Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 027 -- Twenty-seven down, three to go! Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 27 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song: Windy: I wanna try this time! Winston: Fine, go ahead! Windy: YAY! His name is Duncan Macleod, and he is immorta-- D: Not again! Windy: Sorry, I just liked the Immortal part! *drools* [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find, (LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Durenor, Windwalker 5'9" Black hair, violet eyes. The vampire who made an unscheduled appearence and just decided to stay. Her hobbies include: torching, shaving and beating unsuspecting fools... especially Peter. (Windy: I just can't help myself!) Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Egon was confused. He couldn't find Ray to assist him in the repairs of Ecto-1K. The occultist had vanished with the vampire earlier mumbling something about anime. Ray, anime and a vampire were a deadly mix. He just hoped the pair didn't overdose on anime; he couldn't take another day of Ray singing the theme song to Seera Muun over and over. Peter walked in, peering around each corner, hoping a vampire didn't attack him. His hair and eyebrows had fully grew back in and he intended on keeping it this time. "Say, Egon? Have you seen Ray?" Egon shook his head. "Ray's watching anime with Windy." Winston Zeddemore, who had just entered, commented, "Oh, no, not anime again!" Egon nodded. "Yes, we may endure another ballad of Sailor Moon." A sound that could be described as a muffled curse came from the psychologist. "Not again! I swear, if I see him with Egon's toothbrush yelling, Moon Power, one more time--" Peter's tirade was interrupted by the sudden appearence of D. The android had a look on his face which could be categorized as terror. "Doctor Spengler, I require your assistance immediately!" He turned around and ran back into the hallway. Curious, Egon followed with Winston and Peter close behind. The group ran down the hallway to the holocabana, which Ray turned into a theater to give Windy the full affect of watching anime. D suddenly stopped and turned to the three men. "I fear the worse has occured." He pushed the button that opened the access doors to the holocabana. "Oh my god!" "Ray, what happened?!" "Something's not right!" Windy had the largest set of eyes they've ever seen--anime eyes. Little sparkles hovered before the enlarged violet eyes. "Konnichi wa!" Windy called out in a almost girlish, high-pitched voice. The remaining Ghostbusters' faces paled in color as they took a step backwards. "Minna-chan!" Windy called out, putting her hands under her chin and trying to place a cute expression on her face. "What were they watching!?" Winston asked as he tried to hide himself behind Egon. D looked at the titles strewn about on the holocabana floor. "From the look of things: Mamono Hunter Yohko, Cutey Honey, Bishoujo Senshi Seera Muun Super S, Cat Girl Nuku Nuku and --brace yourselves-- Project: A-Ko!" Peter noticed that Windy's hair had changed. It was done in an odd style that looked like two large hoops. "Oh, no, she's got anime hair!!!" Winston cried as he turned and ran from the room. "Kami-sama!" D cried. Windy giggled again. "Hi! Yohko desu!!" The few that were left had already screamed and escaped from the hallway. * * * * D ran to the control panel and contacted Deep 13. Derek was reading a book on estoeric physics while Tory was playing with a GameBoy. His frantic message made both drop what they were doing. "You don't say? Where is she?" Derek asked. D grabbed the ponytailed vampire and stuck her in front of the communicator screen. Tory screamed and backed away, her fingers were bared into a cross. Derek's eyes grew round before he spoke. "This is bad. D, she has Anime Influence Syndrome. Too much anime can cause a person to think that she's a character! This is the final state. She has the hairstyle of Mano Yohko." Derek shook his head sadly. "If you don't hurry, all of you may turn into anime characters as well!" D nearly gagged. "Surely there's something we can do, master?!" Derek turned to Tory, who was trying to stay as far away from the screen as possible. "Derek, they have to MST a fic and now!" "Right!" D nodded. "Wait, you