"Let's Talk About Sex"

With society and our governments grappling with the question of sexual definitions, young people are getting mixed, and often confusing, messages about their sexuality.  This page is a frank and open discussion of what the Bible says about your sexuality as God created it and biblical principles to help you remain sexually pure in a sexually perverse society.

I.          God's perspective

Alone is not good
          When dating, don't be alone with the person you are dating.  Being alone only gives the devil opportunity for you to mess up and fall into temptation.  Watch movies and television with other people.  Don't pair off to go on walks by yourselves unless there are going to be lots of people around.  When driving, avoid country roads and long drives or you will be setting yourself up for a fall.
God is pro-sex
          God designed sex as a gift for his creation.  Sex for His prized creation (mankind) allows not only physical but also emotional spiritual and mental intimacy.  Souls and spirits intermingal during the sexual act and leads to soul-ties which are a spiritual union.
Sexual intimacy is intended for oneness:
          The soul and spirit of partners intermingal during the sexual act and leads to soul-ties which are extremely intimate spiritual unions.  See
God designed sex for marriage:
          Due to the fact that sex is so intimate, even beyond the physical act itself, God planned it for marriage.  Sex in marriage is the healthiest way to go.  It keeps you from being spiritually tied to people you aren't supposed to be married to.  When you date someone and get sexually involved then split up, you leave a piece of yourself with the former sexual partner.  This brings complications into the next relationship due to the fact you have to overcome former physical mental and emotional connections with the former partner.  Its just far better on you to wait until you find the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.  Don't you want to save yourself for them, your life partner? Or are you going to be selfish and not wait?

II.          Complications to the Plan
Sexually motivated society:
          With humor intended, people walk around so motivated by physical desire.  Most people spend their days and nights consumed with the thoughts of sexual encounters.  It reminds me of the neighborhood dogs who live their lives always keeping an eye out for food and sex.  Yes it is funny isn't it.  Ha!  But true!!
Peer Pressure:
          For many of us, at school, at work, or on the sports team it is almost considered to be a right of passage to be physically involved with someone. Yet when males are confronted and asked if they want to marry a virgin or not then they will quickly respond with a 'yes'. Just an interesting fact. So, it seems that many people want to be sexually serviced until they find the acceptable mate to spend the rest of their life with. Are you being used?
Media Pressure:
          Television, movies, music, and videos are geared toward the rights of passage concept. This obviously has influenced student and overall cultural  mindsets. Following these patterns is not the solution. If people want to be like movie stars and have a perfect life like the stars then they need to review how long these stars remain in a marriage commitment. Whoa! A kick in the seat of the pants. Ha!
Pressure Lines:
          Have you noticed that you are usually tempted to do things in areas where you are weak? We are also tempted to do things that our peers are doing just so we can fit in. The "do this or your not my friend" acquaintances need to be re-evaluated to see if they are truly a "friend." On the otherhand, positive peer pressure can be used to combat the negative trends. Help friends see that there are other standards of cool.

                  "I think it's cool to save ourselves for who we marry."
                        "Well you see, I'm looking for a lady."
                        "I'm looking for a guy who is man enough to wait."

III.          How Far Is Too Far?
Testing the limits:
          People get bored quick, especially teens.  So then, couples who are dating begin testing the limits with the person they are seeing.  "What can I get by with?"  "How far can things go before they begin resisting?"  Does this sound familiar?  Does this sound like you are being used?  Maybe so...
Progressive activity:
          It begins with a phone call, a nervous questionnaire.  Then comes a hug, holding hands, a quick kiss, a lengthy kiss, then fondling.  Such activity does deepen the soul tie you have with the person.
Insatiable appetite:
          You search for time you can have alone with them.  "What else will they allow me to do? How else can I use them?"  It's all about you isn't it?  More...
          At the end of the day, sexual sin is the result accompanied by guilt and an unshakable feeling that you have been used.  You've given away something that God intended for you to share only with your husband or wife in the marriage covenant.  Keep in mind that it is better to marry than to burn.  If you and your girfriend / boyfriend can't wait then you need to be married.
          You may say, "How do I know this is the right one to marry?" or "I don't want to marry them!"  If you aren't dating someone you think you could marry one day then you are with them for the wrong reasons.  Shake off convenient romantic relationships.  Stop using people for what you can gain personally, physically, for popularity's sake, or otherwise.  Get it in gear folks!

