Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 007 -- Visitors from Above. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 7 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. Tory and Derek...well they're just visiting! FFT3K Theme Song Ray: I'll take it this time! [cue MST3K track] Here he comes. Here comes Speed Racer. He's a Demon on whe-- Peter: Ray, you ever start an anime again, and I'll kill you. Ray: Sorry! [cue the right MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Egon Spengler is working on yet another experiment. This time he's enlisted the help of the engineer, Ray Stantz.] Peter: How many experiments are you going to run? Egon: Enough to get us out of here! Ray: This one should work! Winston: What is it? Egon: A transdimensional portal. Ray: So far, we haven't gotten the coordinates right. The objects we're using as test subjects keep coming back mangled! Winston: Uh, I'll stay here, thanks... VO Tory: I don't think this is a good idea... [Peter wasn't paying attention and was sniffing around the machine] Peter: Hey, Egon! What's this button do! Egon: PETER, NO! VO Derek: You idiot! [Peter pushes the button and everyone on the VoFF vanishes. A second flash of light appears, leaving two figures in it's wake] Tory: --the hell?! Derek: How did we get here!? VO Egon: It's Venkman's fault! Tory: OOOOO, VENKMAN! I'LL FLAY YOU! VO Peter: Sorry! Derek: We've got Movie sign! Tory: I'm not doing it! Derek: If we don't leave, all the oxygen will be sucked out and we'll asphyxiate! Tory: DAMMIT! [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 7 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Tory: [starts to do the hustle] Derek: If D was here, he'd hit you with the Rocket Fist. > "We were lucky Razhad didn't get out of the Undead Plane," Falkyn Tory: Bah, it wasn't luck, it was plot devices! >said, holding the Eye of the Tiger in his hand. "He's mad with power, and >the first thing he'll do is kill me." Derek: (Falkyn) So, if you don't mind, I'm out of here! > "He won't get out as long as we have the Eye and the Mahou no Ken," >said Li'na. "Right?" Tory: Left! Derek: Right! Tory: Left, dammit! Derek: Right, darn it! Both: WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! VO Peter: SUFFER!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Tory: [whispering to Derek] His ass is MINE! > Falkyn handed the Eye to Li'na. "I like to think so. Here, take it. >Only the bearer of the Eye can open a Gateway." Tory: He gave it to Li'na? Great, make her the target! Derek: The man's covering his own butt. Besides, it'd look better on her, anyway. > "I, I don't know what do say, except, 'Thanks'." She put it around >her neck and admired it. "I promise the Eye will not be removed from its >place around my neck." Tory: [evil grin] Not unless you're decapitated! Derek: Tory, don't go there. > > "Donbran!" Both: The Godfather of bran fiber! Tory: We gotta get out of here, fast! > "Yeah, boss?" > "Falkyn is in the Zrinthian mountains. I want you to flush him out Derek: (cheerleader) Flush em' out, flush em' out...WAY out! Tory: Too bad D isn't here for sound effects. >of there. Do your old 'spray the surrounding area with lead' routine. Tory: (Razhad) You know that thing, where you get in a moving vehicle and spray thingies everywhere! >That should see the little runt running to help. When he does, take the Eye >of the Tiger and my Sword of Magic. If he dies, I will punish you. He will >die only by my hand, understand?" Tory: Some of these characters aren't too bright. Derek: Yeah, he wants Falkyn 'flushed' out in a drive by shooting! Tory: Isn't the aim of a drive by to *kill*? Derek: Correct. > "Gotcha. Hose the town, get the guy out there, take the fancy rock >and the glowin' sword, then we get ya outta dat Undead place." > Both: [starts snickering] Derek: Who is he? Gomer Pyle?! (Gomer) Go-oll-ee, Sergeant Razhad! > Falkyn and Li'na returned to Zrinth to replenish their supplies, but >when they arrived, they found a large man, about six-foot-seven, with light >brown hair and eyes, Derek: How did they see his hair and eyes if he was attacking the village? Shouldn't they be running?! Tory: 0_0 Derek: Oh darn, snap out of it! *THWAP* Tory: