Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 005 -- More Than Meets the Eye or Obscurence a plenty. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 5 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. Transformers is (C) HasKen, Inc. We're only using the songs in TF: TM for comic relief, nothing more, and we're not trying to make money off of it. --Derek FFT3K Theme Song Peter: I guess it's finally my turn. [cue MST3K track] Everybody...Yeah Yeah. Rock your body...Yeah Yeah... Everybody, rock your body right. Backstreets Back...ALRI--[record scratch] Ray: Backstreet Boys?! ARRRGH! Winston: I'll DO IT! [cue CORRECT MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Egon enters carrying a pile of books] Peter: Why the books? Egon: I'm researching ways to repair the flux capacitor on the Ecto-1000. Peter: I'll help! [Peter jumps to his feet and races over to assist Egon, only succeeding in knocking the heavy tomes from the man's hands.] Egon: PETER! Peter: Sorry! [They simultaneously bend over to pick up a book and knock heads. The force was so great it renders them both unconscious.] Winston: [entering] Egon--OH NO! RAY! Ray: [running in] What is it Win--PETER! EGON! [They rush over and help Egon and Peter up. Slapping their faces, trying to wake the men.] Egon: Winston, what happened? Winston: I don't know, I came in and you two were knocked out. Peter: Man, my head hurts. Egon has a hard head! Ray: You'll live. D: Well no time for that, we've got MOVIE SIGN! [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 5 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Winston: Here is the line of good taste. Remember it, because you're not going to see it for a looooooong time! D: Winston, these stories are actually very good. VO Derek: You da man, D! VO Tory: What am I? Chopped liver? CALL ME QUEEN!!! VO Derek: YIIIIIPE! SORRY, TORY! > As the sun set, Falkyn had finished Li'na's hand-to-hand combat >training. Egon: Are you sure it was just combat training, ifyaknowwhatImean... Peter: 0.0 Egon, what was that?! Egon: What was what? [scratches his head] Winston: Uhhhh... D: I do not see any logical answer to this sudden change of demeanor in Dr. Spengler, and the same goes for Dr. Venkman; why did he object to Egon's obscene comment? > And faster than I anticipated, Falkyn thought. Winston: Faster, pussycat! Faster! Ray: Err? D: To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer. Ray: Or an android... > Li'na had left to bathe Egon: Whoo hoo! It's nekkid time! Peter: 0_o...o_0...0_0 [jaw drops] Winston: Great, Egon's going to the hentai side and Peter's drooling over the nude scene. Ray: This is terrible! D: Just say the word, I could knock them both out. >in a small lake to wash off the sweat and blood that she had drawn during >the day. As she washed herself off, she began singing to herself. "You got >the touch... You got the power..." Ray: Oh no! Winston: What is this, Falkyn the Musical!? Peter: Falkyn goes to Broadway! > Falkyn, tireless as always, decided to take a walk through a grove of >trees. As he entered, he Egon: --stripped nude and jumped in after Li'na! COME HERE, GIRL! Peter: EGON! Egon: What?!?! Peter: Your technique is all wrong! I would say something more like he approached her and seduced her, not just claim jumping! Egon: Ok, I'll try harder. Ray: [Beavis] Uhuhh...he said harder. Winston: And there goes Ray... D: The perversion is spreading like wildfire tonight. Peter is sounding like Egon, and Egon is sounding like Peter. This is beyond bizarre. >heard singing. > "After all is said and done, you never walked, you never run..." > "You're a winner..." Falkyn finished. Ray: [holds stomach as he begins to laugh] Winston: What's so funny? Ray: They're singing songs from the Transformers movie! [falls out] Peter: You don't say! Ray: I do so say! All: [starts to laugh] D: "The Touch." Stan Bush. His song "Dare" is also on the soundtrack. > Li'na's head shot up and she looked around. "Falkyn?" Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Winston: I think we get it! > "You got the moves, you know the street," Falkyn sang. "Break the >rules, take the heat... You're nobody's fool." Ray: (Nobody) Hey! That's my fool, get your own! > Li'na realized he wasn't here Egon: --to talk, he was here to get busy!! Peter: Better, but still a bit wrong. Ray: 0.0 >to spy on her. D: Tough luck, Egon. Egon: Crap! >"You're at your best when the going gets rough," she sang. Winston: You turn and run the other way. Egon: No, you just add more lotion. [demonic grin] Peter: Now that was better! > "You've been put to the test, but it's never enough," finished >Falkyn. > "You got the touch..." > "You got the power." Egon: You got the gun... Peter: You got the bat... > They began to sing in unison. "When all hell's breaking loose, >you'll be riding the eye Winston: [singing] --of the tiger... D: [adds instrumental beat] Risin' up, straight to the top, have the guts, got the glory! >of the storm." > "You got the heart," Li'na started. > "You got the motion." Egon: And I got the lotion! COME TO EGON! Ray: Stop that! *THWAP* Egon: OUCH! Winston: It seems that bump on the head is making Egon act funny. D: Perhaps he has suffered from brain damage, as well as Peter. > "You know that when things get too tough, you got the touch." Egon: All this talk about touching makes me hor--OUCH! Winston: [wielding blunt object] That's enough out of you, Spengs! > Falkyn continued. "You never bend, you never break. You seem to >know just what it takes..." Egon: You bet I do! Ray: [smacks forehead] He's worse than Peter... Peter: NEVER! > "You're a fighter." Ray: (Rocky) I coulda been a contenda! ADRIAN!!! D: [Gonna Fly Now (Theme to Rocky I)] > They started up their duet again. Peter: DAMN! >"It's in the blood, it's in the will. It's in the mighty hands of Steel. >When you're standing your ground, and you never get hit when your back's to >the wall." > "Gonna fight to the end," Li'na sang, "and you're taking it all." Ray: [singing] We're taking it allllllllllllllllll! Egon: [singing] Taking it, taking it, we're taking it all... Ray:[singing] We're taking it alllllllllllllllllll! Winston: Obscure reference #1. I doubt anyone will get that... Peter: I'm shocked I even *understood* it! D: *I'm* shocked it doesn't register in my databanks! > Falkyn came in closer. "You got the touch. You got the power." > Li'na ended the song abruptly. "My aunt sang me that to lull me to >sleep when I was a baby." Peter: Hush little baby, don't you cry, mama's gonna jab this needle in your EYE! Winston: Feeling dark today? Peter: I'm always feeling dark. > "Strangely," Falkyn said, "I remember that from somewhere. But where >exactly is a mystery." Ray: Let me guess: Transformers!? Fourth Wall: I'm gonna let that slip. Ray: Sorry! > "While you're here," Li'na said, "could you pass me my clothes?" > Egon: No, I prefer you nude, thanks. Ray: Enough, Egon! > Another day passed with Li'na exceeding Falkyn's expectations. As >they turned in for the night, Li'na whispered to herself, "I'm going to >crack that cold shell, even if I die trying. Hey, that isn't a bad idea." > Winston: Hold up, wait a minute! Ray: What? Winston: What kind of nonsense is this? She thinks it's not a bad idea, what the hell is wrong with her!? Common sense, that's what that girl lacks! Ray: Winston! Winston: WHAT?! Ray: Calm down! D: It's part of her plot. > "Our supplies are running low," Falkyn said the next day. "We will >have to go to Zrinth to replenish them." Falkyn had relocated Li'na's Ray: Thank you, Mr. Exposition. >training to the Zrinthian mountain range a few days earlier, saying that the >"...rugged environment will test even the strongest body." Egon: Hi, I'm rugged environment.. Peter: That was really good! Egon: Thank you! > Li'na had actually pushed for the change to Zrinth. She had heard