Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 004 -- Ms. Peter Venkman?! Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 4 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains, Inc., and I hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. Tory's notes: This is my fourth mysting. I've enjoyed doing the tag team thing and look forward to even more hentainess from the resident pervert! Please be gentle with the C & C, it is my fourth mysting. FFT3K Theme Song Winston: My turn! Peter: Well go ahead then! [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D, Master of the Rocket Fist [demonic grin] 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] [Egon Spengler is working at an experiment. He pauses for a second to raise the goggles to wipe at one of his eyes. He looks at his watch and notices that he's hungry. The scientist walks away after putting a 'do not disturb' sign on the table] [Ray and Peter enter, they proceed to toss a football that D found for them. Winston sits down and starts reading a magazine.] Ray: Go long, Peter! Peter: Gotcha! [runs far back and catches the ball] Winston: You guys better watch Egon's experiment. Peter: Oh calm down, we won't touch the darn thing. [tosses the ball to Ray] Ray: Here's another one! [pulls arm back and whips the ball to Peter] [In an effort to catch the ball, Peter runs towards the desk near Egon's experiment. He leaps, catches the ball, disturbing the bubbling chemicals on the desk. Both Peter and the chemicals fall over the table, making a loud noise.] Peter: AAAIIIEEEE!!!! Ray: PETER! Winston: Oh my lord! PETER!!! Peter: I think I got burned! [Ray and Winston stop mid-run, they notice that Peter's voice is awfully -- high. Peter stands up and pushes a mop of dark brown hair out of his eyes. Ray gasps as Winston stares, Peter is now a woman!] Peter: Oh man, I'm--Why are you staring at me like that? What the hell happened to my voice!? [looks down and notices two mounds poking from the top of his dark brown jumpsuit. Fearing the worst, he grabs the mounds and notice they're soft.] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Winston: Aww hell, EGON! [Egon rushes in and sees the screaming Peter...er, Peter-chan] Egon: Didn't you see the sign!? Winston: He ran into it, as usual. Egon: Dammit, I was up all night on that experiment! Ray: What happened to him, her, him...PETER! Egon: I was working on a DNA experiment, whatever chromosomes the patient has, be it X or Y, they invert. D: (Monty Python) And now for something completely different... Ray: You mean... Winston: His Y, became an X! Ray: [pales in color] Egon: [cackles madly] It worked!! I'll be famous! Winston: Never mind that, when will he, she, er Peter change back? Egon: Oh, well I don't know. [whips out calculator and punches buttons] It may last for a few hours or a few days. [Peter runs by screaming his--her head off] Egon: It may be a few hours, considering how she's acting. Winston: Oh boy. D: Sorry, don't have time to talk, we've got MOVIE SIGN! [Door Sign: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They enter the theater and sit down, Peter is wailing] Peter-chan: I don't believe this! Egon: Me neither, it actually worked! Ray: This feels so wrong! Winston: I'm hip! D: Don't worry Peter...er Peter-chan, you'll live. Peter-chan: [growls under her breath] D: I swear, if I could laugh, I would. > Falkyn -- Chapter 4 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Egon: Now that I have my life support hooked up to Windows 95, I can ru--- D: (Machine) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE > "The mercenary business is not our style," Falkyn said. Peter-chan: Neither is doggy! Oh this BITES! Egon: I'd hit you, but you're just too cute! Peter-chan: ARRGH! Egon: [laughs] > Li'na just nodded. Their recent adventure: assassinate one Shaianne >PeriHawk, did not go well. In fact, they failed altogether, because a >R'itna disguised itself as her, leading the two on a wild goose chase. Ray: Honk Honk! Winston: The goose is loose! > They stopped at