MUST SEE: AMERICAN HISTORY X

This is perhaps one of the most powerful films you'll see this year. It is an unflinching look into contemporary America. By focussing on the history of a Neo-Nazi, it alludes to the history of race relations and ideologies in the United States, locates the origins of racism and is unafraid to present racist rhetoric in an unsanitized way. The film has the best acting performance I've seen for years. Edward Norton holds the film together in a role which demands a complex portrayal. We understand how someone so intelligent can subscribe to fascist dialogue. When you see Norton's excellent roles in Primal Fear, as a bumbling lawyer in Larry Flynt and then in "Everyone Says I Love You", you'll know that here is an outstanding actor. Not only should Norton have won the Best Actor award, but Edward Furlong who plays his brother should have been nominated for a supporting oscar.

The movie is highly disturbing because we know that there is a truth to it - we know that some of the thoughts these characters have are in the back of our heads - we know that we too have behaved like this towards our indigenous people. Finally, the film is powerful in that its context today has proven to be so amazingly accurate - The shootings in Columbine allow us too see how humans can stoop so low. I don't want to analyze it too much yet, because it will give away the story. One more thing - the director Tony Kaye wanted his name taken off this movie because he claims Norton re-edited parts of it. Well, in all fairness to Kaye, what this movie constructs is brilliant - the imagery in parts comes close to matching that of Spielberg's and his photography is brilliant. The artistic line between advertising and art no longer exists - Kaye has shown us that an advertiser can produce a profound work of art. If more people watched movies like this, maybe we'd not only get better movies, but we'd have a better society.

REMEMBERENCE DAY A TIME TO REFLECT

The first official rememberance day began amidst much ceremony. A poem was released to the group via e mail. It read:

Lest we Forget.

Lest we Forget the stupidity that drives man to respond so quickly and irrationally to lesser stupidity.
Lest we Forget the countless replies that transcend in stupidity the lesserly stupid and divergent interpretations of others that were intended to provoke these stupid responses.
Lest we Forget not to jump on board a sinking ship.
Lest we Forget not to submit ourselves to intellectual rape by metaphorically standing on a railway track as an oncoming train steams forth yet still saying: "the train will stop. the train will stop. i know, because i have telepathic powers that the train driver told only one person that the train would stop."
Lest we Forget.

Rememberance Day is the day which allows us to come to terms with our own stupidity. It allows us to reflect on those mailings we have sent - those mailings which after we send them we go "why did I write that crap". While Brett Hall has been saying that very much (well, we hope he has), Scott Leslie in his first mail in a decade must have done the same thing. His blind dedication to the metaphorical Simpson spurring us into rememberance. But rememberance day offers us internal and external redemption. It offers the full powers of forgiveness and for intellect to triumph over stupidity. Let us all hope we learn the lessons of Rememberance Day, so that we may one day rid this world of the putrid stench of stupidious, irationalious, contradictious.

"SORRY ISN'T ENOUGH"

Hall attacks "sarcastic" apology

In a move designed to lengthen the ongoing saga over Brett Hall's decision not to write a group e mail, Hall himself has written a letter to the editor claiming the apology, printed prominently on the AV, was filled with excessive sarcasm and personal vendattas. He also labelled his own work as "ingenious" - one would presume ingeniously irrational. The Hall attack marks a new low point for this once great intellect. Reduced to auto-delete on over half cathedral group e mail accounts, Hall's accusations nonetheless are serious in that they wish to prolong the e mailings of stupidity. In other words, the mailing further seeks to infiltrate the minds of otherwise intelligent beings, turning them into zombies of the school of Hall (motto: stupidious, irationalious, contradictious). Hall, alleging to be a member of an imaginary Press Council, requested that journalists be reprimanded for the quality of the apology. Indeed, the only person responsible for the apology was the editor, and all attacks on Sub-Editors and journalists are attacks on the editor. Hall, the Fred Nile of decency and morality of the Cathedral Group defends his fellow intellectual zombie, Scott Leslie. He claims that attacks on Leslie were "vindictive". The only attacks on Leslie were those of Hall's mailings. They attacked his mind, and in a few moments of poor judgement, succumbed to the all encompassing attraction of stupidity. There will be no retraction. Indeed, the Australian Voice, in hope that e mails will stop from this primary source of stupidity, will remove all articles related to Hall's absence from the front page, leaving only our apology and this article on line. Hopefully, Hall will see this as a victory and then we can all live our lives without being bombarded with sentences of intellectual ravagement.

