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Author
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Topic: 1000 Things your Characters do if they have Deathwishes
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Souza
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Member # 115179
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posted April 15, 2003 02:16 PM
quote: Originally posted by Zekenen: quote: Originally posted by trycycle: quote: Originally posted by Elessar Telcontar: quote: Originally posted by Stormfalcon: quote: Originally posted by DFloyd: quote: Originally posted by Tanuki, the Bewildered: quote: Originally posted by Valiantheart: 48. Insult the DMs girlfriend.
48b. Hit on the DM's girlfriend.
48c. Do something untoward to the DM's girlfriend.
48d. Simply stare at the DM's girlfriend.
48d-a (ok, this is getting ridiculous) Stare at the DM's girlfriend with such intensity that you don't notice anything else, including what the DM is saying.
48e. Tell your DM you can't make the meet because you have a date with his girlfriend.
48f) Tell the DM his girlfriend smells bad
48g) Tell the DM's girlsfriend she smells bad
48h) Smell the DM's girlfriend 48i) Trip the DM's girlfriend 48j) Grapple the DM's girlfriend (be carefull against DM's AoO) 48k) BullRush the DM's girlfriend 48l) make a voodoo doll of the DM's girlfriend
-------------------- Greyhawk Forum Canonfire! My grey campaing home page
Kick the baby.
From: SC, Brazil | Registered: Nov 2002
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Trueman
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Member # 135568
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posted April 16, 2003 02:50 AM
243) Eat raw orc 244) Tell your dm that you've invented gunpowder 245) Mock a Terrasque, calling it "horney"
-------------------- The touch of death has a chocolate centre...i've seen it
From: Bridlington, UK | Registered: Apr 2003
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Bedevere
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Member # 123293
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posted April 16, 2003 04:15 AM
246) When your DM asks "Are you sure?", say Yes.
247) Say "Is that all you've got?" to your DM, after a fight.
248) Play in the Dark sun setting
-------------------- Reality is a reference point, not a limitation. Creator of the 'polymorph self' your familiar alliance.
From: UK - Devon | Registered: Jan 2003
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AlfaMale26
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Member # 132290
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posted April 16, 2003 06:45 AM
Racial taunts: 249) To elf, "I hear there's some orc-blood in your family." 250) To dwarf, "Hey, shorty, fetch my dinner like a good little lad." 249) To half-orc, "I didn't know two elves could have such an ugly baby!" 250) To drow, sing "Ebony and Ivory, go together in perfect harmony..." (BTW, sorry for the Michael Jackson reference) 251) To beholder, "Quit squinting and put on your glasses!" 252) To medusa, "Oh, you simply MUST tell me who does your hair!" 253) To orc, "You've, uh, got something stuck in your tusks -- I MEAN TEETH!" 254) To vampire, "No! I want to suck YOUR blood!" 255) To giant, "I may not look like one, but I AM a dwarf." 256) Alternative to giant, "I'll bet I can hit you with a rock before you can hit me!"
Class-based taunts: 257) To high-level rogue, "You couldn't backstab the broad side of a barn!" 258) To dwarf battlerager, "I didn't know dwarves could be so cute and cuddly!" 259) To haughty high mage, "Arcane magic is strictly for pussies!" 260) To druid, "Hey, watch me firebrand my initials on this Treant." 261) To sorcerer, "Yeah, that spell hurt, but you can't do it again!"
-------------------- Ever have a day like this one?
"Against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet. And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more." --- Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
From: San Antonio, TX | Registered: Mar 2003
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Little_Green_Fighter
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Member # 135746
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posted April 17, 2003 05:17 AM
quote: Originally posted by Illithid Tentacles: 21: Attempt to mate with a harpy.
