Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 006 -- Ray's got Angst in his pants. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 6 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song Winston: I'll cue the track this time. Peter: Hopefully it's not switched with the Backstreet Boys. Ghostbusters: [shudders] [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Egon Spengler is again working on an experiment. This time he's taken some spare parts from Ecto-1000 and are assembling them together into some kind of machine] Egon: Almost. [zaps the pieces] There! Peter: Whatcha doing? [peers over Egon's shoulder] Egon: If you'd quit spreading your germs. [pushes Peter's face away] I was just...um...well...pontificating the ramifications of the flux capacitor if I was to downgrade and add a matrix of different components. Peter: WHAT? Winston: [walking past with his nose in a book] He means he don't know, Peter. Peter: I hate you, Spengler. You too, Zeddemore, for understanding that crap! Winston: Don't hate me because I know more. Ray: [Enters wearing a pair of roller blades] Hi, guys! [zooms over to Peter] Aren't these cool, D found them for me! There's a bunch of stuff on this old satellite! Peter: Please, Ray. I can't handle the excitement. [he nudges Ray away] [Ray, not being a good skater, is nudged backwards into Egon's machine. Sparks fly and circuts burn as Ray screams in pain] Ray: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!! Others: RAY!! [They rush over and attend to their fallen friend.] Peter: Ray, speak to me! I'm sorry, kid! Ray: [slowly waking up] What the hell happened? Winston: What the? Ray: I bet your dumb ass did this! [scowls at Peter] Egon: Oh dear! Ray: Shut up, you pencil-necked geek! D: Oh, Ghostbusters, we have MOVIE SIGN! Ray: I'm getting tired of him... [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 6 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Ray: Ahhh, to hell with it! This is getting monotononous! Peter: Don't you mean monotonous? Ray: Shut the hell up, Peter! D: I am the one who is supposed to correct people on their grammar and spelling, correct? Ray: You too, tin can. > Falkyn stood, face to face with a demon. It was horrible, wearing Peter: Demons wear clothes? Winston: Of course, all well-dressed demons have an image to maintain! Ray: Kind of like Peter, eh? >scorched and battered armor. A circlet of tarnished gold lay on its brow, Egon: Dear God, it's wearing a tiara! Peter: NO MORE SAILOR MOON!!! All: AHHHHHHHH!!!! D: It's a circlet, not a tiara. >and in its hand was a glowing sword. Winston: I call no Star Wars jokes. Ray: Damn you, Zeddemore, always killing the fun. Peter: Ray Stantz *IS* Angst Boy! >Attached to the back of the armor was a cape of black, darker than the night >sky. Peter: It's Tuxedo Kamen! Egon: NO!! D: It's [Tuxedo Mask-intro theme] Tuxedo Circlet! Ghostbusters: [groan] >Its hands were skeletonized. Ray: Talk about having a boner! [starts to laugh] Peter: Egon, what happened to Ray? Egon: The sudden electrical charge from my machine somehow rectified his personality. Winston: So Ray is Angst Boy. Egon: Correct. Winston: First Peter becomes a woman, you go hentai and now Ray is Angst Boy. I swear, I just bet my turn is next. D: Who knows, I may be reprogrammed before you. But first, I'll lay the Rocket Fist into all three of them before they have a chance. Winston: And now, D's hit with paranoia... >Dangling from its neck was an emerald with an obsidian sliver in it. The >most morbid part was its face; no flesh lay on its skull. [Sounds of imitating vomiting echos through the theatre] > "Attack me if you dare, Falkyn!" it cackled. Peter: (Falkyn) Okay! > Falkyn fought bravely, but lost. He and Li'na were doomed to an >eternity of torment and humiliation. Peter: They were forced to sing the Barney song in a room full of first graders. Egon: Arrgh! [shudders violently] >Every day his flesh would be