KYAA! >attacking the village with a powerful automatic rifle. "Die you insignif-- >whoops," he said, "Um... Die! Die, ya worms! Ah, ha, ha, haaaaa!" Tory: -the hell? Derek: He's obviously faking his speech impediment. > "He's crazier than Dirik and Yorr put together," Li'na said. > "And obviously obsessed with weaponry," observed Falkyn. Tory: How...observant. > The giant stopped firing and turned around to see his two targets. >He reloaded his weapon and aimed for them. "Heh, heh. Ol' Raz's gonna love >the present he gets from dese two!" Derek: Duhyuh, 2 + 2 = 5. Oh god, that gave me a headache! > "Raz?" Falkyn's eyebrow cocked. "Could this Raz be also called >Razhad?" Tory: No it's Ras Kass! The rapper is the perp! Derek: You've been drinking again, haven't you? Tory: I plead the fifth! Derek: [mumbles] of burbon...I'd rather go for sake, myself. > "Um, I tink," the man said. "But whut's it matta, anyway? He wants >a funky Tory: [singing] -- cold medina! Derek: [groans and covers his eyes with his hand] >little rock called, um, 'Da Nose of da Tiger' or sumtin'." He shook his >head. Derek: Dig that, you can hear the rattles! Tory: I bet if you listen to his ear, you can hear the ocean! >"Whut da big guy wants, he gets! See ya in da Undead Plane!" As he was >about to pull the trigger, a small knife slashed him across the hand. He >dropped his rifle and gripped his hand. "Hey! Dat hurt!" Tory: What the!? Razhad has the Rain Man for a henchman? Derek: (Donbran) I want a pet rabbit, George. Duuuh, I'm gonna hughimandsqueezehimand--HEY! Tory: Sorry, that was giving me a mega headache! > Falkyn looked around. A black figure poked its head out from behind >a building. It jumped down with great agility and landed next to Falkyn. Tory: (figure) WHOA! *THUD* >The man wore the same clothing as Falkyn, but it was not torn and he wore >the mask that went with it. "You must leave," he said. "Donbran lured you >into a--" He was cut off when Donbran threw a pineapple-shaped object at >them. The man looked at it and said, "Run!" The three got only a few >meters away when the grenade exploded, throwing shards of metal everywhere. Derek: [his face crumples as he yells] KILL THEM!!! [He rips the armrest off and holds it like a gun] Tory: Derek, you're scaring me! Derek: Whoops! Er, sorry. Whoa, Angst Mode. > The three had been injured during their attempted escape and knocked >unconscious. When they came to, The Mahou no Ken was gone. > "This is bad," the man said. "Very bad." Derek: Don't say it, Tory. Let me. We're in trouble! Tory: Who is he? Bob? > "How do you know?" Falkyn asked. Tory: Dammit, I just know. MOVE IT! > The man removed his head covering. Derek: AHHH! Put it back on! Tory: [waving a dollar] WHOOO! TAKE IT OFF! VO Egon: I don't think she meant *you*, Peter! Tory: ECCHI! Derek: [face turns green] >"Greetings, Stahl," he said. "It has been a long time." His blond hair >fell across his shoulders, contrasting sharply with his darkly tanned skin >and brown eyes. Tory: You know, at least everyone gets a description in this story. *drool* Derek: Oh, please; these are all fictional characters you're drooling over! You would never find me staring at, let's say, Mai Shiranui, now, would you? Tory: Would I? Derek: No. > "Who is Stahl?" Falkyn asked. > The man replied, "You are. Don't you recognize your own brother?" Derek: (Falkyn) I don't even know my own name, of course I don't recognize my brother! > "I don't remember having a brother," Falkyn said, "or any family, for >that matter." He motioned to Li'na, who was just getting to her feet. Tory: Hey, DJ! You want to play 'Get on up' for her!? >"Li'na has been the closest thing I have for family for the past ten >months." Tory: And boy do I mean *close* Derek: Tory, what did I say earlier? Tory: Gomen! > "Donbran is seeking to bring a powerful necromancer back from the >dead," the man explained. "He needs to absorb the powers of a Gatekeeper or >use an ancient artifact to open the Gate to the Undead Plane." Tory: Well that's original! > Falkyn nodded. "I know. The necromancer isn't dead, I battled him a >long time ago and forced him into the Undead Plane. The artifact is the Eye >of the Tiger, which Li'na possesses. By the way, what exactly is your >name?" Derek: (Falkyn) You know, I've killed many, went shopping, oh yeah, I'm gay... Tory: [shuddering] Ugh. Derek: Actually, he's not gay, just a little naive. > The man bowed slightly. "I am Tris Tan, eldest son of the great >Hyrman Tan. Derek: I am Ren, son of Primus, Prince of Octapon! Tory: You realize, no one will get that, don't you? Derek: Who cares?! How about, "Mi nombre eez Derek Floyd; ju keeled mi padre, PREPARE TO DIE!"