"I LOVE YOUS ALL"
Colin McDonnell invoked the words of the legendary Australian boxer Jeff Fenech in his twenty-first speech. In prose full of emotion, McDonnell couldn't stress enough how each person in that room had changed his life in some way, through some conversation. The bar tender was particularly touched by McDonnell's statements because she, in handing him a drink, had affected his life in so many ways. Similarly, the local employee from the waterboard on his way to fixing up some plumbing in the toilets was touched that water, which filled "every orifice" had made such a difference to his life. The "everyone has changed my life" motif in Colin's speech (repeated in poetic drawl around 20 times) had a Capraesque quality to it (see It's a Wonderful Life) and had touched the audience. People all around the room, moved to tears by Colin's speech were overheard saying to each other:
"I've been meaning to tell you this - but you know that conversation we had last week? Well, it's changed my life in more ways than you think." and/or "mate, I love you"
The resulting confrontations at these outbreaks of emotion were also life altering (typical responses to the above were: "fuck off wanker", "stay off the piss you shit head" etc).
"PISS PISS PISS"
One word (and variations on the theme) reverberated around the room during speech giving at Colin's twenty-first. The words piss, pissed, pithed (when lisped), piss up, piss out, smashed, boozed up, booze bus, unleaded, diesel, super, piss poor - accounted for 93% of dialogue spoken during speech giving. Lindsay Schubert in an affectionate reconstruction of "the good ol' days", spoke of a time lost to the "younger generation" - it was three years ago when "we were young and had nothing better to do than to take the piss out of each other and drink some piss until we were pissed. And Col'n had a bit to much piss to piss and got pissed. hehehehehe. And then he got pissed again at the local piss up joint and he belched barf. hehehehe. And once when we had a piss up at his house, we put him a large vodka and he didn't notice the effects and kept on drinking and drinking, and then he became pissed and barfed all over the place and tried to jump out of windows. Gosh he was pissed back in the ol' days."
"CRASH THROUGH COLIN"
In the ultimate tribute of the night, Colin's uncle spoke of the Colin ethos, which existed from a very early age:
"When Col'n was a boy, if he ever came to an obstacle, he wouldn't use his logic and go around the obstacle; he wouldn't use his brains and attempt to avoid being injured. Instead he didn't even think about it and either jumped over it or just crashed through it. The effects of him attempting to concurrently jump over and crash through the brick wall are a testament to his visionary abilities."
Colin's "crash through" attitude has been evident to all those who know Colin, especially since it reminded them of all the times Colin had tried to crash through things - especially his house windows.
"PISS PISS PISS"
Following the speeches, an engraved piss urn was filled to the brim with piss as Colin was invited to drink from it. In a scene as moving as that of the last supper (according to one person present "the most famous and religious piss up in history"), the piss tube was passed around to all of Colin's already pissed friends - backwash mixed with beer froth adding that 'extra' ingredient to the VB. And while on Holy Thursday one engages in gregorian chants, the piss-up set was not without their own shanty's of bonding - of the bind that brings them all together: the beer shanty:
"Go for it drink the piss/for piss is what piss is/skul skull skull skull skull skull skull/pissed up booze till we're all fucking smashed."
And the more poetic version:
"I am, therefore I'm pissed/A piss on you all/skull skull skull skull skull skull skull/pissed up booze till we're all fucking smashed."
"SEVEN BOURBON AND COKES PLEASE"
Capping off the evening was a solitary man of australian-asian appearance in a table infront of the editors. After downing four alcoholic drinks prior, he ordered seven bourbon and cokes. Placed on his table like a stack of cards or Dominos, the man proceeded to drink all seven in succession. During the final gulp of the seventh drink, the man was about to bring up some alcohol but managed to swallow. The man never recovered, walking like a blubbering idiot for the rest of the night.
"GREATEST PISS UP"
All in all, Colin's birthday party was perhaps a unique examination of Australian life. This is the way true Aussies do and should celebrate their birthday. The editor, seeking to become more aussie, found himself saying "mate" every third word, "bloody oath that's piss poor" and "I'm smashed" every couple of seconds. Completing the night at "Dave's", the ed had no luck with the chicks, except for these two beaut blondes who it turned out were only interested in me because they thought I'd pay them for their company. Unfortunately, the ed had given out his remaining hundred bucks to a friend previously in the night.
But more importantly, the twenty-first revealed that Colin McDonnell is as well adjusted as anybody - indeed, it should have been one of the happiest days of his life with a completeness that perhaps is almost accomplished. It was great to see him after all these year and even speak to him, though I'm sure he might not remember everything he said.
