Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 014 -- Possession! Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 14 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Peter: Hmm, I swore I saw him in here earlier! Ray: What? Peter: Winston! He just disappeared! Egon: He was at the holocabana... Ray: What's with you and the holocabana? Egon: Shut up! D: Dr. Spengler is right, Winston was at the holocabana earlier... Egon: See! I was correct, as always! Peter: Oh, shaddup! [The door opens and Winston appears. He has dark circles under his eyes and his hands are curled up like claws. His once pale blue jumpsuit is now a dark grey.] Egon: [Adjusts his glasses] Winston? Winston: I am no longer this Winston. I am Logar! Destroyer of space! Peter: --the hell!? Winston: All his thoughts, his intelligence and his mind is open to me! Ray: Oh lord, Winston's been possessed! Peter: [very sarcastic] Isn't this great! Winston: [somewhat offended] What? You don't fear me? I-II-I am Logar! Peter: Yeah, yeah. I bet you're not as powerful as Watt! Winston: What? Ray: Yeah, that's his name. Winston: What's his name? Egon: Watt IS his name! Winston: I ASKED YOU! Peter: [sighs] No, Watt is his name! Winston: DAMMIT! Ray: This isn't working. Listen...WATT is the name of the demon that possessed Peter! Winston: But, I'm not possessing Peter... Peter: Not that bright, are you? Winston: No--HEY! Forget this, I shall scan Winston's mind! [Winston's eyes roll back as Logar begins to scan his mind] Winston: Aha, Winston is very intelligent! [short pause] Winston: Eh!? [another pause] Winston: Bishoumen Senshi Sailor Ghostbusters? This looks interesting... Peter: Uh-oh... Ray: Uh-oh is right! Egon: [starts to chuckle] D: Hit the dirt, people! [pause] Winston: DEAR GOD, THE HORROR!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HAIRY LEGS? GO-GO DANCER? ECCHI!!! AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! [Winston falls to the ground as Logar evacuates his body] Peter: Heh, maybe we should get BSSG as weapons instead of proton rifles! Winston: Man, what happened? Egon: You were possessed. Winston: I know that! What made him run? Ray: "Bishoumen Senshi Sailor Ghostbusters" Winston: [eyes grow large] AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! [Winston runs off into the theatre] D: We have movie sign! [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 14 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Winston: That's how far Logar made it into BSSG. [starts to shudder] Peter: That's about as far as I made it before I went nuts! Egon: Went? Peter: Shut up, Egon. > The last thing Falkyn remembered was being ambushed in the mountains >of Kumay while he was working out. What seemed like a whole army of armed >grunts popped up from nowhere, attacked, and overbeared him. > Ray: ... Peter: Make one comment about a bear, and I hurt you. Egon: Stupid Ray, you go squish! Winston: You really shouldn't watch the Simpsons. > "Are you sure this is the man called Falkyn?" a female voice asked. Peter: Of course, look at all the scars on his body. No one would do this for decoration! Egon: [clears his throat] Actually, there are several groups of Indigenous people wh-- Winston: Like Pete said: Shut up, Egon. > A deep, male voice replied, "I am positive, Sharak. Our informants >never fail in their tasks." Egon: Another idiot who thinks he's competent. > Sharak's voice continued. "He's so scarred. I wonder what he'd look >like without them?" Peter: [shudder] Winston: She said without the scars, not his clothes. Peter: Oh. > "I couldn't care less," the male voice replied. "As long as I get my >pay, that's all I care about." Winston: (man) Bitch betta have my money! Ray: Remember, no pimp comments. Egon: (man) If she don't have my cash, I'mma kick her ass! Winston: EGON! > Falkyn came to suspended several feet off a stone floor. He was >chained to a wall, and standing not too far away from him was a tall, >silver-haired man and an armored, auburn female. He deduced that the female >was Peter: 0_0 Egon: There he goes... Peter: I dig women in armor! Ray: [sighs] VO Tory: He's not lying, he tried to con me into wearing this knight's armor! Peter: [red face] Ray: Alas, poor Peter. I knew he was hentai. He was hentai, Winston! Winston: [laughs] >Sharak, but the male was unnamed as of yet. Falkyn decided to feign >unconsciousness a bit longer to get more information. Egon: (Falkyn) Ok, just drool a little bit... Winston: Egon, you've been using white out again haven't you? Egon: Why do you ask? Winston: Never mind... > "Why do you want this guy?" the man asked. Ray: Hopefully it's not what Peter THINK it is! Peter: You mean what YOU think it is. Ray: I know what I said! > Sharak cooly responded, "He has techniques that could make me the >strongest warrior on the Islands. I will make him teach them to me, and >when I have mastered them, I can unite the countries under my iron fist!" Peter: I know what techniques she's *talking* about! Egon: Venkman, I don't want to have to hurt you today, but I will if you keep this up. Peter: Poo on you, Egon! > "Big dreams," the man muttered. "What makes you so positive he'll >want to teach you his moves?" Winston: (Sharak) Oh, he'll want to teach them to me alright, once I strip-- HEY! Egon: Man, I never thought I would have to do that! Ray: Wow, Winston's getting hentai! Winston: AM NOT! > "Because," Sharak replied, "I am holding his girlfriend hostage." All: (Sharak singing) Girlfriend, Girlfriend. Yes I have your girlfriend! > Falkyn didn't understand what Sharak was talking about. He didn't >have any girlfriends; the only two people who aligned themselves with him >were Li'na, who was off somewhere with Shaianne PeriHawk, and Tenma, who was >R'itni-knows-where at the moment. Peter: Falkyn is so friggin dense! Egon: One would think he would connect the dots as to who people might consider his 'girlfriend' to be! Ray: Even you're not dense enough to know that people consider Janine to be your girlfriend. Egon: Was I talking to you Ray? Ray: Um, no... Egon: Good, shut up. > "As long as I have Theera in my clutches," Sharak continued, "Falkyn >will have to do anything to keep her out of danger." Winston: Uh, scratch that. It's not Li'na Ray: Darn...I was hoping they would patch things up. VO Tory: Ray's such a romantic! Ray: Am not! [starts blushing] VO Derek: Enough with the blushing, you're giving me a cavity! > The name didn't register in Falkyn's mind. Perhaps she was an >acquaintance from before he could remember. However, he had sworn to >protect the innocent whenever he could, so Falkyn would find a way to rescue >this "Theera". Peter: I just bet you do...as long as the innocent is female, don't you mean! Egon: Falkyn isn't like you, get over it! > "Get him down from there and wake him up," Sharak ordered. Winston: I mean Get down! [The Ghostbusters jump up and starts to dance] > Falkyn took that opportunity to spring into action. He snapped his >eyelids open and ripped the chains from the wall. He vaulted off the wall, Ray: (Falkyn a la Xena) Ahhhyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!! >executed a few twists for style, and landed square on his feet. His hand >went for his katana, but he was slightly surprised to see it was not at his >side. "First things first," Falkyn said, his voice full of command, "who >are you?" All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Winston: Gah, why would they leave his Katana at his side? Egon: Brilliant insight? Winston: Egon, shut up. > Sharak, who was wearing the upper portions of a suit of plate mail, >responded, "I am Sharak Rundil, and this is Astur Minok, a highly skilled >thief and assassin. I am the strongest of my people, the Kaz-Nathi." Egon: Did we really need to know that she's wearing 50% of her armor? Peter: 0_0 Ray: Thank you, Egon! Egon: Whoops! > Falkyn's eyebrow cocked. "Kaz-Nathi?" Winston: Koo koo, kachoo! > "A warrior people," Sharak explained, "who hold power above all >else." Winston: Kaznocentric crap! Egon: Whoa, Winston! Calm down! > Even though he was unarmed, Falkyn was an even greater threat with >his bare hands. He formed two spheres of chi in his palms. "Who is this >'Theera' you were talking about?" Winston: Falkyn's a threat with ANYTHING bare... Egon: [shudders] Peter: Well if he was so much of a threat, why did he go for his sword? Ray: Really! If I had the power of destructive chi, the last thing I'd reach for is a sword! > Sharak threw her head back and laughed. "Don't play dumb with me, >Falkyn. I know about your past, and you would die to please Theera." Winston: Um, Sharak? Falkyn *isn't* playing! Egon: That's for sure! If it is acting, he should get an Oscar! D: And the Oscar for the best idiot role goes to....