seared by white-hot brands, carried by those he >himself had killed. Ray: That must be *A LOT* of people! Winston: Juicy! >The pain was agonizing even for him, and day after day of that torture was >driving him mad. > Winston: Is he in hell or what?! Egon: I would say purgatory, or damnation. > "Falkyn! Wake up!" > He shot up. Peter: HIT THE DECK! [They all hit the floor] Winston: Now they're shooting! >He looked around. No dungeon, no brands, Li'na stood over him, intact. He >was intact. The demon was nowhere. The only odd thing was that Falkyn was >usually the first to wake up. "How long have you been awake?" Ray: (Li'na falsetto) Long enough to see you piss on yourself. Peter: Ewww! > "Since you started that ungodly yelling," Li'na replied. Peter: (Falkyn) UNGODLY, UNGODLY, UNGODLYYYYYY!!!! > "All a dream... But it seemed so real to me. I confronted a demon, >it was human, but it had no skin on its face or hands. Egon: So then it's not human. I have yet to see a human with no skin. Well, except that time in advanced biology class at Columbia...... Peter: And you can sleep at night? Egon: Very well. >It defeated us and we were forced into torment for eternity." Winston: I said getting that job at Microsoft was a BAD IDEA! Egon: That's the last time I use Internet Exploiter! Ray: I told you Netscape was better! > "I thought something was happening," Li'na said. "You normally don't >scream like that." Peter: (Li'na falsetto) You usually go, 'OH LI'NA, GIVE IT TO ME!' Egon: I would hit you, but that was actually funny! Winston: Damn, now Egon is laughing at Peter's jokes...Armageddon is amongst us! Ray: Revelation! Peter: Apocalypse! Egon: Ragnarok! [They look at Egon] Egon: What? Don't act like you haven't heard THAT before! D: It is pronounced "Rung-ner-eark", not "Rag-nair-ock". Peter: Shaddap. > Falkyn wiped cold sweat from his brow. "Well, shall we change the >subject? I believe I have taught you everything I know concerning combat. >If you wish, you may leave now." Peter: Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you! Winston: That's disgusting. Egon: Winston, you need to calm down. Ray: That's a first! > Li'na smiled. "No way. I like you too much to leave you." Ray: Awwwww, how cute...oh wait...I just got a cavity! Peter: I think I like Ray in Angst mode. > Falkyn got up off the ground. The crisp mountain air felt good in >his lungs. He leaned back, causing a very audible crack to be heard, Egon: (Falkyn) Ahhh, mountain air! *CRICK* OH #$^@!!! Winston: How do you say that? Peter: What, #$^@? Winston: Yeah! Ray: #$^@! Winston: Forget it! I always said you three were crazy. >then twisted his neck, making another crack. Ray: (Falkyn) That's the last time I let you *tie* me up! Winston: I hate to do this, but... *THWAP* Ray: Ouchie! >"Would you believe after all this time, I don't even know your last name?" Winston: And you didn't even buy her dinner! Peter: Even *I* have the decency to do that! Ray: Which is on a very short list. Peter: Not funny. > "Sivad." Egon: Bless you! > "Bless you." Egon: This is occuring too much! Ray: You sure you didn't read it first? Egon: Uh, no. > "No, that's my surname, Sivad." Winston: Am I the only one noticing it's Davis backward? Ray: Hey, you're right! Give him a cookie, Egon! Winston: I don't want a stupid cookie! D: Please, do not mention that; Derek may be listening. [Faint thunder is heard outside the Theatre] D: I think he heard you. I believe the term is, 'You're screwed.' > "Sorry." Peter: Lo siento! Winston: Traurig! Egon: Désolé! Ray: Gomen nasai! D: You're excused, everyone. > "How about you?" Peter: How *about* me? D: (Raven) What about me? What about Raven?! > "I'm sorry, I don't even know if Falkyn is my real name. Winston: The name's Winston, Mr. Zeddemore if ya nasty! Peter: [singing] NASTY! Nasty boys...don't mean a thing... All: [singing] Ohh you nasty boys, you don't mean a thing to me! [all (except D {of course}) start to dance] Egon: DON'T MEAN A THING!! UHH! [they stare at Egon] Egon: Sorry! >Even if it was, I have no idea what my last would be." Ray: Then why in the world do you call yourself that?! Peter: (Falkyn doofy voice) Cuz it's cool...heeyuh! D: You have to wait until chapter 17 to find out. Ghostbusters: 17... Peter: There are *THAT* many chapters!? D: Last time I checked, the count was 18. Ray: Oh, my God! >Falkyn took his sword from the tree it hung off of. > Peter: That tree is well hung! Egon: [actually starts laughing] Winston: I think Egon caught a zap from the machine as well... D: I agree. It comes to mind that you and I, Dr. Zeddemore, are the only two on this satellite that have not suffered a major mental change. > "Misal, I have important news." Winston: Checkers87 was maimed?! Peter: All his fingers were cut off! All: YAY! D: Break out the champagne, even though I can't drink it... > "Yes, Master?" > "The one I seek, Falkyn, is in the Zrinthian mountains. I want you >to find him and dispose of him, any way you can. If you cannot destroy him, >then take his companion hostage. He must not survive you..." Winston: Now that's really bright. If you can't kill him, take his companion. Give him an even better reason to whoop your ass! Egon: I think you're reading too much into this, Winston. Winston: Sorry, I can't help it! > "Your wish is my command, Master." Peter: I call no S&M jokes! VO Tory: Dang! VO Derek: I say differently. > > Falkyn and Li'na were training as usual, when a woman wandered into >their camp. She looked like a normal citizen of Zrinth, Egon: --blind, no teeth, one leg and kick stand! Winston: So it was *you* who stole my copy of School Daze! Egon: Whoops! >but Falkyn was suspicious of her. Peter: He must be a Scorpio. Ray: How do you figure that? Peter: Scorpios are suspicious of everyone...I should know, I'm one. VO Tory: You darn right we are! Winston: I hate it when they do that... VO Derek: Then you'd really hate what we'd do to you if you complain one more time! VO Both: [maniac cackling] Winston: I'm shutting up! Peter: Someday, Winston, you shall learn not to piss them off. VO Derek: Darn right, Pete! > "Are you the one called Falkyn?" she asked. Peter: (Falkyn) No, I am the one called Nanny-nanny-poo-poo! D: Nice one. > "That I am," Falkyn replied. "Why do you seek me?" Ray: Oh, I've heard some things...you know your power of OS and I'm not talking operating systems. Egon: [eyes grow large] WHAT THE--?! Winston: That was beyond good taste. D: I concur. Ray: Hah! He said taste! Others: [groan] > "Your reputation for Peter: Doing the unthinkable has led me to want to te--DAMMIT, EGON! Egon: Keep it up, or I'll ask Tory to flay you! VO Tory: And I'll enjoy it too, Venkman! VO Derek: When she's done, I'll eviscerate you, then we'll take turns slowly snapping your bones like wet twigs! Peter: Yipe! Winston: The first invitation to be whipped, and he denies it! Peter: S&M is one thing, but plain cruelty is another! VO Both: [maniacal laugher] >finding objects of power is legendary," the woman replied. "My name is >Misal, and I want to know if you would take up my offer." Peter: Does this offer involve handcuffs and honey! Ray: I'm sure Yorr was a good reference! D: Two Rocket Fists, loaded and ready for the signal! > "It depends on what you want us to find," Falkyn said. > "It is a jewel," Misal announced, "a glittering emerald, with a >sliver of obsidian in the center. It is called the Eye of the Tiger." Egon: WHAT?! Winston: I will not sing, I've done that bit before! D: Then let me. [Guitar opening] Risin' up, back on my feet-- *KBANG* Winston: ARGH! D: I though you knew what slapping titanium alloy felt like already. > Falkyn was trying to locate his jaw. "WHAT?" Ray: I think Egon read this first! Egon: Did not! Winston: Ok, what will they say next? Egon: uh...We'll take it? > "We'll take it," Li'na said. "Unless you think we can't find it." Ray: AHA! Egon: I can't help it if I