My Big Fat Korean Wedding
I had the chance to go to a traditional Korean wedding recently. Weddings are an interesting cultural phenomena here. It is a very important event and a big deal is made of it. In every city there are what they call wedding halls. These are big buildings that specialize in having weddings. Usually on the outside of these buildings there is a very large picture of a loving couple in the process of getting married. Also in Seoul there is a section of the town called Ahyeoundong that specializes in weddings. They have over 200 wedding dress shops and beauty parlors. From what I understand, most weddings are done in a Western style, with the wedding gown and tuxedo. Afterwards, the Korean couple will change into the traditional Korean clothes just for pictures. The interesting thing is that most Koreans have never actually seen a traditional Korean wedding except maybe on TV. One day while surfing the web, I came across this webblog written by an English guy, Adam. He mentioned that he was getting married to a Korean woman soon and that they had decided to have a traditional Korean wedding. I asked him if I could come and he was nice enough to let me come even though I didn�t know him very well.
The wedding ceremony was held far away in a city called Seosan. The host provided a bus to take the guests from Taejon to the wedding site. We all met outside of one of the large apartment complexes. This in itself was a challenge to me. Each large apartment complex is made up of from 4 �10 buildings that can be as high as 20 stories. It looks like a forest of buildings and instantly sets a Korean city apart from an American city. The buildings have the names of the apartment written on them in big Korean letters and are like little mini-cities unto themselves. I think every city has one complex called Samsung apartments. First I had to find the complex that I wanted which was no easy task since there were 20 or 30 of these pods in Taejon. After I did that, with help from Korean friends, I had to try to figure out where exactly in the complex the bus would meet us. I got there about 30 minutes early and rode around and around until I saw a few people congregating. I asked them if they were going to the wedding and happily they were. That was a relief. The bus was a regular large bus like you might get on in the city except it was equipped with special video, audio, and light equipment. I found out later that it is often common on long bus trips to sing karioke and have a kind of light show on the bus. Of course the sound quality suffers somewhat when you are barreling down the highway at 100 kph. One of my favorite parts of any long bus trip is the mandatory rest stop. You stop for 15 minutes along with 90 other buses at a special rest stop. During that time you can go to the bathroom or buy all kinds of snacks and souveniers to remember your time at the rest stop. As the recording says though, �Make sure you memorize the number of your bus or you will be left behind.� I am always too afraid to move very far from the bus so I usually run to the bathroom and run back and wait for the bus driver to come back.
Once we arrived at the wedding location, we immediately were ushered to a greeting line with the inlaws and then into a large restaurant, since it was lunch time. This was a bit unusual as usually you eat after the wedding, but hey it WAS lunch time, so we ate. We didn�t have to order as there everyone got the same food. It was delicious Korean food. Many side dishes, most of which I didn�t know what of ,but which I happily ate; rice, drinks etc. Apparently this was quite a well-known restaurant so there were many other people not in the wedding party there as well. In addition to the food there were plenty of drinks like soju (the hardcore stuff for people serious about getting drunk quickly) and maekkolli (a kind of rice wine that actually tasted good). None of the wedding party was drinking that day.
After lunch we went outside and walked to the nearby garden where the wedding was being held. As soon as you entered you sighted the collection table. Apparently the way Korean weddings work is that you pay as you go, or should I say if you go. The guests pay for the wedding. Each person understands that they will put a contribution into a red envelope and give it the people at the collection desk. The amount can vary but should be in the $50 range per person. Luckily Adam had excused me from this part of the ceremony. However, as soon as I walked into the garden, the shady looking Mafioso type people at the tables kept eyeing me. They didn�t know who they were dealing with though, the king of the deadbeats, with a minor degree in crashing gates. It would take more than a few dirty looks to make me cough up $50. I moved to the other side of the garden and remained alert for a direct assault.
At the far end of the garden a staging area was set up. At the opposite end was a little box with handles, called a palanquin. It was hard to believe it but the bride was supposed to sit in there and be carried to the groom. Kind of like a caged bird. When she finally came into the garden I was amazed that she was able to fit in there even with all of her wedding finery. Both the bride and groom wore silk traditional clothes called hanboks. In addition, the bride had big bright red dots on her cheeks. Perhaps the best part was the hats that they wore. Really unique. The brides looked like a cloth with a wooden scroll hanging across the back. The groom�s hat was a traditional Korean hat dating back many centuries. It looked so strange, like someone large had sat on it by accident many times. Four men were chosen to carry the bride. There seemed to be a shortage of strong men in attendance. I was almost drafted for the task, but at the last moment they found someone who actually was a close friend of the couple to do the carrying. I stayed on the outskirts, away from that table, taking pictures.
I found the ceremony quite charming. It was run by 2 MCs, a man and a woman and 3 or 4 assistants to tell the bride and groom what to do. The entire time the bride had to keep her head and eyes cast downwards and her hands folded under chin with her arms parellel to the ground (see picture). It looked so uncomfortable and unnatural but hey if I ever get married that's the way I want my wife to act. After the bride was carried in, the couple met at the staging area. There were dancers and musicians. The dancers wore these special hats that had long ribbons attached to a swivel on their heads. By rotating their necks, they were able to make beautiful designs with the ribbons. Maybe this should be an Olympic event. The groom carried in a pair of carved wooden geese. Since wooden geese mate for life, this is an apt symbol for faithfulness. Next came the wine. The groom and the bride each were poured a cup of wine and took a sip. Then they mixed the wines and drank some more. Then they read out a poem in Korean. Afterwards the poem was burned and everyone watched as the ashes floated into the sky. The mother-in-laws then gave their new children-in-law one of the wooden geese. Kind of like saying, �You�d better not fool around on my baby or else.� The Korean mother especially had a sad face that day. In the US the brides parents feel like they are gaining a son but in Korea, the feeling is that their daughter becomes property of the husband and his side of the family.
For the entire ceremony there were these two chickens, actually a rooster and a hen, that were tied up and sitting one each in front of the bride and groom. Everyone kept joking that the hen kept trying to escape, actually did manage to wiggle free of her bonds at one point, before someone caught her and tied her up again. I guess giving up your freedom is not easy for anyone, even chickens. They had their chance a little later on.
With the drama of the hen going on the whole time we watched a charming courting dance/ play danced by the MCs. The boy kept trying to show the girl that he liked her but she resisted by pushing him away, hitting him, and throwing his gifts away. Finally she accepted by allowing him to put the red dots on her cheeks and forehead. Then they danced around happily. After that the couples bowed to the in-laws. Then the MCs took the bound chicken and hen and freed them while holding them. They flung them in the air. Go chicken, go hen. I kept hoping they would surprise everyone and fly up and up and away to live a new life, but they only made it about 15 feet in the air before tumbling down. Out of practice. The hen did better than the rooster and once it was on the ground put up a good fight. I guess the message is freedom isn�t so great after all, better to be married and tied down, most of us don�t have anywhere to fly to anyway. Ah well. Then the couple made an exit while guest threw white rice on them. Sound familiar? And that was it. The happy couple was ushered out. The entire ceremony lasted about 40 minutes.
They returned a few minutes later with a change of outfit. Like a fashion show and pictures were taken. I kept an eye out for the Mafia guys. Shortly thereafter we boarded the bus back. Someone was nice enough to bring some more snacks from the restaurant including the ever-popular dried octopus. So we munched and sang and watched videos and napped the 2 hours home. At the end I nearly missed my stop, you had to be ready to jump off when the bus came to your area. I was tired. It had been a long emotional day. Weddings, whether in English or another language, almost always make me cry, and sad, and depressed.
pictures from the wedding
Adam's webpage