Match Reports by Chris de Cani

2^nd February 2008 

Cup Quarter Final

Bishops Waltham  3  Barton Stacey  9

An away tie against second division opposition, surely Barton would not repeat the chaos of the previous round’s match against Lyndhurst, where they managed to squander a six goal lead before eventually winning the game by ten goals to six. 

Bishops Waltham had requested a 9.30am start so it was an early start for the boys from Barton; 8.15am outside the shop, some parents conspicuous by their absence.  Mrs Taplin had her head in a Gordon Ramsay book perfecting a pureed pea dish; Mrs de Cani detailed to perform other transport duties.  Mr Bearpark, defeated by the early start sent along Mrs Bearpark with a Tom Tom, Mr Coetzee keen to seek tickets for the Tottenham end at the Carling cup final, out to tout the Bishops Waltham crowd for one of the increasingly elusive golden tickets.

Barton Stacey had not travelled to Bishops Waltham since their seven a side days.  With vague memories of how to get there, and a brace of Sat Navs, we set off across the Hampshire countryside like a laser guided missile stuck at 56mph. Like much of the hardware guided by American Satellite technology we completely missed the target, arriving at the wrong ground altogether, your correspondent having entered the wrong address in the Sat Nav; Mrs Bearpark’s technology had suffered a similar malfunction, not having entered any address, the Sat Nav was just logging her position. Cruising along following the arrow, unaware that she was the arrow, the technical department comprising Nick Bearpark and Dan Pomroy, picking up on the error that substantially reduced the number of hours they could have spent in the car if the error had not been spotted.

The problem remained that we were at the wrong ground with 30 minutes to go before kick off, the Bishops Waltham manager was not answering his phone, manager Graham White quietly seething at the prospect of being knocked out of the cup by satellite technology. 

Pooling what grey cells remained, we concluded that we might know the vague location of the ground. First to take the lead was your correspondent, who managed to find Budgen’s supermarket, next was Mrs Bearpark who got us to some nice Shetland Ponies.  Mr Hadlington rang up from the ground asking where we were, Graham White informing him that we didn’t know and could he make preparations to play Bishops Waltham with the four boys that he had in his car.

 Looking to the skies and seeking divine intervention, we were given a sign, In the process of performing yet another U-turn, the hub cap fell off the lead Renault, rolling off in the direction we were to travel, the Barton procession set off in pursuit only for the hub cap to give up after a few yards. It was back to following the nose.  Mrs Bearpark, a lone female voice, suggested the town centre where there were shops, instigating nervous shuffling by boys and dads alike. We entered the Bishops Waltham one way system to be rescued by a postman who gave us directions that were wrong. With ten minutes to go before kick off, a lucky right turn revealed a sign to the sports ground, with five games due to start at the same time we joined the que to get into the car park, the boys racing onto the pitch with minutes to spare to be greeted by the ref who was considering calling the game off: there was a bit of frost, and could we come back next week? 

While the deliberations over whether the game should start took place, calls were made to local hotels; we would stay the week in Bishops Waltham rather than attempt the journey again. After half an hours wait, the game kicked off, and normal service was resumed.

The game? Barton Stacey ran out winners by nine goals to three, a hat trick for Nick Bearpark, Michael Taplin 2, William de Cani 2, and one each for Sam Hadlington and Luke Bacon.  Bishops Waltham played a long ball, gridiron type of a game, hitting Barton very quickly on the break. The giant of a first receiver startling Messrs Coetzee, Pomroy and Richards with his lightning pace and booming bass baritone.  He was the quickest striker Barton had faced all season and would walk into most teams in the first division. 

Barton Stacey move through to their fourth semi final in six seasons, hoping for a home tie, especially if the “madam with map” – Mrs de Cani is unavailable. She may pay no heed to the game going on in front of her, and seek refuge and solace in all things non-football, but she possesses one of the best noses around for a secluded football ground.

 Mr Taplin speaking for many, when with sotto voce to his striker son he remarked      ”We’re not following Mr de Cani home, I’ve only got half a tank of diesel!”