can predict what they say next?! Maybe it's in some tomb of a mage... > "The Eye rests in a tomb of an infamous mage," Misal explained. "The Peter: [gets up and moves away] Egon: Dangit! Okay, the eye was supposed to amplify the mage's immense power... >Eye was supposed to amplify the mage's already immense power. My brother is >a struggling sorcerer and he wishes to obtain the Eye." Winston: [moves away] Ray: Question! When did they become mercernaries? Winston: Since people have been paying them. Ray: It's all about the Benjamins, isn't it. Peter: Ray, that's the last time you watch MTV! > "And where exactly is this tomb?" Li'na asked. Egon: (Misal) Right here, where it says 'YOUR RESTING PLACE'. > Misal produced a section of a map. Peter: Abracadabra! Egon: Hocus pocus! Ray: Buy a kazoo, halla kazaa! [They look at Winston] Winston: I refuse to. D: Refuse to what? >She pointed out an out-of-the-way mountain Peter: Eh? Hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge! >in the Zrinth mountain range. "That's the place. If you can retreive the >Eye, I'll see to it that you are rewarded for your trouble." > Ray: What, no pay first? Winston: That must suck. Egon: I'm sorry, twenty dollars *cannot* replace a leg. > "I can't believe you took her up on her offer," Falkyn said. Peter: I can't believe it's not butter! > Li'na just looked at him. "If you can give me a reason why we >shouldn't do this, tell me." Egon: Hmm; death, destruction, decimation, annihilation...I think you get the point. > "I've got two reasons," Falkyn said. Peter: (Falkyn) 1: I'm scared of gerbils. 2: I'm allergic to latex. Egon: What the--?! Winston: --the hell!? Peter: Never mind! >"First, I got a strange feeling Egon: --of IMPENDING DOOM! [Lights flicker and flash. Thunder crackles loudly] Winston: GYAH! Peter: How did you do that?! Egon: Just say...IMPENDING DOOM! [Lights flicker and flash with the same thunder crackling again] Peter: You need to quit staying up late, Egon! >when I saw her. A feeling of... evil. And second, I've seen the Eye of the >Tiger before, and its unholy powers pale in comparison to those of Lord >Verminaard." Ray: BOOOO! Winston: Eh? Ray: Lord Verminaard was a powerful Cleric from the Dragonlance series Legends! He was the wielder of the mace, Nightbringer! Peter: Fanboy! Ray: Bite me, Venkman! Peter: Where? [wiggles his eyebrows] Ray: ECCHI! D: Maybe I should use both Fists on Ray. Anyway, Verminaard got his at the end of the first book. Egon: WHAT!? I was READING that back home! You spoiled it for me! > "What do you mean?" Li'na asked. Winston: Hello, McFly! He said he sensed EVIL, that's all I need to hear! > Falkyn began to explain. "When I left my master, I met one of his >earlier students, a mage named Razhad. The Eye of the Tiger hung around his >neck, Peter: When it hung around the neck, it *hung* around the neck! Egon: That was simply awful. Peter: HEY! I don't see any of you trying to make the suffering more tolerable! >and he was consumed by its power. When he discovered that I had been >trained by his master, he wanted to destroy me, to make sure he was the most >powerful student. We fought, and I won after searing the flesh from his >hands and face with this." Winston: I guess he would win after searing his hands and face! >He threw a massive orb of light at a rock. The orb shattered the rock with >no effort. Ray: (Orb) no effort, no effort whatsoever! >"The Eye was what caused him to seek my destruction. If Misal gets the Eye, >it is concieveable she could use its power to annihilate anything she >wished." All: HEAVY STORY ACTION! D: (Ray) MASTER PLOT THEME SONG! Ray: Steal my schtick one more time, and I'll kick your android ass! D: That would hurt you a LOT more than it would me. > "She seemed nice," Li'na said. "Perhaps you felt wrong." Winston: Li'na isn't running on a full tank. Ray: Look at Falkyn, that's enough of a hint right there! > "Maybe, but I won't distrust my