Donīt laugh! I know someone who wants to that! *uargh!* 262) Tell the DM that you are bored. 263) Tell the other Chars to stop dying so often. 264) Tell Khelben Arunsun where he can put his black staff 265) As a gold elf choose a Lolth-Altar as a place for a little sleep. 266) Wear Dragon Armor in front of an ancient Red wyrm 267) Start an EAT-AS-MUCH-AS-YOU-CAN contest with a famine spirit. 268) Be the dentist of a famine spirit. 269) Ask the Lich to let some air to this room. 270) Planeshift to the Abyss, only wearing your Pyjama [ April 17, 2003, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: Little_Green_Fighter ]
-------------------- A better place to mail me: [email protected]
Trust me, I am your DM! So hear it not player for it is a knell, that summons thee to heaven or to hell! So says the green knight and so it is written!
From: Germany | Registered: Apr 2003
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Duloth
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Member # 34440
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posted April 17, 2003 06:16 AM
262: Try to convert a Vasharan warrior NPC who dual-wields greatswords.
263: Play as a Vasharan, and interject 'God-slave!' in every other sentence.
264: Upon learning the DM is a sluggy fan, start crushing rabbits. Try to do the same to the one that is somehow holding a dagger.
265: Whistle at every female NPC. EVERY female NPC.
266: Pray to your deity that you can get a chance to sleep with Lolth. Best if your deity is lawful-good.
267: Go home with a follower of the mistress of pain, whoever she is in your setting.
268: Randomly change your character's name and attitude every time he wakes up. Refuse to acknowledge the other PCs and just walk away.
269: Hug the dragon and tell it its cute.
270: Use 'rape' as an attack action.
271: Use 'rape' as an attack action against one of the other PCs. A male one, or sexless one.
272: Refuse to deal lethal damage to anyone.
273: Spend every copper buying alchemist's fire and acid, and then perform number 269.
274: Spend all your character's money so he can bathe in holy water, claiming it makes him 'blessed'.
275: When a new PC is being introduced, kill him. Don't just attack him; use every resource at your disposal to bring about his untimely death. Claim 'He killed my father! Count the fingers!'
276: Use a cursed vorpal sword, without knowing exactly what the curse is, but knowing it still cuts off heads.
277: Replace the mage's spell component's with dirt(Or cow dung), and the cleric's holy water with urine.
278: If the DM does something you dislike, start taking levels as commoner, and saving up your cash to buy a farm. Insist on dragging the other PCs to your farm, and having them help you plant crops.
279: When the BBEG offers to let you live if you'll serve him, accept. Immediately. Even if you look like you could live through this.
280: Get drunk and tell everyone else in the bar that their mother was an orc and their father was a drow.
281: Comment on how hot the DM's sister/mother/cousin is. Ask for pictures. Phone number. Address.
282: Create a munchkin character when the DM is running a 'role' playing game. Solve every problem through violence.
283: Pretend that the game is a multi-player game of Doom. All things other than the PCs are 'Demons' who need to be slain so you can 'escape the moon base'.
-------------------- -D Nyarlathotep! Not just for breakfast anymore.
Let Necromancers make Undead Armies foundation, member 000 (Thats right, Not even I'm a member)
From: Louisiana | Registered: Jul 2001
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Dell Kallyan
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Member # 134084
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posted April 17, 2003 06:33 AM
284. Decide it might just be worth it to watch the nymph bathing. (lol)
285. Tell a blackgaurd that you think he would look scarier in a pink tutu.
286. Tell the party wizard you used his colorful furry flying rat (pseudodragon) as a tissue.
287. Assume you got a good roll on your animal empathy check to check what your hawk animal companion discovered while scouting ahead... true story, the DM secretely rolled a 1 and we got ambushed by a "merchant that needed some help." Stupid ranger...
288. Summon random demons and/or devils and tell them you want to play pattycake.
289. Go into your Bag of Holding, and tell the party if you're not out in 10 minutes, get the paladin!
290. Attempt to play fetch with the dwarf... and, I mean, the dwarf is what is being fetched by your summoned celestial dog. (nobody tosses a dwarf!)
291. Eat that crusty, nasty stuff you find in the corner of the dungeon... yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Then tell the dwarf (they're just so irritable!) that it tastes like he smells.