a tavern on the outskirts of Zrinth to get something >to drink and to rest their legs. > Peter-chan: Li'na's were still sore from the all night session! Ray: Ick! Peter-chan: This is just so WRONG! I can't make comments about Li'na. I don't want people to start thinking I'm gay! Egon: That does present a paradox of small proportions. Peter-chan: Wha? Egon: Haven't you noticed the way Ray is staring. Your pheromones are starting to affect him. Peter-chan: [sees Ray staring] Oh damn... Winston: Hah, Ray thinks she's cute! Peter-chan: THERE IS NO GOD!!!! ARRRGH!!! D: [very glad his nose doesn't work in THAT way] > They sat down, ordered two drinks, and listened to gossip they >overheard. Most of it was trivial, but one caught Falkyn's attention. Winston: Uh, oh Peter, I think Falkyn got his eye on you. Peter-chan: Not funny, Zeddemore! Ray: [blushing] Egon: This may get very ugly soon. Winston: How? Egon: Ray is starting to feel the affects of female pheromones, soon you and I will as well. Peter-chan: The first person to touch me gets castrated! Winston: [shudders] D: I am glad I am not anatomically correct. > > A middle-aged man sat down at a table where a group of dwarves and >humans were talking. One dwarf saw him sit down and said, "What tall tales >have you cooked up today, Yorr?" Peter-chan: (Yorr) Hmm, have you heard the one about the traveling salesman and the farmers daughter? No? Well, he--GET THE HELL BACK! *THWAP* Ray: OUCH! Winston: Ray, sit over here! [Winston yanks Ray and puts him on the other side, away from Peter-chan] > "This isn't a tall tale," the man called Yorr said defensively, "it's >fact this time. Have you ever heard of the Sword of Magic?" Egon: Yes, it's in my pants. Winston: @.@ What the!? Egon: Oh-no! I'm feeling the pheromone affect! Peter-chan: Stay away from me! D: Did I already mention that I am glad I am not anatomically correct? > The group laughed. "Have you been knocking back vodka again? That >weapon doesn't exist!" another dwarf said. Egon: It does, let me show--ARRRGH! GET AWAY FROM ME! Peter-chan: No, you get away from me!! Ray: O_O Winston: This is going to be ugly! Look at Ray! Egon: Oh crap! > "It does so!" Yorr said. "And I know where it is! If you can help >me, I'll gladly let you have whatever treasure you happen to find, as long >as you recover the sword." Egon: I would love to find your tre--[Slaps himself hard, twice] Peter-chan: [whimpers] Ray: [dreamy] She's cute when she's scared. Winston: I will not give in to temptation, I will not! D: Temptation is not in my data banks > The group laughed again. "We can't help you find it," one of the men >said, "'cause it doesn't exist!" Peter-chan: Neither does a female Peter Venkman! Quit slobbing on me, Egon! Egon: Eh? Oh, sorry. 0_0 Ray: 0_0 Winston: There they go. D: Please keep your slob over there. I would hate to short circuit. > They laughed yet again, paid for the drinks, and left. Yorr fell >back heavily in a chair and held his head in his hands. Peter-chan: Speaking of hands... Winston: Huh? Peter-chan: EGON! GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME! Egon: Sorry! 0_0 Ray: 0_0 > > "Excuse me," Falkyn said, setting his drink down. He walked over to >where Yorr sat and said, "I couldn't help but overhear what you said. Winston: In fact, I was hiding behind you listening... >That sword sounds interesting. However, I think the reason why they didn't >believe you is because it is called the 'Mahou no Ken.' Me and my partner >would gladly do this task for you." Peter-chan: For a small fee of course... > Yorr looked up to the man who just approached. "Thank you. I cannot >get it myself because I am in no condition to do so, Peter-chan: (Yorr) those all night orgy sessions are wearing me down! Winston: Even after all this, you still spew hentai comments. Peter-chan: Damn straight! Egon: O_O Ray: 0_0 >but I can give you the location. You would have to find your way in >yourselves, but there are many deadly traps. Of course, you can get past >them, right? Or are you just trying to inflate your ego?" Peter-chan: I know something that's inflating...and if it comes near me I'm chopping it off! [Throws Egon a cold glare] Egon: Eep! Winston: [bursts out laughing] > Falkyn cocked his Peter-chan: fist and punched the hell out of Egon, like this! [rears back and punches Egon, sending him to the floor] Egon: OOOOOF! *THUD* Winston: [closes his eyes and sighs] D: Nice, almost close to the effects of my Rocket Fist. > eyebrow. D: (The Rock) If ya smmmmeeeeeeellllllll...what the Rock...is cookin'! >"What ego?" His eyebrow lowered and he said, "I am certain I can pass Ray: the stone, but the boulder will have to be taken out! Winston: What? D: [Confused look] Ray: [sighs] You know, pass a kidney stone? Winston: EWWWWW!!! D: I believe that pun was best left unexplained. >any trap, mechanical, magical, or otherwise. And I will return with the >Mahou no Ken, I stake my life on it." Winston: I'll take mine well done, please. D: [looks at him] I do not comprehend. Egon: Stake/Steak Winston: Thank you, Einstein... > Yorr handed Falkyn a small piece of paper. "This is the location," >he said. "However, there is a complex locking mechanism on the front gate. >Nobody has been able to decipher it." Peter-chan: Well, nobody that's dumb enough to go after it... > Falkyn accepted the paper. "We should be back here by tomorrow night >with the Mahou no Ken." He returned to his seat and finished his drink. Peter-chan: I'll have one, make it straight vodka! > "What were you two talking about that took so long?" Li'na asked. Peter-chan: (Falkyn) How to make you co--OUCH! Egon: [clearly better] Don't think this accident gives you free reign. Peter-chan: Dag-nabbit... > Falkyn laid a piece of silver on the countertop. "We've volunteered >to retrieve the Mahou no Ken from its resting place. I have all the D: (KGB Agent) Zeekret doguments, Boreez. Now, we run from capidalizt dogs! >information we need right here." He produced the paper from his shirt and >showed it to her. Peter-chan: It was a...[sees Egon rearing back to hit him] uh...a picture of Betty Boop! > "I thought it was just a legend!" Li'na exclaimed after going over >the information scribbled on the scrap of paper. "But if we go after it, we >probably won't come back alive." Winston: (Li'na falsetto) We're actually dumb enough to go after it. Ray: 0_0 Winston: Aww, hell. [reaches over and *SLAPS* Ray] Ray: OUCH! Thanks, Winston, I needed that. Winston: No problem, homeboy. D: Good thing you did that, I was going to use my Rocket Fist. > Falkyn returned the scrap to its place. "You forgot, you have me on >your side, and we will return intact and with the Mahou no Ken." > > The next day, the two went to the cave containing the so-called >"Sword of Magic," or "Mahou no Ken." Peter-chan: (Falkyn) It's right here, in my p--WAAAAA!!!! Ray: What's wrong? Peter-chan: my 'magic sword' is GONE! All I have is this 'clam' now! Ray: Oh, the bearded kind? Egon and Winston: o_0...0_o...0_0...RAY! Ray: OOPS! D: I don't comprehend the statement. I have the feeling I'd rather not comprehed it, either. > Where a cave was on Falkyn's map, there was a pile of rubble. Winston: Right next to Flintstone. Egon: BOO! Winston: Shut up! > "I guess we can't get in," Li'na said, resting against a tree. Peter-chan: (Falkyn) I can! Egon: You'd think being changed into a woman would make him stop...Noooo! > Falkyn pocketed the map and said, "This rock does not match the >surrounding area. Stand back." He touched four points on the rocks, >which created a black void. Falkyn concentrated his energy in his fist, and >puched with all his might. His hand passed through the void and impacted on >the rock. A crack formed and gradually expanded. All: HEAVY ROCK ACTION! D: MASTER IGNEOUS THEME SONG! Peter-chan: (singing) EXIT...LIGHT....ENTER NIGHT...PRAY FOR STRENGTH... WE'RE OFF TO NEVER NEVER LAND!!! All: [starts headbanging] D: The lyric-as I heard it-was "take my hand", not "pray for strength". Peter-chan: You always have the right answer don't you?! D: Well, I am an android. My master created me with perfection in