Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 018 --Is This The End? Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 18 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Ray Stantz emerged from the hallway dressed in his tan jumpsuit. His reddish brown hair was standing up in spikes, a sign of his restless sleep. On the bridge, reading a newspaper was Peter Venkman. His bright green eyes scanned the headlines as a small smile was playing with his face. "Morning, Peter," Ray mumbled as he looked for the coffee pot. "Hey, Tex!" Peter replied happily, jumping up from his chair. Ray looked at his friend warily. "What are you so happy about?" Peter grinned an even bigger grin. "Egon says he's finished with Ecto-1k!" The occultist suddenly felt like smiling himself. "WAHOO!!! We're outta here!" At that moment the door opened and Winston Zeddemore entered, armed with his suitcases. "Let's get moving! I want to be outta here before D shows up!" Peter pulled a couple of suitcases from under the main desk. "Here, Ray. I packed yours and mine!" A second later, Egon Spengler appeared. His bright blue eyes were shining with excitement and a look that scientists bare when reaching a discovery. "Gentleman, the Ecto-1k is finished. I suggest a quick and immediate departure." The four Ghostbusters smiled at each other and started to cheer. "YAY! WHOOO HOOO!!" D appeared from under the main bridge table. "Excuse me, you can't leave yet, because we have Movie Sign coming soon." The Ghostbusters screamed and dropped their luggage. After a stunned silence a loud cry errupted from the psychologist. "What the hell?!!?" If D could smirk, he would have, but he couldn't. "We have a few visitors arriving today. It is the last chapter of the series." As he spoke, D held up a spark plug that seemed to have been ripped from the Ecto-1k. Egon held his blond head down, he knew when he was defeated. "Fine, let's do the damn chapter." Ray sighed. "Tory and Derek are going to be here?" D turned his steely gaze on Ray. "Them, Satan and Windy." The occultist's brown eyes widened in fear. "Not the vampire again! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He threw his luggage down and ran from the room screaming. Egon cocked his head sideways. "I take it the vampire was scary..." Peter placed a hand on Egon's shoulder. "More than you'll ever know..." The lights of the VoFF flashed and flickered as four more bodies appeared. One was a tall man sporting a pair of horns and a tail. His red suit oddly matched his red hair and eyes. The second was a tall woman dressed in gear that could only be described as RPG. The last two were Tory and Derek; Tory sporting her infamous tee-shirt that read, "Guns don't kill people, I do!" and Derek clad in his dark denim wear. Windy looked around grinning, her pearly fangs glistening in the overhead light. "Where's Ray-chan?" "Sorry, Windy," Peter said, zipping up the collar of his jumpsuit. "He split." The Vampire's mouth curved down in a pout. "Oh, poo!" All this time Winston was standing with an odd expression plastered on his face. "Wait a second! How come we're in prose form?!" Tory looked around. "Hey, you're right! Peter scratched his head. "Freaky...." Satan spoke for the first time, causing a shiver to run down everyone's spine. "Maybe its because I'm here." Derek rolled his eyes. "Satan, you're not *that* special. You're special, but not that special..." The lord of hell merely stuck his tongue out as a response. D held up his hands to stop the discourse that would follow. "Attention, we have MOVIE SIGN!" Grumbling, the group headed out the bridge and went to the theatre. [Door sequence] [Door 1: It's divided vertically. One half slides left the second slides to the right.] [Door 2: It's a trap door which opens and sucks Tory in. D pulls her out and they continue.] [Door 3: It's the Legend of Zelda for SNES. Derek tries to get the red armor. He gets it and thrashes Aganhim.] [Door 4: It's Janine. She throws herself at Egon, who screams and runs ahead.] [Door 5: It's a picture of Barney. Satan actually screams and they all run past shuddering.] [Door 6: A large vault door. The wheel spins to the left and the door swings open to the right.] Peter paused and looked up. "Whoa, even the door sequence is in prose form!" The small band of MSTers trail in and sit down, nearly filling the front row. > Falkyn -- Chapter 18 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Winston: We