sure this isn't a trap to get us to watch the next chapter?" Peter commented, eyeballing Derek. "Don't believe me, but I think I see a funny haired vampire near you." Peter gasped and turned, spotting the large eyed vampire near him. "Peter-chan!" she giggled as she grabbed him in a giant bear hug. D sighed, "Kami-sama, we've got movie sign!" [Door Sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 27 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ > Egon: For once, something hasn't happened to me. Windy: Mamono Hunter Windii!! Egon: SHADDUP! > Falkyn was having a hard time with Kerad, who had just gone off the >deep end after seeing Tayid die because of Falkyn's throwing star. He kept >thinking his sword would snap under the assault, but the Katana of Tentok >noh Minowara cannot break. Peter: Or so he believes... Windy: Soulsword, appear!!!! Ray: I will never let her watch anime ever again. > "Kerad! Stop!" he cried. All: Drop...shut them down, open up shop! > Kerad's mind was clouded by rage; rage over the loss of his Peter: Kitten. He's suffering from Warrior kitten loss! Egon: Hopefully, the fourth wall didn't hear that. [A loud groaning is heard] Fourth Wall: I heard, now STOP it! Peter: Sorry! >girlfriend. He would kill Falkyn for her, to avenge her death. Ray: Isn't she just going to regenerate in Hell? Winston: I believe so. Ray: So just go meet her then, cripes! > Falkyn created a burst of chi light, momentarily blinding Kerad and >giving him enough time to back off and charge for another attack. > Egon: Maybe he shouldn't yell his attacks as he perform them--go for that element of surprise. Peter: Then it just wouldn't be RPG, now -- WHOA! [A lightning bolt careens from the ceiling and slams into Egon] Ray: *winces* Winston: Stop giving them ideas, Egon! Egon: (charred) I concur! *cough* VO Derek: Nice shot! His hair is standing up! VO Tory: [smug] Why, thank you! D: In any case, he didn't say anything when he threw the light burst. > When Kerad's vision cleared, he saw Falkyn throwing a sphere of >yellow light. Just as it reached him, Kerad fearlessly grabbed it and >slapped it back, shouting, "Kaesu ze!" (Take it back!) > Peter: (Kerad as a kid) Take it back, booger head! > /What the--/ Ray: Hey?! > The returned chi ball smacked Falkyn upside the chin, throwing him >backward and flipping him upside down, right into a tree. Egon: Spinning him three hundred and sixty degrees, clockwise if I may add. Winston: Feeling a bit off today, Egon? Egon: It's the vampire, she's scaring me! [Everyone look at Windy, who is now wearing the Mamono Hunter dress] Windy: Why is everyone looking at me!? > "Strong! Too strong!" he gasped as he fell to the mossy ground. > Ray: He must have drank Peter's coffee! Peter: What's wrong with my coffee?! Winston: Real coffee doesn't have pebbles in it! Peter: Wimps. Egon: I'd rather pass a Kidney stone than attempt drinking Peter's coffe. The pain would be quicker... Peter: [folds his arms and glares] > "Che, kudaran." (Hmph, what a joke) Winston: So is that vampire over there. Windy: Nani?! > Kerad leaned on his right foot, readying his double-sword in case >Falkyn decided to get up, so he could use the Kaen Senpuu Ken and finish him >off. Peter: (Cheesy Japanese accent) Wax on. Wax off! > Unsurprisingly, Falkyn returned to his feet, albeit very slowly, and >clutching his abdomen and shoulder. He coughed once, then almost lost his >balance. Winston: (Falkyn) coughswordcoughincoughstomachcough! Egon: [looks at Winston funny] > "What's wrong, Falkyn?" Kerad asked. "Are you hurt? Do you want >mercy? Or how about a quick death? Tayid would have wanted it this way." Peter: I'm sure Tayid would have wanted it *THAT* way! Egon: She is the stupid sadist of the pair. Winston: Heavy on the stupid. Ray: *VERY* heavy! > "No." Falkyn took one step forward. "Listen to me, Kerad. You are >just a tool for Thanatos. He is evil and death incarnate. Don't fight me, >Kerad; help me put an end to his influence." Windy: [screams] Ghostbusters: [jumps out their seats] D: Oh no, not more rioting! Windy: FALKYN! YOU IDIOT! Ghostbusters: [shuddering] Windy: [hair comes unraveled] All the other times you've killed, but with Kerad you wimp out?!?! ARGH! D: I believe she's getting better. Peter: I don't know which was worse...her