Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 015 -- This is Just an Interlude. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 15 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Peter and Ray are running around the VoFF with delirious looks on their faces.] Peter: Gotta catch'em all! Ray: Gotta catch'em all! Egon: What insanity is this now?! Winston: They were watching Pokemon earlier... Egon: Ahhh! Peter: Gotta catch'em all! [he jumps on Egon and tries to 'catch' him] Egon: ARGH! GET OFF! [pushes Peter off] [Ray appears to his side and jumps on Egon.] Ray: Gotta catch'em all! Egon: WINSTON! DO SOMETHING! Winston: Aww, hell. [Winston whips out a large rolled up piece of newspaper and starts whacking at Peter and Ray] Winston: *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* Peter: THE HELL!? Ray: OUCH! Winston: There, that's better. You both had the Pokemon fever. VO Derek: Tory has it too! VO Tory: Gotta catch'em all! VO Derek: Excuse me...*WHACK* VO Tory: ITAI! Peter: Pokemon?! Ray: What the devil is a Pokemon? Winston: Good, you've forgotten...D, do your thing! D: Move Sign or the Rocket fist? Winston: Sign! D: We've got Movie Sign! [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 15 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Winston: This is how long I will tolerate any kind of Pokemon craze... > While Falkyn is training in the mountains of Kumay, I think I'll fill >in for him and explain what everything in this continuing story means: > Peter: Oh no, notes from the author! Egon: Please, don't let them be like Checkers87! All: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! > First, the characters (Numbers in parentheses indicate the chapters >he/she appears in): > Ray: Don't forget those its! > Falkyn (1-14) >The title character comes from a science fiction story I'm writing, which is >currently on hold. His past is a complete mystery to everyone, and the only >links to his lost memories are dead (Tris Tan and Theera). Speaks fluent >Common and Japanese. Ray: Common: RPG standard English. Peter: Ray: Idiot on VoFF Ray: [growling] Peter: DEAD MEAT! Peter: Ray: KEEP DREAMING! Winston: Ray and Peter: SHUT UP! > Domm Perinyone (1) >Named after a brand of champagne. May be reintroduced in a later chapter. >A fairly experienced bartender, runs a tavern in YahKii. Peter: Hey, the champ--wait, I did that joke already! Winston: Yes, you did. > Gorg (1) >The monstrous half-orc's (Yes, he's half-orc) name just came into my head >while I was staring at the keyboard. For some reason, a lot of the >characters' names are sudden inspirations while I was looking at the first >letter in their names. He's fond of hard liquor and starting bar brawls. Egon: The keyboard *IS* the oujiia board! > Li'na (1-13) >I have no idea. The name just popped into my head while I was thinking of a >name to give Falkyn's original protoge. After her training under Falkyn, >the brunette beauty is quite lethal in hand-to-hand combat. Her alter ego >Selor is "roles" backward. Winston: Just like--mruphgprh! Egon: Say it and he'll delete you again! VO Derek: [very loud growling] VO Tory: Oh, calm down! > Druzid Narmone/Kalmur Sozata (1/1) >The two YahKath from Chapter 1 were inspirations from the keyboard. Druzid >will make no more appearances, but Kal will return in the next miniseries. >Both of them use fighting styles quite similar to tae-kwon-do. Egon: Druzid? Any relation to a Druid? That's what I thought! Ray: Egon, you're thinking too hard again. Egon: Sorry... > Yorr (4, 7-8) >An inspiriation from the keyboard. This unassuming, middle-aged guy doesn't >look intimidating, but he was the first lieutenant of Razhad Demini, >assigned to retrieve Razhad's Mahou no Ken. Winston: And it was his unassumed intmidation that got him killed... Egon: That confused me... Winston: Me too! > Dirik (5, 7-8) >A play on my name. He does look like me in a few ways, but I am not wacked >out like he is. Decapitated while singing "Dare to be Stupid" by Weird Al >Yankovic. Peter: We have self-insertion!!! All: AHHHHHHHH!!!! Ray: I never thought it was a play on his name! Egon: Dirik = Derek...