Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 008 -- Trapped in Space. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 8 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. Tory and Derek...well...they're just visiting! FFT3K Theme Song Egon: This time,I shall prepare the Theme. [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Tory, still clad in her purple silk pjamas, is pacing the floor of the VoFF. Her loud ramblings and tossing things about has woken Derek. He stumbles out, clad in a pair of black jeans and shirtless.] Derek: Do you know what time it is?! Tory: Do I look like I care?! [eyes flash] Derek: At this second, no. You might want to comb your hair. Tory: I'm not in a laughing mood. Derek: Neither am I, so keep quiet! Tory: I just know we're stuck here for another chapter! Derek: Uh, I said that last chapter, remember. [Tory glares hard at Derek] Derek: I know, I know...stuff it! VO D: Master, I'm very sorry. Dr. Spengler and Dr. Stantz are working away at trying to rectify the situation. Derek: Thanks, D. Tory: And I just bet lazy ol' Peter is just sitting there! VO Peter: HEY! No I'm not, I'm just laying down. Tory: BASTARD! Derek: Doh! Well, We've got MOVIE SIGN! Tory: [grumbles and grabs a blanket] [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 8 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Tory: I'm too angry to think of a line comment...go for it, Derek. Derek: Hmm, this is your brain on drugs. At least Peter's brain normally. Tory: [starts to laugh] Derek: How about this: CLEAR! VO D: (Defibrillation paddles) *BZAP* (Flatline EEG) Tory: [sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha. > After Razhad was released from the Undead Plane, he decreed that the >world had six days to exist before he would destroy it. Tory: This punk thinks he's God? Derek: Apparently so. Either that, or he's on one really big power trip! >The ordinary citizens thought they had no power in this, and merely awaited >their dooms. Tory: (Citizen) Ho hum, just waiting for my doom! Derek: (Doom) Hi, are you waiting for me?! Tory: (Citizen) Yeah! Come on in, I baked an apple pie! Derek: (Doom) Oh, I love apple pie! >However, there were only two people who would dare defy his authority: >Falkyn and Li'na Sivad. Tory: *coughDAVIScoughDAVIScough* OUCH! Derek: [putting away newspaper] Don't tempt me! > > Falkyn was honing his skill, attempting to create a life force attack Tory: RAIFU FOOSU ATAAKU! Derek: You watch too much Sailor Moon. Tory: ARGH! Don't mention Sailor Moon, I've had enough BSSG to last me a lifetime! [Both start to shudder and whimper] Tory: And besides, I watch Bishoujo Senshi Seera Muun...not that Dic'ed crap! Derek: Potty mouth! Tory: I said Dic'ed not Dic--ARGH! Derek: ZIP IT! >powerful enough to penetrate Razhad's barriers and end his existence. He >had two fingers pressed against his forehead, Tory: (Falkyn) Oi, I've such a headache! Derek: You sound more like a stereotypical Jew than Falkyn. >his entire arm vibrating as his chi surged through, Tory: Now *THAT'S* a vibrator! No wonder Li'na followed him! Derek: It's no use! It seems only D and me aren't hentai. VO Ray: I'm not hentai! >concentrating in his fingers. His pupils dilated as he felt the force >building; the blood vessels on his upper body bulged. Tory: (Falkyn) Guess I shouldn't had that smack! >Sparks began forming around his fingers as he uttered, "Makankousappou." Derek: AKURYO TAISAN! Tory: AHA! Now look at who's doing Sailor Moon... [she pauses and thinks for a second] oh, that sounded so WRONG! Derek: How about: (Piccolo) Special Beam Cannon FIRE! >He reared back, removed the fingers from his forehead, and pointed toward a >large boulder. From his fingers shot a beam of life force, surrounded by >another screw-like beam. The two beams penetrated the stone and shattered >it from the inside out. He dropped to his knees and gasped for breath. The >powerful attacks he used took massive amount