[drumrolls] Falkyn! > "The name is not familiar, so tell me, before I am forced to put >several large holes in your body." The chi spheres crackled and doubled in >size as he spoke. Peter: My motto, shoot first, ask questions LATER! Winston: You still stick to that even though you know it don't work! > "I have a better plan," Sharak said. She turned to Astur, who was >holding a large knife. "Go get Theera and bring her here." Ray: Does she have a fetish for making people play fetch? > As Astur left, Sharak looked back to Falkyn. "You seem to have made >quite a reputation for yourself on these Islands. Especially your ability >to use your life force as a weapon." Peter: (Falkyn) Whew, for a second I thought it was that pros--AHHHH! Egon: No, no, no and NO! Peter: Crap! > "It is called 'chi'," Falkyn said. "It means 'energy', and in the >hands of one who is trained in the arts of chi manipulation, it can be very >deadly." Winston: [slaps his forehead] The man is an idiot. I'm with Peter on this one. SHOOT HER! > Astur returned, followed by a very attractive red-haired woman, who >looked very downtrodden. "Here she is, Sharak," he said. Ray: I'd be downtrodden too, if I was kidnapped. Peter: No you wouldn't! Just like when we were kidnapped by those vampires. Who tried to be friends with them? Not me! Ray: Oh... Winston: Ray is the only person I know who'd be friends with a monster! Ray: Come on, Peter isn't *THAT* bad! Peter: Keep it up, giggles... [The wall groans very loud this time] Fourth Wall: Two times? Ease up, I can't take much more! Ghostbusters: Sorry! > "Does she look familiar to you, Falkyn?" Sharak asked. > Falkyn shook his head. "I have never seen her before, but if I have, >I can't remember it." Peter: If you strip her, it might jog my memory! Egon: That was actually funny. Winston: [starts to laugh] Ray: I don't think it'll be your memory that'll get jogged! [They all stop laughing and stare wide-eyed] Peter: Did we all just agree on a hentai comment? Egon: Yes, we did. [short pause] All: WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!!!!! > "You... look very familiar," Theera suddenly said, looking at Falkyn. >"You remind me of my boyfriend, Stahl Tan, who disappeared ten years ago." Ray: (Makoto) He looks like my sempai! Winston: Whoa, make way for the obscure Sailor Moon quote! Egon: No, regular viewers of the show should get an idea of what he's talking about. Peter: Now I can say it about you, Egon: FANBOY!!!!!! Egon: Shaddup! > "Stahl! That is my real name, or so I was told!" Falkyn dissipated >the spheres and stepped forward. Winston: So he believes it is his real name...because he was told. Did he get a degree in retardness?! Egon: Ask Peter, he should know... Peter: Very funny, laughing boy! > A knife shot from Astur's hand, but Falkyn snatched it out of the air >with practiced precision. "You cannot go near her," Astur bellowed. "Not >until you have done what Sharak requests of you." Peter: So get ta woik! [makes whipcracking noises] VO Tory: Don't steal my schtick, Venkman! Peter: Sorry! > Falkyn's gaze shifted from Theera to Sharak, his eyes glowing purple. >"What do you require of me?" Falkyn asked. "It must be important if you >sent an entire army after me." Egon: (Peter) Oh yeah, you and what Starfleet? Ray: You've been dying to say that, haven't you? Egon: I admit it, yes... > "I want you to teach me the way of chi," she replied. Ray: Ok! One..two..chi chi chi! > Before she could continue, Falkyn interrupted with, "Are you sure you >want to do this? The power that these techniques hold is so great, it can >tear your body apart!" Winston: Now it rips apart? At first it was pushing pieces asunder! > "Yet you manage to use them without a second thought. Teach me, or >Theera will die." Peter: Gah! He sounds like that thing is Ms. Faversham's attic! Winston: Whoo, flashbacks much, Pete? Peter: Yeah, they really bite... > "You wouldn't kill her." Peter: *Watch* me! > "I wouldn't." As Sharak finished, Astur put another knife to >Theera's throat. "*He* would." Egon: And so will *I* if the stupidity doesn't cease! [Everyone looks at Egon and quietly scoots away] > Astur had a maniacal gleam in his eyes, as if he was saying, "Please >refuse so I can slit her throat!" Peter: (Astur) ThE mAsTeR wAnTs mE tO kIlL hEr... Egon: Will you stop that! Peter: Sorry, I know you hate the Torgo gig... Ray: It'S vErY aNnOyInG! Winston: ARGH! > Falkyn assessed the situation. "Under normal circumstances," he Winston: Normal being the