[shudders] > Misal (6-8) >Staring at the keyboard again. Razhad's sister, she was supposed to find >his plane-traveling Eye of the Tiger (She did, but it was taken back by >Falkyn and Li'na after interference from Tris Tan). Egon: She had to be one of the most useless characters! *KABOOM* VO Tory: DEREK! What did I tell you about lightning bolts! VO Derek: Sorry! Egon: [very charred] Damn... > Donbran (7-8) >A play on my friend's name. However, my friend is not 6'7", 200+ pounds, >and has a speech impediment. He really loves heavy weaponry, and looks a >little bit like Gado from Bloody Roar. Peter: Ack! Not more self-insertion! Ray: They're everywhere! Winston: Like Tribbles! Egon: At least his friend isn't 6'7 200+ with a speech impediment.... Winston: That wasn't a speech impediment, it was pure stupidity! > Tris Tan (7) >A play on another friend's name. Original name was Tarmann Sazili (I don't >know what I was thinking), Peter: I still don't know what you're thinking now! Egon: At least the SI isn't as obvious as most stories... >but I changed it to be fair to my friend. Oldest child of the Tan family >(29 years old). Killed by Donbran after finding his lost brother. VO Tory: Darn that Pretender episode! D: Purely coincidence, I assure you, Tory. > Razhad (6-8) >Keyboard inspirations strike whenever they want, it seems. Egon: Just like you struck me! That was very unfair! Winston: If you don't want to be struck again, don't bitch about it! Egon: You do have a point! >Had the flesh burned from his skull and hands by Falkyn's Ankoku Honoo, then >sealed in the Outer Planes. Peter: That's gotta hurt! Ray: He was sealed in the Outer Planes? I must have been asleep on that part! > Tenma (10-11, 13) >The Japanese kana meaning "Divine Demon". "Divine" because he has god-like >strength and attributes. "Demon" describes his appearance: blood-red hair, >scarred left eye, huge battle-axe, and rock-hard muscle. VO Tory: I'll say! Oh, Tenma-chan! [sighs] VO Derek: [sighs and shakes his head] >Honorable (and freakishly huge) warrior who sees Falkyn as an equal. Peter: Is he a berserker? Ray: (Berserker) Huss! Huss! > Rezock (10) >It doesn't mean "to zock again", because "zock" is not a real word. It is >another of the many keyboard inspirations I had while writing this epic >story. Peter: I'm willing to say, at the risk of being struck, the inspiration had to come in the form of a bottle! [Peter is struck down by a fireball.] VO Derek: I'm a teetotaler, you schlmiel! > Two hundred-year old despot with a samurai and some golems for >bodyguards. Peter: Sex pot? Winston: Despot! You idiot! Egon: Shall we clarify? A ruler with absolute power! Ray: Sheesh! > Karados (11) >It was a name my sister made up for her idea of a supreme deity. I put it >to better use, though. Cryogenically frozen for over a hundred and fifty >years, finally killed by Satsuu, the axe of Tenma. Winston: I'm with Egon, this was another senseless character! Egon: He was turned into kibble also! Ray: Now *THAT* was useful! > Billy Kane (11) >A character from SNK's "Fatal Fury" line of video games. Wears a white- and >red-striped bandanna, green overalls, and wields a staff made of three >parts, connected by chain. Egon: Now we have characters from games making appearences! VO Derek: That's not the last one, Spengs. > Sharak Rundil (14) >From the "DarkSword Trilogy" of books, the kingdom of Sharakan. Even place >names can be adjusted to fit as as person's name. She wanted to be the >ruler of the R'itni Islands, before Astur killed her. Ray: DarkSword? I've never read that. Egon: That's because you only read Dragonlance. Ray: And so!? Egon: Hush! D: Both series were written by the same authors. > Astur Minok (14) >I was thinking about a Famous Last Words from RPG Players: "What a useless >scroll! It just says, 'Hastur, Hastur, Hastur' over and over again..." Ray: [starts cracking up laughing] Egon: Don't you hate RPG'ers? Winston: Yes. >His sadistic nature came from SNK's Ryuji Yamazaki, who was in Fatal Fury 3: >Road to the Final Victory, and King of Fighters '97 and '98. Peter: Derek really *loves* video games. VO Derek: I forgot to add he was in the Real Bout: Fatal Fury games as well. > Theera (14) >How many names do you think I've got that were inspired by the keyboard? >Stahl Tan's girlfriend, who was killed by Astur. > Egon: Keyboard my patootie, that was a play on Stella! > After I'm done with all the characters, I guess I'll talk a little >about the items that you've been reading about: > Peter: And it continues! Ray: [starts moaning] > Mahou no Ken (Sword of Magic) >No real base for the weapon. I was seeking a plot device for the beginning >of the Razhad Saga when I remembered a class from Final Fantasy V, the >Magic Knight, or "Mahoukishi." "Mahou" is the Japanese word for magic, and >"ken", depending on the