? >I have been following you for the past three weeks. Tory: Damn stalkers! Derek: If it means that much; I'll rewind the darn tape! >I was the one who stopped the witch Misal from opening a Gate to the Undead >Plane, and now I must stop Donbran from doing the same. As long as the Eye >of the Tiger is safe with you, he will have much trouble in opening the Gate >to the Undead Plane." Derek: Gee, you think!? > "Blablablablablablabla," Li'na mocked. "Do you ever shut up?" > Tris stopped. "For someone as attractive as you, you have quite a >lip!" Tory: How about a *FAT* lip!? > "Please," Falkyn said, interjecting himself. "We have to get the >Mahou no Ken back from Donbran before he opens the portal to Razhad!" > Tory: I still say it's Ras Kass! Derek: Let it go, please. Tory: I wasn't holding *it*. > Donbran was chuckling to himself. "I got da sword, boss!" Derek: (Donbran) But I don't got da education heeeyuh! Tory: That hurts, don't do that! > "Excellent, Donbran!" Razhad's voice echoed in his mind. Derek: He has a mind?! Tory: [clutches chest] AHH! Derek: You've been hanging with Egon again... Tory: Have not! Besides, I don't hang...Egon does...[wriggles her eyebrows] VO Egon: --the hell?! Tory: Never mind, Spengler! [mumbles] With your cute self! VO Egon: I HEARD THAT! Tory: Not my damn fault if you're cute! [folds her arms] Derek: I assume you like men... Tory: What gave you *that* idea? [innocent expression] Derek: Never mind... > "Now, one question: How do I work dis?" Derek: Read the directions. No wait, I'd forgotten that you CAN'T READ English much less SPEAK IT! Tory: Down, Derek! > "There are two ways to absorb magic with the weapon: either kill the >target with it, or use it to parry an oncoming magical attack. When you >absorb the attack, the aura of the sword will intensify, and you may use the >attack, but only once." Tory: Okay, you actually think Rain Man here will remember this? > "Um, I tink I got whatcha said dere. Now alls I gotta do is snuff >one o' dem Gatekeepers wit dis here sword?" Derek: In many words, no! > "Yes, and then, cast the spell to open a Gateway to the Undead Plane, >which will allow me and my other underlings to return to the Prime Elemental >Plane!" Tory: I'd hate to be a villain or is that villian, I can never remember! Derek: You know, grammar classes would help. Tory: Don't make me smite you, laughing boy! Derek: Go ahead; I can take it. Tory: [wriggles both eyebrows] Is that a promise!? > When Razhad's voice left Donbran's mind, he said to himself, "Dat >sound's kinda complicated. I know, I'll get dat fancy rock he wants! Yeah, >den it'll be easier to get 'im outta da Undead Plane!" > Tory: Case in point, Rain Man forgot! > The sun had set, so Falkyn, his recently discovered brother, Tris, >and Li'na decided to rent a room at an inn for the night. Tory: Hey, this reminds me of that episode of The Pretender! Derek: Hm? Tory: Jarod found his brother and his brother was murdered at the end. Derek: Oy! That's really going to suck if that happens here. > "Stahl," Tris asked, "how did you get a girl as good-looking as Li'na >to accompany you?" Derek: I've been asking the *same* darn question! > Falkyn's eyes narrowed. "Li'na came with my under her own free will. Tory: If you count throwing a rope around her neck--HEY! Derek: I've been wanting to do this forever! *THWAP* Tory: STOP THA--DAMMIT!! Derek: [manical laughter] *THWAP* *THWAP* *THWAP* Tory: ITAI! Derek: *THWAP* [stops] ...Gotcha. Sorry 'bout that; I got carried away. >She actually insisted on coming with me, ten months ago, after I had won a >tournament being held by King LahHroide of YahKii. I refused the reward and >left the city. Since then, I have trained Li'na in armed and unarmed combat Tory: And unclothed combat! Derek: No wonder you and Peter are alike... VO Peter: We are not! Tory: Yeah, I'm a whip wielder, Peter's a whip taker! HAH! VO Peter: BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP! >every day. Only recently have we been involved in the revival of Razhad." > "Since you've been with her all that time, have you, er, well, you >know...?" Tory: 0_o...o_0...0_0 Derek: [covers his eyes] > Falkyn's head shot up. "I would never. We are friends, nothing >more. And besides, that would be immoral." Tory: Oh God, you suck! Derek: Just because he's not as friendly as you are... Tory: Stop that train of thought right there, before I'm forced to deal with you *my* way! Derek: If I was Peter, I would accept that! VO Peter: I'm Peter and I WOULDN'T accept that! Tory: That's not what you said last night, Venkie, baby! VO Ray: O.O > Tris laughed. "Do you even know how long you've been away from >home?" > "No." Tory: (Falkyn) Should I care? > "By my best estimate... Approximately ten years, eight months, three >weeks." Derek: *That's* an estimate? I'd go with something like, "About a decade." > Falkyn's eyebrow cocked. "That long? I don't remember anything >before being in an orphanage somewhere, when I was ten." Tory: (Falkyn) Even then, the kids scarred me! > "It's a shame you don't remember your family," Tris said. "Our >father was a great man." Derek: Really, he was a great man. What, you don't believe me?! Tory: [raises an eyebrow] > "You refer to him in the past tense," Falkyn observed. "Has he >passed away?" Tory: No, he just passed by! Derek: [waves to the screen] > Tris solemnly nodded. "He passed to the Plane of Heaven eight >months ago. He wanted to see all his sons, but you were nowhere to be >found. He died a sad man. If only you were there, Stahl." Derek: Oh, I'm going to cry! Tory: Oh, I'm not! > Suddenly, Tris was pulled to his feet and felt a very sharp blade >pressed to his throat. "Stahl, w-what are you doing?" Tory: Mother--HEY! Derek: No, no, and NO! > "Silence!" Falkyn ordered. "That name means nothing to me! I will Tory: (Falkyn) Thou must call me Nanny-nanny-poo-poo! VO Peter: HEY! I said that already. Tory: Shaddup! Derek: You need new material... Tory: I could use some lace...or maybe silk! Derek: [sighs] >not forsake my name for one somebody I have never met says is my true name!" > The brothers heard a crash from the adjoining room, and a scream. > "Li'na!" they said together. Tory: STELLA! Derek: That's been done before. Tory: Oh, get stuffed! > They burst into the room, weapons drawn, to find Donbran, holding >Li'na in his left arm, and the Eye of the Tiger in his right hand. "Lookin' >fer sumtin'?" he asked, dangling the Eye for all to see. Tory: (Falkyn) Yeah, someone who can speak ENGLISH! Derek: (Tris) Without bad grammar, either! > "Let her go!" Falkyn demanded, slashing the air with his katana. Tory: (Falkyn) Damn air! I shall smite thee! Derek: (Air) What did I ever do to you?! AAH! > Donbran merely laughed. "You tink youse two kin beat me up wit' dose >little backscratchas? Ha! I laugh at yer pattetic attempt at >intimidatin'!" Tory: --the hell? I didn't understand one WORD of that! Derek: Now you know how bad he is with the English language. I believe he said, "You think you two can beat me up with those little backscratchers? Ha! I laugh at your pathetic attempt at intimidation!" > Falkyn looked to his brother. "Shall we?" > Tris nodded. "Yes, let's." Tory: DO THE HUSTLE! Derek: Boogie Woogie, Woogie! > They attacked. Donbran laughed and batted them away with enough >force to knock them into the walls. "Ya wimps! Ya can't beat da man who >singa-handedly wasted King LahHroide's army and offed one uv his gards!" Derek: I'm glad Egon isn't here, he would have went into thug mode again! Tory: I would have really flayed him for that! VO Egon: Look, I be here working on dis--OUCH! VO Winston: *THWAP* Dammit, Egon! Don't start that again! Tory: See, that's why I like Winston... VO Peter: I thought you liked me?! Tory: You can never stay woke! Derek: Huh? VO Winston: (*^_^*) VO Ray: Oooo, Winston's blushing!!! > "I know who can beat you," Falkyn said. "I can. I single-handedly >blew away an entire tournament to become the King's new guard!" He wasn't >lying