mind. Peter-chan: Well, I think your master is cracked in the head! D: [itches to use the Rocket Fist] If he heard you, he would smite you so bad, it would make your head spin. > "Get back!" Falkyn said, diving for cover. The crack exploded, >sending stones of various sizes flying. As the dust settled, the two >warriors entered the dark cavern. Peter-chan: That has so many implications, I won't say anything. Egon: Good. D: [deadpan] And there was much rejoicing. Ray & Winston: [deadpan] yay. > The air was thick with dust, implying nobody had been inside in ages. >There weren't even any spiders or rats Peter-chan: AIEEE!!! [jumps straight into the air, latching onto a ceiling fixture] Egon: What the-- Winston: It was the spiders and rats... Egon: Ohhh. >crawling around the catacombs to supply noise. The only light came from a >lit branch, destroyed by flying debris, carried by Falkyn. Several times >they set off traps, but Falkyn's razor-sharp wits and quick thinking saved >them both from being skewered, sliced, smashed, and crushed. Ray: Eviscrated, decimated, obliterated, pulped, annihilated... Winston: I think they get the point. Ray: ba dum ching! Winston: [groans] > As they were about to round a corner, Falkyn stopped. "Wait," he >said, and listened. They heard faint footsteps, meaning somebody was >already here. Ray: Well, there's no fooling them! Winston: Ol' Falkyn is as sharp as a bowling ball. > Falkyn reached into his shirt and withdrew a handful of whitish blue >throwing stars. He listened intently and came to the conclusion that the >footsteps belonged to something inhuman. Egon: What tipped him off? The large footprints, or the screams of humans being devoured? Winston: I believe it was the dismembered corpses littering the floor. Ray: Maybe it was the heads on the spikes! Peter-chan: And they say I'm the dark one... D: I could activate my 'dark and sadistic' subroutine, if you desire, Ms. Venkman. [mechanical, forced laughter] Peter-chan: [grumbles incoherently] > He turned the corner and threw the stars with blinding speed. Peter-chan: (Speed Racer) Penny for the blind, penny for the blind... Egon: Dear lord! D: That pun was so bad, I won't even laugh and I never laugh. > Li'na and Falkyn examined the bodies of the orc raiding party. "They >must have gotten wind of the weapon back in town," Falkyn said. Winston: Or Peter after Chili night. > Li'na wrinkled her nose. "I'm catching wind of them, and hoo-boy, >they reek!" she said, pointing at the dead orcs. "Get your stars and let's >get out of here!" > All: (imitating a trumpet) waaa-waaa-waaa-waaaaaaa > They came upon a large stone door. Falkyn put his hand on the rock >and said, "The technique I used to get in will not work here." Peter-chan: The technique gets you in, it's the reverse that gets you out! Egon: I will ignore that comment. Peter-chan: [innocent expression] What?! Egon: Nevermind, just nevermind. It would take far to long to explain. > "What makes you sure?" Li'na asked. > "This door is made of corundum," was the reply, "and corundum is >harder than any substance, excluding Peter-chan: Peter Venkman! Ray: EWWWWW!!!! Egon: That was simply disgusting! D: Until your predicament is treated, that statement has no substance. >diamond. This door is too heavy to open even if both of us tried." He >stepped away from the door and placed his hands at his sides, facing the >door, shaped like spears. Winston: The door suddenly turned into spears! Falkyn was impaled and thus ends our epic. Peter-chan: You've been holding that in, haven't you? Winston: Yes, but it felt good saying it! > The sound of crackling electricity echoed throughout the catacombs as >light encircled his arms. He brought them forward and twisted them around a >slowly growing orb of power. When it became a foot in diameter, Falkyn >released the ball of energy, throwing it into the corundum door, shattering >it into millions of tiny shards. Egon: HADOKEN! D: MESSATSU GOU-HADO!!! > Li'na picked up a few shards and said, "You still surprise me." She >dropped the shards and followed