of his own energy to use. Both: HEAVY CHI ACTION Tory: MASTER KI THEME SONG! VO Ray: HEY! That's my act! Tory: I wrote it! Remember?! VO Ray: Oh, yeah... > "Wow..." Li'na said, amazed at the power she saw. "What was that?" > Falkyn stood up. "Makankousappou," he replied, "translates to >'Demon's Penetrating Energy Killing Attack.' Tory: And Haijaseiorekunodaidojyuchunkaichibimakashinpokuraisontairyo means 'Doh!' Derek: --the heck? I've never heard that before! I've heard "Asobi wa, owari da," and "Keri o tsukeyoze," but never that! >If I can hit Razhad just once with that technique, it should kill him, once >and for all." Tory: Hell, by the time you finish powering up, you should be toast! Derek: Not if he charges it up beforehand. > Li'na looked back into the valley. She gazed at the obsidian >fortress Razhad conjured up. "We've only got about four days left. Let's >hope it works." > Derek: Hope is a fragile thing, just like my stomach! Tory: [hands Derek a paper bag] > The next day was the day Falkyn planned to assault Razhad's fortress. >He and Li'na scaled one of the mighty turrets with precision, and managed to >find their way to Razhad's throne room, destroying numerous Undeads on their >way. Tory: (Razhad) HEY! Can't a demon use the toilet in peace?! Derek: That was utterly disgusting, can't you go with out making a hentai comment? Tory: What's hentai about using the toilet?! VO Egon: Give her credit, at least she didn't make straining noises... VO Ray: Uh...no comment! > "Welcome, to your end," Razhad said. Derek: There's my end, I've been looking for it all this time! Tory: Then how in hades are you sitting down!? Derek: I rented one! >He was flanked by his four minions: Yorr, Dirik, Misal, and Donbran. "You >were unbelieveably foolish to attempt to destroy me, as I am omnipotent. >Send them to their dooms." Tory: Omnipotent, eh? For a sec, I thought you said impotent! > Suddenly, Falkyn and Li'na were set upon by hordes of Undead. Tory: [jumps up and whips out a lazer gun and starts shooting at the screen.] Dere: [hits the ground] Tory, what are you doing?! Tory: [blinks and sits down] Sorry, I had a 'The House of the Dead' flashback! >Although they fought valiantly, destroying many of the Undead minions, the >eternal question buzzed through their minds: How do you kill that which is >already dead? Tory: You don't, you RUN LIKE HELL! Derek: You whip out a holy symbol and turn them, shouting, "By [deity], BEGONE!!!" >Their numbers were too much for the two, and they were lugged off to a >torture chamber. > Tory: I got the candle wax and whips! Derek: [shakes his head in sympathy] > They were separated as they were led down into the dungeons of Derek: Dragons?! Tory: Oh boo...I mean BOOOO! >Razhad's obsidian fortress. Falkyn was attached to a wall and had the flesh >flayed from his bones with a cat o' nine-tails. The pain was excruciating, Tory: Oooh, cat o' nine-tails...you sure you're not into S&M, Derek? Derek: No, I am not! This is standard torture procedure! Tory: Well, if you were, you'd be good at it! >but he endured, allowing the pain to augment his own power, and preparing >himself for the final showdown. Li'na, on the other hand, was condemned to >slow torture and death. Tory: Whooo! Torture being listening to Barney and Elmo sing! Derek: [face turns slightly green] > > In the middle of the night, Falkyn was still being lashed, and Li'na >was stretched out on the torture rack. While she was trying her best to >sleep, somebody entered the chamber. Tory: How the hell do you sleep on a torture rack? Derek: Very painfully. > "Falkyn?" she asked. "How did you get out of there?" Tory: (Li'na) to hell with that, get me outta here! > "Wrong person," Dirik said. He unlocked Li'na's manacles as he >explained what he was doing. "I know Razhad owns my very soul, but I can't >bear to see you hurt, Li. Take the key and free your friend. When Razhad >finds out, he'll kill me." Tory: Awwww, Dirik has a crush