per se, he did have the opportunity, but he turned it down. Tory: And boy did he blow...I need to get new material... Derek: Very badly. > Donbran produced a pistol and held it to Li'na's head. "You try >anyting funny 'n she gets it! All I wants is da Eye o' da Tiga." Tory: Hell, she can have it! Derek: NANI!? You'd rather have her DEAD?! You're one sick puppy... Tory: Arf, arf! Derek: [quietly scoots away from Tory] > "You cannot have it," Falkyn said. Tory: Didn't I just say she could? Derek: As if Falkyn is actually *listening* to you... Tory: He'd better! Derek: [looks upward and sighs] VO Ray: Now you know how we feel watching movies with Winston! > Donbran smiled. "If I kin't have it, yer little girlfriend here'll >be pikin' her brains outta da corners fer a week." Derek: At least she'll have a brain TO pick! > Falkyn lowered his weapon. "You have been played for a fool." Tory: [singing Chain of Fools] Derek: How does one play 'fool'? > "Heh? Whaddya mean?" Tory: [whips out a shotgun and starts blasting] It [blam] means [blam] learn [blam] to [blam] speak [blam] friggin [blam] English! [blam] Derek: Just as I suspected, it didn't work. Tory: What does it take to destroy this thing! VO D: I surmise it would require a multi-megaton nuclear fusion explosion, with the VoFF at ground-zero. Derek: Crap! > "That so-called 'Eye of the Tiger' is a fake, I had a copy made for >situations like this. Let Li'na go, and I'll trade you, Eye for an Eye." >Falkyn withdrew a perfect copy of the Eye of the Tiger from his shirt. >"Send Li'na over with that Eye and Tris will give you this one." Tory: (Falkyn) This is the part where I reveal my plan! > "WHAT?" Tory: QUE!? Derek: NANI!? > Falkyn leaned in. "Trust me." He gave him the Eye. Tory: (Falkyn) --if you're stupid... Derek: --which he is... > Donbran gave Li'na his Eye and shoved her forward. Tris passed by >and handed the other Eye to Donbran. As Tris turned to walk back, Donbran >grabbed him by the back of the neck. "I ain't kinvinced dat yer tellin' da >trooth," he said. "So I'm takin' dis chump fer insherence. If da Eye he >gave me don't work, he's gonna get his!" Derek: (Falkyn) Want to write that down, please?! >He laughed and poked Tris in the side of the head with his pistol. He >backed out the hole in the wall he came in and ran off. Tory: Uh, oh, here comes that Pretender episode! Derek: NO! > "Well, this is a good way for things to go," Li'na said. "Now your >brother's going to get killed, and worse, the Eye is going to be used to >bring Razhad back to this Plane of existence!" Tory: (Falkyn) Li'na? Derek: (Li'na falsetto) Yes? Tory: (Falkyn) SHUT THE HELL UP! Derek: (Li'na falsetto) Aah! > "No, it isn't," Falkyn said, holding the other Eye in his hand. "The >Eye Donbran has is the fake. It can't open Gateways. All we have to do is Derek: I find that whenever someone says 'all we have to do...', something usually screws up! Tory: Egon says that a lot! Derek: Hence, our appearence here! Tory: True, I didn't think of that... Derek: Remind me to smite Spengler later... Tory: Will do! VO Egon: HEY! Both: SHADDUP! >find out where he's going and free Tris before he has a chance to put a >bullet through his brain." > Tory: TOO LATE! Derek: He has a brain, oh, wait, he's talking about Tris... > "Boss! I got da Eye!" Derek: --and a nose and two ears. I guess biology wasn't a good subject for him! > "Yes! Now, command it to open a Gateway to the Plane of the Undead!" > "Uhhh, Eye of da Tiga! Open da Gateway to da Plane uv da Undead!" Tory: Hey, this reminds me of that part in Army of Darkness. Remember when Ash was suppose to say the words and get the book!? Derek: Heh? Tory: Since Rain Man here can't speak a lick of English, it shouldn't work! > Falkyn and Li'na arrived at the area where Donbran was opening a >Gateway. A dark cloud came over the place as a swirl of black power became >larger and larger. Tory: Damn! Derek: It's *NOT* like Army of Darkness... > "Falkyn, I thought you said his Eye was the fake." > "It appears the fake was a better replica than I thought." Falkyn >held the "Eye" in his hand. "This is the fake!" Tory: Falkyn is one sharp cookie... Both: NOT! > "Ha, ha ha! Now's da time! Razhad, my boss, is comin' back