Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 028 -- Ho-hum! Boredom's afoot! Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 28 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd8@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song: [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find, (LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Durenor, Windwalker 5'9" Black hair, violet eyes. The vampire who made an unscheduled appearence and just decided to stay. Her hobbies include: torching, shaving and beating unsuspecting fools... especially Peter. (Windy: I just can't help myself!) Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] The Ghostbusters and their new Vampire friend, Windy, were all sitting on the bridge of VoFF, simply bored. "I don't think I'm going to stick around much longer!" Windy grumbled, swiping at a table leg with a hand. Peter leaped back out of the path of the hand. "Two more chapters for us." "True," Egon started, "But the question is, will we survive these last two chapters!" Winston glanced at Egon. "Since when have you been so fatalistic?" "Being trapped here is enough to make anyone fatalistic!" Ray grumbled, staring out into space by one of the hexaviewers. "Well, we could alleviate some of the bordem, if Windwalker would let me perform a few experiements," Egon said hopefully, glancing at the vampire who was glaring back. "You must be nuts!" Windy snorted. "I wouldn't let you come near me with anything experimental!" Just to be safe, she stood up and scooted a few feet away from the physicist. "D, what's going on in Deep 13?" Winston asked. "Shouldn't your creator be off thinking up something for us to do?" D shook his head. "They are just as bored as you are." [Deep 13] Tory and Derek were sprawled out in the lab. Just lolly gagging, staring at the walls in total boredom. Tory glared at the view screen. "What the heck are you looking at!?" [VoFF] "Crap," Peter muttered. "I think we should just MST the next fic. It's been sitting in the ficporter for a few days now," Windy offered. "Think, one more chapter out of the way and you can all leave!" She couldn't even finish her sentence as four Ghostbusters stampeded their way past, leaving her and the android in their wake. "Well, that was fast," D commented, joining Windwalker. [Door Sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 28 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ > Ghostbusters: [singing] How low can you go? D: I believe we've done enough limbo jokes. Peter: Stuff it, tin can! > Falkyn continued his combat training, this time unarmed, when he Windy: Slipped and fell, impaling himself on his own katana! Ray: [green face] A little too dark there, Windy. Windy: Sorry! I took my dark pills today! D: Does it not say that Falkyn was unarmed? Peter: Stuff it. >heard metallic clicking behind him. Feigning ignorance until the sound got Peter: "Feigning?" Oh that's a good one! >closer, he suddenly stopped and whirled around, right arm extended, his last >two fingers curled slightly. A metal bracer intercepted the swipe with >little effort. Falkyn's gaze went up the arm to the mithral shoulder plate, >then to the face he recognized. "What are you doing up here, Kerad?" he >asked. All: O_O Egon: The description is overwhelming! Peter: I think he should concentrate on the good scenes. Not one where someone's flashing the finger! > Bringing his arm down, Kerad replied, "Thanatos will no doubt send >Holocaust, my former dragon mount, after us so he can kill us. I'll need >your help if I'm to defeat him." Windy: (Kerad) Here's that steak dress... Egon: NO! Windy: Sorry! Sheesh, you guys are *SO* uptight! D: You would be uptight if you suddenly became a Magical Girl. Windy: No I wouldn't... > "You want me," Falkyn said, "to help you, fight a green dragon? Just >one whiff of its breath weapon is enough to kill. Winston: Someone may need to