pissed or her as an anime character! > Kerad began to twirl his double-sword. "If there is one thing that I >have learned while living in the mortal realm," he announced, "it is that Windy: FALKYN IS A FRIGGIN' IDIOT! Egon: Break out the riot gear! [The Ghostbusters and D don battle gear] Windy: LIGHTNING BOLT STRIKE! [She calls down a bolt of lightning and zaps the screen -- nothing happens] Windy: DAMMIT! D: Here, have some AB negative. [hands Windy a pouch] Windy: Thank you! [flops down in her chair and sticks a fang in the pouch] Ghostbusters: [turns green] >humans--and all other intelligent life--live only for themselves. It's like >the ultimate form of capitalism. D: Adam Smith would be repulsed at Kerad's ideals of capitalism. Peter: Who's Adam Smith? Egon: Should we explain? D: No. Let him stew for a while. >Humans don't care if somebody else loses their life; but will take great >measures to ensure that they live as long as possible. I'm sure nobody will >care when you're reported KIA." Ray: And this is why he hates humans? Egon: Kerad sounds like a philosophy major! Peter: He's probably miffed that he couldn't get a job. > "That's where you're wrong." Falkyn took another step forward. Winston: And tumbled to his death! Ray: Wow! Peter: You've been hanging out with Egon at the Dark Side again. Windy: [evil chuckling] >"At least two people care: Li'na Sivad and Tenma. If they find out I'm >dead, they will grieve for a long time. If they find out that you did me >in, they will join together and hunt you down." Egon: (Tenma) [snorts] Shyeah...whatever. Winston: (Li'na falsetto) No...not really. > "No!" Sparks began forming at the ends of Kerad's blades. "It's all >a lie! Humans only care for themselves! Greed is their only motivator! >You can't change what I've learned!" > Peter: What school did Kerad go to? Retards R Us?! Ray: I say a cattle prod can change what he's learned. Peter: Scratch that. Make that three people hanging out at the Dark Side. Windy: Cattle prod, eh? Hmmm... > Thanatos finished casting his spell and returned to his viewing >sphere. He heard Kerad's rant and watched as he prepared to torch Falkyn to >a cinder. "Excellent. Let your rage and hatred fill your veins. Let it >control your actions." > Winston: When is wonder boy going to realize he's just a tool of Thanatos? Egon: When hell reaches -1000 Celsius... VO Satan: Ouch! Windy: I had you pegged as a Kelvin man, Egon. Egon: Calorie. Kelvin is for wimps. Ray: HEY! > The sparks flared into the Kaen Senpuu Ken. "Falkyn... Kurae! >Moeru!" With a flip of the wrist, Kerad sent the black fire wheel toward >Falkyn. Winston: What did he just say? Egon: I don't know. Cure More?! Peter: [looks at Ray] Ray: [shrugs] For once, I'm stumped! Windy: Uh...Dark Death! Or maybe Black Fire! D: He said "Eat this!" "Burn!" You don't know such basic Japanese? > Falkyn was too injured to react. Ghostbusters: YES! Peter: End of Falkyn, here we come! > Which saved his life. Windy: Dammit! All: CRAP! > At the last second, his legs gave out, and the fire wheel soared over >his head, blasting the tree he hit. Ray: Krillin is in this!? Peter: More DBZ flashbacks? Ray: Whole ton of them! > The extreme heat of the black fire immolated the tree. The fire >leapt to other trees quickly, and a forest fire raged about them as Falkyn >recovered and Kerad readied another fire wheel. > Suddenly, a burning branch snapped off a tree above him and hit the >back of his head, knocking him cold. All: HEAVY UNCONSCIOUS ACTION! Ray: MASTER COMA THEME SONG! Windy: Good one! [The klaxon starts to flare] D: BREAK TIME! All: HUZZAH! [Door sign] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [Deep 13] Tory: Enjoying the fic so far? [VoFF] [The Ghostbusters just glare at Tory] Windy: [starts cursing about Tayid] [Deep 13] Derek: Guess not. Tory: Well, shall we get on with the skit? [VoFF] Ray: Well, we're out of ideas for skits. Peter: We'd appreciate any help, though! [Deep 13] Derek: WHAT!? Do we have to do EVERYTHING!? Tory: LAZY INGRATES! [Deep 13] Windy: Oh crap, you've pissed them off! Winston: ARGH! [VoFF] Tory: [cackles as she pushes a button] Derek: Oh no, Tory! Not that! [Deep 13] [Everyone jumps and tenses as a large view screen appears before them] Windy: Nani? Egon: Oh no! It's Pokemon! Ray: Not the