senses." > Winston: Neither do I! > A cave inside the mountain led to a large metallic door. Falkyn >attempted to open it, but it was held fast. He raised his hand parallel to >the door. "Stand back!" His palm glowed, and a spear of white light and >energy penetrated the door. It still stood. Suddenly, the cavern shook. Peter: SHORYUKEN! D: SHIPPU-JINRAI-KYAKU!! Ray: We need to kill the Street Fighter yells. > "Good going!" Li'na said. Winston: Sometimes, Li'na is too sickening. Egon: Listening to her gives me cavities. > A voice echoed throughout the cave. "Answer me this," it said. Ray: Riddle me this, riddle me that. Who's afraid of the big aluminum BAT?! Winston: Whoa! >"I begin Eternity, and end space. I end time, and in every place. Last in >life, second to death. Never alone, found in your breath. Contained by >earth, water, and flame, my grandeur so awesome, wind dare not tame. Not in >your mind, but in your dreams. Vacant in kings, present in queens..." Peter: Deer? Ray: What?! No, it's G! Egon: Simpletons! Winston: Really! Peter: Since you're so damn smart, what's the answer? Egon and Winston: The letter 'E'! > Li'na looked puzzled. "Huh?" Egon: Such an appropriate look for a puzzle... > Falkyn thought carefully. He mumbled to himself, "Eternity, space, >time, life, death... I've got it!" He looked to the door. "The letter E!" Peter: Both of you can kiss my ass, thank you! Egon: No thanks, I don't want to die of gangrene! Ray: Zinger! D: Are you four reading these ahead of time? > The shaking stopped and the door opened. "Enter..." Peter: Gladly! Egon: Don't forget I have this. [shows Peter the blunt object] Peter: Point noted. > "How did you figure that out?" Li'na asked. > Falkyn shrugged. "Educated guess." Egon: Guess: yes; educated: no! > > "Razhad, they are on their way to recover the Eye of the Tiger," >Misal said. "When I recieve it, you can return to this Plane!" Peter: This plane? Ray: That plane? Egon: Oh, *this* plane? D: He means the Prime Elemental Plane, not the Plane of Infinite Stupidity. > "Misal," Razhad's voice penetrated her mind, "if you plan on doing >anything else with the Eye, Peter: (Razhad) I had to put the last Eye to sleep, the poor thing was traumatized from what you did to it! Ray: Coming from Peter, I bet that was nasty. Peter: HAH! You said coming! Ray: D'OH! >remember that I own your soul, as well as those of the two pathetic fools, >Yorr and Dirik. If you fail, I can always rely on Donbran to recover it." Egon: Well get Donbran then! Winston: Go head with your bad ass! > "I will do nothing with the Eye, master," Misal said. "I will not >impede your arrival on the Prime Elemental Plane with my petty desires." Peter: Sometimes petty is the way to go! > "Good. If Falkyn returns with the Eye, the only thing you will do is >open the Gateway. I will dispose of him myself." Ray: [grunts and strains] UHHH...AHHH!! Winston: ACK! That was terrible! Peter: That was lower than my form of humor! > "But you said I could!" Egon: (Stewart) I don't wanna...No...Let me do it!! Okay... > "You will not talk back to me!" Razhad boomed. Misal doubled over, Peter: --laughing her ass off. Razhad simply looked stupid wearing those pink pajamas. D: Pardon me? >gasping for breath. Razhad continued. "Remember that I have control over >your worthless existence now that I have your soul." > Winston: Yeah, so remember...I own your soul. Egon: He sounds like Bill Gates! D: The way he says that, he sounds like Shang Tsung. > "This looks like the cave where we recovered the Mahou no Ken," Egon: Konnichi wa! D: Ohaya gozaimis, if my chronometer is correct in reading 10:35 AM, Pacific Standard Time. >Falkyn said. > Li'na put her hand against the wall. "It feels the same, too." She >looked to Falkyn. "Could they have been built by the same architect?" Winston: Architect? Here?! > Falkyn slowed down. Winston: [singing] Slow down.....slow down... >"Rahzad wielded the Mahou no Ken when we fought." He