get the Dragon some Listerine. Peter: I don't think even Listerine could help that! Ray: Talk about trench mouth! All: YUCK! >Its teeth and claws are terribly sharp, and dragon scales are almost impossible to pierce." Peter: (Falkyn) We'll meet our death by sharp, pointy teeth! [gnawing sounds] Winston: (Falkyn) It can leap-- It has sharp te-- LOOK AT THE BONES! > After a short pause, Falkyn continued with, "Count me in. I enjoy >fighting against overwhelming odds." > Peter: (Falkyn) ... because I'm such an idiot extreme. > Indeed, Thanatos had sent Holocaust to the Prime Material Plane to >hunt down Kerad, Tayid, and Falkyn. The juvenile (but still very big) Windy: ... Winston: One more obscure one, Windy and that's it! Windy: Meep! >green dragon soared across the skies above the R'itni Islands, his baseball- >sized eyes scanning the mountaintops and forests. His gaze averted toward >another dragon, blue-white as the sky, with an odd-looking being on its back. Windy: It's Steel! KAWAII!!! [eyes turn into hearts] Egon: So that's where my book went! Windy: Oh sorry, Egon-chan. Egon: DON'T CALL ME THAT! >"Blue dragons do not leave their deserts," Holocaust said to himself. "But >this one ought to make a good in-flight meal." He altered course for the >dragon and winged, demon-like creature on its back. > Ray: Holocaust has an ego the size of Cleveland. Peter: I guess it's safe to say, the desert dragon makes a good dessert! Windy: [rimshot] D: Booo! Get off the stage! You suck! > Caleb Harris, or "Dacken," looked over the flank of Mávijo toward the >ground, trying to spot Falkyn, the unusually skilled Outsider who had made >quite a name for himself. A large shadow suddenly appeared over him, and >when he looked up, there was a green dragon directly above, preparing to use >its deadly breath. Egon: (Dacken) Mávijo! Not AGAIN! Ray: (Mávijo) It wasn't me! I took my tums, remember! Winston: Nice and obscure, guys. > "Mávijo!" Dacken cried. "Get outta the way!" > Holocaust belched forth a stream of lethal, concentrated, chlorine >gas. One breath of the vile gas is enough to kill, and both Dacken and >Mávijo knew. Each holding their breath, Mávijo dove toward the ground and >swerved out of the cone of gas. > Peter: (Dacken) SWEET MOTHER MCREE! What died here!? *THUD* > As they went down, Dacken saw two figures on a mountainside. "Do you >think one of those two could be Falkyn?" he asked of Mávijo. Winston: (Mávijo) Hmm, is it ugly? Peter: (Dacken) No, it actually has breasts. Winston: (Mávijo) Then it _couldn't_ be Falkyn! > Mávijo replied with a string of rumblings, which Dacken translated as Windy: That's the last time you and I go to the bar on pay day! Others: WINDY! D: Even though I am an android, that sounded SO wrong on SO many levels! Windy: Sorry! >"Maybe. Let's find out." Peter: And die. What's one more death in this one sentence description? Ray: Bitter, Peter? Peter: Yes. That and I'm ready to LEAVE! > > A blue-white, spiked dragon alighted not too far from where Falkyn >and Kerad stood, and a demonish humanoid climbed off its back. It had human >features, but demon-like wings and appendages. It approached the two and >asked, "Are either of you the Outsider who goes by the handle 'Falkyn'?" Windy: Uh no. Look at this handle, it says 'Bloodbane' Ray: He doesn't mean the handle of your sword, he means his name! Windy: [demon size anime head] I KNEW THAT! BAKA! > Kerad quickly pointed to the scarred man beside him. "He's the guy >you're looking for. Winston: (Kerad) No one else could be *THAT* fugly. > Why're you looking for him, anyway?" > "Call me Dacken," the demon-man replied. "I'm looking for Falkyn Peter: (Dacken) He owes me one dollar! Egon: (Falkyn) Then come 'n get it! I'll smash you like a door! >because I was told he can find the boss of the guy who did this to me." He >indicated the injuries to his wing, hand, and leg. "I need your help. Don't >refuse