292. Make bawdy (sexual) innuendos every chance you get, for example: "Webster sure had an enormous dictionary... if you catch my drift." *wink wink* This is bound to produce odd effects from various NPCs and players.
292. a. More specific than above, make a Gnome named Sir Snugglesworth and ask everyone you meet for a hug, and if a wizard hugs you, say, "I sure hope thats your wand..."
293. (Doesn't work for monks...) Get rid of all your armor and weapons, shave your head, and say you wanna be a monk, then engage in hand to hand combat with basically anything. [ April 17, 2003, 06:37 AM: Message edited by: Dell Kallyan ]
-------------------- I think therefore I am... I think." -Nordom the Modron, Planscape Torment
From: New York | Registered: Mar 2003
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Little_Green_Fighter
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Member # 135746
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posted April 17, 2003 07:49 AM
294) Play Twister with a marilith 295) Buy your self a nice Lemure-Costum and gate into the Abyss. 296) Tell Any creature who can swallow you:"Bite me!" 297) Bite any creature that is at least two cats. larger then you 298) Go to Thay and shout:"Sazz Tam sucks my d.!" 299) Tour through the spine of the world in shorts. 300) Make a sexual offering to Demorgorgon. [ April 17, 2003, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: Little_Green_Fighter ]
-------------------- A better place to mail me: [email protected]
Trust me, I am your DM! So hear it not player for it is a knell, that summons thee to heaven or to hell! So says the green knight and so it is written!
From: Germany | Registered: Apr 2003
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Amryll
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Member # 136864
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posted April 18, 2003 01:42 PM
what ever # this is- eat lava while sayin "lava cant hurt you, silly"
From: alturas ca | Registered: Apr 2003
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KEB87
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Member # 111476
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posted April 18, 2003 04:04 PM
301) Actually put the ring on.
-------------------- "COME BACK! I VANT TO KILL YOU! DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN!"
The problem with kilts and foam fighting is when you die and a scot walks over your head, you get left thinking "... That was nuts"
Registered: Oct 2002
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Amryll
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Member # 136864
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posted April 18, 2003 04:21 PM
pay a visit to the kings paladin daughter....naked. this happened the paladin only giggled though, her dad was reallly angry.
From: alturas ca | Registered: Apr 2003
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E_Planeswalker
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Member # 125465
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posted April 18, 2003 05:35 PM
302: Tell Belial that his hospitality leaves much to be desired when you are visiting him. (I actually did that and lived )
--------------------
You flush it out, you flush it out. Saint Anger 'round my neck. You flush it out, you flush it out. He never gets respect..
no regrets, I hit the light on these dark sets, Medallion noose, I hang myself, Saint Anger 'round my neck.
I feel my world shake, Like an earthquake. It's hard to see clear, Is it me? Is it fear?
I'm madly in anger with you, And i need to set my anger free.
Set it free...
From: Netherilands | Registered: Feb 2003
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gradeajohn
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Member # 116806
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posted April 19, 2003 01:37 AM
303- fight a dragon. tell it it has bad breath. give it a mint. ask to smell its breath now.
304- if any intelegent creature trys to turn you to stone say "stop trying to get me hard"
305- go up to a vampire and say "so, i heard you like to suck things" wink and gesture at self
306- eat that groudy crusty stuff in the dungeon, than tell the dwarf its better than his beer
307- visit moradin or corellon in an I *heart* Orcs T-shirt
308- when talking to a demon or devil, mix up its type with the other
309- as above, but with a celestial or call a demon or devil a celestial
310- use illusions to give a fiend a halo and white wings
311- give a celestial devil horns and a demon tail thingy with illusions
312- telll a vargouille to kiss your ass
313- eat squid infront of a karkren
314- go to sigal and start handing out panthelts for the church of the Lady of Pain
315- go to sigal and say "when im a god im so taking this place over"
316- go to sigal and yell "i dont fear your shadow Lady!" then light a candel and look smug
317- treat were animals as normal animals, "aww, look at the cuddly puppy!"
