pick up on what middle Australia thinks because in many ways he really does think like them. He also wrote that Howard would almost certainly win the election.

COLLAPSING VOTE and SUBTLE SHIFTS

And so it is, with election week well and truly upon us, that this prophesy could turn out to be true even though it never ever should. The Labor vote has been collapsing all over the place. In an e mail to a friend, the AV editor on October 16 predicted that he sensed a strange phenomena overtaking Sydney and a major role reversal of what is "safe Labor and Liberal":

"I also think in this election you'll see big swings for the Liberals in seats like yours (BANKS - South of Bankstown), where there is a generally lower class but aspirational bunch of loonies who think that keeping the boat people away will save their jobs (or keep out terrorists)... Secondly, most established migrants love the fact that he's keeping migrants out. However, you could find in seats such as John Howards, there'll be swings away from him, because generally more financially comfortable people are appalled at the actions that he has taken. Unfortunately for Beazley though, these people will probably vote democrat."

For years, the AV has been noticing a subtle shift in Australian politics. Paul Sheehan thinks it's a bile Australia that's developing which is made up of Paul Keating lovers who hate "populist" politics and think they are right and 80% of Australia is wrong. These people, often wealthy and/or university educated are as brainwashed as the 80% of Australians into believing they have good causes. The republic, Boat People, Mandatory Sentencing. Paul Sheehan misses the fundamental point. Right and Wrong is not dictated to us by 80% of the people. 80% of the people can vote for a law to ban free speech, that doesn't mean it's right. Justice does not rest on majority will. Justice has its own impetus. Unfortunately though, if it were a just world, Howard's dirtily manipulative boat people policy, which is costing us 100s of millions of dollars and doing nothing except keeping him in Govt, would not exist.

IMMIGRATION and the GHOST of WHITE AUSTRALIA PAST

Australians have never wanted immigrants. Our constitution even has a races power which was designed with an eye towards controlling our "chink" labour from ingratiating itself in Australia. ANd it's not only White AUstralians - Immigrants come here and then THEY don't want any immigrants. The most rabidly racist Australians are often the migrants themselves. Christian Lebanese are constantly bad mouthing their Islamic counterparts. ANd until recently, that Sheikh you see on TV criticising bin Laden, was a dangerous nut and a thief that even Turkey wanted to see jailed.

Governments have had to LEAD Australians with immigration policy. This is the first Government in a while that is not leading. In the long run it will make Australia a worse place. Immigration is fundamental to growth. And not even targeted immigration. We need poor people to come here too. It is riskier, but the poor and the desperate are the best workers. I know this for a fact because I've seen it in operation. Once people have enough money, there's no way they're going to clean our toilets and mop our shit. As we become more and more dedicated to work and forget all about manual labour, we will rely on this more and more. There's no way we want to bring up our little kids to toilet clean (though there'd be good money in it).

THE SMALL SWING FALACY

Another point the AV editor made in his discussions on October 16, was this idea that Labor needed only a small swing. This has been a huge mistake, because they discount one important factor in the last election:

"When people say that labor only needs a 0.6% swing - i think it's really around 5% - because One Nation took around 10% of the national vote last time, and heaps of those will be coming back to the coalition this time, hence making labor's job harder than it appears."

One Nation voters are deserting the party according to opinion polls. The coalition's stance on boat people hasn't only brought them traditional labor voters, but the red neck bush vote too. Of course, this doesn't make the policy 'red neck' but you have to wonder don't you? For Labor to win this election, they'll need at least 43% of the primary vote. Thankfully, preferences are coming in key marginal seats from the Greens and the Democrats. We also have to seriously hope that Labor strongholds like Banks, can hang in there and whether the storm. New South Wales has always been good to Howard - if it's good to him this election, there's no chance of a Beazley Government. If there is divine justice in this election, Beazley will win. Anyone who heard a little of his speech would've been moved by a man who at least TRIES to present a vision of the future. A man, who doesn't dwell on keeping people out, introducing outdated taxes, and not offering us a way forward. Beazley has put the Labor party out there with often innovative ideas that are finding themselves very difficult to be heard over Daily Telegraph headlines of "jihad" coming to Australia. I fear that Howard's dinner with Murdoch in New York in September may have changed editorial policy. There is no doubt in my mind that Beazley will blossom in his job as Prime Minister - his off the cuff speeches can be inspirational and he will be seen as a great leader. I think though that he has the worst luck - with boat people and terrorists dominating the press, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