on Li'na...Dang, got another cavity! Derek: I warned you about sugar. > "Aren't you already dead?" Li'na asked. > Dirik thought. Derek: Now here's a rare event! >"You're right, Li. When Razhad finds out, I'll be Derek: (Dirik) Booking a one way flight to Shanghai! >subject to a fate worse than death." He gave Li'na the key and left. > As Li'na was about to leave, she said to herself, "Nobody ever called >me 'Li' except... Oh, no!" > Tory: (Li'na) My high school sweetheart, but I killed him! [snaps out of mode] Hey, I sense foreshadowing! > Falkyn's body bore even more scars then before. His head hung low, >his breath was ragged, his shirt was shredded. he hardly heard the door >open. Tory: Now that's what I call rough *sex*! Derek: I wish I could get back to VO-land and watch this from out there. > "Falkyn, I'm here," Li'na said. > "Unh," Falkyn groaned. "I-I'm even more mangled. But--" Falkyn >coughed, "--But I'll pull through." Derek: (Falkyn) Go on without me! Tory: (Li'na) [short pause] Uh...ok! Derek: (Falkyn) Aah! > Li'na unlocked his manacles. "We have to stop Razhad. That Devil's >attack, you have to use it on him." Tory: (Satan) Everyone wants to be like me! Derek: You did that too good! VO Satan: I'll say! Both: GYAH!!!! VO All: AAAAHHHH!!!!! VO Satan: Sorry, didn't mean to scare you there! > Falkyn rubbed his wrists. "I've lived through worse. We are the >only force on the entire island that can end Razhad's tyranny." > Tory: Too bad you'd be all in pieces! Derek: [blinks] > The next day saw Falkyn face off with Razhad for the final time. Derek: (next day) Whoa, he ripped the dude's face OFF! >The two warriors barreled their way through the fortress, tearing apart >every guard they could get their hands on. Li'na remained outside the >throne room as Falkyn entered. Tory: 0.0 He entered?! Derek: Obviously, he doesn't want to put Li'na in danger. > Falkyn drew his katana. "Tonight will see your demise, sorcerer," >he said, his face a grim mask of hate and anger. Tory: (Razhad) Sorry, I saw demise last week. This week, it's carnage! > "Forget this pathetic attempt at heroism," Razhad said. "You've got >two choices: you can die where you stand, or you can fight alongside me, Derek: Not until you use some deoderant buddy! PHEW! What crawled under your pits and died?! >where all the riches of the world can be yours." Tory: Hmm die, live, die, live...I think I'll go with live! > Falkyn's expression did not change. "Better to die on my feet than >live on my knees, tyrant." He sheathed his sword. "I can destroy all five >of you without breaking a sweat." Tory: LIAR! I see that sweat on your brow! Derek: No it's not, it's persperation. Tory: Is there really a difference? > "Yorr, exterminate him!" Derek: (Yorr) I am The Terminator... > The middle-aged man charged. His run and his existence were ended >when he ran straight into a Makousen. A large hole was burned through his >chest and he was thrown into the obsidian wall. Tory: I told Yorr not to eat that pizza! > "Next," Falkyn said sarcastically. "I could do this all day." > "Very well," Razhad said. "Your turn, Donbran." Tory: The Godfather of--mrugpht! Derek: ENOUGH! > The giant chuckled. "Gonna have lotsa fun rippin ya lim frum lim!" >He cracked his knuckles, then fell as a Chi-en-zan tore through his innards. Tory: Exactly how do you feel something tearing through your innards. Derek: Wanna see? [maniacal expression] Tory: Um, no thanks! > Dirik observed the carnage from a secret vantage point. "Cleanup on >aisle one," he said. Tory: Please, please, please! Kill Dirik NOW! > Razhad was still unimpressed. "Misal, if you please?" > Misal was already dead, her entire body burned beyond recognition. Tory: ROFLOL! Derek: roflol? Tory: Rolling on the floor laughing out loud...I didn't want to get my pj's dirty! > "Dirik!" Razhad boomed. "Do something! Dirik! Dirik?" Razhad >looked around. "Dirik! Where in the name of Jigokuu are you!" Tory: Japanese hell? Derek: Got that right. > Dirik walked into the room. "Sorry, Raz," he said. "'Fraid I can't >do a thing. You see, he's emanating extreme levels of power, physical and >spiritual, and it's interfering with my own." > Tory: For once, Dirik is showing some sense! > Li'na was listening from outside, not wanting to get in Falkyn's way. >"No, don't let him hurt you." > Tory: Whoa, even Li'na's showing some signs of intelligence! > "Dirik," Razhad began, "your insubordination is limitless." Tory: No, correction, his stupidity! Derek: His ability to sing Weird Al songs while dead! [singing] Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door? Well he always was the neighborhood clown-- *WHAP* Derek: [laughs] Tory: [putting away whip] Didn't that hurt? Derek: [stifling laughter] Why do you think I'm laughing? Tory: You're freaking me out. > "Bingo," Dirik said. "Right on the nosey!" > Razhad's eyes narrowed. "Dirik, when you see the others, give them >my greeting." With that, a bolt of fire streaked from Razhad's hand and >impacted in Dirik's chest. > Tory: Awwww, I was starting to like Dirik! Derek: Could this be, you're actually showing emotion besides anger and sarcasm? Tory: Hell, no! > Li'na ran into the room and found Dirik, a massive scorch mark on his >chest. "No!" she screamed. She cradled his head in her arms. Tory: Leaving the rest of his corpse on the floor. Derek: TORY! Tory: [jumps] Sorry! > "What are you doing?" Falkyn asked. > Dirik was dying fast. "I'm sorry... I wasn't there... to see you... >grow up... Li..." he gasped. "Forgive... me... please..." > Both Razhad and Falkyn were perplexed. "Eh? What are you talking >about, Li'na?" Falkyn asked. > "Please," Li'na said. "Please, don't die, Papa." Tory: GAH! [clutches chest and falls out, after putting her blanket on the floor] *THUD* Derek: You really shouldn't hang with Egon. > "What?" Falkyn was absolutely stunned. "You mean... he's your... and >he works for... and you never told me?" > Dirik's faint voice replied, "She... never... knew... until... >last... night... when... I... told... her..." He looked up at his daughter. >"Your... mother... Misal..." Dirik died once again, but he had finally let >the truth out. Tory: I......took.....death.....scene....lessons.....from.....Shatner... ROSEBUD! Derek: (Bones) He's dead, Jim. > Falkyn turned to Razhad. "Your evil turned my ally's parents against >us, Razhad. Your attempt at destruction ends here, tonight!" He pressed >his fingers against his forehead and gathered his chi as his eyes glowed >deep purple. His veins pulsed as his life force concentrated in his >fingers. Tory: That's gotta be some force! > Razhad erected his barriers. "Nothing can get past my seal!" he >laughed. Tory: Erected?! NANI!? You said this wasn't a lemon! Derek: It isn't! I swear on Reorx's beard, it isn't! > Falkyn removed the fingers from his forehead as they crackled with >power. He aimed and blasted. The two beams impacted on Razhad's barrier >and shattered it. Razhad, however, was unhurt. Derek: (Razhad) Muhahaha, your pitiful beams don't hurt me....wait, don't aim *there!* [falls out] Tory: For once I can say, that was disgusting, Derek! > Razhad crossed his arms over his chest. "I underestimated you, but >your attack has left you drained and unable to attack again!" Derek: Smooth move, give him a chance to regenerate! > Falkyn was on his knees. I won't survive if I try it again, he >thought, but I might be able to use something else. He concentrated >another, smaller chi bomb and prepared to throw it. Tory: Ohh, Dragonball Z flashbacks! Derek: These moves were taken from that series. > "...Li..." > Li'na looked down at her father. Dirik's eyes opened again. "...Do >you... have... a... con...tain...er...?" Tory: No....I...do--*THUD* > She removed a bag from her belt. > "Give... it... here..." He took the bag from her and struggled to >get to his feet. "I'm... dying... any... way... so... I'll... use... the... >Demon... Seal..." He