non-operative word... >announced, "I would throw a minor chi dart at Astur's skull, which would >pierce his brain, then hit you with a Renzoku Chi Dan (Machinegun Energy >Bullet) until you were thoroughly dead." Peter: (Falkyn) And I will hit you with a Jinkaitopeku Resku Tesuraio ko! (Venkman Smackdown) >He paused. "But I won't, because the death of Astur would cause his muscles >to reflexively contract and draw the knife blade across Theera's throat. I >know what that looks like, and it is very painful to both the attacker and >the hostage." Peter: Well that sucks...go for the HAI-KEEBA! Egon: [uncomfortable expression] Don't get *him* started! Ray: HAI-KEEBA!!! [rushes the screen and tries to knee it] Winston: Ray, sit your butt down! > "So, will you accept, and Theera will remain unharmed, or will you >refuse, and have to watch her die, knowing you--indirectly--killed her?" > Falkyn saw the look of sheer terror in Theera's eyes. "I guess I >have no choice. Where should I start?" > Peter: He's gonna kill her?! Egon: No! He's going to train Sharak because he doesn't want to kill Theera. > Falkyn and Sharak stood before a practice dummy. She had exchanged >her plate mail for a light blouse, which was less restricting than the mail. Peter: I'll say! Egon: When will the hentai stop. Peter: Egon, you've known me for most of your life! I've always been like this! Egon: Which is starting to sicken me! > "You must concentrate on the technique," Falkyn explained. "Picture >yourself standing before a blazing brazier, where you can see the glowing >hot coals." Peter: Burning bras!? Ray: 0_0 Winston: Idiots, a brazier is a metal pan for holding coals! Egon: Besides, a bra is a brassiere... Peter: You would know... Egon: [sighs] Winston: He's right, I remember in a certain fanfic where you were very deft with the 'brassiere' VO Derek: Alright, the next fool who mentions that episode FRIES! VO Tory: You're itching to hurt them, aren't you? > "Mm-hmm." VO Tory: I guess that's his answer! Ray: EEP! > "Now, grab one of the coals. Feel how the heat doesn't register." > "Mm-hmm." Peter: Is he kissing her or something?! Winston: Verbal agreement, fool! > "Now, with all your internal strength, hurl that glowing, white-hot >coal at the dummy." Egon: Peter! Duck! Peter: [sarcastic] ha, ha, ha... > Sharak did as she was instructed, and hurled an imaginary coal at the >dummy. A blast of white chi erupted from her palm and burnt a hole in the >leather "skin". Peter: (Dummy) "Ouch" Winston: [raises an eyebrow] > Sharak was pleased with herself. "Did you see that?" she asked. "I >never knew I could do that!" Ray: Me neither! Egon: 0_0 Ray: Whoops... > "That was the weakest technique, designed for beginners to get a feel >for wielding the more powerful ones. Since I have been training and honing >my skill for over a decade, I can do this much faster and more accurately. Ray: I've been driving for over ten years...does this mean I can go faster? Others: NO! >As long as you devote as much time as possible to your training, you can >learn increasingly more powerful techniques. This is one of the strongest, >called the Kin Sen Ni Hyaku Juu Ichi Shiki: Ya Otome (Forbidden Style Number >1201: Eight Maidens), or 'Eight Maidens'." Peter: How does he remember that?! >Falkyn faced the dummy, raised his arms above his head, and cried, "Asobi >wa, owari da!" D: Falkyn or Iori Yagami? >He shot toward the dummy, delivered two quick body thrusts, an uppercut, a >forward slash from waist level, a cross slash, backhand, and another cross >slash with the same hand, then he clapped his hands on the dummy's shoulders >and cried, "Shi-ne!" He followed it with a blast of maroon chi. All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! D: Yagami in Falkyn's clothing. > "Impressive," Sharak commented. All: --NOT! > "Ura Hyaku Hachi Shiki: Ya Sakazuki!" (Reverse Style Number 180: >Eight Wine Cups). Falkyn did the waist-level slash, and a column of his >purple chi erupted underneath the dummy. "The 'Eight Wine Cups' paralyzes >the target for a few seconds, while the 'Eight Maidens' is suited for a >quick cripple or kill." Ray: These attacks are a mouthful! Egon: I concur. Winston: By the time he'll hit the numbers, he'll get knocked out! > "Show me more." > Winston: You people had enough? Peter: Gimme some more! Winston: Everybody spread love. Peter: Gimme some more! Winston: If you want it, lemme hear ya say... Peter: Gimme some more! > A half-hour later, Falkyn had shown Sharak practically every >technique he knew, from the Sou-Chi-Dan to the Makankousappou. She mimicked >several of his poses, but had a hard time shaping her chi correctly. Ray: I'll say! Egon: RAY! Ray: What, that wasn't hentai! Winston: Get your mind out the gutter, Egon! Egon: It was never there! Peter: [mumbles] liar... > "I told you this was difficult," Falkyn reminded. > "I'll get the hang of it eventually," she said, wiping a bead of >sweat from her brow. "Until I do, you'll never leave." > Falkyn sighed. This was going to be a very long time. > Peter: The longer the better! Egon: One cannot keep it up forever! Ray: This from the man with the so-called stamina! VO Derek: I've had enough BSSG reference, one more and I'm blasting! Winston: Whoopsie! > "Ya Sakazuki!" Egon: Suzuki sidekick! > Sharak roared and blasted the dummy with a geyser of black chi. > "Good, very good." Falkyn watched as the dummy glowed black with >residual chi. "Ya Otome!" Ray: (Derek) Asobi wa, owari da...SHI-NE! VO Derek: Good one, Ray! > Sharak raised her arms above her head and shot forward like a bullet. >"Shi-ne!" Within seconds, the dummy was shredded. "See my power?" she >asked. Peter: (cheezy spanish accent) See my wiggle? My fruit? My forbidden dance? Oush, oush!!! > Falkyn nodded. "What else do you want to know? I'm scraping the >bottom of the barrel, so to speak." Ray: (Falkyn) Because you *are* the bottom of the barrel... Winston: (Sharak falsetto) Nani? SHI-NE! Ray: (Falkyn) Aah! > "Let me try the Makankousappou again," she said, putting two fingers >to her forehead. Black electricity sparked around the outstretched fingers. Egon: At least ComEd won't bother her! Others: BOOOOOO! Egon: [ducks flying objects] >She quickly pulled her fingers away and pointed toward the remains of the >practice dummy, her other hand gripping her wrist for support. Rather than >a straight beam and a corkscrew beam, the two chi blasts entwined around >each other, radiating black chi as they traveled. Egon: TATSUMAKISENPUKYAKU! Winston: You are never playing that game again... > Falkyn stood with his arms crossed, his face unreadable as always. >"Is what I have taught you sufficient?" he asked. Peter: (Sharak falsetto) If you're brain dead... > "Yes, you may go, and Theera can go with you." > > When Falkyn was ready to leave, he was standing in the foyer of >Sharak's impressive domain, waiting for Astur and Theera. > Peter: You know, I can't think of a comment. Egon: Me neither. I'm blank. Winston: [opens his mouth...closes his mouth] Ray: Drat, I'm stuck too! > "The deal was she can go when Falkyn was finished teaching me the >strongest moves he knew, Astur. Now let her go!" > Astur gripped Theera's left wrist in an iron grasp. "I've taken a >liking to her. Tell Falkyn the deal's off." Peter: Ecchi! Ray: Now boys and girls, this teaches you to never make a deal with the devil. VO Satan: What? Are you saying I back out on deals?! [short pause] Peter: NOT AGAIN! All: AHHHHHH! VO Both: EEEEP! VO Satan: Oh calm down, this isn't the first time I've appeared! VO Tory: If you don't mind..um, Satan, we'd like to take back over... VO Satan: By all means, go ahead. I just didn't like that comment Stantz made. > "I never back out on anything," Sharak snapped. "You should know me >by now." VO Satan: EXACTLY! Peter: This is really freaking me out. > With a flick of his wrist, Astur shot a knife into Sharak's chest. >"Tough break, toots," he said. He turned his gaze to Theera. "You're >coming with me for now. Forget about your old boyfriend." Ray: [singing] My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. Egon: [singing] Hey now, hey now, my boyfriend's back! > Theera had hidden Falkyn's katana under her white shift when she had >the chance, and she felt she was lucky she wasn't caught. She sullenly >complied with Astur's demand. > Egon: As opposed to happily complying? Peter: That's gotta be one big shift! > Falkyn heard sounds coming from high above, and he craned his head to >see the commotion. > Winston: (Commotion) Don't look at me! > Theera had begun struggling against Astur's grip when they left the >room where Sharak's body lay. > "It'll do you no good to fight me," he said, his voice barely >audible from Falkyn's standpoint. Peter: (Falkyn) Besides, Derek's fingers are getting tir--*KABOOM* VO Derek: Not...Funny! VO Tory: Good one, you