OFFICIAL AV APOLOGY

The editor of the Australian Voice in an unprecedented action, unreservedly apologised for the headline that started off a series of over 20 e mailings, a fifth of them eminating from Brett Hall.

"As the editor, I sincerely apologise to the peoples of Cathedral for the unending series of contradictory, irrational (and I mean irrational even by post-modern standards) and highly dubious claims of Brett Hall. We apologise for ever saying he was absent. We apologise for ever saying the CACAs were cancelled at the last minute because of his non-attendance. We apologise for implying he was with Adam Chessell, without mentioning the names of other people we were not 100% sure he was with (we only wanted to list those we knew he had attended with). We apologise for not being overtly harsh on Ian Bennie due to reasons of extreme sensitivity. We apologise for not blaming ourselves for the failure of the event to go ahead or even for the date to be changed to accommodate Mr Hall. We apologise for not having telepathic powers to read into Mr Hall's mind. We apologise to Scott Leslie, who dedicated his only mail in a decade to an excruciating defence of Mr Hall. We apologise. But please, one small favour. Enough of those mails. I feel I cannot write anymore without sounding like a nut case. This mental terrorism requires a grovelling apology to Hall. Perhaps then he will stop penning these mailings. This may be the last mail I write with some form of coherent sanity to it. Please help me. Apologise. Apologise. Apologise. It was our fault. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We were wrong. Just no more mails from Brett on this matter. Please? Pretty Please? Once again, we apologise. sorry. really sorry."

AV RESPONDS TO FASCIST MAIL

In an AV exclusive, the AV has responded to the Hall letter (listed in the headline under):

How crule to cull as 'inacurat'. The AV cites Hall to an e mail written before this last tirade in which he said he sent a mail to Ian Bennie telling him he could not make it. He expected Bennie to do with the information what he liked. Did this personal mail to Bennie "never happen" as he says in his latest mail (see below), or did the personal mail have other names on the send off list (in which case, it would not be personal and the AV retracts the statement)? Or is it that Hall's Freudian obsession with the sexual has also read too much into the word "personal". Of course, this wouldn't surprise us here. The AV did not say that the "open letter" was necessary. It was just unusual that an open letter was sent after the absence. Surely silence would have been enough instead of caving under the pressure of one allegedly defamatious article. As for the 'date' with Adam Chessell, the word 'date' was italicised making it a quote. This clearly indicates that we had a reference point, and as all responsible media outlets, we don't divulge our sources even if we make them up - especially when it comes to sensationalising what truth we want to invent. The 'date' allegations are really the ones that must have sparked off Hall's irrational arguments and we find out exactly why because of his thinking of 'homoerotic' overtones to the whole exercise. In that very same article we noted that the 'date' was not in any way a date in the conventional sense (yet again note the italic marks) because it was with other people. We would not be so glib as to assume the term 'date' only meant one particular thing. As for Dragging innocent third parties into someone else's mess: as with making up sources and claiming "can't divulge our sources", it is something that we at the AV are proud of, so it is you Disgusted ("what a cop out for not using your real name you commo twit even though you say I in the letter" as Stan Zemanek would say) from Padstow that are wrong, wrong, wrong!