are at the end of the line! Peter: Whoohoo, good ol script form! > Derek Floyd sat at his computer, typing out the latest chapter in his >fantasy story "Falkyn." Derek: Oh, boy... [short pause] Satan: What in the name of my domain is THIS! You summon me to read self-insertion? Why I ought to damn you for eternity! Tory: Satan, chill, it's only the beginning. Ghostbusters: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *CRASH* *BAM* Ray: What was that?! Egon: The fourth wall falling...very hard. Peter: I'm suprised it didn't shatter! Winston: Alas, poor fourth wall, I knew it well. Fourth Wall: Ouch... > "Hmm," he said, looking over what he just wrote. "He's down, katana >beyond reach, with an ettin bearing down on him. Of course! 'Rolling away >from the ettin's club, Falkyn charged his chi in his hands and Renzoku Chi >Dan'ed the daylights out of the beast.' Egon: This makes me wonder, does Derek see himself as Falkyn? Derek: Of course not, I can't shoot chi at people. Peter: But you struck me down a few days ago... Derek: Shaddup! Tory: Besides, it was a fireball that hit you. Derek: Tory, you're not helping. Ray: [blinks] Dan'ed!? Peter: Ray, shut up. >Ah! That's gotta hurt! Now, let's see, what else can he do? There was >only one ettin on his path back to Kumay, so I can't have its mate rushing >him from the bushes." Peter: Wittle Petey Venkman gonna thwo up... Windy: It is stereotypical self-insertion. > He typed out a few lines, outlining Falkyn's rather uneventful trip >home to the Kumay mountains. Winston: What's with the mountains? Is Falkyn a billy goat?! Derek: He lives there. > "Oh, man," he realized, "I'm running out of plot ideas for the story! Ray: Is that why Falkyn is always heading to the mountains? >That is /so/ hurting!" Satan: So is *THIS*! Windy: I'm taking a vow of silence. Egon: Why? Windy: I'f I have to comment, I'm draining Derek. Derek: ^_^ > He brought up a list of plot ideas he took off the internet, and >browsed the ideas he could find. While reading the text, he opened his >Winamp program and started one of his many Weird Al songs, namely, "It's >Still Billy Joel to Me." Satan: Curse to those who created Winamp, may my trident find home in their asses! Tory: [blinks] Winston: We really didn't need to know the name of the song... Derek: Now I own the Windows Media Player! Plays waveform audio, midi, and MPEGs! Ray: The horror! > He bopped to the tune, then, out of habit, began lip-synching to the >lyrics. After finding no good ideas in the file, he closed it, opened >another, and started up "Stuck in a Closet with Vanna White." Egon: [raises an eyebrow] Peter: You mean to tell me you've gotten all your ideas from Weird Al?! Winston: Stephen King would be pissed. Derek: I have never gone to Weird Al for any ideas. > He came across an interesting plot that involved a low-level female >PC, and Li'na instantly came to mind. Peter: Heh, Li'na came...OUCH! Satan: I insist you cease that! Tory: You know Peter's too hentai when Satan has to bonk him. Derek: [thinks for a second and then speaks] That sounded SO WRONG! Peter: EWWW! >He started writing, but the speed at which he typed was increasing, and was >getting too much for his keyboard to bear. Suddenly, in a brilliant flash >of light, Derek vanished, leaving no trace. All (except Derek): YAY! Derek: NOT FUNNY! Winston: Who said it was? Derek: Don't make me delete you... Tory: Wait, we're missing someone! [She vanishes and reappears with another person] Tory: Say hi to Checkers87! Winston: Checkers87? Ghostbusters: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Peter jumps up armed with a bat] Peter: HELLO, CHECKERS87! *BAM* Checkers87: Aoo?! *THUD* Tory: Damn... > > The last thing he remembered was typing out his next chapter while >listening to Weird Al, then the next minute, he was standing on a mountain, >in a makeshift camping area. He heard the sound of metal on bamboo (a sound >he admittedly never heard before), Satan: OK, genius. How did you know the sound then? Derek: Uhh... Satan: [starts to growl] >and whipped around to see his creation standing behind him, holding his >gleaming silver katana. Ray: Derek has a katana? Peter: All men do... Tory: I didn't need to hear that! Checkers87: Falkyn needs a fuku! Others: SHUT UP! Falkyn: The day Falkyn wears a fuku is the day I smoke pot! Winston: --the hell?!?! > "Stop this, Falkyn!" he cried. "Before you strike, I tell you I am >your creator!" Windy: Boy, someone