just because I'm half-demon." Ray: (Dacken) Because, I can *kill* you. > Falkyn simply replied, "I don't believe in prejudice, but I already >had another matter to tend to. Perhaps we should take up Dacken on his offer >before taking care of Holocaust." He turned to Kerad. "We'd probably run >into the dragon on the way, anyway." Winston: Is it me? Or does these two just think they could handle a dragon as if it's a cat? Egon: Considering Falkyn's intelligence: He believes it's the size of a cat! > "It's settled," Dacken suddenly said. All: WHOA! Peter: Don't do that! Windy: My heart can't take this excitement! >"I brought transport; meet Mávijo, the chamelion dragon." He waved his hand >toward the dragon, which had changed color to rocky-brown. Peter: (Mávijo) I know my colors! See! > "'Chamelion'?" Falkyn asked. "An odd pronounciation of 'chameleon'. >But I have been training, and I believe I can use my chi to fly." Ray: (Falkyn) Besides, Mávijo's eyeballing me with that feral look... > Kerad was in disbelief. "What else can you do with that chi of >yours? All: O_O Windy: Run that by me again?! > Kerad was in disbelief. "What else can you do with that chi of >yours? Windy: Just checking. O_O Peter: (Falkyn) Well... Let's just say lonely nights are no more. Others: PETER! > No, don't tell me; I'd be listening until Holocaust got here." Egon: SO would we... > "I can't fly 'til I'm healed," Dacken said, "so you'll have to share >the saddle with me. By the way, what's your name?" Ray: (Dacken) I prefer to know my lunch--er friend's name! > "Kerad Dyilf. If you've heard of me (which I doubt), I don't work >for Thanatos anymore. I'm my own man now. Besides, I know how to ride >dragons." Windy: [gasps] Winston: What? Windy: Kerad's a gigolo! Ray: WHAT?! Windy: He said he's his own man now! Peter: O_O > Falkyn entered a chi-charging pose, then yelled, "Buku-jutsu!" and Ray: MUGEN GAKKU! D: Infinite Academy!? >launched into the air. What surprised Dacken and Kerad was that Falkyn >didn't fall. > "Sure lives up to his name," Dacken observed. Winston: Ba dum ching! All: BOOOOO! > "We won't find the guy by standing here," Kerad said, heading toward >Mávijo. "Saddle up!" > Windy: Regulators! Mount up! Others: YO! > Mávijo silently navigated the skies, Kerad and Dacken on his back, >Falkyn flying beside him. Ray: [singing] He flies through the air, making it seem so easy. Peter: [singing] The scarred ugly man with the flying chi. Windy: Nice one! Peter: Thank you! [Yellow klaxon starts to flare] D: Break tim-- [D is cut off by the stampede of his cohorts] D: I would say ouch... but I don't have to. Windy: [sighs and helps D to his feet] [Door sign: 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [VoFF] Windy: We better think of something before those guys fry us again! Winston: I'm with you, I don't think I could take another Pikachu attack. All: ARGH! Peter: Well, what *could* we do then? Ray: I have an idea. It's not pretty, but it's something. Egon: No, Raymond. NOT THAT! Ray: Yes, Egon. *THAT* [Deep 13] Derek: Hmm, I wonder where they went. Tory: I dunno. Usually they're standing there fussing and complaining. Derek: Wait, there's Peter. [VoFF] Peter: Hi. Today's Skit is: Things to Scare Fans. Winston: These things are so horrible, we don't even need pictures! Ray: The thought alone is enough to drive a man insane. Egon: The idea is just too horrible for words! D: Let along pictures! [Deep 13] Derek: You know, Tory. I'm gonna dread this, I just know it. Tory: You too?! [VoFF] Peter: First thing: Sailor Pikachu. Ray: Could you imagine THAT thing in a skirt?! All: AHHHH! D: IAI! [Deep 13] [Tory and Derek's jaws drop open] Tory: AHHHHH! [VoFF] Winston: Second thing: Sailor Satan. Egon: The lord of hell is decked out in a all red fuku....terrifying. VO Satan: WHAT THE HELL?