HALL'S "HOMOEROTIC" CLAIMS SHOCK

In an e mail alleging the AV's editor has a homoerotic obsession with Adam Chessell, Hall (aka disgusted) has continued in his attack of the press and a defence of his own actions. Slandering the very people he accuses of allegedly slandering him, Hall takes a principled stand in the e mail by alleginh it is principle that makes his every move not the issue of an open letter. The AV has yet to formulate a response, but the editor has denied the homo-erotic allegations: "look, you can call it homo-erotic and the subconscious must be playing tricks with my mind if it is, and Brett would know if it is - maybe it's the hair - you know, I know it is "other" but it can't be helped. I find it very abject to say the least." As for the AV expecting an open letter for one's every move, it is a misinterpretation. The AV always are mainly merely interested in Cathedral activities. So absence from the 'night of nights' is a legitimate target for an article. The text of the e mail follows:

No one expects anything other than inaccuracy from AV, nonetheless I thought it important to mention that this sentence was wrong: "We know that Hall wrote Ian Bennie a personal e mail weeks ago. " The editor does not know it, and indeed cannot know it as it never happened.

When I decide my life is so interesting that everyone needs to know what I am doing day to day I will ensure that I send "open emails" to you all as AV demands me do: "Hall felt the need not to write an open letter beforehand."As for the opening sentence of the originally defamanatory article: "The CACA ceremony was cancelled minutes before the start time due to a last minute 'date' that Brett Hall had with Adam Chessell."- there was no 'date' with "Adam Chessell" and I'm not even sure why he's name is there really (I can only guess at some (to use Ben Lee's terminology from the Panel [wasn't it hilarious when the plug came out of the guitar?!]) "homoerotic" fixation that the AV editor has with Mr. Chessell - and his need to associate my absence at Cathedral Group events with some activity in which Mr. Chessell played a key role.

Wrong, wrong, wrong AV.
Signed: Disgusted
Padstow.

HALL EXPLODES: "LAY OFF ME YOU GIRLS"

In an open letter to the cathedral group, a defiant and alliterating Brett Hall has labelled accusations made in the Australian Voice about his absence at the Caca's as the product of "whinging, whining girls". In the letter which was sent to the whole group after the event, Hall claimed that he was "invited to a party. If I had not have (sic) gone to the party(,) what a snub that would have been - because I'd been invited to it before I'd been invited to the cacas." Noting that a mail of this open nature would seem surprising after the fact, Hall inserted the reason why he felt it was necessary for him to not send an open letter before the event:

"I told Ian this weeks ago, and I'm sure Ian did with that information what he thought was appropriate and that would have been more than reasonable."

One person snidely remarked: "if it was reasonable for Ian to do what he liked with the information, why respond now with an open letter?" However, others were more generous. Dominic Moawad, has called for calm yet again:

"I know Brett's mail is highly argumentative and he's emotionally scarred by the level of media attention he gets. But remember, he is enjoying it nonetheless. He enjoys the fact that sentences of cyberspace space are going into this controversy. But worse still, behind all the mascara accusations and girly jibes lies a sensitive being. We must be careful not to criticise too much. I mean, is Phil Coles guilty of the indiscretions he has committed? We must give Hall the same stature. I honestly believe he had a party on that day, but Brett isn't a stoic so decided that Bennie's silence wasn't appropriate or reasonable. I know he should've realised this before, but that doesn't matter."

The controversy now seems dead and buried after the clarification made by Mr Hall.

EDITORIAL: AV GOT YOU THE EXCUSE

The media is often criticised for being "too intrusive" into peoples' lives. We are labelled by those who don't like us as second rate citizens who are not able to distinguish between good values and bad values. But our coverage on the absence of Hall at the CACAs prompted a swift response from Hall himself. If it weren't for the AV, people would still be accusing Hall of last minute piking. People would still be accusing him of not attending (actually, he didn't attend). The AV fulfilled its responsibility by introducing a scenario that whilst not a totally accurate picture of the truth, resulted in the truth being known. We know now that a "party" was held, for which Hall had been invited prior to the CACA date being known. We know that Hall wrote Ian Bennie a personal e mail weeks ago. Bennie was obviously instructed to do with the mail what he thought was reasonable and appropriate, hence Hall felt the need not to write an open letter beforehand. All of these establish a pattern to make the picture clearer. Now, we can relax in the knowledge of the truth that Saturday May 1 was just a comedy of errors, with blame equally proportioned among every member of the group for not doing their part in ensuring that the date was honoured or a date to accommodate everyone was arrived at. The AV, the bastion of online democracy and quality news reporting, has helped you, the little innocent and retarted reader, in forming your own opinion (which is, after all, our opinion). Below runs the original headline and article that elicited such an impassioned response from Hall:

DATE UPROAR - CACA PUT ON HOLD

The CACA ceremony was cancelled minutes before the start time due to a last minute 'date' that Brett Hall had with Adam Chessell. It is believed that Hall, still reeling from his exclusion in some of the girlyman categories, purposefully snubbed the awards. The academy was left in shock and was saddened by the loss of the many weeks of preparation Ian Bennie had put into the CACAs. People could not understand the reasons for Hall's last minute change of heart, especially since the event date was known for over a month. However, Dominic Moawad has called for understanding. In a press release, Moawad said:

"Sometimes people have emergencies that they can't help. I mean, you don't know the full situation behind the date with Chessell. I mean, just say Chessell's cat had died, or something tragic had happenned. We cannot criticise Brett for being there to support his friends in these traumatic emergencies. Even though I made it on Saturday Night, in spite of my aunty being on her death bed in Lebanon, even though she died on that very night when I should've been consoling my family, I still made it to honour my commitments to my friends. Obviously Brett would do the same. Obviously, it was something unprecedented that kept him away from such an integral event that has taken up hours of time for Ian. So I call on all of us to stop attacking him for his heinous behaviour."

However, these words for calm have been ignored by the majority, who believe that there was no emergency. One said unequivocally: "Brett can't handle it that he's second fiddle YET AGAIN, this time to Rudolph. I mean look at it. First, he challenges the fact that Rudolph has more nominations than himself. Secondly, he argues that he should've been in all girly categories (he was rightly included in "most sensitive") and thirdly, he doesn't turn up. These are facts. Facts are not wrong. I bet HE didn't want to face up to the fact that he could be a loser." Whatever the reasons, Hall has decided not to respond to these allegations in so much as this statement:

"I have decided not to respond to these allegations in so much as this statement responds to the allegations."

The awards have yet to be re-scheduled due to this unforeseen disruption.

CACA RACE - THE INSIDE NEWS

As you are all aware, the first annual CACA celebrations will take place on Saturday May 1 and the AV is keeping you up to date with the latest. Below is our editor's comments on the odds.

Best Dressed to Every Occasion - Well we know that Ian Bennie's recent leather jacket has been one he has kept on the agenda, placing him as a favourite in the category. But Rudolph will probably take the glory, especially for the "Pereira Ensemble" label he has just begun. And let us not forget that "The Skinny Dude" has won numerous prizes for dressing, making him the dark horse of the category. Dominic wears Nike and wogs don't win best dressed awards - they win in the mafia categories.

Best Bullshit Artist - Well, what an assortment of goodies here. Ian wins hands down for true stories that if it wasn't coming from his mouth, would be bullshit stories - From the classic masturbatory stories of certain people to his own crisis with drug addiction, not to mention his superman complex. It could all be in a Seinfeld episode. Leslie is a surprise addition in this category. What, with the "I'm on call" story constantly brandied about to avoid any sort of group meetings, how he ever got nominated is a big question (count him as odds-on with Ian). How the hell Laszlo got nominated would make for an interesting night, but his own comments at his inclusion sum up his chances: "I was lucky to be nominated". Finally Clement Wong, the man who claims that he has "other friends" every time group things are involved. The truth is out there.

Best Analytical group member - Look, odds on favourite for this is Brett Hall. Though Rudolph's constant questioning of both the syntagmatic, paradigmatic and syntactic structure of sentences could well give him strength in numbers. Moawads appearance is an 100-1 abberation.