has a swelled head. Ray: Windy... Windy: I know what I said, I decided he wasn't worth biting. Especially after this self-insertion adventure! Derek: Aww... > "Thanatos!" Falkyn charged and swung. "You shall never get my body, >now matter how hard you try!" Derek: Not a problem, your body's not worth wanting anyway. Tory: Li'na thought different. Winston: I'm shocked she could even put forth the effort to think. > Blindly putting faith in what he'd seen before, Derek slapped his >hands together on the flats of the blade, stopping the inertia of the >falling weapon. Tory: NANI?! Since when could you do that?! Egon: Since Falkyn was about to slice his face off. Checkers87: I still say Falkyn needs a fuku. Satan: You mention fukus one more BLEEP time and you'll answer to ME! [his red eyes flash with the full intention of his threat] Checkers87: [nervously] Uh, hahahaha. You're funny. > "I am not Thanatos, I am your real creator. I have been controlling >every move you made throughout your life, ever since you stepped into the >tavern in YahKii and fought Gorg. I am Derek Floyd, and I have the power to >make you immortal, or I can snuff you out with a heart attack." [short pause] Tory: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Irony at it's best, a heart attack?!?! Egon: Derek sounds like a stalker! > The scarred warrior's eyes narrowed. "I sense a familiarity with >you. For now, I spare you. Tell me all that you know about me, if you are >who you say you are." > Winston: Falkyn knows he's not that bright. Egon: Really, he just met the guy, but senses a familiarity. Doesn't he know that most people who are murdered are killed by someone they know! > Derek told Falkyn everything that Falkyn thought nobody knew, even >things that Falkyn himself didn't know, including the birth dates of Tenma, >Rezock, Karados, Razhad, and his underlings. He also told him things that >would happen in the future. Ray: Did you also tell him how you plan on murdering him? Windy: Tell us, oh great Carnac! Derek: [mumbling incoherently] > "You know how I got here?" he asked of Falkyn. > "No, I do not." Winston: --the hell!? Satan: Hey! Don't take my domain's name in vain! Winston: Sorry...WHAT THE BLEEP?! Satan: Better... > "Neither do I. I've got to find a way home; it was around eight when >I was brought here, and if I don't get home by midnight, I'm going to get it >really bad." Windy: Awww, wittle Derek has curfew... Derek: [winks] > "You know so much about me, yet you are so young." > "Gonna be fifteen in a couple months. Amazing how someone like me >can conjure up the world's most fearless fighter? Well, I can help you out >on your next mission, as long as you help me get home." Tory: You're 15?!?! Oh, lord! Derek: What?! Tory: You're jailbait, for Pete's sake! I thought you were older! Peter: Don't use MY name in vain! Tory: Shaddup! Derek: How old are you? Tory: Old enough to buy beer...OK! Derek: DO I look like I care? Egon: Gah, I feel old! > Falkyn agreed to the terms of the deal. It was his nature to help >those who needed it. Windy: Just like it was his nature to NOT THINK! > Derek told Falkyn everything about Li'na's hidden lineage: she was, >in actuality, the daughter of the king of Swait. She was switched with a >peasant girl who looked just like her, raised by Dirik and Misal. The girl >was given her memories, and Li'na got the girl's. All: Huh?! > Unfortunately, the girl, >Olo, was found dead, and some major nobles in Swait want to bring Li'na's >dead body to the king and thwart his plan. Checkers87: Just get all that background stuff out the way. Tory: It's not like you wrote anything coherent. Checkers87: My work was a masterpiece, fukus everywhere! [Satan growls and zaps Checkers87 with a bolt of flaming lightning] Checkers87: (very charred) Ouch... Windy: Are you this retarded, or did you take lessons? Ray: Believe me, Windy, that's natural. Peter: Ray would know. Ray: SHADDUP! > "Li's still off with Shaianne, right?" Derek asked. > "As far as I know, yes, she is." Windy: As far as you care also... > "Well, if I'm the writer, I guess I should have omnipotent power. I >wonder if I can will us to their location." Tory: [rolls her eyes] You were up late when you did this, weren't you?! Peter: If he was so [starts to laugh] omnipotent, why couldn't he just zap himself home?! Windy: It adds to the plot. [mumbles] What little of it there is... > As soon as he finished, Derek and Falkyn were teleported to