melted his boots on that one! > She pulled Falkyn's shining silver blade from its hiding place and >swung wildly. With a chuckle, Astur knocked it from her grasp, throwing it >over the rail, several dozen stories to the floor. > Winston: (Blade) FFFRRRROOOOSSSTTTT!!! Egon: Wrong blade. Winston: Oh. > The legendary Katana of Tentok noh Minowara, an unbreakable, >untarnishable marvel of striking, landed point-first and embedded in the >stone floor. Seeing his prized weapon, Falkyn pulled it from where it stood >and looked up to see Theera and Astur fighting. > Peter: Wait, if she's fighting him...how come she didn't fight him before?! Egon: Don't think, it's only a recipe for pain... > "Let go!" Theera cried, trying to pull away from Astur's grip. Peter: I retract the former comment. Ray: Whoa, you sound like Egon there! > He seemed to enjoy Theera's struggles. In a sudden fit of sheer >senseless brutality, he yanked Theera over the rail, and held her over two >hundred meters from the stone floor. She looked down and saw Falkyn, Stahl >Tan, her lost boyfriend, standing below, looking up at her. > Peter: Hmm Astur: Sadist or Machosist? Dr. Zeddemore? Winston: Well, Dr. Venkman, I believe Astur to be a sadist. The man obviously enjoys watching his victims struggle. Egon: Dr. Zeddemore, I disagree. I believe the man to be not only a sadist, but a machosist as well. He is obviously looking for a fight. Ray: Why Dr. Spengler, I forgot to consider that part. D: And there we have the Ghostbuster Forum... > "Astur!" Falkyn shouted. "If you hurt her in any way, I will delight >in watching your entrails fall from your slashed abdomen!" > Astur smiled a crooked, evil smile. "You want the bitch?" he asked. >"You can have her!" He released his grip. > Winston: [quirky expression] Did he just call her what I think he did. Egon: He did. Winston: YOU STUPID BLEEP! IF SHE WAS A BLEEP, WHY WERE YOU BOTHERING HER IN THE FIRST BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP PLACE. Ray: WINSTON! Winston: I'M SORRY, RAY! THIS BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP HAS PISSED ME OFF. I WISH ASTUR WOULD COME HERE AND BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. I'D BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP UP HIS BLEEP! D: [smoke pours from his head] Egon: I never knew one could use a bat like that! Peter: That certainly gives me ideas! Ray: Egon, how could you take a bat and a foot like that!? Egon: Don't ask, Ray, just don't ask. > Falkyn positioned himself underneath the falling form. "I've got >you!" he shouted. > Peter: (Theera) Hold me right *there*! Egon: [bonks Peter] Peter: HEY! > As a final token of his sadism, Astur pulled another of his many >knives and let fly, aiming for Theera's lower torso. > The knife found its mark. > Egon: MURDERER!!!! Peter: Cover your ears, Winston's gonna snap! Winston: BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!! Ray: Dear GOD! VO Tory: Very good use of the word, BLEEP there! > When Falkyn caught her, Theera was bleeding badly. "Theera, can you >hear me?" he asked, pushing a few strands of hair out of her face. Peter: (Theera falsetto) Sorry, I'm busy dying....*cough* *THUD* > She held her abdomen where the knife was embedded. "Stahl, I'm >sorry I never got to see you for the past decade." > "I never knew you. I can't remember you, Theera. Were we close?" > "Very. I'm slipping away now. Everything's getting dark. Goodbye, >Stahl... Falkyn... ..." Egon: ....Idiot! > "Theera!" Falkyn's head slumped. "Kono mama de wa owaranzo!!!" (It >won't end like this) > [short pause as they all look at each other...] All: STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > Astur stood where he threw his knife. "How touching! But it's over >for both of you!" Yet another of his blades was in his right hand. > Ray: (Blade) Fr-- Winston: No more Blade references! Ray: Darn! > Falkyn looked back up to where Theera's murderer was. "Astur," he >began, "when I get my hands on you, there will be so much blood and gore, it >would make even you and I sick to our stomachs, but your stomach won't be in >your body, as will the rest of your internal organs!" Peter: OOOOH! Is this the final showdown?! Egon: I believe so! Ray: [bouncing] Astur's gonna die! Winston: I never thought I would say this, but...GOOOOOO FALKYN!!!! > The sadistic smile remained on Astur's face. "Only one of us will >walk away from this