318- give a good were wolf a silver collar as a reward
319- try to use a were creature as a pet
320- tell boccob he couldnt magic his way out of a paper bag
321- challenge Kord to an arm wrestling competition
322- tell garl glittergold that he's a sucky mechanic
323- tell nerull to gain weight
324- knock on veccnas skull and ask "anybody in there!?"
325- try to get an echo by talking into any lich or deathknights skull
326- go visit gruumsh with an I *heart* Dwarves and Elves T-shirt
327- tell a dwarf his beer sucks, an elf his wine sucks and the kender that he's to serious
328- go up to the half orc npc barbarian and say "so your only half as strong as an orc? ha, i could kick your ass"
329- start an I love drizzt fan club in underdark
330- hit on that girl drizzt is with in siege of darkness
331- if you know about it in character, bring up that time when elminster was a woman while talking to him infront of a large group of people
332- go up to a marlith with 5 friends and ask for a group hand job.
333- pee on dwarven stonework infront of a dwarf
334- pee on a great sacred tree infront of an elf
335- pee on a complicated device infront of a gnome
336- pee on the kender
337- hit any party memeber while fighting zombies. say sorry, i got you two confused.
338- try to introduce a paladin or barabarian to the joys of masicism
339- walk up to a priest of that suffering god (llimar i think) and say your a sadist, then wink
340- sings "whip it" while fighting balors
341- try to convert an inquisiter [ April 19, 2003, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: gradeajohn ]
From: East | Registered: Dec 2002
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Elliot Quincy Fancypants III
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Member # 137117
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posted April 19, 2003 02:23 AM
342 - Exclaim "Wanna buy a monkey?!?!" in the middle of a boss fight. [ April 19, 2003, 02:24 AM: Message edited by: Elliot Quincy Fancypants III ]
-------------------- "...It's all in the pants."
All Races Foundation member #000000000011 Half-Orc Foundation member #0000000014 Dwarf Foundation member #0000000001 Protector of all things Anorean Wearer of the fanciest, pranciest pants this side of Pantsburg
From: Utah (the terror! ...the horror! ...the seaguls!!!) | Registered: Apr 2003
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gradeajohn
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Member # 116806
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posted April 19, 2003 10:34 AM
343- drink every vial of anything you find imeditly.
From: East | Registered: Dec 2002
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Doug
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Member # 33803
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posted April 19, 2003 02:58 PM
344 - draw from the deck of many things that the DM has been fiddling with
345 - mistake an Illithid for the elephant man
346 - illustrate the crappiest looking tarrasque for the 3e MM while surrounded by CR20 monster lovers
-------------------- PC: we walk down the corridor to the left Me: you see a large wooden door ahead of you. The door is locked and trapped....damn...I really should seperate flavor text and game text shouldn't I? PC: I attempt to disarm the trap...