what >looked like a mini-battlefield. Li'na was nowhere to be found, Winston: As usual... >and two assassins lay face-down in the dirt, and Shaianne PeriHawk was not >too far away, a bleeding wound in her arm. The two rushed to her side, and >found her alive, but she had lost a lot of blood. Tory: (Shaianne) Damn blood, always wandering away! GET BACK HERE! > "Shaianne," Falkyn said, "can you hear me?" Checkers87: (Shaianne) No, I'm busy dying... Tory: Whoo, good one! Checkers87: Tory, have you ever thought of wearing a fuku? Tory: Not a good one! > The mage woman opened her eyes. "Falkyn, I was wondering when I'd >see you again." Her skin was pale, and her eyelids were heavy. "How'd you >know that we were ambushed?" Ray: The omnipotent one knew it! > "My friend here told me, and we came here as fast as we could. What >happened?" Satan: (Shaianne) Dammit, don't you see I'm bleeding, someone *CUT* me! > Shaianne paused. "We were heading through Brashion, and we got as >far as here before they jumped us. Li gutted one and I charred another, but >I took a khopesh to the arm. Li was either unconscious or dead when I saw >them drag her off. We found out that she's actually the daughter of the >king, and I think the local thieves' guild found out some more info on her >that we don't know about." Ray: Ask the omnipotent one! Egon: Ray, get off the omnipotent kick! Ray: But it's so fun to say! > "Thank you many times over," Derek said. "Falkyn, we should take >Shai back to town and find a hospital or something where she can recover." > Winston: *Should*?! I guess you should, since she is *bleeding*! > After dropping Shaianne off at a hopsital, the two headed off to the >thieves' guild to extract the information from them. However, while on the >way there, they encountered none other than Li'na Sivad, also on her way to >the guild. [Everyone blinks] Tory: Didn't she get dragged away? Winston: I bet she's using that facade gem again. Peter: [singing] Jem, Jem is exciting...ooooh, Jem! Satan: Hey, that's my favorite show! [Satan joins Peter in singing Jem's theme song] Ray: Oh my. Egon: It's time for us to go, seriously. Checkers87: BIONIC BIONIC SIX...MRUGPOHTH! Derek: I'm getting tired of him... > "Long time, no see," she said. "Hey, Falkyn, who's the kid?" Windy: Why? So you can hit on him too? Winston: Ohh, that was low. Egon: Very. > Falkyn replied, "He claims to be our creator, and we're all part of >his fantasy story. His name's Derek, and I believe him." Derek: You've been smoking those funny looking mushrooms again, haven't you? > Li'na looked at Derek skeptically. "Oh, yeah? Prove it, Shorty." > The five-foot-six Derek merely said, "You were born on the nineteenth Ray: --Day of the ninteenth month of the ninteenth year to the ninteenth child of the ninteenth dynasty in the ninteenth castle. Peter: I plan on ignoring him from now on. >day of next month, twenty-five years ago; your favorite color is light blue; >you can't stand large spiders; and you secretly want to 'do the deed' with >Falkyn." Tory: Great, you're shorter than me, also! Ray: Wow, he's shorter than me! Derek: I wish you'd all quit talking about me. > Blushing slightly, Li'na was astounded. "How did you know that?" > "Easy: I'm the writer, I know everything about you and every major >character that you have met." With a wicked grin, he added, "I also know >your bra size." Peter: [eyes grow large] WHAT IS IT?!?!? Derek: I'm not saying. Satan: Oooh! I know, I know! Tory: I *don't* want to know! Egon: I know what Tory's is, and DEAR GOD! Tory: NANI?! Egon: Ignore me... Winston: Holocabana boy! [Peter looks at Tory] Peter: You're right, Egon! Tory: The next one to comment FRIES! Windy: She can't beat these 48D's! [The Ghostbusters look at Windy with very big eyes] Peter: HOT MAMA! I wouldn't mind being smothered by *THOSE* Windy: Grrr, SHOCKING GRASP! Peter: AHHHHHHHH!!! Windy: Anyone else? Derek: Weelll... Windy: Oohh, alright... SHOCKING GRASP! Derek: Ya-hoooo!!! > Li'na blushed bright red. "If you tell anyone, I swear I will find >you, and gut you like a fish." Tory: That's exactly I'll do to the next freak who comments on bra sizes! > "Don't worry," Derek said. "I'll tell nobody. But right now, we >have to get to the theives' guild to get the information they have." > "You ain't goin' nowhere!" > The three were surrounded by ruffians, who were carrying assorted >weapons. "We're gettin' paid a bundle to kill this pretty piece of ass." [Tory