put his hand to his >chest. "When I held the weapon in that cave, I remembered the blade and its >glow. It was the weapon that scarred my chest with that long wound." Egon: (Li'na falsetto) That one? Peter: (Falkyn) No, *this* one! Egon: (Li'na falsetto) Aah! >Falkyn turned around to face his protoge. "The Mahou no Ken was the sword >that nearly killed me. If Razhad is released back into the Prime Elemental >Plane, and he recovers the Eye of the Tiger and the Mahou no Ken, he may be >able to defeat me once and for all, and take whatever he desires." Peter: I'll take Li'n--OUCH! Egon: Watch it! > "What do you mean, 'released'?" Li'na asked. Egon: [glares at Peter] Peter: What?! Ray: I mean like *this*! [they all stare at Ray] > "I enlisted the help of a Gatekeeper Egon: Are you the Gatekeeper? Peter: Are you the Keymaster? Egon: I am the Keymaster, Vinz Clotho! Peter: I am the Gatekeeper, Zuul! Winston: You two should be ashamed, that was the most shameless plug I've ever seen! D: What about my "Thunder" plug? [Groaning is heard again] Fourth Wall: I really hate that. >to open a Gateway to another Plane of existence," Falkyn explained. "I >forced Razhad through and into the other Plane. Ray: (Falkyn) Get in there, you #@#@$!! Winston: Get up on the wrong side of the bed today? >The Eye of the Tiger has powers to open Gateways between Planes." He began >walking again. "If Misal plans on bringing Razhad back, we mustn't allow >her to do so." > Egon: We mustn't! Peter: Is that an actual word? D: It is a contraction of "must not." > "They are close to the Eye, Misal." Ray: And I are close to they! D: You sound like you need grammar lessons. > "And when I get it back, you will return!" Egon: No, you will enter! Enter! Ray: [starts to laugh] Winston: Eggheads... > "The Sword of Magic could have brought me back if it absorbed the >powers of a Gatekeeper, but Yorr had to use it to oust the R'itni from >omnipotence. Now that Falkyn has it, the Eye is the only artifact that can >bring me back." Peter: [singing] Come back to me... > "What of Dirik? Can he not open a Gateway?" Egon: Dirik is a fool, a bumbling idiot. He couldn't open a door without screwing *that* up! I was very glad when his head was severed from his stupid neck! Peter: Egon, calm down! Egon: Sorry, the angst that Ray is radiating is rubbing of on me! > "Dirik is a fool. He couldn't open a door without screwing up. And Ray: You really shouldn't read the fic before we do, Egon. Egon: I HAVEN'T READ THE BLEEPING THING! Winston: Bleeping? Egon: Yes, bleeping. It's better than...well you know. >neither you nor Donbran have the powers to open the correct Gateway." Peter: They couldn't open a door! D: That joke has already been done. Peter: May rust cover you. D: May you suddenly become impotent. Ray: Gotcha there. > > A large door stood between Falkyn and another chamber. He put his >hand on the surface of the door. "Again, a door of corundum." Winston: (Falkyn) Damn doors, can't you people make something out of wood! It would definitely make my day better! >He used another life force technique to shatter the obstruction. On the >other side of the door lay the Eye of the Tiger, resting upon a red velvet >cushion. Like the Mahou no Ken, two orbs sat on either side of the Eye. >Falkyn unsheathed his sword Ray: [covering his eyes] SHEATH IT, SHEATH IT!!! D: Not THAT, you hentai kid! >and cleaved the orbs in two. D: [stares at Peter and Ray] Peter: What? D: I'm waiting for you to make a hentai joke about those "orbs." >He grabbed the Eye from its resting place and said, "We've got it, let's get >out of here!" > Egon: RUNAWAY, RUNAWAY! > "They have it! My time is soon. As soon as you get the Eye, bring >me out from this hellhole!" Peter: Satan's looking at me funny!!! AHHHH! > "I shall, master." Egon: [grins as he wields a whip] Peter: This is something I don't need to see... > > Falkyn found Misal's dwelling and presented her with the Eye of the >Tiger. "Before we complete this transaction," Falkyn said, holding the Eye >beyond her reach, "I would like to see your brother, the so-called, >'struggling sorcerer'." Egon: We all know he's faking! > "If I can have the Eye," Misal said, holding her hand out, "I can >bring him out. He's very shy, and doesn't like being around people." Winston: She's sneaky, I don't trust her! > Falkyn looked to Li'na. She nodded. Falkyn handed the Eye to Misal. >"Very well." Winston: You idiots!!! Ray: I hate watching movies with Winston! Peter: Hear, hear! > She snatched it from his grasp and laughed. "Behold! My brother, >Razhad!" Peter: Behold! My feet, running away! D: You can't leave, remember? > She raised the Eye above her head. "I summon a Gate, between the >Prime Elemental Plane and the Plane of the Undead! Ray: By the power of Grayskull!!! D: [He-Man theme song] Peter: By the honor of Grayskull! Ray: She-Ra? D: [She-Ra theme song] Peter: Yeah, she was a hottie! Ray: Figures... Winston: [groans] D: Razhad looks like Skeletor, if you remember that old cartoon. >Razhad, your time has arrived!" Egon: I'll say, it's all over the floo--whoops! Ignore that! Peter: Good one, Spengs. That was better than some of my comments. Egon: Dear God! [covers his face with his hands] > A blade Ray: FRROOOSSSTT!!! Winston: yet another shameless plug. Peter: Fanboy! Ray: I remember a certain someone cheering during the film! Peter: Yeah, because Karen Jensen was a-- Others: Hottie? Peter: You're no fun. D: Elaborate, please. >shot out of nowhere and slashed across Misal's hand. Yelping in pain, she >dropped the Eye, cancelling the spell. Falkyn dove for the gem Ray: Truly, truly, truly, outrageous. Peter: Whoaaa, Jem, she was a hottie too! Winston: What is this, Cartoon Day?! Egon: I agre--dang. Peter: Egon, there may be hope for you yet! >as Misal tried the same. They collided in midair, falling to the ground. Peter: (Misal/Falkyn) Get outta my way you bu--OOOOOF! >Li'na grabbed the Eye and pocketed it. She pulled Falkyn up off the ground >and said, "I got it! Let's make a break for it!" Winston: Then RUN!! > Misal saw the two leaving and grabbed the knife from the floor. She >threw it with little accuracy and missed entirely. Peter: (Falkyn) Haha, you throw like a gir--URK! D: Of course she throws like a girl; she IS a girl. > Outside, Falkyn conjured up a life force attack and obliterated the >house with one shot. Peter: That's some life force! Ray: Shouldn't that kill him? Winston: You wish, don't you? Ray: Yeah, then we'd be out this hellhole! D: I have some other stories, should this end prematurely. Winston and Ray: [skin pales] > > "Not again!" Razhad yelled. "I have only one more chance to open a >Gate to the Prime Elemental Plane, and that lies in Donbran." Egon: Thank you again, Mr. Exposition. Peter: I'll be Mr. Climax! Egon: [bops Peter] Peter: OUCH! >A tiny Gate appeared, and a wisp of dust entered the Plane. It gained >coherent form and became his sister. "Misal, I am very disappointed in >you." Peter: Whoa wait, Misal was a guy?! Egon: I'm confused! Ray: I stopped following paragraphs ago! D: "His sister" was Misal. "He" is the pronoun referring to Razhad. > "Dirik and Yorr ended up here, too," Misal said. "And soon, so will >Donbran." Winston: Gee Misal, it's nice to see you're so optimistic! > Razhad's scorched eyes glared from their skeletal sockets. "I >trained Donbran personally. He is incapable of failure, and he will recover >both the Eye and the Sword. Egon: Then why didn't you get Donbran to do the deed first? My goodness, stupidity is running rampant! D: If you don't know "Story Plot 101", then I shall elaborate: No matter how well-trained the bad guys are, the hero(es) invariably achieve victory. >And when he does, the world will tremble at my coming, Peter: I bet he smokes a whole case after THAT! Winston: This time, I think I'm going to laugh! D: That was BEYOND sick! >cower at my glance, and die