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Deep 13] Both: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tory: STOP IT! Derek: YOU FIENDS! [VoFF] Peter: Oh, the best has yet to come. Egon: I believe we shall end on this note. Ray: Ready all? Windy: Ready! All: SAILOR TORGO! [Deep 13] Both: SAILOR TORGO!??? Tory: WHAT THE HELL!? Derek: IAI!!! Tory: NNNNNNNOOOOOO! Derek: MOMMIEEEEEE!!! [Both slam into one another trying to escape Deep 13] [Tory accidently hits the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark voices are overhead] "Aww, hell!" "TORY!" "What happened!?" "YOU HIT THE BUTTON!" "GOMEN! Derek, put down the b--OUCH!" "Don't stand there, you idiot! Push the button!" "This one?!" "NO, THAT'S THE --*ZAP* OUCH!" "Wrong button!" "Ya think!?" "Oh, this button!" [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] O O O O O O O O O OOO OOOOO-OOOOO OOO O O O O O O O O O [Screen grows bright, focusing back on Tory and Derek] Derek: TORY! Tory: SORRY! [VoFF] Peter: I think our work here is done! Ray: Yep! D: We've got MOVIE SIGN! [Door Sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [They trail in and sit down] Egon: That's the first time we ever struck fear into those two. Ray: We have to do that more often. > "Where do you suppose this guy lives?" Kerad asked, looking over the >side. > "I was hoping we could 'extract' that info from his lackeys," Dacken >replied, head poking out the other side. Winston: Hint hint, wink wink. Egon: Bam bam, ouch ouch. > "Leave that to me," Falkyn told them. "I shall 'assist' said lackeys >in giving us the information we require." Egon: And creating havoc for said lackeys, causing said lackeys to be said dead. > They both knew what Falkyn meant. Ray: But did they care? I believe that's the 20 dollar question! > > Mávijo landed and the three disembarked. Dacken pointed out a man Winston: --of the man, sitting next to the man, sitting next to the friggin man. Windy: --sitting next to the goddamn man! All: WINDY! Windy: Sheesh! >wearing the same uniform as the man who shot him. As soon as the man saw >Dacken and his cohorts, he ran. > All: (Brittish) RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! D: (man) I soiled me armor, I was so scared! > He ran down random alleys, changing his direction every time, hoping >to throw off his pursuers. Unfortunately, someone jumped in front of him, >someone scarred, wearing a torn up black karate gi. When he turned to run >the way he came, the man in the black jacket stood in his way. Ray: (Man in black jacket) Are you gonna go my way? Egon: Thank you, Lenny Kravitz. Winston: Nitpicker. > Trapped. Ray: And despite all his rage, he's still a rat in a cage. > Three swords were drawn, and Kerad snapped his together. "We need to >talk," he said tactfully. > Winston: (Man) But you're wielding weapons. Peter: (Kerad) Did I say talk? I'm sorry, you misunderstood. I said I need to CHOP! Winston: (Man) AHHHH! > "Still won't talk, huh?" Kerad asked, wiping a small streak of blood >off Honor's blade. > The man shook his head. "You gotta kill me first, punk." Egon: Thus defeating the purpose of talking... Winston: Again with the nitpicking, Egon? Stop it! > A razor-sharp tachi blade pressed lightly against his throat. "I can >arrange that, schmuck. Now talk, or you'll have an extra breathing passage >to account for. Where's your boss? He sent another one of you to kill our >friend here." Windy: Oooh, Kerad's hardcore! > Dacken raised his head from its half-asleep position. "I have a bone >to pick with your boss, whoever that is. Talk, or we all tear you apart, >very slowly and painfully." Ray: What? He can tear him apart painlessly?! That's a new one! Egon: The removal of appendages without the aid of anethetisc is painful. > That threat worked. "Our boss is Kitayama Jiro, he's dedicated to >cleansing the world of halfbreeds, like him." Windy: Halfbreeds!? Dhampirs!? WHERE?! [jumps up growling] D: Uh, Ms. Windwalker. He means Half-human/half-demons. Windy: Oh. [sheathes