original format! [All are drawn to the cuteness of Pikachu. Pikachu performs his attack and everyone starts to writhe] Windy: SEIZURE! ARGH! [Everyone falls to the floor rolling and screaming] All: ARGH! BWAAAAAAAHHH! BWOOP! D: A very peculiar strobe pattern, master. [Deep 13] Derek: Tory, you are truly sick. Tory: Thank you, Derek. I take that as a compliment. [pushes button] [VoFF] [The screen shuts off and everyone stops squirming] Peter: I'm getting outta here! Egon: Wait for me! [Deep 13] Tory: That was easy, we didn't have to force them into the theater this time! Derek: It took chapters of training, but we finally did it! Both: MUUUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAR! [Door sign] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] Peter: If I ever see that yellow rodent again, it's protons! > Falkyn had two choices presented to him: he could leave Kerad in the >forest as it burned around him, giving him a slow, painful death by fire, Ray: (Beavis) FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! >or he could lug the man out, saving his life, but probably extending the >fight. Windy: Now why in the hell would he do *THAT*?! Egon: Falkyn is an honorable warrior. Windy: Honorable my ass! I'd have thrown some gasoline to help the fire along! Peter: You would... >The good Samaritan in Falkyn won out, and he hauled the unconscious form out >of the forest, his double-sword on his chest. > Windy: ARGH! YOU FRIGGIN' IDIOT! [goes over and bangs her head on the wall] Peter: Watch it, Windy. Keep that up and you'll be Falkyn's mental match! Windy: I guess you're right...[touches her forehead] Owww... > Falkyn waited until Kerad came out of his stupor. "Morning," he >said. "Are we still going to cut each other to pieces?" Winston: Luckily for Kerad, Falkyn's STILL in his stupor! > Kerad looked to the charred-out remains of the forest. "I... did >that?" he asked, unbelieving. "And you pulled me out? Even after I trained >just to kill you? Even after you destroyed Tayid, who is now irrevocably >dead? After all that, you'd save my life? I thought you'd just leave me in >there to burn to death." Windy: Don't flatter yourself. If I was in that story, I'd left you! D: Of course you would. Windy: Shut up, tinhead. > "For a moment, I thought I would. But that's not in my code; I won't >allow an opponent to die, except by my sword." Egon: C or C++? Ray: Falkyn seems to be a QBASIC kind of guy. [Both start chuckling] VO Derek: I'd say Assembly. Egon: Ouch! D: I would say, FORTRAAN, myself. Windy: What the hell are they talking about? Winston: Egghead stuff. Don't sweat it. > Suddenly, the sky went dark. A purplish-black portal ripped the air >in twain, and a black-cloaked figure stepped out. Peter: [British accent] He split the sky in twain, guv! OI! STRUTH! > "Thanatos," Falkyn muttered. Windy: "Dammit," Peter muttered. Peter: [muttering] Dammit... > "My lord," Kerad said, dropping to his knee and genuflecting. Ray: How much longer til Thanatos's butt falls off from the kissing? Egon: Four more "My lord"'s to go! Ray: Drat! > The cloaked god bade Kerad to rise. "Kerad, this is your payment..." >A tremendous wall of force hit Kerad and threw him backward. He landed >almost directly on his head when his flight came to an abrupt end. Winston: About time! Maybe idiot boy will learn that Thanatos was using him! > Falkyn reached for his katana, but remembered that it was still stuck >fast in the tree it struck when he was tackled. "Thanatos, this is the last >time we will ever cross paths. I do not want to be associated with you in >any way, shape, or form." Egon: So, I guess Falkyn doesn't want to be associated with Thanatos. Windy: No wonder you're the genius of the outfit! >He charged bright maroon chi flames in his hands, ready to use them if >necessary. Peter: Don't just stand there! Shoot him! Ray: This is Falkyn. The honorable idiot. Winston: Idiot explains it all. > "Kerad has outlived his usefulness," intoned Thanatos, his voice deep >and resonating from within the cloak. > Winston: I bet that's the same cloak from all the other chapters. Windy: [pinching her nose] EWW! > Kerad pulled himself to his feet, biting back the pain of having his >left shoulder dislocated. Peter: BITING!? Winston: I never had my shoulder dislocated, but