Best Homicidal manic in the group - So many worthy contenders. Laszlo conttinues to surprise in the placement of nominations. A scary picture builds up of this bullshit and Homicidal maniac nominee. However Ian Bennie, with his great school and drug dependency is surely the upfront favourite. Perhaps his girlfriend, bringing stability into his life will result in a late scratching, but this new development may be too late in the academy's consideration. Next year, he'll be harder pressed to win against the second favourite Rudolph Pereira. The name itself brings images of prophetic terror to anyone who is familiar with littleton, jonestown and port arthur.

Best Joke cracker in the group - I've maintained all along that this is the skinny dude's award. But Ian Bennie's many sick jokes will give a run for his money. Also Laszlo's corker at Paul and Greg's 21st is still etched in the collective conscience of the group (so is Ian's adaptation of that joke). The complacency factor in the group over Skinny Dude's nomination may mean he could actually lose the award (sort of like how everyone thought Ryan would win and voted for Shakespeare instead, only to be shocked by the end result)

Best Hair styles in the group - Well, we know that Brett Hall narrowly missed out in the "most feminine category" for his girly hair and girly streaks, but here he stands a very good chance of taking it out. Rudolph also stands a chance in this category, but might face a backlash after being so excessively nominated (he might win the best dressed awards, so the academy might be feeling a bit more generous towards someone else). Dominic Moawad has been campaigning heavily for this one, noting that his hair style has stayed the same for 15 years and that he has kept the same barber for that time (the three minute barber otherwise known as "hit or miss but mainly miss"). Let us put this plainly, Moawad stands no chance in this category, even after his excessive self promotion. As for the skinny dude, he has not been as radical as Hall or Pereira and even though it does call for "best hair styles", the award may in fact go to the "most memorable" rather than the best.

Best Driving Skills - Moawad has campaigned heavily for this one, going to great lengths to secure the award, including publicly criticising Virag for derogetory comments about his car. In a statement made public on Tuesday 27 April, Moawad wrote:

"I know this sort of stuff (getting nominated) can get to my head, but I know it has all to do with my mega-personality and my one-ness with the road and respect for my vehicle. And Laszlo, I know you have a super-duper car and all, but I felt very hurt by your statements about my car - do you know how heavy two of those lawn bowl balls are? Let me tell you, the metro sure can handle four balls and I mean, you still keep going on and on about how barren my car is. Well I can't help it she doesn't explode the minute I floor her, but jesus, you have to be understanding, metros are just a different species to us. But with the Commodore, it just goes off straight away, I mean if I had to drive it, it would be a doppelganger experience. Butonce my metro's all juiced up and she's gone past her initial hesitation, it's a feeling that can't be described. And I suppose
when all you people take a lift in my car, you obviously enjoy that spectacle (no, i won't call you voyeuristic) and appreciate how me, metro and the road manage and blend into one being - totally in sync with each other and understanding of every whim we require (except for that time she got a flat tyre - I had the same incident play back in my dreams the day after Pam had breast reduction surgery)."

Darren Marion however, has been quietly and silently lurking to steal the crown away from the other contenders, all of whom are more deserving. The reason for this is the now very public essay Marion wrote for the New Scientist: "neutral fuel saving - responsible for the environment and makes you look and feel tight." A masterful document, Marion maintains that if everyone put their car into neutral on going down hills, the potential saving in Australia alone would be 130 thousand litres of petrol every ten years. Furthermore, it makes the driver even more tight than they already are, and even though shifting the car from neutral back into gear results in more harmful emissions, it is still responsible for the environment because trees like harful emissions. The other nominee is Paul Dobson. Dobson would stand a good chance of being labelled "best driver" because of all the near misses he's had trying to keep up with the Metro. Furthermore, the Dobson's car window smashing rallied thousands of people around his cause to begin a vigilante "bash the bastards" campaign, begun by Alan Jones in direct response to the Dobson incident. Finally, the man they call the "upstart" - Laszlo Virag, now with a prestigious Commodore with an extra appendage on the front has shaken up the market. Boasting that by driving 81km/h in an 80 zone, Virag claims a similar feat to Moawad, who on a trip to the snow clocked over the 120 km/h speed limit but was not stopped by the sirens of the police (who chose the car in front, which had just overtaken the already speeding metro). Virag, combining the "sheer driving pleasure" experience of the BM - sorry, Commodore, with an effortless style (not to mention acceleration power) is the "dark horse that can". A surprise is predicted.