IV.          Discerning the Right Life Partner
Focal point of relationship:
          What is the relationship based on?  Physical attraction?  Emotional dependence in some way?  Everything physical set aside, do you enjoy simply talking to them?  Looks are gonna fade with time my friend.  What's the person like?  Do you know them?  Do you agree on critical issues?  Do you pray together?  Do you praise and worship God together?  Is Jesus the focal point of the relationship?  I hope He is.  He better be.
          It's always a plus when if the person has had a history of commitment and dependability. Have they been a reliable worker at their job? Do they stand up for friends and family when things in the friend or family's life seem grim? It's an excellent quality when if the person stands up in the face of negative adversity. Back to the main point, do they have a good history of being committed to family, friends, and other relationships? Yes everyone is able to change but only God can change them. Meanwhile, don't settle for second best.
          The person should honor authority. Parents, grandparents, bosses, policeman, political officials, teachers, professors, ministers, and cell group leaders. Do they honor them or are they constantly belly aching over leadership decisions? See
Complaining and Gossip pages.
          It is a far better situation when you and your future spouse agree on major issues. Especially things like religion, apologetics, politics, and acceptable behavior. How can two walk together unless they agree? You need to have the same / similar visions(future plans) for your lives. Are you two really compatible?
          5.          Timing
Practical Guidelines
                  Guard your heart in the relationship. Try not to fall for someone as easily as you did in the past. In other words, donít be so easy with your heart. Your heart is a treasure and you should be careful who you give it to. And, donít forget to guard the other personís heart too. Time will reveal as to if the relationship is supposed to work. Donít fall head over heels too soon. Just allow yourself to like them instead of ďlove, love, love.Ē
                    Can you be open about issues past and present withou going all to pieces? Can you discuss matters and still feel comfortable? The one should be as close if not closer than a best friend. Someone you can be yourself around.
Spiritual intensity:
                    Does the relationship affect your Christian walk positively or negatively?
Up or down?
                    Are you being pulled down emotionally and spiritually? Or, are you being encouraged and lifted up in the relationship? Happy? Mind is consumed with worry or jealousy? Be at ease.

IV.          Forgiveness
Steps to forgiveness
                    a.          Admit your sin
                    b.          Accept God's forgiveness
                    c.          Fruit of repentance
                    There has to be positive change in your life. Say "No" to more sin. Keep things accountable to good Christian friends or family. Your pastor too if possible.
                    d.          Forgive yourself
                    e.          Don't be deceived
                    There is no license to sin for the Christian, nor for anyone. Sex before marriage and an overbearing relationship can damage or ruin your Christian walk and or witness. Second, there is true forgiveness in Christ. You can make things right.
New relationships
                    a.          You are not alone
                    b.          Intimacy with Jesus
                    c.          Set of convictions
                    d.          Christian conscience
Preventative Measures
                    a.          Set standards beforehand
                    b.          Be accountable
                            When dating, make sure other people know about the relationship.
                    Don't be so secretive. When you go on a date somewhere, make sure your
                    parents, family, and good Christian friends know what you are doing,
                    where you are going, who you are with, and when you will be home. Don't
                    just keep the dates accountable but every aspect of the relationship as well.
                    c.          Let your lifestyle show
                    d.          Choose companions carefully
                    e.          Seek wisdom
wisdom page.
                    f.           Controlled dates
                    g.          Escape routes

                                                      Jeremy Brown 2002-2003

Recommended Reading
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Wait for Me: The Beauty of Sexual Purity
Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships
Boy Meets Girl
Rating Your Dating While Waiting for Mating
Proverbs 31
1 Corinthians 13
Abstinence Education
Is There A Way to Overcome My Lust for Sex?
Why Should I Save Sex For Marriage?
A Vicious Cycle
My Lust For Sex
Sex, Love, and Relationships

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