of >a powerful mage who lived close to the city, Dirik, and she had something >she wanted to talk to him about. > Winston: Let the stupidity begin! Egon: I wonder if she's going to be nude again... Ray: *THWAP* Egon: Yeouch! > Before they entered the city, Li'na said, "Would you mind too >terribly if I waited out here?" Winston: (Falkyn) But there's evil creatures lurking---ohhh, no I don't mind! > "No." Falkyn replied. "But why?" > "I just have something to do out here." > "They have washrooms in the city." > Li'na gave him a glance. "What gave you that idea?" > Peter: Normal people don't just hop from foot to foot while holding their crotch. > Dirik's home was a small cottage not too far from the city limits. Peter: [singing] Nutbush city limits! Winston: Obscure reference #2 D: I believe that was a Tina Turner song. Winston: Thank you, D! Just ruin the fun for us all, why don't you! >Dirik did not appreciate civilization, so he lived alone. Ray: If everyone in this universe is as nutty as Li'na, heck, I'd live alone, too! > He had dark brown hair, and a moustache and beard of the same hue. >He had deep hazel eyes, Winston: The eyes...too deep...falling innnnnnnnnn!!! *SPLAT* >and the gleam showed his love for the sciences. Peter: And boy, did he *love* the sciences. Ray: Just like Egon was in *love* with the mood slime... Winston: Ray, if you ever go down that road again, I will kick your butt. Ray: Sorry, Winston! [More loud groaning. The screen jitters and the fic skips] Ghostbusters: Sorry, Fourth wall! Fourth Wall: At this rate, I'll smash by chapter seven! >He had even cracked the secrets of Egon: Twin Peaks! Laura Palmer was faking the whole time! Winston: Oooh obscure, but not too obscure. Peter: Egon, Bob killed Laura. Egon: [eyes grow large] NOOOOOOOOO!!! DAMN YOU, VENKMAN!!!! [starts to weep] Peter: [confused look] Ray: He had the series on tape, he didn't catch the end! Peter: Whoops! >several so-called "magic" potions and elixirs. He even proved one to be >nothing more than spring water, ruining a get-rich-quick scheme. Peter: Viagra? Egon: You know, scientists have created a Viagra spray formula! Winston: If you need your pants starched, just spray them with Viagra! Ray: Guaranteed to stay stiff for hours! D: That was sick. Ghostbusters: [in unison] Thank you. >When he saw the traveler at his door, Dirik was too happy to let her in. Winston: Was that non-sequitur or what! Ray: I believe it was an intro to Dirik's character. > "What have you come for?" Dirik asked. "Fortune? Advice? Something >else, hmmm...?" Egon: [lecherous grin] I'll take Li'na... Ray: How long must this continue? D: Until I end it with the Rocket Fist. Peter: Or Janine kills him. > It took all Li'na's restraint to stop herself from throwing Dirik >through the wall at that last remark. "I want to ask you something." Peter: (Li'na falsetto) Got anything in rubber? Egon: (Li'na falsetto) I'm looking for some restraints, the metal kind. Winston: I will kill you both... [glare] Peter and Egon: Sorry! D: [prepares his Rocket Fist] > "Anything, my lady." > Li'na's restraint was wearing thin. "Do you have anything in the way >of sleeping potions?" Peter: Ohhh! Knock me out! Egon: Please do, have your wicked way with me! Winston: *THWAP* *THWAP* Peter and Egon: HEY! D: Be glad it was a rolled-up newspaper and not the Rocket Fist! > Dirik cocked his eyebrow. "I have several, most of which are >actually debunked 'magic' sleeping potions. Would you prefer muscle >relaxants, atropine, or some other anesthesia?" Peter: Anything that can render someone helpless! Egon: [very lecherous grin] [They both begin to laugh] Ray: They're scaring me! > "Just something that can feign death." Peter: Here kid, try a bat. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, you said FEIGN death, not FORCE death! > Dirik skimmed a rack of bottles. "Let's see, what do we have... Ah! >Here it is!" He removed a bottle of silver liquid from the rack. "Hg? Ray: She said feign...not INDUCE! >Oops, wrong one!" He replaced the bottle and went to another rack. "I was >looking through my elements." Egon: [singing] Boogie Wonderland! Ray: Obscurity continues. This is number 3! Peter: Actually, I think that's the most obscure of them all! Winston: [joins in the singing] Boogie Wonderland!!! [They all jump up and start to dance. D remains in his seat] >He grabbed a vial from the rack. It contained Peter: The remains of Jimmy Hoffa in a pink tutu! Egon: You're able to see all that in a vial? Peter: I got good eyes! >a black liquid. As he handed it to Li'na, he said, "Be careful with this. >If you drink too much, it could kill you! Just take a few drops, and you'll >look deader than a doornail." Peter: Oh yeah, like anyone's dumb enough to mess with anything that COULD kill. > "Thanks," Li'na said. "What do I pay for this with?" Egon: (Dirik) See that bed over ther--OUCH! Winston: What did I tell you? > "You need not pay," Dirik said. "Your thanks is enough." > "Oh, one more thing," Li'na said. "I want you Egon: So do I! [rushes the screen] Peter: Egon, NO! VO Tory: DAMMIT! [a whip appears and strikes Egon, pushing him away from the screen] Egon: OOUUCCCHHHIIIEEE!!!! VO Tory: Sorry, I flicked my wrist instead of just striking. Don't worry, the skin will grow back. VO Derek: You used the one with the barbed tip, didn't you!? VO Tory: Guilty! (*^_^*) >to go to Zrinth and find someone. He has scars all over his face and body. >I want you Peter: [struggles to hold Egon back] >to bring him here. And here's what you tell him..." She whispered >something into Dirik's ear. Egon: (Li'na falsetto whispering) the time of the hedgehog draws nigh... Peter: What?! Egon: It sounds cryptic! > "Fiendish!" Dirik commented. "I like it!" > All: (singing) That's the way! Uh huh uh huh, I LIKE IT! Uh huh uh huh! > As Falkyn was about to leave, a man in blue and white ran up to him. > "Are you Falkyn?" he asked. > "Who wants to know?" he replied. Ray: [singing] Who wants to know, who wants to know, about me! Winston: Obscure reference #4 > "A woman collapsed outside my home," the man said. "She asked for >someone named, 'Falkyn'. I asked who he was, she said he had scars all over >his body. She's resting in my home. You have to come with me!" > "Li'na?" Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Winston: Dammit, stop that! > Falkyn asked. "Is she in danger?" Winston: Didn't he just say you have to come with me?! Ray: If she's not in danger then I don't know what's going on! > "Hurry!" the man said. "She may not have long to live!" > Egon: (Falkyn) Gee, I guess I better hurry then! [imitates sound of scurrying] > Li'na was unconscious. "Li'na?" Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Winston: Will you shut up! >Falkyn asked, holding her hand. Peter: K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Li'na with a baby carriage!! >She was still breathing, but she wasn't responding. "What's wrong with >her?" > Dirik replied, "She has contracted a rare disease. Egon: Next time, Falkyn, use protection! Winston: That's disgusting, Egon! Egon: I know! [evil grin] >There is a cure, but it is rare. Ray: Who didn't see this coming? Winston: Obviously Li'na, being an idiot. Egon: I knew love was blind, but when did it become deaf and dumb? > It is made from the petals of the 'lunar rose', a flower Egon: [singing] A rose, is still a rose. Baby girl, you're still a flower... Winston: Obscure reference #5, we're really racking them up here! D: [Romeo] A rose by any other name, would smell just as sweet... Winston: You like Shakespeare, huh? D: Romeo and Juliet, act 3, scene 2, line 44. >that grows only in the Zrinthian mountains. If you can find that flower and >bring it back, I can create a medicine for her." > "Which mountain?" Falkyn asked. Peter: Take your pick. There's only one friggin' mountain! > "A few grow on each