I'm willing to say it hurts like hell! Egon: It does...and how he's keeping quiet is beyond me! >He'd done it before, he could do it again; steeling himself for the pain, he >set his shoulder with a loud popping sound. Winston: Again! Wouldn't that hurt!? Egon: [flinching] Yes, it does! Ray: That's kind of unrealistic. Even Blade moaned when he had his shoulder set! Peter: You won't shut up about that movie until you own it! Ray: Maybe... >He recovered his weapon and stalked toward his ex-master. Windy: (Kerad) I lOve yOu, ThAnAtOs! SiGn mY aRmOR!! Egon: I believe he means stalked as in walking. Windy: Stuff it, geek, before I walk all over you. Egon: Ahem, understood! > "My lord," he said, inflecting as much sarcasm as he could muster, Peter: Well, I hope he can KETCHUP! Winston: That pun was awful. Ray: Well, who cares? Kerad MAYO May not die! Winston: [groans] Egon: We don't RELISH these puns. D: (Improv club patron) Get off the stage, you suck! >"I knew you would stoop to this when I wasn't useful any longer. It's >typical of everything, from orcs to gods. I will destroy you for your >treachery, Thanatos." He stopped and clutched his knee. /Busted. Great, >just what I need. I'm gonna fight a god with a freshly-set shoulder and a >busted patella. What--no, I won't chance it./ > Peter: Sheesh, even his thoughts are incoherent! Winston: I have yet to see anyone within this storyline coherent! VO Derek: NANI!? [Lightning slams into Peter and Winston] Both: OUCH! > Thanatos was firing black energy at Falkyn as fast as Falkyn could >negate them. The residual heat from each blast had Falkyn sweating >profusely and Thanatos not minding it. Ray: Er!? Egon: Well, that certainly produces an image unworthy of thinking. Egon & Ray: ARGH! > Kerad stopped next to Thanatos. "My lord, let me finish him off." > Thanatos set up a faceted energy field that bounced Falkyn's chi >bursts off at random angles. "What?" Windy: (Old woman) Are ye daff, boy! Winston: No more Monty Python for you. Windy: [glares at Winston] NEE! NEE! Ray: No, don't say that! > "I can beat him. Trust me." Egon: (Thanatos) Sure, about as far as I can dropkick you. > "Very good. If you can, I'll give you Tayid back." Winston: Did he give Tayid away!? Ray: I know she was the sadist, but now she's an object?! > "But, my lord, her spirit has been destroyed. She is irrevocably >dead." Windy: YAY! Winston: WINDY! Windy: What!? > "That is where you are wrong. Just before she died, I performed a >ressurrection. Her body is whole, her soul returned. If you can defeat >Falkyn, she is yours." Ray: Any bets? Peter: Why bet against a sure thing!? > Kerad readily agreed. He had a plan, though. > Windy: I just hope it doesn't involve doors! Ray: You've got it backwards. Falkyn is the foe of all doors. Windy: I know what i'm talking about! All he needs is a castle. Falkyn can rampage in there for hours! Ray: Ouch! > Kerad stepped out of the field and faced Falkyn. They crossed swords >and Kerad said, "I have a plan. Falkyn..." > Egon: (Kerad) See that castle over there? Peter: (Falkyn) Duh...yeah. Egon: (Kerad) There's fifty doors in there with your name on it! Peter: (Falkyn) WHOOOHOO! > Thanatos watched as Kerad deflected Falkyn's chi bursts. Each blast >struck the perfectly angled blade, deflecting skyward. Then, Kerad snapped >his blade forty-five degrees downward, and the next bolt returned directly >to Falkyn, striking him dead centre in his chest. All: HEAVY GEOMETRY ACTION! Ray: MASTER ANGLE THEME SONG! > "Excellent!" Thanatos roared. D: (Shao Kahn) Outstanding! Muahahahahaa! Winston: NO! No more Bill and Ted! [Windy and Ray start pouting] > Kerad waited for Thanatos to approach, then genuflected, his double- >sword in his hand by his side. "My lord, his body is yours. But before you >do, I want to make sure you won't back out of the deal. Return Tayid to me, >and Falkyn's body is yours in return." Egon: Well, maybe Kerad isn't *AS* dumb as Falkyn... Peter: I'll believe that when I see the results of his I.Q test! Ray: (Falkyn) How do you spell, "Falkyn?" Winston: (Kerad) Uh...F-a--q? > As Kerad occupied Thanatos, Falkyn began winding up a tiny, almost >invisible thread, which was connected to his sword. The weapon was pulled >free of its tree and slowly slid toward Falkyn while Kerad and Thanatos