by my hand!" Egon: You know, that 'coming' line and dying by his *hand* just isn't a pretty picture! Ray: Some people would like to die that way. Peter: I wouldn't mind! Only if Razhad is a beach bunny... D: He meant it as his arrival, not a particular bodily function that I am unable to name due to my programming. Ray: Wimp. >He raised the bones that constituted his hand, and clenched his fist. He >turned to face a glittering sphere. "Donbran! Listen to me!" > A picture faded in. Donbran was powerfully built and wore weapons of >various kinds strapped to his body. "Yeah, boss?" Peter: Male exploitation! VO Tory: Hey Donbran, what's your phone number?! Peter: I rest my case! VO Tory: Watch it Peter, I can *rest* your case permanently... Peter: Point noted! D: And well taken, I hope. > "Falkyn has thrice defeated my minions. You are the last chance I >possess. You will not fail in recovering my property." Winston: At least he *thinks* Donbran won't fail. Peter: What is he, the Godfather of bran fiber? > "Gotcha." Donbran cracked his knuckles. "Hey, dis Falkyn, he gotta >girlfriend, right?" Egon: (Donbran) Wha's wit dis guy? Ray: Stop him! Winston: *THWAP* Egon: OUCH! > "I am unsure if he thinks of her in that manner." Ray: (Razhad) Even though I've seen them making out on many occasions... Peter: (Razhad) Unless that white stuff is lotion... Egon: ICK! Peter: HEY! I didn't make a comment about it being on the floor! D: Master, please allow me to use the "Eviscerator" add-on to the Rocket Fists. VO Derek: If it gets by Tory, it's fine by me. > "So, if you get Falkyn, kin I have da girl?" Peter: (Razhad) Only if you can spell 'cat.' Egon: (Donbran) Duh, K-A-T-T! Peter: (Razhad) WRONG! Egon: (Donbran) Aah! > Razhad had no way of changing his expression; the flesh was burned >from his skull, thanks to Falkyn. Egon: Talk about having a poker face! Winston: BOOOO!!! Egon: Shut up! >"You can have whatever you want. Falkyn, the Eye, and the Sword are mine!" Winston: And that's the end! All: HURRAH! [They get up and exit the Theatre] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] D: I'll have to lock the rest of the chapters up in safe storage so you can't read them ahead of time, Egon. Egon: I DON'T READ THE BLEEPING CHAPTERS! [Thunder peals overhead, the lights flicker, and Derek's onimous VO is heard throughout the VoFF] VO Derek: I heard what you said about Li'na's last name! Feel my might, puny mortals! All but D: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [Derek maniacally hits the Delete key, and Winston vanishes] Ray: WINSTON! VO Derek: Mwahaha!!! Egon: Hey, where'd he go? Bring him back! VO Tory: Don't mess with the characters! [Tory presses Ctrl+Z, or the 'Undo' shortcut. Winston reappears] Peter: Where were you? Winston: The place where deleted characters go...[shudders] Egon: The Recycle Bin, huh? Winston: What's up with Li'na's last name? D: I would appreciate it if you would not ask that question. VO Derek: [thunder] Neither would I! Now drop it, or you will be deleted PERMANENTLY! VO Tory: I told you: DON'T MESS WITH THE CHARACTERS! VO Derek: We've been messing with them since the meteor shower incident that brought them here in the first place! VO Tory: How 'bout we cut the connection to the VoFF for now? VO Derek: Good idea. [Everything is silent again] [Long pause] Winston: What was THAT about? [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes black] ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 6" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) ___________________________________________________________________ > "I enlisted the help of a Gatekeeper Egon: Are you the Gatekeeper? Peter: Are you the Keymaster? Egon: I am the Keymaster, Vinz Clotho! Peter: I am the Gatekeeper, Zuul! Winston: You two should be ashamed, that was the most shameless plug I've ever seen! D: What about my "Thunder" plug? [Groaning is heard again] Fourth Wall: I really hate that.