mountain," replied Dirik, "but they bloom only in >the light of a full moon. According to my lunar calendar, we should have >one tonight or tomorrow." Winston: Could that be why they're called 'lunar flowers'?! Peter: If Sailor Moon makes an appearence in this story, I'm killing myself! Ray: Don't curse it! D: Fortunately, she doesn't. > Falkyn headed for the door. "Then there is no time to waste! Li'na >is in danger, and I must act." > Ray: To be, or not to be, that is the question! D: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1, Line 56-58. > With limitless vitality, Falkyn almost literally ran up the side of >the mountains. Trees, boulders, and animal life would not stand in his way. Winston: It was just those darn rock slides that held him back. >As he ascended the rock face, he began singing to himself. All: GGGYYYAAAAAHHH!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! >"The fortunate ones. To be fast and free and young. I want to count myself >among, the fortunate ones." He shoved a large boulder out of his path. Egon: But the boulder rolled back, crushing him instantly. The end. >"We won't be denied! We know that time is on our side, we've got the >passion and the pride, we won't be denied!" With expert agility, he scaled >an almost vertical part of the mountain. Peter: Expert agility, eh? Egon: [grin] Peter and Egon: Muwahahahaha! D: Maniacal laughter brought on by "expert agility" phrase...searching universal dictionary for hidden sexual meanings...oh, dear! >"This generation, with fire in our eyes. Strong are the ties that bind us, >we don't need, no alibis!" He smashed another boulder with his bare hands. >"Nothin's gonna stand in our way!" He decimated another boulder. "Nothin's >gonna stand in our way! Nothin's gonna stand in our way! Not tonight!" > Ray: [starts laughing] Not more Transformers! D: "Nothin's Gonna Stand in Our Way." Spectre General, known in Canada as KickAxe. Their song "Hunger" also appears on the soundtrack. Egon: Hunger? You know what I hunger for! > "I hope he arrives in time," Dirik told himself. "What I said was >partially true. He has to have that flower before the moon sets." Peter: I got your moon right here! [stands up and starts to get out his suit] Others: PETER, NO!!!! > > "We want it all," Falkyn sang. "And tonight we got the call! We're >running hard, but we won't fall! We want it all! Ray: [singing] We're taking it allllllllllllllllll! Egon: [singing] Taking it, taking it, we're taking it all... Ray:[singing] We're taking it alllllllllllllllllll! Winston: I declare this "Obscure Day"! >We won't be denied. Like a breaker at high tide, we're gonna take that >sweet joy ride, we won't be denied." The slope began to steepen. Peter: Hey, Winston? Winston: What, Peter? Peter: Do you have a shovel on hand? Winston: No, why? Peter: It's getting deep in here. >"New expectations, moments in the sun, we've waited all our lives," he >climbed the slope with ease, "and now we know, our time has come! Nothin's >gonna stand in our way! Nothin's gonna stand in our way! Nothin's gonna >stand in our way!" He nearly lost his footing. "Not tonight! Nothing >standing, nothing stands in our way!" > Peter: Stop the singing!!! Ray: (Falkyn) And I mean! Nothing is gonna stand in our way! YOU GOT THAT!? Egon: I guess it's safe to say, nothing stands in their way. Winston: Thanks for the redundancy, Spengs. D: Not in his way, at least; nothing could. > Dirik look out the window. "Oh dear, the sun is setting. That means >that the moon will rise soon! I hope I didn't mess up in my calculations... >I'm sure a lunar month is twenty-eight days..." Winston: Just wait a while, if Li'na goes into PMS mode soon, your calculations are correct. > > "Nothin's gonna stand in our way! Not tonight!" Winston: [singing] It's ladies' night what, it must be Angie on the mic. The Butter P honey got the sugar, got the spice..... Ray: Now look at who's being obscure! Winston: I couldn't help myself! >Falkyn made it to the summit. He saw some flowers growing together, their >bulbs just opening. Peter: (Falkyn) Ahh, ripe for the picking! Egon: Talk about being deflowered! Winston: *THWAP* *THWAP* Both: OUCHIE! D: Please, keep this at least PG, or it may be rated for "frequent, gory violence" after the censors see the effects of the Rocket Fist at point-blank range! >He plucked one from the ground and began his race down the side of the >mountain. "...When I see what I want, I'm gonna take it. If it's against >the law, Ray: (Butthead) Breaking the law, breaking the law! >you can bet I'll break it. My need to feed gives me the will to survive. D: "Hunger," also by Spectre General. Winston: THAT'S IT! NO MORE SINGING! I CAN'T [BLEEP] TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M READING FANFICTION, NOT WATCHING THE [BLEEP] TRANSFORMERS MOVIE! ALL THIS [BLEEP] SHAMELESS ANIME PLUGGING MUST [BLEEP] CEASE! [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] FALKYN'S SINGING SUCKS AND I'M GETTING A [BLEEP] HEADACHE!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRUUUUUGGGGGHHH!!! [long pause as everyone stares at Winston. Smoke pours from D's head.] Peter: I guess you want them to stop singing? Winston: WHY YOU--!!! [starts to choke Peter] Peter: Arck! D: Winston! If this were the Transformers (C) movie, there would be many, many differences. Also, Transformers is not anime. [Thunder peals across the Theatre] VO Derek: I can't help it if I like the movie! > I gotta find it fast, to keep me alive! I can't believe my... >Hunger! I want it so bad I can taste it! It drives me mad to see it >wasted, when I need it so bad that it's burning me! I'm hungry!" His >stomach growled. "Speaking of hunger, I need something to eat." All: (trumpet) waaaaa, waaaaa, waaaaaaaaaaaa! D: That killed the song. >He shook his head. "I can't, not until I deliver the lunar rose." > Egon: It's nice to see that you've got your priorities in order! D: (Delivery Boy) 'Ere's ya lunar rose. Dat'll be $10.50, plus tip. > "Took you long enough!" Dirik said. He took the lunar rose from >Falkyn and put into a bowl. He crushed the bulb with a pestle and ground it >into a fine powder. He poured some water into the bowl and then the mixture >was poured into a beaker. All: HEAVY PESTLE ACTION! D: (Ray) MASTER MORTAR THEME SONG! Ray: We need to get out of here, and soon! >Dirik placed a stopper on the beaker and shook it vigorously. Egon: We need say nothing, do we Peter? Peter: Nah, it speaks for itself! > He pulled the stopper out and said, "Give this to your friend. >If all goes well, she should come out of it soon. Winston: (Falkyn) If not, that's your ass! >The lunar rose has some special properties that make a very efficent >healer." Ray: Healer Sensitive Inferno! [The Ghostbusters whip out pillows and pummels Ray] Ray: Sorry! > A half hour passed, and Li'na was still unconscious. "Li'na?" Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Winston: I'll ask you one more time, stop it! D: The Rocket Fist is loaded and ready. >Falkyn asked. "If you hear me, give me a sign." Peter: [hands Winston a large piece of poster board that reads, "FOR SALE!"] > Dirik handed him a large piece of poster board that read, "Sale!" Peter: HEY! Quit stealing my schtick! > "I asked her to give me a sign, you idiot," Falkyn said. Egon: Scorpio? Winston: Cancer! Peter: Virgo! Ray: Aries! D: Stop, please! > Dirik threw the sign into a pile of junk. "I'm just a sucker for >stupid humor," he said. All: (trumpet) waaaaa, waaaaa, waaaaaaaaa! Egon: Actually, you're just a sucker, sorry. > Falkyn held Li'na's hand in his. "Please," he said. "I need you to >wake up." Egon: There's so many things we *haven't* tried! Winston: Keep it up, laughing boy! D: [punches open palm] > Li'na's eyelids fluttered, but they remained closed. > "No," Falkyn sobbed. "No! Don't die on me!" He sank to his knees, >his