THE DEMOCRATS - WHY YOU SHOULDN'T VOTE FOR THEM THIS TIME

As for the democrats, you vote for them at your own peril, just like most Democrats voted for them and got a GST that broke their major promise that there would be no GST on books. I have no problems with Natasha Stott Despoja. She abstained from the disastrous GST deal. I think she is one of the most exciting leaders this country has produced and that she is being unfairly targeted by the press about being too much about "style". Why don't we attack John Howard's tooth work, eyebrow work, etc. etc. Style is fundamental, image is fundamental - but when that is capped with a very good grasp of policy across the spectrum, it is truly impressive. Natasha displays all of that, but when you look at your senate ticket, you are not voting for her. You are voting for a member who may not vote what you think you elected him for. The democrats have been splitting a lot in their Senate voting because many are still disappointed with the removal of Meg Lees. Much of a liberal govt agenda can get through with a split, especially as the libs know how to exploit splits to their advantage. Perhaps you can give Labor your first preference in the senate and from there the preferences will flow democrats ways. If not, just number all the boxes to your choosing.

CONSERVATIVE AGENDA

For too long, the conservative agenda has cut a dangerous path across Australia. It might not affect your life and my life, but it is affecting many people, most often those with the most to lose, or those whose numbers are so insignificant as not worth worrying about. A truly great democracy will give these people freedom to speak and express themselves and a freedom to be able to live well enough to be able to live up to those lofty ideals.

We have seen free speech diminished except for One Nation and their ilk. I point to the restrictive classifications laws that tell adults what sort of movies they can and cannot watch in their own homes. Movies that ban depictions of behaviour that people can engage in at home. It is a Government that has tried to introduce censorship to the internet, which in a previous time promised as a bastion of freedom and freedom of expression. It is a Government that has silenced its critics by not providing them with resources and making them broke. It is a government that often resorts to name calling people "unaustralian" if they dare criticise certain aspects of policy. It was an old and successful Liberal party trick to call the Labor party Communist to scare people. History constantly repeats itself.

We have seen a Government intent on social planning. It has deemed that certain relationships are to be treated more highly than others, going to the High Court to protect its view point. It has tried to stop medicare supported IVF for Lesbians, treats single mothers more poorly than fuller families, and constantly makes children of those families seem inadequate. There is no proper scientific evidence that Lesbians would make worse parents than a normal family - indeed, I would suspect that if the child of the Lesbian went to school where most the parents were in a similar situation, then the child that would be disturbed and feeling "wrong" would be the heterosexual child. My point is that the definition of the family has too long been on "natural" definitions and this has been to the detriment of children. The qualities of the parenting is what is important, not who the parents are. When this Government continues to uphold conservative ideology, it makes it increasingly difficult for a society to become more accepting and inclusive. It helps define a 'decent' nation if only for its unifying simplicity (mother/father, white etc), From an economic, social and justice point of view, this has negative outcomes for the society.

We have seen a Government that undermines unions constantly. While it is true that unions can often lead to inefficient and unjustifiable work place practices. The intimidation that many workers feel in the workplace when they wish to join a union is just as bad as the intimidation of a non-union worker in a unionised workplace. In fact, it is worse, because it is unspoken. Let's not forget that this Government hasn't broken the biggest and most dangerous union of them all - the directors club who in breed across Australias corporations, resulting in shocking performances that should never have hapenned and thousands of probably unnecessary job losses.

Most disturbingly and most disgustingly and most shamefully, we have seen a Government willing to trample on the dispossession of indigenous Australians. A Government overriding Common Law principles espoused in Mabo and Wik. A Government arguing in the High Court that it is permissable for discrimination against Aboriginal people if the Government so chooses (see Kartinyeri v Commonwealth transcripts on Austlii). A Government appointing High Court judges that would support this interpretation of the constitution and of Government power. If anything, this Government should be kicked out because it has failed to resolve this issue and playing in the hands of a bush constituency that is already over subsidised and still whingeing even in these times of unprecedented export growth and what should be prosperity while Aborigines continue to be dispossessed, continue to be lopsidedly dependant on welfare, are poorer, less educated, live in appalling conditions, disproportionately represent crime statistics, still die in custody and die on average before the retirement age.

A further three years will ensure that we see a less tolerant society. My parents looked on in horror at the English moslems holding a public rally, signing up to join the jihad in public. I was impressed. This country will be victorious. This country will lead. This country is strong. It can tolerate publicly its enemies and it does not need to silence them even on its own doorstep. It does not need to lock up its citizenry or ostracize them from feeling they can publicly rally. A truly great nation is one that not only "tolerates" but celebrates its diversity. Australia should celebrate Auburn and Bankstown and Cabramatta. It also needs a new wave of migrants to help stimulate our economy. It also needs to encourage all Australians to pro-create in social policy and planning that is well thought out and inclusive and will make Australia a great country. It should also be vigilante and not try to cover up the crime and social problems that can come along with a permanently poor underclass.