From: Illinois | Registered: Jul 2001
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gradeajohn
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Member # 116806
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posted April 20, 2003 04:05 PM
Person B: walk up to a statue of lolth slap its face and call her a ***** Person B: what ya think Person A: you could say that for any god Person A: still good though Person B: shave off moradins beard while hes sleepin Person A: lol Person A: now THAT would be fun Person B: put a i love elves shirt on lolth Person A: shave the hobbits feet Person B: ask a barbarian to be a pacifist Person A: if you kill a BBG, and he comes back, tell him "i didnt think you could get any uglier, but damn" Person B: encourage the gnome to make the steam powered armor Person A: get rid of all your weapons and just play an instriment and sing in combat Person A: if your not a bard Person B: goose the preistess of lolth and say hey babe wanna get wild Person B: if your a dwarf Person A: put a girdel of masculinity/femininity on a preistest of lolth Person A: trust a slaada with the groups treassure Person A: trust a kender with anything shinney Person A: tell the rogue your far to alert to be robed Person B: eat a steak in front of a druid and say you cant eat this nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah Person A: cut down a giant red wood infront of a druid and a unicorn Person A: make exactly 1 tooth pick out of it Person A: leave the rest siting there Person B: play monkey in the middle with eliminsters spell book Person A: poke grummishs other eye Person B: ask gruumish if he lost his eye while jerkin off Person A: ask a halfling if everything about him is half as big as a man Person B: tell nerull hes nothing but a skiny boney girly man Person A: combine all magical or quasi magical fluids into a single tub, then take a bath in it Person A: atempt to throw nurrel to a dog Person B: fart real loud during a god summoning spell Person A: on the high priest or the gods alter Person B: hump a ancient red dragon saying yeah baby Person A: play a monk. name it Son Goku. get ****** if the dm wont let you fire a kamehameha Person B: say i cant die im to good to the dm Person A: be a paladin, do evil things, and try to say its for the greater good Person B: grab lolths **** and say shes flat Person A: call the orcian man on lolth Person B: start an i hate spiders club in the under dark Person A: tell bane if he was any kind of real god he'd have won by now Person A: do the scottish genetal showing thing to a sharp shooter Person B: tell heironious hes a goody too shoes napmby pamby Person B: tell a succubus hse isnt so hot Person A: tell erythnul hes too nice Person A: try to do the currley eye poke thing to a beholder Person B: lol Person B: ask a beholder if it needs glasses Person A: walk through the wilderness or a haunted graveyard in nothing but A1 stake sauce Person B: moon a beholder Person A: moon a minatour and say it doesnt have the balls to charge Person B: walk into the dragons cave saying hear lizard lizard lizard Person A: sing any modern punk song while in a temple of helm or tyr Person B: ask lolth if she has accepted jesus christ as her lord and savior Person A: tell a gobblin if its nose was a tad bigger it would make a great gnome Person A: atempt to mate with the blade golem Person A: atempt to make a half fire elemental...without magic Person B: smack goldmonns ass in front of riverwind Person A: smack anyone...everyones ass Person A: hold a science convention for gnomes Person B: whip it out in front of a dragon and say BEWARE MY MAGIC LANCE Person A: ask for the full name of a gnome and his entire family Person B: ask a druid if theyd like to marry a lumber jack Person A: moon a unicorn Person A: atempt to drink a water elemental Person B: lick a black pudding Person A: dude you have to post all these... Person A: make a penutbutter flesh jellly sandwich Person B: offer to show a preistess of lolth a real good time Person A: play a good drow, dual wield scimiatars, and call yourself tizzid Person A: play an inquisiter, say HEATHIN! every other sentince Person A: tell the vampire you know what she could suck Person B: pull moradins beard and say what ya gonna do little boy Person A: go up to a fire giant and say "i never knew dwarves plumed when you cooked them" Person B: play keep away with a dwarfs favore axe Person B: favorite Person A: say what doesnt kill me only makes me stronger...while fighting undead Person A: try to have your monk go super sayjin Person B: just let people know i made some Person B: tell a monk they couldnt punch there way outta a paper bag Person A: trust the halfling with your secrets Person B: and the best way to die in dnd Person B: **** on ancient red dragfons hoarde and kick in the nose then challenge it to a duel
theres 66 there
and im person A, person B is a friend
the last one would be 412, so the next one is 413 [ April 20, 2003, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: gradeajohn ]
From: East | Registered: Dec 2002
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AlienFromBeyond
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Member # 70815
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posted April 20, 2003 04:27 PM
413) Call the Rogue a Rouge.
-------------------- There are places so horrible even the dead hide their faces.-Reclusive Wight Card I am a sig Virus. Please put me in your sig so that I can continue to replicate.
From: Scotts Valley, CA | Registered: Mar 2002
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the lord of darkness
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Member # 48474
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posted April 20, 2003 08:43 PM
go toe to toe with a goblin army as a level 1 human barbarian in a rage so you cant take time to consider how outgunned you are
-------------------- "ah, yes i'll take 20 alchemist's fire please" later in the dungeon "THIS IS WHY YOU DONT **** OFF THE DWARF!" large inferno insues
Registered: Oct 2001
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Z
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Member # 45423
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posted April 21, 2003 02:02 PM
414) Tell the great wyrm prismatic dragon to "pick a color already".