were >oblivious to it. Egon: (Thanatos) I shall stand here and pretend I'm not seeing that sword slipping across the grass. Winston: (Kerad) Yes, Thanatos. I don't see the sword sliding either! > "Very well. She is yours." Thanatos opened the Gateway Egon: (Kerad) Can I get a reciept? Just in case I have to return her. >dramatically, and a knee-high pirate's boot stepped out onto the grass, >followed by a shapely thigh, then two slender hands gripped the edges of the >Gateway, leveraging out the rest of the body. Peter: My God! Couldn't he just say, "Tayid stepped out of the Gateway"? Winston: Here we go... All: HEAVY DESCRIPTION ACTION! Ray: MASTER VERBOSE THEME SONG! >Tayid's other foot contacted the ground, and she stopped to take a look >around. Her skin had regained its light pink color, replacing the pallid >gray of death. "I'm back, Kerad," she said. Windy: [sighs] Who gives a flying fu--mrughp! D: Ms. Windwalker, please! No more profanity! Ray: She's going to die...again! Windy: [pushing D's hand away] And I'm going to enjoy watching it! > "Now, to take possession." Thanatos began chanting in an arcane and >unknown tongue, preparing to transfer his control to Falkyn's body. Ray: I don't think I need to see this! > Then, Kerad shouted, "NOW!" and impaled Thanatos on Dishonor. > Falkyn leaped to his feet, alive and undamaged, pulled his sword to >his hand, and shouted, "Hoori Gari!" as he sliced with the same technique >that finished off Thanatos twelve years prior to this moment. Thanatos's >body began to sizzle and smoke as mystic purity entered his body through the >sword wound, eating away and burning his body like he had fallen into a pit >of corrosive acids. Peter: Sheesh. Tayid got more attention stepping out the freaking portal. Egon: Thanatos's death was a mere blip in the eye of the fic. Ray: But yet, it takes eons for Tayid just to step into view. Windy: It shows you where Derek's mind was--*BOOM* [Windy is struck by lightning] Winston: WHOA! He struck the vampire! Windy: [charred with shocked expression] THE HELL?! VO Derek: Sorry! I had to stop that comment. > "Evil always turns in on itself, Than," Kerad said, not flinching as >the evil stench permeated his nostrils. Peter: --As he evilly backed away from the evil rotting corpse on the evil ground! Ray: Was it evil? Windy: No, I thought it was evil! Winston: You're wrong! It's EEEVIL! Egon: Evil, schmevil. > Thanatos made no reply; his body melted away into a pile of ash. > "Ashes to ashes," Falkyn announced. Winston: I'm good Ash, you're bad Ash! Ray: Shop smart! Shop S-Mart! Windy: Come get some! Peter: Hail to the king, bab--BOOM! VO Tory: THAT'S MY LINE! Egon: Ooh, that's gotta hurt! Peter: Shaddup, Egon! > "Dust to dust," Kerad finished. "You're probably wondering why I >decided not to kill you. Well, when Thanatos hit me with that wall of >force, he inadvertently gave me a reason to rebel. When he offered me >Tayid in exchange for your body, I formulated a plan that would benefit all >but him." Winston: Showing why Falkyn is soon to be retired. He couldn't formulate a *simple* plan. Windy: Showing us how *simple* he really is. > "And now you are reunited with your corsair ally," Falkyn observed, >taking a glance at Tayid. Peter: Falkyn, he said GLANCE, not OGLE! Ray: Even though you're doing the ogling. Peter: Am not...*ogle* > "I am also going to forsake these weapons; they are stained with the >stench of evil and hatred." He impaled the double-sword into the soil. "I >shall forge two new weapons, and name them Honor and Glory." Egon: Such original names! > "How about Power and Wisdom?" Falkyn suggested. "After all, you need >both to wield any weapon; the power to wield it, and the wisdom to know how >to wield it." > "I'll think about it." He turned to Tayid. "Shall we be off?" Egon: No, don't think! You'll hurt yourselves! Windy: I hope he leads her off a cliff! > The two ex-underlings of Thanatos walked, arm-in-arm, over the >horizon to wherever they planned on going next. Winston: A perfect Monty Python shot. The large foot comes down and stomps them. Windy: How I wish that was true in life! Ray: LOOK OUT! [A foot comes down and squashes everyone] D: Master, I think your aim was too close! VO Derek: Whoops! > Falkyn watched the two leave, then looked at the burned-out