context, means fist/punch, sword, or technique. >"No" is a conjunction, and the words next to "no" are often transposed; >after all, it makes no sense to say, "Magic of Sword". Winston: And there we have our Japanese lesson for today. Please read the next chapter for tomorrow's quiz. > Eye of the Tiger >From the Survivor song, "Eye of the Tiger", which was used as the theme to >"Rocky III", and parodied by Weird Al Yankovic in "The Theme to Rocky XIII". >Imbued with the power to open a Gate to any Plane of existence the wielder >desires, with no chance of failure. Peter: That one was too obvious. Ray: I agree! > Satsuu (Tenma's battle-axe) >The Japanese kana "Murder" describes the three-foot, adamantite-bladed... >adjectives fail me here, so I'll just say, "freakin' huge battle-axe". >Tenma can throw this monster and it always returns to his hand. Egon: Everything in here is either 'freakin' huge' or 'honkin' huge'! Peter: It's better than saying BLEEP huge! Ray: PETER! Peter: Whoops! > Katana of Tentok Noh Minowara (Falkyn's new katana) >A weapon found in the "Gallery of Magical Blades" at www.netrpg.com. It is >an unbreakable, untarnishable marvel of striking. Its bamboo sheath can >cure light wounds three times per way. Winston: Give me one freakin' weapon in this game that has a short name! Egon: ...... Winston: Aha! > Mundane Blade (Li'na's new katana) >Also found in the Gallery. It projects a 20'-radius sphere of nullmagic; >anything magical will be negated in the field; this includes magical >weapons, and magic spells with physical forms, eg. the devastating Fireball >spell. > Peter: Can't forget it protects mudanely. Ray: ha, ha ha...forget it. > You're probably wondering how I came up with the names of Falkyn's >chi moves. Well, I didn't. > All: DAMMIT! Peter: When does this end?! Egon: THE HORROR! Winston: AHHHHHHH! Ray: I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE! VO Derek: SHADDAP, ALL OF YA! Except you, D. D: Thank you, Master. > Practically all Falkyn's chi attacks were taken from Akira Toriyama's >Dragon Ball manga/anime series, except the following: Peter: Taken? Boy, are you looking at a lawsuit! VO Derek: Did I not say to shut up? > Ya Otome and Ya Sakazuki come from SNK's King of Fighters games; the >names of Iori Yagami's Desperation Moves. Ya Otome (Eight Maidens) are the >eight maidens of Kushinada. According to a Japanese legend, all but one of >the Kushinada were eaten by Yamatano Orochi (Eight-Headed Great Serpent) Peter: I bet that last one is pissed off! Egon: [confused] Why? Peter: All the others got eaten... Winston: EWWWW!!!! Egon: OH, HARF! Ray: [green face] >before it was given Ya Sakazuki (Eight Wine Cups) by the hero Susanoo, which >made it flat drunk and easy for him to kill. In one of Orochi's eight >tails, Susanoo found another sword, which he gave to Amateratsu, the Sun >Goddess, which was called "Kuzanagi", which roughly translates to "Lawn >Mower" Peter: Old grammar school thing; Your BLEEP is grass and I'm the lawn mower! Egon: Heh! I remember that! Ray: Me too, except I was often the grass.... Winston: Whoa! >(Seriously!). > The Ashura-Senkuu (God of War Air Flash) and Hadou-Ken (Wave Motion >Fist [which has yet to be used in the story]) were ripped from Capcom's >Street Fighter games; moves of Akuma Long and Ryu, respectively. Ray: AHA! It was Street Fighter! Peter: Ray, we knew that... Ray: Oh yeah, we did... >Since Falkyn can't do the Ashura-Senkuu without risking his life, he'll have >to rely on the imperfect Shunkan-Iddou (Teleport [I think]) from Dragon >Ball, which only works by sensing another's chi. Peter: Uhoh, he's starting to guess at things. Winston: This is a recipe for pain. > Falkyn is creating new techniques as we speak, and since I know what >he's creating, a later chapter may have him using the Ryujin Satsuu Ken >(Dragon-God Murdering Fist/Punch), which covers his body in purple chi flame >and his punching fist in swirling red chi. Killer, huh? Peter: Uh, no...seriously, it's not killer... Ray: KING! Egon: MASTER! Winston: !?!? > We shall see a new chi technique, "borrowed" from Dragon Ball, called >"Buku-jutsu" (No Air) which allows the user to focus his/her chi and defy >gravity! Is it just me, or is Falkyn a wee bit overpowered? I'd say he >needs just a little longer to train, and he'll be comparable to a god! > Winston: Oh, now he says borrowed....I still see a lawsuit on the horizon. Peter: (lawsuit) Here I come to sue your BLEEP! > The next miniseries in