ta wreak >awesome carnage!" Derek: Too bad I can't understand you, maybe I would actually experience fear. Tory: Hey, that was a good one! > The black swirl eventually became a portal. Out of the portal came Tory: BARNEY! Both: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! >the beer-bellyed, middle-aged Yorr; Dirik, the out-of-his-mind scientist; >and Misal, sister of the demonic Razhad. Following them out were two bony >gloved hands. They grabbed the sides of the portal to leverage out the rest >of the body. Tory: (Razhad) Need to cut down on the doughnuts... > The owner of the hands was at least seven feet tall, wearing >battered and scorched armor, a torn cape, a smashed helmet, serrated >bracers, black shin guards with pentagrams on them, and a mask covering his >face. Derek: He's *really* into that grunge look! >His booted feet contacted the hard ground with a click as he pulled the >rest of his body out of the Gateway. He straightened up to his full height >and surveyed the area. His gaze fell over his underlings, Tris, Li'na, and >eventually Falkyn. Derek: (Falkyn) AIEEEEEE!!!!! Tory: (Li'na) RUNAWAY, RUNAWAY!!! > "Razhad," Falkyn uttered. Tory: No, the words you're looking for... Derek: [glares hard at Tory] Tory: ...I can't say... > Razhad gave a demonic laugh. Derek: [hands Tory a box labeled, 'demonic laugh'] Tory: Sorry, I can't take demonic laughs. Now, if you have manical ones, then that's fine. Derek: Drat! >"The world was created in six days," he said, "so too, shall it be >destroyed. And on the seventh day, mankind shall rest. In peace!" Derek: Or is that pieces? Tory: Razhad, you need to lay off the films! Derek: I think he's been reading the Bible again. Tory: Yeah, the slob is going to rest on the seventh day! > "Where have I heard that from a skull-faced madman before?" Falkyn >asked himself. Derek: (Falkyn) Now I remember, He-Man! Oh, no! That was Mortal Kombat: Annihilation! Shao Kahn said that when he arrived in Earth Realm. > "Boss," Donbran said, "long time, no see. How's it feel ta be back >in da Prime El'mental Plane?" > Razhad merely said, "Give me my sword and the Eye." Tory: And Donbran merely handed them over. Derek: merely... > Donbran handed them over quickly. Razhad placed the Eye around his >charred neck and held the Mahou no Ken before him. The aura changed from >blue to black as it adjusted to its bearer. "Falkyn," he said, "it is time >to meet your fate!" Tory: Hopefully, my fate has brown hair and green eyes! Derek: Perfectly describes Falkyn! Tory: Not him! VO Peter: Well, I have brown hair and green eyes... Tory: Yeah, but you're shorter than me! VO Egon: I'm 6'3"... Tory: Thank you...and that was said because... VO Egon: Never mind! > "I do not believe in fate," Derek: (Fate) And I don't believe in you, so NYAH! >Falkyn said, drawing his own sword. "But it would be fitting to send you >back to that Plane, as a corpse!" Tory: Isn't he already a corpse?! Derek: Technically, no. Tory: Do we really need to get technical? Derek: Technically-- Tory: SHADDUP! > Razhad laughed. "You believe steel can defeat my magic? You are >obviously stupider than I took you to believe all that time ago." Tory: Wait...stupider isn't a word! [whips out the American Heritage Dictionary] Well I'll be damned, it is a word! Derek: [damns Tory] Tory: I didn't mean literally! > "I have learned much since then. Allow me to demonstrate." Derek: (Falkyn) NO! Put your clothes ON! AHHHHHHH!!!! [clutches his chest] Tory: You've been around me too long! >With that, Falkyn threw an orb of yellow energy. Razhad merely raised his >hand and snuffed the Sou-Ki-Dan out. Tory: (Sou-Ki-Dan) Damn... > "I am the superior one," Razhad bellowed. "I will take control of >this pitiful island, which will be the first step in my eventual control of >this world!" Tory: Are you sure? Derek: He seems sure... > Razhad's minions all laughed in the same demonic fashion. "You will >bow to Razhad," Yorr said. "He is your master now." Tory: [jumps up wielding whip] NO ONE IS TORY'S MASTER, FOR I AM THE ULTIMATE MISTRESS!!!! HEEYAHH!!! [cracks the whip at the screen] WHIP OF SCORCHING FLAME, STRIKE! [attacks the screen with all her strength] Derek: You realize, that isn't working. Tory: Give me credit, at least *I'm* trying! > "The Eye would have made a nice brooch," Misal said. "But it worked >better this way." Tory: And *who* asked you?! > "I never got to finish my song," Dirik said. "Put your head in the >microwave and get yourself a tan..." He sharply clapped. Tory: NOOOOOO!