Falkyn into the mysteriously lit chamber >beyond. Ray: (Li'na falsetto) Like that time you chased me nude... Peter-chan: 0_0 Egon: Look at what you did! *THWAP* Peter-chan: OUCHIE! > Situated against the center of the far wall was a sword, in its >sheath, on a rack. Winston: Whoo, look at the rack on her! Egon: Don't you dare! Winston: ARRGH! I must leave, Peter's hentainess is starting to wear off on me! Peter-chan: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! My evil plan is forming! D: May I use my Rocket Fist on him...er, her? > Falkyn slowly walked towards it. He reached for the ancient weapon >and took it off the rack. He removed it from the sheath, and marveled at Peter-chan: The pure size of it, dear God! He could knock a mountain down with it! Egon: Now that could have been taken two ways, knowing you, it was the latter. Peter-chan: Was not! >its soft blue glow. "The Mahou no Ken," he said, "the legendary Sword of >Magic, the only weapon that can absorb magical energies." Peter-chan: sexual energies too... Egon: *THWAP* Peter-chan: [whines] Egon: You saw that coming, don't even whine your way out of it. > Li'na couldn't help but gaze in awe at the sword and the light it >gave off. Suddenly, the glow changed from blue to red to purple. "What's >happening?" she asked. Winston: Life ending as we know it! RUN FOR IT! Ray: Total protonic reversal! EEEP! > Falkyn slowly lowered the sword. "It is tuning itself to its >wielder. Soon, I will be its master." Peter-chan: [pulls out whip] CALL ME QUEEN!!!! OHO HO HO HO HO! [cracks the whip at Egon, making him jump from his seat!] Egon: YEEEOOOUUCH!! Winston: Peter, what the hell are you doing!? Peter-chan: Putting this being a woman thing to use! COME HERE PUPPY! [cracks the whip at Ray!] LET MOMMY PET YOU!!! Ray: KYAAAAAAA!!!! D: [looks at Peter-chan while raising one eyebrow] I'm lost here. > "We were supposed to deliver it to Yorr," Li'na said. Winston: The lazy runt, he expects home delivery too?! Ray: People these days... D: I believe Yorr is middle-aged and out of shape. Ray: D? D: Yes? Ray: SHUT UP! > Falkyn laughed, something he did all too infrequently. "Ha! He can >not fathom the power this weapon possesses." Egon: (Falkyn) Ha! He can not fathom what the hell I just said! > He looked into the flat of the blade, at the maroon glow and his >reflection. "I, on the other hand, am more suited to have it." Peter-chan: And so you shall!! [cracks the whip at the screen] BWAHAHAHAHA! > A bolt of lightning lashed out from one of the orbs set on either >side of the rack. Faster than the lightning, Falkyn blocked it with the >blade, which did not reflect, but rather it absorbed the lightning. Ray: Sponge attack! > "Midareuchi," Falkyn muttered, "Mahouken, Sandara!!!" He flung >himself at the orb and smashed it with four precise blows. > The other orb threw a massive gout of fire. It was absorbed as well. > "Midareuchi," Falkyn repeated, "Mahouken, Faiga!!!" Peter-chan: SHI-NE! Egon: JA NE! Winston: MATTA NE! D: RAKU NI WA SHINEENZO! Ray: AI TO SEIGI NO, SEERA FUKU BISHOUJO SENSHI, SEEERA SUTANZU! TSUKINI KAWATTE OSHIOKI-YO! Peter-chan: --the hell?! Egon: Did you just say Sailor Stantz!? Ray: I guess I did! Egon: [shudders] Yuck! Peter-chan: Even in this state I wouldn't wear a skirt! Winston: HARF! Peter-chan: [has sudden flashback of Bishounen Senshi Sailor Ghostbusters] AHHHHH!!! Egon: Flashback? Peter-chan [shuddering] Yes! All even D: [shudders] > The orb was a smoking ruin after the four fire-powered slashes. > Li'na grabbed Falkyn's shoulder. "Falkyn! Don't let the power >consume you!" Ray: (Obi-wan) Don't let the dark side influence you! D: (Yoda) Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny! > Falkyn whipped around and caught Li'na with the the flat of the >weapon in her cheek. She spun to her left and landed in the dust, a cut >across her face and a long bruise forming below it. All: o.0....0.o....o.0....0.o....0.0 Egon: Oh, that was just WRONG! Peter-chan: Hey, abuse towards women is NOT funny! Egon: Someone has some serious issues