head hung low. Peter: STELLA!!! Ray: MCFLY!!! Egon: (Michael Jackson) HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! > Dirik was singing to himself during it all. "Put down that chainsaw >and listen to me, it's time for us to join in the fight." Ray: Someone really liked Transformers. Peter: You know, they're more than meets the eye. D: (Metallic voice) Robots in disguise! Winston: BOOOO! D: "Dare to be Stupid." Weird Al. Also famous for "Yoda," "Amish Paradise," and "I Love Rocky Road." [Thunder peals through the Theatre again] D: (WCW Announcer) Feel the Thunder! Live, on TBS! 8:05 Eastern! Winston: I hate shameless plugs. > Falkyn gave him a look. "You can either shut up, or leave, THROUGH >the wall!" Peter: I'll go for the wall, Monty! Others: [cheering] > Dirik slunk away, still quietly singing. "It's time let your babies >grow up to be cowboys, it's time to let the bedbugs bite." Egon: Dirik is really *special* isn't he? Peter: As *special* as they can get! > "Li'na," Falkyn said, "you've lived through my training, and you're >defeated by a disease? Surely you can do better than that." Ray: Uh no thanks, this disease was pretty much the kicker. > "You better put all your eggs in one basket... Hey!" Dirik said >suddenly. "Don't call me Shirley!" Winston: Dear God! Dirik and his corny jokes. I hope Falkyn kills him! D: Just wait a little longer... > Falkyn had had enough. He grabbed Dirik by his shirt and threw him >into a wall. All: YAY! >Falkyn unsheathed his katana. He resisted carving Dirik up, right then and >there. "Just, just shut up!" Falkyn said. "I've had enough of your >unbelievable stupidity!" He put his weapon away and returned to Li'na's >side. Ray: YOU'VE had enough? What about us!? D: Unbelievable stupidity is the way Dr. Spengler is acting. > Dirik, all the while, continued his song. "You better count your >chickens before they hatch, you better sell some wine, before it's time, you >better find yourself an itch to scratch." Winston: [groans] > Falkyn put his hand on Li'na's forehead. "I need you," he said. >Finally, his resolve shattered, he let everything go. "I... I... I... Ray: (Falkyn)...'m suppose to be in the LIVING ROOM!! >love... you..." Peter: Awwwww...now get to loving! Egon: Whoohoo! > Li'na's eyes opened. "Falkyn?" > "Li'na?" Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Egon: Peter? Peter: Egon? Ray: Winston? Winston: Ra--DAMMIT! Don't you start! Ray: Sorry, I got caught in the moment! > "Do you really love me?" > "I... I don't know." Peter: (Li'na falsetto) Then why in the hell did you say you did?! HAI-KEEBA! That'll teach you to mess with a girl's emotions! I even faked DEATH for you! Winston: (Death) All right Li'na, I don't like being tricked! Let's go! Peter: (Li'na falsetto) Aah! > "You better squeeze all the Charmin you can, when Mister Whipple's >not around..." Ray: Someone stop him! > Falkyn, in one swift motion, removed his katana from its sheath and >Dirik's head from his shoulders. "Again, I have ended a life," Falkyn said. >He sheathed his katana. "He dared to be stupid, and paid with his life." D: Told you so, Winston. Egon: And there was much rejoicing. All: YAY! > Li'na was smiling. Peter: Peter was giggling... Ray: Ray was vomiting... Winston: Winston was choking... Egon: Egon was mas--OUCH! Peter: [giving object back to Winston] THAT was just tasteless, Egon! Ray: Not to Janine. [blushes and clamps his hand over his mouth] [wide eyed stares all around for Ray] Peter: I think I'm going to be sick... > "Are you pleased I killed him?" Falkyn asked. Ray: I am! How about you!? > "No," replied Li'na. "I finally got you to admit your feelings." > Falkyn's eyes widened. "You feigned death, got me to climb a >mountain, and had me break down like that, just to get me to say that?" Peter: SUCKER! > "I guess." Egon: (Falkyn) You guess? How about you guess how many pieces I'm going to cut you into!? > "You want to play dead? I