claymore] Okay. > "Where is Kitayama? Spill it, or we spill your guts." Winston: In either case *something's* gonna get spilled. Ray: EW! > "South Rakhast. I have the address." He handed a scrap of paper to >Kerad, who pocketed it. He looked to Falkyn. "Shall I?" he asked, raising >his blade. > "If you're going to," Falkyn replied, "make it quick and painless." > The goon's eyes widened, and he began whimpering. Kerad soon >silenced him. > Ray: That reminds me of the time Peter saw the lightbill after we started the containment unit. > "That name sounded Japanese," Kerad said as Mávijo ferried them to >their destination. "What does it mean, Falkyn?" Peter: Yes, tell us what it means, although we don't give a damn! > "Second son of the North Mountain," he replied. "We shall meet with >Kitayama-san and complete our transaction." Windy: And translations. > Suddenly, a blast of noxious green gas overwhelmed the three. Egon: (Kerad) I told you not to eat Taco bell! Ray: (Falkyn) I just couldn't drop the Chalupa! > "Chlorine!" Kerad yelled, throwing himself off the back of Mávijo to >hurtle toward the earth. Peter: (Announcer) And it's Falkyn in lead around the bend. Oh-no, he tripped on the hurtle! > Mávijo entered a power dive, and Falkyn stopped channeling his chi. Egon: And Dacken stopped flapping his leathery wings. Ray: And Tayid put the cat out. Winston: Ray, don't you start! Ray: Sorry! > Fortunately, none of them inhaled the chlorine gas, but Kerad >suffered a dislocated shoulder and cracked several ribs. Winston: So kiddies, it's good to not get poisoned. Peter: But it's okay if you break a few bones in the process! > "Not again," he moaned, popping the joint back into its socket. Ray: (Kerad) Pass it to the left! Peter: NOT THAT! Ray: Oh! >"That hurts like Acheron. Heads up: Holocaust!" > All three hit the dirt while the green dragon flew overhead, trying >to snatch up one of them in his claws. He came up empty-handed, and went for >another pass. Peter: Holocaust is one special dragon. He has hands! Egon: Peter. He means empty-handed as a description, not meaning he has hands! Winston: *BAM* *WHAP* Egon: Ouch! Winston: One more time with the nitpicking, Egon, and that's IT! > "That bought us a few seconds," Kerad said, drawing and connecting >his swords. Falkyn unsheathed his katana, and Dacken pulled out a long- >barreled pistol and took aim. Egon: Holocaust sharpened his claws. Peter: Satan called his minions. Ray: And Tayid took the cat in. Windy: What is it with you and the cat? VO Satan: Don't put me in this! > As Holocaust dove for another pass, Dacken blasted the dragon, Falkyn >snapped a Sou-Chi-Dan, and Kerad hit him with a Kaen-Senpuu-Ken. None of the >attacks did enough damage for Holocaust to care, and he went for Kerad. Ray: (Holocaust) Who threw that rock!? > Reacting quickly, Kerad swung his double-blade in a figure-eight >three times, cutting off three of Holocaust's digits. Egon: Or he just lashed three times, cutting off three fingers... Winston: EGON! Egon: Sorry! I can't help it! >He leaped over the >rest of the claw, careful to avoid the acidic dragon blood. He rolled across >the grass and hopped to his feet. He clutched his cracked ribs and breathed >shallowly. "I saw a gap in his scales," he announced. "Aim for the middle >of his chest, but carefully. We won't get another shot." All: [blinking] Windy: What? What is it?! Peter: I just had a Lord of the Rings flashback... Ray: You sure it was Lord of the Rings... I saw something else... Winston: Can we just not think about it? > Falkyn dove into him, bowling him over as Holocaust flew in again. Ray: (Holocaust) Hi, how are ya? > Dacken cocked another shot and aimed for the gap in Holocaust's >belly scales. When he was sure of his aim, he pulled the trigger.. > Peter: (Trigger) You got one more time to pull on me... > *Blam* *Thunk* > All: BOOMSHAKALAKA! > Holocaust roared in pain and