about women here! Winston: Kick his ass, Li'na!! Ray: [face turns red with anger] YOU [bleep] [bleep]! WHY I SHOULD, [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] MOTHER [bleep] [bleep]! SON OF A [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] YOU!!! I SWEAR IF I EVER SEE YOU IN PUBLIC, I'LL TAKE MY PROTON PACK AND [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] INTO INFINITY!!!!!!!!!!! Others: [they stare at Ray, eyes growing big] [long pause] Peter-chan: Man, I didn't know Ray could let it fly like that! D: [Smoke pouring from head] Profanity overload!!! Resetting audio sensors... [Smoke ceases] Ah, there we go. > Falkyn's eyes were glowing a darker purple than normal, but faded >quickly when he saw the damage he did. He dropped the sword and picked her >up off the ground. "I'm sorry," he said. "Forgive me, please." All: [except Ray who was still fuming] HELL, NO! Winston: Better yet, as we use to say back in Harlem....MAN, HELL NAW! > "I'll be all right," Li'na said with a small smile. "Just don't let >the sword control you." Egon: (Li'na) I'll take that job thank you! Peter-chan: Egon, no hentai! Egon: Am not! Peter-chan: Are too, are too!!! > Li'na stood up and brushed herself off. Falkyn picked up the Mahou >no Ken and they left the cave. > Winston: I hope she poisons him later. Peter-chan: I'd shove him off a cliff! > In town, Falkyn presented the Mahou no Ken to Yorr. Yorr examined >the blade. "Are you sure this is the Sword of Magic?" Peter-chan: (Falkyn) Wanna look closer? Egon: [hits Peter with the object] Peter-chan: [making her voice sound like a cute little girl] Itai, Egon- chan, itai!!! D: (Translator) It hurts, Egon, it hurts. Ray: He's taking this woman thing a bit too far. Winston: He needs to quit watching La Blue Girl, he's learning too much Japanese. Peter-chan: Hey, I'm a damn good looking woman! [puffs out his--her chest] I can't help it if people want me either way! Egon: I think I'm going to be sick. Ray: I'll join you! D: If I could, I would join you also. > "It is," Falkyn replied. "I used its power myself. If it wasn't the >Mahou no Ken, I would have been electrocuted and immolated." Egon: or castrated... All but D: [wince and shift uncomfortably in their seats] D: [Confused look] Why are you all squirming? [Egon's statement registers] Oh. > As Yorr held the sword and rubbed his hand across it, Falkyn asked, >"Why were you seeking this weapon?" Peter-chan: (Li'na) to quench my--OUCH! Egon: Keep it up... Peter-chan: [batting eyelashes] I thought I did that in the beginning! Ray: Zinger! Winston: Peter 1, Egon 0! Egon: [slaps his forehead] > Yorr wasn't paying attention, just staring into the sword. The deep >purple aura shifted to blood-red. Ray: --as the stupid old guy was drained of his lifeblood...muhahahahar! D: On the contrary, most aged humans are quite intelligent. Ray: You've been hanging with Egon, haven't you? > "At last," Yorr said, "I have it! With this, I shall regain what is >rightfully mine!" He pointed the sword to the heavens and said, "R'itni! >Tremble before me! You are insignificant now!" Egon: (Yorr) CALL ME KING! Peter-chan: [looks at Egon] 0_0 I didn't know you had that S&M streak to ya, Egon! Ray: Well he is practicing for when he gets back with Janine! Winston: [starts laughing] Egon: HEY! D: That may be a while...Peter, what is S&M? Peter-chan: I'll show you later... [demonic grin] > Falkyn and Li'na looked to each other. "He's mad," Li'na said. Ray: [makes stupid noises] OOOO, AAAA!! DUUUUH! AAAOOOOGAAA! Egon: [smacks Ray on the back of his head] > "I would agree," Falkyn replied, looking back to Yorr, drunk on the >power of the Mahou no Ken. He closed his fist and concentrated his power. Ray: Deciding against getting up and turning the TV off, he simply used the remote instead. Lazy jerk. >"Kikouhou," he whispered. Tiny arcs of electricity appeared around his fist >as his inner chi was channelled into an attack. Ray: Powaa Guradeeshon!! Egon: Suparashu Fountu!! Peter-chan: Ana matsube!! Winston: Now folks, if you can figure out what game THAT's from....you have my respect! D: Samurai Shodown. Winston: [his jaw drops] How...? D: I have a rather large amount of spare time. > Yorr saw what Falkyn was planning to do, but brushed it away. The >Sword of Magic could absorb and redirect it back at him, so he let him do >whatever he planned. Peter-chan: To have his way with the lovely Li'na! D: As soon as this is over and you're male again...