the Falkyn legacy will not be posted for a >while, so I'll just leave a few teasers for the next couple chapters: > ALL: CRAP! > Falkyn 16: Tenma returns! He and Falkyn time-travel to 1995 to >recover a stolen artifact. First chapter to incorporate Japanese into >casual conversation. Peter: Tenma R! Ray: The Return of Tenma; The freakin' huge warrior! Winston: Tenma, the next day! Egon: Tenma II! All: Electric Boogaloo! > Falkyn 17: Falkyn seeks his memories, and we learn of an evil entity >that is behind everything that occurred in Falkyn's life! Peter: At least no one can accuse us of reading ahead! Winston: Yeah, Derek is giving us the previews already! > The new miniseries ought to take up six or so chapters, but if it's >not done by then, boy, I'm in trouble. :-) Peter: No, actually I'll like you even better! > Falkyn 18: Cheesy self-insertion chapter. I'll leave it at that. > All: BLEEP! > Who knows when Falkyn's story will come to a close? I can tell you >that Falkyn will not live forever; in fact, I've already determined how he >will die: in battle, with honor. He will go out in a blaze of glory, and >his spirit will travel to the Beastlands, where it will reside for eternity. > [short pause] [The theatre is filled with yells of outrage] Winston: --the hell!? He gave away the ending! Egon: Smooth move, not only do you give the ending, you piss us off! Ray: That was so unfair! Peter: I can't say I've enjoyed this, but that was really bad! > Big news in Falkyn! His tales have been MSTed! Well, chapters 1 >through 4 are done as of this day (April 15, 1999). Drop me a line at my >regular e-mail address, and you can have the Ghostbusters and "D" heckle >Falkyn in his first 3 chapters! After a while, there will be more chapters >MSTed for your enjoyment. Egon: People find this entertaining? Winston: You mean people have been laughing at our misfourtune?! Ray: What kind of sick people are out there?! Peter: I don't know, but they sicken *ME* > For all non-MSTies, the term "MSTing" comes from Mystery Science >Theatre 3000, a.k.a. "MST3K". To "MST" something means to make remarks >about what one is reading or watching, that range from brilliant humor, to >sick humor, to obscure references made by a character that one points out. Peter: Oh, really? Egon: Shock the monkey!! There, is that obscure enough? Winston: You're reading it wrong, Egon. Egon: Oh? > The MSTed chapters are done by both I (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Ms. >Tory Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com), and star none other than the Real >Ghostbusters (C) and the mysterious android "D". Egon: [scribbling furiously] Peter: What are you doing? Egon: Writing down those email addresses...muhahahahahar! Peter: Egon, they're right up there! Egon: I know, but I wanna write them!...oh-no! We're stuck in a paradox! Peter: You mean people are watching this as we do it?! Ray: That sounded so WRONG! Winston: [turns around] Just think, hundreds of people...out *THERE* [short pause as what Winston says sinks in] All (except D) DEAR GOD! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! > Also as of ca. April 10, 1999, Falkyn Chapter 1 (MSTed) was submitted >to Shinji's Vault of Anime Mistings (SVAM) at lefty.simplenet.com. Look for >the rest of the MSTed chapters to go there soon. Ghostbusters: [faint] D: Oh dear, guess I'll have to drag each carcass out the theatre. [D drags each 'buster out of the theatre] [Door sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] D: Well, since they're all knocked out, due to the overwhelming paranoia. I guess it's up to me to push the button. [D pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen grows dark, voices overheard] "I really hate cleaning, I honestly do." "Just throw them in the pool, they'll clean off." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 15" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _______________________________________________________________________ > Big news in Falkyn! His tales have been MSTed! Well, chapters 1 >through 4 are done as of this day (April 15, 1999). Drop me a line at my >regular e-mail address, and you can have the Ghostbusters and "D" heckle >Falkyn in his first 3 chapters! After a while, there will be more chapters >MSTed for your enjoyment. Egon: People find this entertaining? Winston: You mean people have been laughing at our misfourtune?! Ray: What kind of sick people are out there?! Peter: I don't know, but they sicken *ME*