confrontation, Falkyn! I must tell you, I will be on my >feet when it is all over!" Peter: (Astur) If you have any feet left! Egon: (Falkyn) Correct, they might be both up your BLEEP! Peter: (Astur) AAH! [shuddering] > A sudden burst of adrenaline surged through Falkyn's blood. He shot >through the air, triangle-jumping from floor to floor, until he was standing >on the same level as Astur. He drew the shining blade, while Astur had >picked up a second knife. Winston: Here we go, he has his weapons wielded! Ray: You know, if the main actor in a kung-fu gets a weapon, everyone dies at that point. Winston: Hmm...GOOOO FALKYN! > A tiny arc of chi danced around the Katana of Tentok noh Minowara as >Falkyn searched for any chinks in Astur's defense, and prepared for any >sudden strikes from the silver-haired sadist with the pair of knives. As he >stepped around Astur, he asked, "Ore ga kowaii no ka?" (Are you afraid of >me) Peter: With that face of yours? Of *course* > The twisted Astur dove for a double-blade strike, but Falkyn, the >consummate swordsman, batted the attack away and sliced the bandolier off >Astur's left shoulder. He followed it up by slicing the other bandolier off >his right shoulder, leaving him with only two knives to fight a man who had >seen more than his share of death-defying battle. Peter: EEp! Egon: He didn't slice what you thought he did! Peter: Whew! > Suddenly, out of nowhere, and certainly to Astur's surprise, Falkyn >cut into his flesh. Ray: Come and get your Astur! Winston: I'll take mine well done! Egon: [whispering to Peter] Ray and Winston are cannibals?! Peter: [whispering back] I don't know, but they better stay away from me! >He quickly followed it up with three alternating cuts and a deep, power- >packed stroke, bisecting Astur from right shoulder to left hip. Winston: Oh God! Ray: I think I'm going to be sick! Egon: Hey, this reminds me of Bioanthropsylogical class! Peter: EH!? > As Astur staggered back, blood flowing, he heard Falkyn announce, >"Chou-Bushin-Zan!" (Super War God Slash) Astur knew at that moment he was >doomed. Egon: IMPENDING DOOM!!!! [Lighting crackles and thunder roars] Ray: [covers his ears] Winston: ... Peter: Don't say anything, Winston. Just let him get it out his system... Egon: MUHAHAHAR! IMPENDING DOOM!!! [cue the standard doom effects...] > After a dozen slashes, Astur was a bloody heap, and Falkyn's sword >was covered with much of that blood. "A fitting end for you," he told the >pieces of corpse. "Theera's pointless death is avenged." Winston: With another pointless death... Egon: It wasn't pointless, he avenged Theera's death! Winston: Again, another pointless death... Peter: Welcome to the dark side, Winston! > > Falkyn returned to Kumay's mountains. He resolved to have his past >returned to his memory as soon as he could. Ray: If he could only catch the darn thing! >But, until then, he would train his mind and body in the ways of chi >manpulation. There are few techniques left to master, he thought. Within >the next three months, there shall be no techniques left to master. Peter: And thus ends the story! All: HUZZAH!!! [They stand up and exit the theatre] Egon: This episode kinda dragged for me... Ray: Shut up! I saw you reading that book you keep hidden under your seat! Egon: I don't keep a book hidden! Ray: Yeah, right, and you happen to just start reciting equations from nowhere? Egon: Uh...shut up! [Egon and Ray began to argue] Peter: Ooo, egghead fight! Winston: I got 2 on Egon! Peter: I got 2 on Ray! [Peter cackles and hits the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen grows dark, voices are overheard] "Ooo! He has a bat!" "Watch it, Egon!" *BAM* "BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!" "Not the sleeper hold! Egon, you animal!" *THUD* "You owe me two bucks, Peter!" "Damn you, Ray! I had more faith in you than that!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 14" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _________________________________________________________________________ > After a dozen slashes, Astur was a bloody heap, and Falkyn's sword >was covered with much of that blood. "A fitting end for you," he told the >pieces of corpse. "Theera's pointless death is avenged." Winston: With another pointless death... Egon: It wasn't pointless, he avenged Theera's death! Winston: Again, another pointless death... Peter: Welcome to the dark side, Winston!