murmured some unknown phrase and lobbed the bag as >hard as his wrecked body could. "Demon... Seal!" Derek: For someone to be dying, he sure is active! Tory: It's a death scene, isn't it? > Razhad caught the bag in one hand. Suddenly, the bag began to >envelop him. "What manner of sorcery is this?" he asked. Tory: It's called 9mm slug! > Falkyn stopped his chi. "The Mafuuha, or Demon Seal. It can trap a >being in any container, but the caster will die, whether it succeeds or >not." Tory: Now that really sucks. Derek: Ask Mutaito, the guy who put Piccolo Daimao in that rice cooker! > "I will get my revenge, Falkyn!" Razhad said as the bag consumed his >body. "Mark my words! I will get revenge!" Tory: Yeah yeah, get your ass in the bag! Derek: [starts writing on the screen with a pencil] Tory: Marking the words, eh? Derek: Yep, let's see...revenge...done! > Before the bag could close up, Falkyn grabbed the Eye of the Tiger >off Razhad's chest. Tory: Dirty snatch! Derek: That sounded so WRONG! Tory: But it wasn't--ah never mind! > "That's it," Falkyn said, "he cheated death once more. But now, he >has no minions to control, no soldiers to do his bidding, and no Eye to open >the Gate again." > Tory: No Dairy Queen to get ice cream at...oh, the humanity! > "Defeated again," Razhad sulked. "I will return, even if it takes >a hundred years, I will return!" He shook his bony fist at the sky, as if >it would help. > Tory: For Pete's sake, Razhad, give up! Derek: Persistent little bugger, ain't he? > "We delayed the inevitable," Li'na said, "by putting Razhad back >where he belongs. But I found my parents." Tory: Yeah, too bad one of them bit the big one! Derek: You apparently missed the spot where Dirik told Li that Misal was her mother. > Falkyn bowed next to Dirik's corpse. "Although he was a servant of >Razhad, I feel for him somehow." He picked up the bag from the floor. "We >have to bury this somewhere." > Tory: Oh...how...pathetic. > Falkyn buried the bag containing Razhad deep under the ground of the >island where, hopefully, it would never be found again. Derek: It's too open for it to NOT be found again! Tory: Plot devices, you gotta love 'em! >Falkyn resumed the training of his body and soul with Li'na, praying she >would be able to learn the complicated and potentially lethal techniques he >had mastered. Tory: [cackles as she wields a whip] Derek: No, not tonight. I don't think the screen can take anymore! [They get up and exit the Theatre] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] Derek: These'll get better, just wait. Tory: Oh, yeah? Derek: I wrote these, FYI. A couple chapters later, a new character will be introduced. Tory: What's he like? Derek: About seven feet tall, long-and I mean LONG-red hair, wields a big axe, and he's got a scar over his eye. Tory: 0_0 What's his name? Derek: If I told you, that would ruin the surprise! Wait until chapter 10. [Derek hits the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen grows dark, voices overheard] "Tell me what his name is!" "It's Japanese, and it means 'Divine Demon'." [short pause] "Before we turn in, why don't you like Li'na's last name?" "DON'T mention that together, or I'll smite thee as thou hast never been smote before!" "What? You mean, 'Li'na Dav--' Urk!" "I told you!" "*KAFF* Leggo already! *COUGH* You're...choking me!" "Sorry. Forgive me. I wasn't thinking." ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 8" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) __________________________________________________________________________ > She removed a bag from her belt. > "Give... it... here..." He took the bag from her and struggled to >get to his feet. "I'm... dying... any... way... so... I'll... use... the... >Demon... Seal..." He murmured some unknown phrase and lobbed the bag as >hard as his wrecked body could. "Demon... Seal!" Derek: For someone to be dying, he sure is active! Tory: It's a death scene, isn't it?