and Windy's jaws drop to the floor] Tory: BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP PRETTY PIECE OF BLEEP?! Windy: [starts cursing in vampire language] Derek: Sorry, I had to make him sound like an uncivilized moron. Don't hold it against me. > "Just ask yourselves one question," Derek said. "'Do I feel lucky?'" >He conjured two katar, and snapped the outside blades into place. "Well? >Do you?" Checkers87: Do explain what a katar is. Derek: A thick blade attached to a handgrip, with a smaller, movable, thin blade attached to either side > "Kill 'em." > The assassins rushed them, and in a matter of seconds, all who stood >were Falkyn, Li'na, and Derek. Egon: --and Sneezey, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Bashful, and Doc. Derek: And, Tory, Satan, Egon, Ray, Peter, Winston--OUCH! Satan: Sorry, Egon beat you to the punch. Derek: Doesn't feel like it. > "Assassins have been hunting me for ages," Li'na said. "They all >said they were trying to kill Swait's heir, and I kept telling them I >wasn't. Now I know all about my father's nefarious plot." Peter: The nefarious beast! > "Let's talk to the guildmaster and get more details on this scheme," >Derek suggested. > Peter: IfyaknowwhatImean. Derek: D, do it! D: Yes, master! *KBANG* Peter: OWWWW! > Derek wrote down notes as Li'na and Falkyn talked with the >guildmaster. Egon: Are you the Gatekeeper? Ray: Are you the Keymaster? Winston: I swear if I hear that bit one more time, I'm kicking both your asses, and you know I can do it too! Egon and Ray: Sorry... > "Packai wants Li'na dead because she could reveal his illegal >activities to anyone," Tory: Like anyone cares about Packai? Anyone? Derek: Not me. Peter: Don't even look at me. Tory: Satan? Satan: [looks up from filing his nails] Huh? Tory: Never mind. >the guildmaster explained. "If she does, the citizens could overthrow him, >and install her as queen. Checkers87: I hope Li'na isn't Windows 98, because if she is the moment she's installed, she's gonna crash. >Not only that, but he's planning on putting the blame on a few major nobles >that are causing him some problems. While they're preoccupied, they're wide >open for him to eliminate them." Derek: One comment, Peter, and D will blast you. Peter: Huh? I didn't say anything! > "The plot thickens," Derek intoned. Egon: Yeah it is getting a bit *thick* in here. Windy: We're gonna need a shovel soon. Ray: Forget shovels, look for some bulldozers. >"We have to stop this sick scheme before Li gets killed. Can you get us >into the castle?" > The guildmaster nodded. "This sordid incident's screwing us up. >We'll gladly help if it'll keep us on our feet." > Peter: But you forgot, your feet were chopped off by Packai! Windy: (Guildmaster) No wonder I couldn't put my boots on! > The three were smuggled into the castle easily, and they hurried to >the throne room to stop the king's plot. > The king and his vizier were talking when they were interrupted by >three interlopers. Tory: Whoa... Ray: You felt it, too!? Tory: Yeah... Windy: Man, that's scary! Derek: Oh, man... Egon: What is it? Winston: It's an "Aladdin" flashback... Egon: Oh... > "Explain yourselves," Packai demanded, "before I must call the >guards to take you away." Satan: (Falkyn) We're here to kick your ass...simple enough? Now DIE! Peter: (Packai) Aah! > "We know all about your connection to Li," Derek replied, "and the >fact you want her killed before she reveals your secret activities to the >populace." Satan: (Derek) We know where all the gerbils went, Packai!!! Windy: That was truly disgusting, you know that? Satan: Quite. > Falkyn and Li'na had their weapons ready, and Derek created a six- >foot halberd. Windy: Created?! What the BLEEP!? Peter: He's creating weapons from thin air?! Egon: Is that even possible?! Tory: It is his universe, he could make Barney appear. Checkers87: Dear lord, this is worse than BSSG! [Everyone stares at Checkers87] Ray: *Nothing* could be that bad! Derek: Besides, I am the great and mighty AUTHOR! [Thunder peals overhead] I can do whatever I want! > "I could just write you dead," Derek told King Packai, "but if I did, >Komera would chew me out for screwing with her locations." > "Guards! Kill them!" Peter: (Guard) I'm sick of him. Guards, do this, guards, do that...damn him! > Derek turned to the doors. "You two take care of Pack-rat and his >lackey; I'll keep the guards occupied!" Tory: Oh, are you? What do you plan on doing!? > The scene