But you have to remember that this Government hasn't exactly helped bridge the gap between rich and poor. This country has instead focussed on successfully turning the poor against the very poor and the middle class against the poor. It has not tried to address very important areas such as corporate governance. As I mentioned previously, our economic well being depends on efficient management of companies but also companies that are socially responsible. It has broken down the maritime workers union, but the biggest and most dangerous union around, is the union of cosy self serving directors on Australian companies in this country. They are paying themselves millions for shocking performances and outrageous rip offs while at the same time sacking thousands of workers. These are the people we should be coming after. These are the people we should be angry at. Instead, we worry about dole bludgers. The difference a good management can make at our top companies would pay for the doubling of our unemployment benefits. However, this Government is in the pocket of big business and corporations law, while certainly much better than it used to be, allows big companies to get away with bad management and even worse directors. A new era of corporate governance is needed - and the first to go should be Howard's brother and his other cosy chummy directors that sit on boards and run down our superannuation funds. We need fund managers to manage our funds by voting ineffective board members off major companies and we need a Government that will help foster and promote shareholder activism to ensure that our future is guaranteed and not the future of current board members.

CONCLUSION

For me, this election is vital because it will cement the Howard legacy if he wins, and it's mainly nasty and will unfortunately be seen as such in years to come. Right now though, it's very hard to see that legacy. It has been handled with subtlety, brilliant political care and luck. We haven't noticed it because our economy has gone through huge growth. But ever since Howard and Pauline Hanson have been around, there has been a change in Australia, a change that I thought I only read about in my political history readers at uni. Of course, when I said that to my parents, they thought I was on drugs and had been brainwashed by University into thinking that Australia had collectively become an evil country. Maybe we should pretend to analyse ourselves as though we are looking at what we're doing now from the viewpoint of someone 50 years on. Are we feeling good about ourselves? Or are we adding just another long chapter in the history of an Australia that has always had a bad taste for immigration (excluding the original boat people who were NOT refugees but criminals and sex crazed low lifes yet still forced themselves on the Aboriginal people). This election if Howard wins, will long be remembered for the pettiness of a relatively wealthy country. If this makes me spewing the politics of vile, then so be it. I stand accused and let history judge what I stood for as being right and what "decent ordinary australians" stood for as being right.

WEDDING XP
"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk... up the aisle"

November 1 2001

The Australian Voice has learned that Rudolph "strangecoke" Pereira is to marry his long-time girl-friend Rachael (surname withheld due to lack of research). Rudolph proposed to Rachael over an intimate dinner at ARIA restaurant, Circular Quay. They were both using their laptops to communicate over nanoLAN (TM), a program that Rudolph completed just after the tech wreck made it impossible to sell. The AV was given the transcript in an exclusive leak:

R011udo010: hey honeybums, this artichoke on a bed of saltwater prawns and ginger spiced flummery in aioli with ricotta and sumak puré is delicious. It reminds me of the time...

RachX0X0ael: Rudo, we're at a restaurant. i don't know what's gotten into you... *giggle*.

R011udo010: So, what do you think of your mild plum duck pudding with potato and truffle liquor ala alan ducasse in poached egg and parmesan brouché?

RachX0X0ael: I liked the entre better

RachX0X0ael: ... hey, there's something hard in the egg!... what's this?!! Oh... Oh My God... honey - sweety cakes, what's this?...

R011udo010: Rachael, you are the yolk of my life and I want you to be like that for the rest of our days together. *kneel* Will you marry me? :o)?

RachX0X0ael: Oh, Rudi, my puddems, my bed of saltwater prawns, of course I will.

R011udo010: Let's Kiss

RachX0X0ael: *kiss*

R011udo010: *kiss*

And so, Rachael put on her dripping yolk ring and a historic day was completed. It was from there that Dr Strangecoke wrote up an e mail to his friends, relatives, the international media and the Australian Stock Exchange. The news was greeted with both muted euphoria and condemnation as the impending vows sent shockwaves throughout the world.

The Cathedral High Court has been hearing an urgent interlocutory application under section 69 of the Cathedral Constitution (widely referred to as the pimp clause). The full bench will be considering whether the marriage would, as the plaintiffs puts it, "constitute cheating on the Cathedral Goup and if not for its male protagonist would be dishearteningly and gender stereotypically called the actions of a "slut" in the common language of ordinary decent Australians."