The "New Age" Trilogy of Awards ("Girly CACA")

Most Sensitive Group Member - Greg Dobson and Brett Hall are the odd ones out in this trilogy of awards. They're only nominated once. Greg Dobson faces a huge challenge from his brother Paul, but the votes could split, leaving Hall and Leslie with the best chance. However, if Leslie is riding a wave of support in the trilogy, he could clean sweap the entire segment (just like Titanic did at the oscars, winning awards it shouldn't have). This will be one of the toughest contests.

Most feminie group member - Again, Paul Dobson and Scott Leslie will fight it out in this category. Clement Wong however, remains a dark horse. How he got nominated in this category is a surprise considering so many other worthy contenders, but his inclusion may spark a joke vote send in, and he could end up taking out the award. Both Leslie and Dobson have campaigned hard for this one, and Brett Hall has made a point of criticising members of the academy for not including him. His exclusion warrants a full inquiry into the voting process. This one is also anyone's award.

Member Likely to be Gay - If either Scott and Paul are riding a wave of support in the former two categories, expect one of them to win. However, on the voting forms, this category was actually after another category. Rudolph Pereira could win the award out of sympathy from exclusion from the other two "new age" categories. Meanwhile, Clement Wong is one of those "lucky to be nominated", though given his "other friends" story, he could well be the dark horse.

SILVER CACAs

Best complainer of the group - This is by far one of the most important events for the Cathedral group. Complaining is integral to its structure and to its life. If it weren't for complaining, e-mailing would be cut by up to 97.8% and conversation would be dull. All three nominees are worthy, but Greg Dobson has not been very active in cathedral activities for the last year, and his standard of complaining while some say is "exemplary", will be forgotten amongst the two rivals: laszlo virag and rudolph pereira. Interestingly enough, since the nominations were announced - both Rudolph and Laszlo have engaged in a complaining war through e mail - that has sparked off a bitter e-mail fued. Smart money is on Rudolph Pereira, who manages to be able to ligitimately complain about things. For example, Friday Night activities, or 9pm Thursday sessions of movies. All are very legitimate (because he actually likes to turn up to these things) and because the truth hurts, Rudolph may just streak ahead. But Virag has vowed to not let this one go without a fight. Inundating us with complaints, Virag is cleverly trying to influence the last minute vote. If the Dobsons do actually vote in a block (and if Greg doesn't vote for himself), this could make the difference between victory and defeat. Both Virag and Pereira should focus their attentions there, sending complaint mails, complain phoning, etc. in order to get the Dobson block vote.

Best supporting group member - What is really wierd about this category is that most of the names are also in the Gold CACA category. It would be funny if one picks up all. But the real controversy is Greg Dobson's inclusion and Paul Dobson's exclusion. Paul has called for a recount, but the editors believe that his visibility has been very low in the form of e-mails and other such things. At least Greg has sent off the occasional abusing mail intended to set off a response (and who could forget the infamous "pay for concession card" incident - that alone many say, got him this nomination). Choosing between The Skinny Dude, Brett Hall and Dominic Moawad will be very tough. All three have been sending e mails constantly, however, Brett Hall has managed to stay clear of a few of the last movie events planned. This could go against him.

THE GOLD CACA

Best Member of the Group - The Skinny Dude, Dominic Moawad, Laszlo Virag, Brett Hall, Rudolph Pereira. Again, looking at the list and noting the exclusion of Paul Dobson, who has probably attended more group events than Brett Hall. But Dobson has apparently been forgotten in these categories, people choosing more flamboyant entries like Rudolph Pereira and Dominic Moawad. The Gold CACA could go anyway, and who knows who'll win. As the saying goes: "CACA happens".