JILTED
Virag ditches Dobsons and Dominic for Darren and some hard Yakka
In a move described by one inside source as a "snub", Laszlo Virag, owner of a multi-million dollar special edition Holden Commodore (with a Titanium plated sterling silver bumper bar) chose to ignore the plight of the small carred Dominic Moawad, and the taxi loving Dobsons, instead picking up his best mates, as Virag likes to call them "Dazza" and "Yakkas". The drive was scheduled as part of a group going to Colin McDonnell's twenty-first party at the Rockdale RSL club. Part of the official hostile take over plans of LaszloMet over MetroMet, the snub was seen as further evidence of the power of the V6 Holden Commodore over the 350CC Metro. Greg Dobson, so fearful of travelling in the metro was overheard bartering some 1999 concession passes to Virag for the chance to ride in the multi-million dollar car.
The latest controversy over the LaszloMet scheme erupted at a time when MetroMet announced publically that it will not work with clients that sign up with LaszloMet. Indeed, this is very similar to the crisis hitting hollywood, with the Creative Artists Agency (CAA) boycotting any involvement with artists from the rival AMG. It is a case of life immitating life. DEVELOPING!
CHC ruling in Virag v Dobson brings the court into disrepute
WHY WE SHOULD AND WILL VOTE "NO" FOR THE REPUBLIC
The case against the current republican proposal
The push for a Republic is on and we will vote on a model by the end of this year. IT MUST FAIL. Simply put, the changes to the referendum, though minimal will increase the already strong powers of the Prime Minister, resulting in Brennan's 'elective dictatorship' model being surrealistically true. Funnily enough, it is the conservatives who stand to benefit most from this change. Ignoring the place of indigenous Australians, ignoring the wishes of the people for a democratiacally elected President, the changes are being forced down our throats - they coax us into the conservative model by saying: "this may be our last chance for a while." Well, I will gladly wait a while if it means that we will get a fairer constitution, perhaps even with a bill of rights. We should also be very suspicious of the powers of the PM, which include that the Governor General can be sacked by the PM. This leaves a very dangerous set of circumstances for which there stands no precedent. If the PM has the power to sack a President, what is his or her use? What purpose is there for a President? The simple matter is this: The Prime Minister will be on an even greater apex of power in Australia. It is obvious that the MPs in parliament understand this and are conspiring to keep it this way. They don't want an elected president because they see this as a potential power problem.
Australia needs a new check on power. For too long, the High Court has been unwilling to challenge the authority of Parliament, which it believes is "supreme":
"The doctrine of parliamentary supremacy, is a doctrine as deeply rooted as any in the common law, and it is of its essence, that a court, once it has ascertained the true scope and effect of valid legislation, should give unquestioned effect to it accordingly"
and from Brennan and McHugh came this adaption of Edward Coke:
The power of the parliament "is so transcendent and absolute that it can't be confined either for causes or persons within any bounds"
Furthermore, Kirby J has said that he assumes the parliament wouldn't introduce "unthinkable laws" - like that of Nazi Germany:
"our true guarantee against such an unthinkable law lies in the collective wisdom of our parliaments and in their regular accountability to the people."
Firstly, we only vote every three years - which gives Governments the opportunity to break promises - once the Government introduces a measure that is unpopular, there is no guarantee that the next government can or will change that. The assumption that parliament is "supreme" ignores some of the American features of Australia's constitutional - namely a separation of powers between the various levels of Government. The High Court has been scared too, to interpret the constitutionin broad ways, preferring a more english version of reading the constitution like British Legislation. Such a technique is fundamentally flawed. In fact, it is so flawed that Dawson and one of his fellow cohorts said in the Kartinyeri case that parliament could pass laws DISCRIMINATING AGAINST Aborigines just as long as it wasn't an excessive abuse. Hence some of the early Nazi laws would have been acceptable by Dawson. Such disgusting judicial inaction warrants a proper EXECUTIVE. This constitution envisioned an EXECUTIVE, a PARLIAMENT, and a HIGH COURT. Right now, we only have Parliament and the High Court. Adding an extra layer of accountability is absolutely necessary, even if it is in only the most dilluted form. If the president has no powers - then perhaps his or her popularity might stop an unpopular law from being passed if he or she was to speak out against it. But more importantly, a re-writing of the constitution to include the recognition of the Aborigines could do well for a court that may be more active than this sadly pathetic mess that we have right now.
We must vote NO at this referendum. Constitutional change gives Australia a great change to modernise and make its society more just. If all we're changing is the head of state whilst making the PM more powerful, then what's the point? King Charles is much better than Dictator Howard.
Click here to read Constitutional Essay on Indigenous Rights