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! *THUD* Derek: [singing along] Talk, with your mouth full! Bite, the hand that feeds you! Bite, off more than you can chew, what can you do? DARE TO BE STUPID! > Donbran produced a heavy assault cannon. "I'm gonna be da head of >da boss's Undead army! 'n we're gonna take dis place apart, bit by bit!" Derek: (Donbran) Cuz dis be fun! Tory: And you say I hang with Egon... > "Tris," Falkyn said, "get back here!" > Tris nodded. As he was running to his brother, a mortar from >Donbran's cannon tore through his back. Tory: That's gotta *hurt*! Derek: More than you'll ever know. > "Tris!" Li'na shouted. Tory: Derek! Derek: Tory! Tory: That was much funner when there were more people here! > Tris fell at his brother's feet. "Stahl," he gasped. "Falkyn, >don't let my death be for naught. Razhad mustn't be allowed to... follow >through with his... plans..." With that, Tris's life ended, and he joined >his father in the Plane of Heaven. Tory: (Tris) ROSEBUD! > Falkyn gazed at his brother's corpse. Something inside him snapped. Derek: TTTWWWAANNNGG! >He looked up at Razhad, his eyes glowing deep maroon. "He deserved not to >die, necromancer. Soon, you, and your minions, will join him on the Plane >of Heaven." He unsheathed his sword and, with a berserker roar, Derek: (Berserker) Huss! Huss! Tory: What?! >charged headlong into Razhad's underlings. Before he hit anyone, he stopped >in mid-run. Tory: (Falkyn) DAMN! I left the oven on! > "I have been practicing while I was with the Undead," Razhad said, >holding his hands before him. "And now, I bring forth from the Plane of the >Undead, my army!" Tory: Razhad sucks, he is supposed to be so powerful, but yet, calls in an army! Derek: He'd rather not get his bony hands dirty. >The Eye of the Tiger glowed and created another portal. From its maw >spewed forth Undead warriors, from cannon-fodder skeletons and zombies to >high-ranking vampires and wraiths. Razhad's evil laugh echoed throughout >the valley as the army came into the Prime Elemental Plane. > Falkyn and Li'na stood close to each other. "This is going to get >very ugly," Tory: (Li'na) Hell, looking at you, the getting has got! >Falkyn said. "He escaped death last time. Derek: (Death) Darn! I lost my prey! > This time, he has to be >stopped." Tory: (Falkyn) But that's a job for somebody else! Derek: Okay, let's get out of here! [They stand up and exit the theater] [Door sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] Tory: You know, I have many plans when I get back to VO-land. VO Egon: Not evil ones, I hope. Tory: Stuff it, Spengler! I'm still peeved at you about earlier! VO Egon: Uh...Venkman did it! VO Peter: Oh no, don't try and stick it to me! Derek: [starts cursing in Japanese] Tory: What is it!? Derek: I think we're stuck here for another chapter... VO Ray: Yeah, sorry about that. We're working on reversing the polarity of the matrix's diffusion rate. Tory: And in English that means... VO Winston: You're screwed. BOTH: KUSO!!!!!! VO Peter: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAR! [They both start running around screaming. Tory trips and falls on the button.] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen grows dark, voices overheard] "For God sakes, Tory. Must you always do something dumb!?" "Listen here, giggles. Keep it up and I'll HAI-KEEBA you!" "HAI-KEEBA!" "SHUT UP, RAY!" "Sorry!" "You should really switch to decaf, you know that?" "You should really shut up, you know that?" "Point taken..." ___________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 7" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) ____________________________________________________________________- > "Tris," Falkyn said, "get back here!" > Tris nodded. As he was running to his brother, a mortar from >Donbran's cannon tore through his back. Tory: That's gotta *hurt*! Derek: More than you'll ever know.