Trading in Coca Cola Amatil shares was suspended on the day of the announcement. The share has been suffering depressive losses as reports of Rudo's declining use of Coca Cola spread. However, news of the wedding had investors rushing to CCA shares once trading resumed. In what was an astonishing day of trading, the CCA shares jumped 35%. Alisiae Nottingdram from comsec securities commented on the sudden rush on CCA shares by saying that most analists believe that significant quantities of CC will be consumed prior to and including the wedding day. However, the biggest reason for the rise were the long term prospects of the stock because:

"Investors believe that Pereira will continue to shock by procreating within the first five years of marriage. The prospects of many Rudo Jrs running around in the country have CCA shareholders salivating at the potential for exponential growth in Coca Cola consumption well into the future. It may in fact spur a multi million dollar plant upgrade and make up for their disastrous foray into the Phillipines and Eastern Europe."

Analysts around the world have also moved CCA shares from "hold" to "strong buy".

While the Stockmarket was buouyant, disenchantment emenated from the Chancery of the Catholic Church, with the senior spokesman for the propogation of the faith claiming that Pereira's plans for a garden ceremony with a female baptist minister presiding was "an affront to Catholicism, a shocking, heretic decision and a slur to what decent Catholics around the world stand for." One sources close to the Church identified why there was such a strong statement issued: "If such a rational person chooses a female minister, what does that say about the intellectual and theological integrity of the institution of male priests?"

Rudolph's impending vows also drew swift rebuke from the Australian Institute for WOG stereotyping. Hussain Charbel Ziferelli-opolis said he felt "disgusted" by the plans of the wedding which included inviting "only" 20 people and having a classy lunch afterwards:

"How dare his not have a minimum 300 peoples and why is not there a reception centre with beautiful fake pink roses and red and white curtains? Where are the envelopes with CASH in them for the bride and groom? We don't hear of this from Rudo. He is trying to hide who he truly is. We call on Professor Dumsiggen to try to make him see that it is his genetic birzright and duty to have a WOG spectacle."

The AIWOGs weren't the only ones calling on Professor Dumsign to reach out to Rudo. The AV has spent considerable time and money resourcing Dreuf Dumsign's investigations into the psyche of Rudo's behaviour, and at every turn, Dumsign is always a step behind. Dumsign now claims that Rudo was until very recently in a period of "latency" and that his fixation with Coca Cola made him realise that his own body, his own mind was telling him to come out of the latency and Rachael was that integral step that made him realise self: 

"Like David from AI, Rudo found his blue fairy and can now dream - dream of a future, dream of great things to come and be truly separated from the womb - but most importantly, the dreaming has made him fully self aware and this has made him human, so much so that now he takes a very important step in the self realisation process."

Dr Strangecoke's friends were taken by surprise with the announcement, many of them now realising how un grown up they were. One of them said: 

"We always relied on Professer Dreufs analysis of Rudo's latent childish desire thesis and always thought therefore that he was on an emotionally juvenile path towards never growing up. Thus we always considered ourselves superior. But we have discovered that Rudo was in fact, in control from the very beginning, as if he was at the apex of psychological security. Prof Dreuf should have been thinking more of Neo in the Matrix when he analysed Rudi or Michael J Fox's character in Back to the Future who had absolute power over his own primal scene. Not some weak, emotional wreck relying on coca cola to make up for an unspoken latent desire."

Strangecoke's impending vows also "lay down the gauntlet" to all those with significant others. It also turns the "single guys" into a hideous metaphor of the Anzacs. As the years go by, there are less and less unattached cathedralites. This can only spell doom for the adolescent (toilet humour) intellectual point of view that has made the Cathedral Institute one of the most renowned in the world.

As one can see, the ramifications of the marriage of Rudolph and Rachael, will like the tragic events of September 11, stay with the world for far longer than we can imagine, whether it be the bitter divisions in Cathedral between those with and without invites (it is after all according to The Daily Telegraph's CONFIDENTIAL column, the "hottest ticket in town) to the increased risk many shareholders are taking in rudo's ability to have offspring within the first five years of marriage. Having said that the AV will be there covering the story for our readers in the fearless but accurate way we have handled all our stories. The editor congratulates the happy couple and hope that their hundredth wedding anniversary will be as happy as the day in February 2002.

RESIDENT CARTOONIST DFM ANALYSES STRANGECOKE SITUATION PRE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT. HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED ON THE FLOOR OF THE STOCK EXCHANGE. A SPECIAL EDITION ENGAGEMENT RE-CREATION IS COMING SOON.

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