PEREIRA SWEEPS CACA AWARD NOMS

In a result that one insider said parrallelled with Shakespeare in Love's victory at the oscars, Rudolph Pereira has swept seven categories in the prestigious cathedral academy crazyman award (caca*) nominations. In what is a record nomination haul in the one month history of this award, Pereira was given the nod in categories such as "best dressed, best hairstyle and best complainer". Pereira maintains he is a strong contender in these three categories but he is also hoping that the academy will recognise him in the other categories including the "member likely to be gay" and "best homicidal maniac". Pereira said of these two noms:

"both of them are close to my heart, especially given that I am a computer geek and marilyn manson fan. If you add gayness and homicidal maniac, then I become a post-prophecy of the Littleton killers."

But in re-newed controversy, Brett Hall claims that he received seven nominations as well:

"I got so many votes for best hair-style my name was on the list twice. I therefore think it should be counted as a double nomination."

Caca guidelines however, are clear; "the same person can-not be nominated twice in a category for the same style/piece of acting/etc". Hall maintains that he could've been nominated for the period his hair was "long" and for the period two months later where people confuse his hair with Laura Dern's. However, the technical association claims that since it is not a radically different style, it is just an error to be nominated twice.

Dominic Moawad also expressed his disgust at the voting process, calling it a sham:

"how could you leave me out of the sensitive category... I mean, it's just not fair, I feel hurt and betrayed by such a process that could deprive me of... (starts crying)".

An onlooker at this outburst regretted not including Moawad in "the most feminine category" as well.

Paul Dobson and Scott Leslie swept the "girl awards", taking out a place in all three categories "most sensitive, most likely to be gay, most feminine". Both Dobson and Leslie felt "honoured" and "deeply moved" (Dobson's statement read "deeply moved to tears") in statements released to the press. Scott added that he thanks all the "gorgeous darlings for their fabulous taste in nominating moi."

Meanwhile in another huge shock, Darren Marion received a nomination in the "best driving skills" category. This prompted many to outrage:

"apart from 21sts, what other things has Darren turned up to this year? what sort of body of mail has he sent out? I mean, if you want to have him nominated, you can also put him on the bullshit artist list, he's better at that than at driving. It's obvious the person that nominated him is a lost soul in search of some sort of inner meaning, but 'best driving skills???' What a joke!"

Meanwhile Laszlo Virag at the nominations press club straight after the announcement said:

"I can't believe I got so many nominations. But I should've got more... some people have grudges against me and it's just not fair", to that a group member said snidely: "I was right to nominate him for best bullshit artist and best complainer!"

The artist known as "skinny dude", believed to be a shoo-in for the comedy award (best joke cracker), is in for some competition as FOUR names came through in the category. The Australian Voice believes that what has happenned is that there have been a lot of "self-votes" in this category. The editor claims that most people he spoke to indicated "the skinny one" as their preferences:

"but as Hobbes says, some people think they're the best, so when it comes to comic skills, people will obviously nominate themselves, because as wrong as they are, they think they're funny. But really, all those nominated are worthy. I mean, look at the joke that Laszlo Virag cracked at Greg and Paul's 21st. No-one will ever forget that one. There was an Englishman and Irishman... someone stop me before I go into cardiac arrest!"

The driving category was also expected to be dominated by Mr Moawad's legendary skill and care he takes on the road, especially in wet weather. However, the field is wide open, with Darren Marion's conservative fuel saving measures making him close the gap in the odds. Moawad is actually beginning to campaign for this award, offering free lifts (all members have declined the generous offer so far). An official statement from Niche Industries denies that Moawad is campaigning for the award: "all the nominees are worthy, even though I'm severely pissed off at not getting more noms and being the only one in the driving category."

The final nomination tally reads as such: Rudolph Pereira 7, Brett Hall 6 (7 if double nom taken into account), Dominic Moawad 6, Skinny Dude (artist formerly known as "the skinny one") 5, Laszlo Virag 5, Scott Leslie 4, Paul Dobson 4, Greg Dobson 3, Clement Wong 3, Darren Marion 1. The awards are scheduled to be held on May 1.

* caca roughly translates in Arabic to 'shit'.

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