415) Cast Giant Vermin on a Devastation Beetle.
-------------------- Good Hunting.
Registered: Sep 2001
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Little_Green_Fighter
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Member # 135746
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posted April 22, 2003 02:07 AM
416) Use that disgusting potion you found as a flavour for your meals. 417) Try to make a dwarf drink milk. 418) Tell the great water elemental that it leaks. 419) Offer a drink to a fire elemental. [ April 22, 2003, 02:14 AM: Message edited by: Little_Green_Fighter ]
-------------------- A better place to mail me: [email protected]
Trust me, I am your DM! So hear it not player for it is a knell, that summons thee to heaven or to hell! So says the green knight and so it is written!
From: Germany | Registered: Apr 2003
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Isolde
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Member # 135644
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posted April 22, 2003 09:25 AM
yes, these are alllll true (and 420 was me )
420) Open a wizard's journal w/o first thinking about traps (oh crap...mind blank) 421) Try and rob the recently mind-blanked wizard while she's sleeping, even though you KNOW she has nothing on her but clothes. 422) Desecrate graves. Just cause. 423) Give your characters nicknames: i.e. Corhill becomes Cornhole and Daden becomes Tenacious D. 423a) Name your character Logan and ask to 'become' Wolverine 423b) Name your character Wulfgar and insist that we are searching for the "Dragonballs" (dragon orbs) and decide that since you are a lycanthrope, you are a Super Sayen (sp?). 424) Give a deck of many things to any character I have just mentioned 425) Try to touch a Prismatic Wall for the "Pretty Colors..." 426) Animate a Teddy Bear and stick a dead imp corpse inside. (I still don't understand this one, but its happened) 427) Argue for 7 weeks that your character is NOT dead and than the DM made a mistake. Throw a fit when he says no. Then insist that your new character looks EXACTLY like your dead one. And remind everyone every game session for 7 months. 428) Insist on making "Griffin" noises when your character is polymorphed into one. Answer everything with a velociraptor-like "scrrreeeech!" 429) Try to use your feats to perform bodily funcions, i.e. Precise shot: Urine (or get creative) 430) three words: PERSISTENT MAGE HAND 431) Tell the DM "Don't worry, can't remember the roll, but I definately made that (insert name) save!" 432) Become a cannibal. Try and "spit" the dead fighter on the Troll's roasting spit and cook him up. Be thoroughly suprised when the party members kill you. Argue that "In some cultures its considered 'honoring the dead!'" Get the chick who's dead character isn't dead to help you argue. [ April 22, 2003, 09:36 AM: Message edited by: Isolde ]
-------------------- There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing jello to a tree, for instance.
From: Third Continent from the Right | Registered: Apr 2003
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Boudewijn Brendergast
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Member # 136655
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posted April 23, 2003 01:57 AM
433) Tell your DM (with a smug smile on your face) that your character didn't get as much as a scratch in the last 7 battles
434) Keep mixing up Harpers and Harpies
435) Be very PC and call the other groupmembers racists when they treat drow different from elves
48m) Grope your DMs girl/boyfriend and say it was just a grapple attempt [ April 23, 2003, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: Boudewijn Brendergast ]
-------------------- Save the Core Paladin Foundation Member #0000101
From: Wageningen, the Netherlands | Registered: Apr 2003
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Little_Green_Fighter
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Member # 135746
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posted April 23, 2003 03:28 AM
436) Put your char on a diet, consuming undeads only. 437) Found the "Waterdeep Fanclub" in Zentil Keep or Luskan. 438) Next time you meet a balor, tell him to hop, duck and roll.
-------------------- A better place to mail me: [email protected]
Trust me, I am your DM! So hear it not player for it is a knell, that summons thee to heaven or to hell! So says the green knight and so it is written!
From: Germany | Registered: Apr 2003
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