forest, >and finally to the pile of ashes he stood in front of. As if on cue, a wind >picked up and scattered the ashes into the breeze. /I may just have to >leave these islands one day. My life is rapidly turning into a soap opera./ Peter: Not really. Your evil twin hasn't appeared yet. Windy: I know! Like that one time on Star Beach! Jonny's evil twin Manny appeared! Peter: And Sarah was going to marry Manny! Others: [staring at Peter] Peter: What!? > As he turned and went his own way, he said to the wind, "'I am tired >and sick of war. Its victories are all moonshine.' William Tecumseh >Sherman." > Winston: Falkyn needs to get a hobby, and FAST! > Thanatos recompiled in Tartarus, in front of the Throne of the Dead. >"No! Defeated AGAIN! Falkyn! If it takes an eternity, I will take your >body! Mark my words, I will return! Kerad, your soul will burn in Tartarus >when I find you! Your worst nightmares cannot fathom the torture I will put >you to when I find you!" > Egon: Kerad couldn't even fathom what you've just said! > Some time later... > Ray: And there was much rejoicing... All: [deadpan] yay... > Kerad was hammering away at a wide, thin sheet of red-hot metal. He >pounded it lengthwise until it folded over, then he beat it flat. He tapped >the tip just a little so that it was pointing backward, making it into a >perfect tachi (Japanese longsword, cousin of the katana). Winston: And there is our Japanese weaponry lesson for today... >He looked it over before immersing it into the cooling trough. Steam rushed >out of the trough as the metal's temperature rapidly fell. Taking the >cooled, but still hot, metal out of the trough, Kerad set to polishing and >smoothing his new weapon. "You will be Glory," he said to the metal, "we >will achieve great renown, as will your sister blade, Honor." Peter: Does Kerad suffer from sword envy or something? Egon: Why name your weapons? Windy: My claymore is called Bloodbane! You cannot understand it if you don't have a weapon of your own. Ray: Peter calls his pack Old Betsy... Peter: Shaddup, Ray! > "Speaking of Honor," a feminine voice said as its owner walked into >the forge. Windy: Dammit, it's her! Peter: Maybe you should take that battle up in the holocabana. Windy: And risk a workout for THAT idiot!? > "Tayid! I take it you've finished sharpening Honor's blade." > Tayid presented Kerad with his new sword. "Just the way you like it: >sharp enough to cut green bamboo." Egon: (Kerad, dark) And sharp enought to slice through skin with ease... muhahahar... Windy: Egon, you're scaring me. Peter: Nothing new. He manages to scare at least one of us a day. > Accepting the blade, Kerad said, "If it can cut green bamboo with no >trouble, it's definitely as sharp as it can get." Ray: Too bad Falkyn isn't as mentally sharp. Windy: I think we shouldn't knock Falkyn's intellect anymore. Winston: Why!? Windy: My back still hurts from that foot! ITAI! >He examined the grip and tried his hands in it. There was room for another >hand and a half, making it a perfect grip for the weapon. "Let's hope it >can cut green dragon, as well. I don't know, but I bet Thanatos'll send >Holocaust after me and kill us." Ray: ARGH! Not the dragon again! Windy: Who cares, can I get some aspirin! Winston: Let's get outta here. Egon: I agree! D: It's over All: HUZZAH! [They stand up and exit the theatre] [Door sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] D: Well, Ghostbusters, we have three more chapters to go. Peter: Really!? Egon: Finally! Winston: WAAHOOO! Windy: What, you're leaving?! D: I'm afraid so, Ms. Windwalker. They've paid their due. Windy: Awww! I'm gonna miss you guys! Ray: What's this? Windy's showing emotions besides anger? Windy: [eyes turn dark] Hell, no! RIOT! Others: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Egon slaps the button and runs out] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark voices are overhead] "NOT BLOODBANE!" *SLICE* "Ms. Windwalker! My arm!" "GOMEN!" ____________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 27" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _____________________________________________________________________________ > "Very well. She is yours." Thanatos opened the Gateway Egon: (Kerad) Can I get a reciept? Just in case I have to return her.