quickly became a bloodbath; the vizier was gruesomely >dismembered, most of the guards were run through by Derek's halberd, and the >king himself was defeated, but kept alive. Egon: And why? Just kill his stupid BLEEP! > "You will publicly denounce the throne and pass it to Bial," Derek >ordered. "Following that, you will exile yourself to any of the unpopulated >miniature islands you desire. If you refuse, Prince Bial will claim the >throne after your death." He put the point of the halberd at Packai's >throat and threatened to put a hole in it. Windy: Exile is useless! Winston: Two years later watch ol' Packai sneak himself back into town. > Packai hesitated, then agreed to exile himself. Prince Bial ascended >the throne of Swait, and the three warriors returned to the hospital, to >find Shaianne fully recovered. Satan: Damn, she healed quick! > "This has been thoroughly exciting," Derek announced, "but I must get >home." > "If you're the author, why don't you write yourself home?" Li'na >suggested. [short pause] Ray: That had to be the most intelligent thing Li'na's ever said! Winston: It was a first... Peter: Wow...she's actually thinking... > "Thanks. Don't forget about me while I'm writing about you two." > "Before you go," Li'na said. She whispered in his ear, "Could you >have me and Falkyn... you know... do the deed?" [All visibly recoil from the screen] All: GGGGGYYYYYAAAAAAHHHH!!! Egon: I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER! Ray: [covers his eyes and begins to whimper] Satan: This is too sick, even for ME! > "I doubt it. It goes against what Falkyn believes in. He'd have to >do it under his own free will, unless you have some kind of philter of >love," Derek replied quietly. "I'm off. You kids be good now, you hear?" >With that, he willed himself back to his keyboard. > Egon: --but he messed up and wound up on the moon. Having no oxygen, he suffocated. The end. Tory: Sorry, Egon. *THWAP* Egon: OUCH! Derek: Lemme. *THWAP* Egon: OW! > He snapped out of a trance and looked at the screen. > "Whoa, I wrote all that?" Peter: (Derek) It wasn't me, it was the one armed man! > While he thought he was in his story, Derek had actually been writing >what he was experiencing, and all in the third-person. Ray: Oh, joy! Peter: Oh happy, dagger! > "I'm really screwed up now. First thing, I've got no life; second, I >write while unconscious." Winston: On that no life bit; you said it, not me. Derek: I hear you. > He looked at the clock in the bottom corner of his monitor. "Quarter >to midnight, huh? Glad it's Friday. Better finish this up and listen to >some more Weird Al." All: (except Derek and D) DEAR GOD, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! > He typed in the last paragraph, then looked it over. "Nah, I can't >send this in," he said. "Komera won't let me change the power structure in >one of her countries." He cocked his eyebrow. "Or maybe she will, if I >tell her how all this goes. Wait, a better idea; this could be the 'chapter >that wasn't'. That's pretty good! And this'll give me more time to work on >the miniseries." Egon: We've survived, it's the end! Winston: YES! Ray: Now we can leave! D: I'm sorry, no you can't. Peter: What the BLEEP!!?!? D: We have Chapters 19-20 to complete! Ghostbusters: DEREK!!! Derek: I'm going back to VO-land, to finish up chapter 21! Nya, hahaha! [Derek vanishes and takes Tory, Checkers87, Windy and Satan with him] Egon: When I get my hands on him... [Door sequence, it's not fancy this time, dagnabbit!] Egon: I don't believe this, I don't believe this. Winston: [starts to twitch] Peter: I'm going to hang myself. Ray: I think I'll just suck some carbon dioxide... Peter: [starts screaming madly] Winston: Peter! Calm down! Peter: It's not fair, not fair I tell ya! [D shrugs and pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark, voices are overheard] "His ass is mine!" "OOOOOOH! DAMN YOU, FLOYD!" "I hope Satan runs him through a wringer!" "He could take it." "I hope Windy bites him!" "Considering his reactions to her, I surmise he would accept it willingly." "Can it, D!" __________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 18" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) __________________________________________________________________________ > "The plot thickens," Derek intoned. Egon: Yeah it is getting a bit *thick* in here. Windy: We're gonna need a shovel soon. Ray: Forget shovels, look for some bulldozers.