anger. First he lost three fingers, >then one of those puny humans shot him in the chest. A mortal wound, no >less! With one final roar, he tried to blast them with another dose of >chlorine, but he collapsed and died. Windy: Dammit! Peter: Yet another life vanishes in the blip of a sentence. Egon: Yet, someone flashing the finger gets a entire action sequence. > Looking the corpse over, Falkyn suggested, "Why not skin the beast >and make armor out of the scales?" Windy: That's what I did! How did you think I got this tunic and pants!? Peter: That's made of dragonscale?! Windy: Yep! Took me a few hours, but it was worth it! Others: [turning green] D: I believe you've made the 'busters sick, Ms. Durenor. Windy: Bah! Wimps! > Kerad wordlessly nodded. "Evil green dragon. A fitting end for you. >Should I skin the beast, or should we find a taxidermist?" Peter: Wait, if he 'wordlessly nodded.' Then why is he talking!?!? D: He spoke after nodding, you ignoramus. > "How would we pay a taxidermist?" Falkyn asked. Egon: Just kill him like you do everyone else! Peter: (Taxidermist) That'll be four silvers! Winston: (Falkyn) *SLICE* Peter: (Taxidermist) Aah! > "Uh, guys?" Dacken interrupted. "We were supposed to be after that >Jiro guy?" Winston: (Kerad) You mean that meat on the pita bread? Peter: (Falkyn) Great, Kerad! Now I'm hungry! Winston: (Kerad) Well, let's go have some Jiro! Egon: WRONG! That's gyro! Winston: *BAM* Egon: OUCH! Winston: I know *THAT*! > "I'll wait here," Falkyn offered, "so nobody decides to make off with >the carcass." > Ray: It's okay, I don't think anyone's gonna get *THAT* far with a dead dragon! > Kerad and Dacken arrived at Kitayama Jiro's abode. "Fitting place >for a yakuza oyabun," Ray: He's an odango! Windy: He is not! He's a mob boss... I think! > Kerad observed, taking a look at the immense mansion- >like dwelling. He and Dacken scaled the fence around it and silently made >their way toward the house. Winston: (Dacken) Watchout for that---doh! > Kerad took out the security systems, then they quietly entered >through a window, intent on finding Kitayama. > Windy: (Security system) Chocolates? For me?! Oh, you shouldn't have! > They entered a wide study. Sitting behind a desk at the other end of >the room was a well-dressed man of Japanese descent. "Kobun wa," he said. >"Why have you infiltrated my home?" The window behind him illuminated in a >flash of lightning. Egon: MUHAHAHAR! IMPENDING DOOM! [Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles] Windy: Not again! D: I have to find out what causes that someday. > Kerad was about to speak, but Dacken cut him off. "One of your goons >almost killed me, Jiro! He got what was coming to him, and now it's your >turn! You aren't gonna perform your sick 'ethnic cleansing' if I can help >it!" Windy: For I am, Seera Dacken! Others: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! D: IAI! > Kerad drew and connected his swords for emphasis. "How many have you >killed in this pogrom already, Jiro? Asobi wa, owari da, prepare to meet >your fate!" Ray: ASOBI WA, OWARI DA! SHI-NE! Egon: HEAVY JAPANESE THREATS! Windy: MASTER SHI-NE THEME SONG! > Jiro drew a gun and fired. The slug bounced off Kerad's blade to >lodge in the ceiling. Kerad began spinning his blades. "I'll see your >bullet and raise you a wheel of fire." All: Ahhahahahahahahaha! Ray: Wait, why are we laughing? Peter: I think the fic called for it. >Sparks jumped from the tips of his >swords, then they burst into dark crimson flames. "Shall I say, 'Moeru'?" Windy: And I'll say -mrmprhph! D: Not this time, Ms. Durenor! > Jiro reached underneath his desk and produced a long, straight sword. Winston: I bet THAT took some time! >"I won't fall to your puny techniques. My lord, instill me with your power!" >Jiro raised his sword to the ceiling, and the lightning burst through the >window and struck the tip of the extended weapon. Egon: (Jiro) By the power of Greyskull! > "Kurae!" Kerad snapped his wrist and the fire wheel roared forward. Windy: Coconuts! Peter: And the award for the oddest comment, goes to... D: [drumroll] Peter: Windy! > "Ankoku Raikoken!" (Darkness Gleaming Lightning Sword) As Jiro >pointed his sword forward, a burst of purplish lightning emanated from the >tip and negated the wheel of fire. Ray: Oh no! It's the return of the Mundane Sword! Winston: How... mundane. > A grinning, skeletal face superimposed itself over Jiro's, then >faded. "My lord deems that all who are not purebreed must die." Peter: I think Jiro needs to leave the ouija boards alone! > Kerad breathed a sigh of disgust. "Is it just me, or is everyone >working for Thanatos nowadays?" Ray: No, it's just you. Idiot! > He pushed that thought aside and parried Jiro's thrust. > Windy: O_O D: No, Windy, you've got it wrong... again. Windy: Oh, sorry! (*^_^*) > The two fought for a few minutes, before Dacken decided to interject >and shot a bullet through Jiro's temple. He dropped dead immediately. Peter: And yet another one sentence death. Egon: He's racking them up throughout the series! >"Don't have to worry about him anymore," Dacken said. "Let's get back to >your buddy and do something with that dead dragon." > Ray: Dear god, no! All: EWWWWW! > Mávijo landed in the clearing where Falkyn was sitting on the flank >of Holocaust's corpse. "Can your dragon friend carry this thing?" Falkyn >asked. > Dacken shrugged. Mávijo replied by growling and roaring. After >interpreting it, Dacken said, "Mávijo says he can try. So, how will you pay >the taxidermist?" Egon: They're not going to pay him! Peter: Egon, stop ruining it for the rest! Egon: Pardon me! > "He can keep the rest of the body?" Kerad offered. Ray: What exactly is he going to do with THAT?! > Falkyn stared at the body for a moment, then said, "Do you know how >to make dragonscale armor, Kerad? It has to be a complicated process." Winston: Something Eistein doesn't know about. Egon: Don't EVER mention Einstein when talking about Falkyn! Winston: Whoa! Down, Egon! > Kerad absently shrugged. "I'll improvise. Hey, Dack, you want a >dragonscale vest or something?" D: The End. All: HUZZAH! [D is almost swept under the stampede once again] D: Next time I'll make sure to get the end seat. Windy: Not before me! [Door Sign] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] Peter: ALL RIGHT!!! WE'RE ALMOST OUTTA HERE!!! D: Please, Peter, not so loud. You may damage my audio sensors. Egon: If you'll excuse us, me and Ray have a few minor repairs to do to Ecto-1K. Winston: I'm just gonna relax until chapter 29 shows up. D: It may be sooner than you think, Winston... [D's optics turn red] Winston: Uh, D? You okay? D: (Hollower than ususal) I am not D, I am 29! I will make your life a living hell! All: AAAAAHHHH!!! [Mad scramble, somebody hits the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark voices are overhead] "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" "NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!" "KEEP AWAY!!" "None of you will escape the fury of 29!" "Take THIS!" *THUK* *KRRZZZZ* "System file corrupted! Replacing with protected backup! Viral code purged!" "What the hell was that!?!" "I believe it was a very well-written virus, identified as 'Chapter 29'. Fortunately, it has been purged, thanks to a well-timed strike with a taser. Thank you, Egon." *WHACK* "Peter, why did you hit me with that steel pipe?" "Uuhh, no reason. I thought you were still that '29' thing." ____________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 28" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _____________________________________________________________________________ > Kerad was in disbelief. "What else can you do with that chi of >yours? Windy: Just checking. O_O Peter: (Falkyn) Well... Let's just say lonely nights are no more. Others: PETER!