can arrange that!" Falkyn laughed as he >picked her up off the ground. > Winston: --and chucked her stupid ass out the window where she rolled down the steep slope to her death! D: He would never do that! > Dirik's conscience spun through Eternity, a cold, endless, black >void. There was nothing there, Ray: Well, if it's a void there's nothing there! Winston: Redundancy Department of Redundancy. Is there something redundant I can redundantly help you with in total redundance? >save one voice. Egon: Hey, give me a cheeseburger and hold the voice! Peter: Alright! > "He got you, too?" Winston: The slut! > "I guess so, Yorr," Dirik replied. Ray: Whole lot of guessing going on... D: You don't remember Yorr from Chapter 4? > "He's a lot stronger than Razhad expected," the voice of Yorr echoed. > "Actually," Dirik said, "I was being stupid--" Egon: Night of the Living Retards! All: GYAH! > "As usual." > "--and he decapitated me. Nevertheless, we should inform Misal. She >should be able to handle him." Egon: (Misal) Bring 'em on! [starts cracking whip] > "In her own, disturbed manner," Yorr said. Peter: ThE mAsTeR sAyS sHe Is vErY dIsTuRbEd! Egon: Argh, stop that! Peter: WhY, EgOn? DoEs tHiS diSTurB yOu? I'lL sToP iF yOu AsK nIcEly! Egon: AAARRRRRRGGGHH!!! [jumps up and runs off] Peter: WhAt'S hIs PrObLeM? Ray: It's the return of Torgo! AHHHH!!! Others: AHHHH! [jumps up and runs] Fourth Wall: STOP IT! EEEEK!!! >"If we can't kill him, then we must turn him to our side." Winston: I refuse to do a Darth Vader joke! > "I have an idea how to do that. He cares about that girl he's always >with. If we can get to her, he'll do anything to keep her safe." Peter: Anything!? Egon: I can think of a few things.... > "Including murder?" Yorr asked. > If Dirik could shrug, he would. Ray: But he can't because he was DECAPITATED! DANG! >"Dunno. We'd have to wait and see." Winston: No thanks, I'll read the book. D: That's the end of Chapter 5. [They get up and exit the theatre] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] Egon: I can't believe Li'na had a nude scene! *drools* Ray: What about Janine? Egon: What about her? She isn't here for me to drool over! Peter: I didn't need that picture, I really didn't. Winston: D, can you do something to change them back? D: I don't know... *KBANG* *KBANG* Egon: ARGH! *THUD* Peter: OOOFF! *THUD* Winston: Knocked unconscious again. Man, are they going to feel that in the morning! [They stand over the pair and wait until they wake up again] Egon: The amount of pressure in my head is extensive! What happened?! Peter: What numbnut did this to me! Winston: They're back! D: The Rocket Fist, never leave home without it! [D pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen grows dark, voices overheard] "You were knocked out and you started acting like Egon, and Egon started acting like you!" "That's preposterous!" "Yeah, what he said!" "It was actually funny listening to Egon making hentai comments." "That shows you what a dirty mind ol' Spengs has!" "There was one part about Janine not being here for him to drool over her!" "I WHAT?!...Janine?!" *THUD* *BANG* *CRASH* "Damn, he fainted..." "I'm not carrying him, he's too heavy!" __________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 5" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) __________________________________________________________________________ > If Dirik could shrug, he would. Ray: But he can't because he was DECAPITATED! DANG! __________________________________________________________________________ A little clarification: Obscure Ref #1 was a song from the Cartoon, Jem! "Taking it All" by Jem and the Holograms. Obscure Ref #2 was a Tina Turner song. "Nutbush City Limits" Obscure Ref #3 was a bit obscure. Since the story said "Elements" The guys picked an Earth, Wind and Fire song. "Boogie Wonderland" Obscure Ref #4 was "Jimmy Ray" Obscure Ref #5 was Aretha Franklin, "A Rose"