[punches open palm] > "Yorr!" Li'na said. "Listen! The sword's too powerful!" Ray: I swear, nine inches is just too much! Peter-chan: [makes gagging noises] Egon: Ray, can I talk to you outside for a second? [stands up and walks out] Ray: Uh sure, Egon...[follows] Egon: [from outside] What did I tell you! **THWAP** Ray: [from outside] YYEEOUCH!!!! > "Foolish child!" Yorr boomed. "With this weapon, I can ascend the >heavens! I can take the very power away from the R'itni!" Peter-chan: Not that he'd be very powerful, it's just an eye! [Ray and Egon reenter, Ray is holding his arm and glaring at Egon] > "No!" said Li'na. "The sword cannot absorb magic! All it does is >redirect the magic through a sword attack! It does not have the power you >make it out to possess!" Oh dear, she thought, I'm starting to sound like >Falkyn! Winston: (Li'na) Heaven forbid I start to look like him! > Yorr was about to respond, but he heard a loud, Peter-chan: EEEEEK! >"Kikouhou!" He turned to Falkyn, who had released a Ray: ...fart that would melt the Lincoln Monument! Winston: Dude must have stopped at a Taco Bell. D: I don't believe they have 'Taco Bell' where Falkyn lives. Ray: I'm going to reprogram him someday... >massive beam of energy. He was too late to absorb the attack with the >blade, as it tore through his body. D: (Shao Kahn) Fatality! Flawless Victory! > Falkyn lowered his hand. Where Yorr stood, there was a pile of ash, Winston: (Ash) Good Ash, Bad Ash, I'm the one with the gun... >and the Mahou no Ken, intact and glowing with a soft blue aura. He picked >it up off the ground and the aura changed back to purple. Ray: For the love of all that's holy, don't let it be Barney! D: It isn't. Ghostbusters: [sigh with relief] > "That was quite an adventure," Li'na said. Peter-chan: (Li'na) reminds me of the time I got lost in the whorehouse... Winston: WHAT?! Peter-chan: Er...nothing! > Falkyn stared into the blade. How many have you killed, he asked it. >And how many more must die before your power will be sealed for good? > "Falkyn?" Li'na put her hand on his shoulder. "Earth to Falkyn!" > "Huh? Oh, sorry," Falkyn said. "My mind was wandering." Peter-chan: Which wasn't too hard to accompli--OWW! Egon: What's wrong! Peter-chan: My stomach...[voice grows deeper] hurts... Ray: He's changing back! Peter: Whoa, I'm me again! D: Ahh, that reminds me. [*KBANG*] Peter: OOOOOOF! [*THUD*] D: I've been wanting to do that all day. Winston: You too?! Peter: [coughing] Ha, ha. [They exit the Theatre, Egon drags Peter behind him] [Door sign 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] Winston: I'm just glad everything is back to normal. Ray: Don't you mean abnormal? Egon: I'm just glad Peter's no longer female. Peter: Why Egon, scared you might want me? [turns away from Egon, primping in a mirror] D: For once, an android just might be sick. Ray and Winston: [runs off] Egon: [face turns red] WHAT?! [grabs P.K.E. Meter and slowly stalks towards Peter] D: This is going to be nasty. [pushes button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark, voices are overheard] "Besides, I'm too cute for you anyway! Egon...Egon...That's not what a P.K.E. meter is for!" [*WOOSH*] "Help! Ray, Winston, D...DO SOMETHING!" [*KBANG*] [*THUD*] "OUCHIEEE!!!" "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAR!" "I think Egon has gone off the deep end." "You, too?" ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 4" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) __________________________________________________________________ >Nobody has been able to decipher it." Peter-chan: Well, nobody that's dumb enough to go after it...