| When I was older a dear friend asked me a question. "What if all of the dreams you had from when you were a child came true?" "I would be a millionare. I would buy all of my friends anything that they ever wanted." She smiled when I said that. "And I would be married to the girl I was in love with when I was ten." She looked at me, and I looked back at her. I had a simple smile on my face. The smile of a man who knows himself. The smile of a man who hates himself as much as he loves himself. The smile of a man with one simple thought in his mind. I looked at her and she had the same unfettered smile. Balance. Perfection of the soul for a moment. "You dont know the girl I am talking about." I said for some reason, it didn't really matter if I had said it at all. "I know. I didnt think that I did." I said the ten year old girls name like it was honey dripping off my lips. The ten year girls name who was now a twenty year old woman, who more than likely didn't even remember my name. I said her name sweetly and slowly, savoring it on my tongue, a name that I had not said for a long time. She looked at me while I was reliving a moment of my dead past. She knew that the childhood that I was thinking of was over, just as her own child hood was. That she was no longer that child of only a year sitting on the hearth and thinking with the pink bows wrapped around her, now she was a woman sitting there and thinking. She was just like me, wanting to go back to simpler times, but knowing that they were dead too. I smiled an ironic smile. Happiness and sadness both had their place in that smile. "It is sad when a ten year old thinks of love and thinks that he wants to be with someone for the rest of his life before his life has even started." "It's sad to think that that little girl looks to be thinking before she has ever spoke." I began to reflect. What did I feel for that girl? I was only ten. How could I have loved her? What is love to a ten year old boy? To most ten year old boys it is nothing, there is no love. There is only hair pulling and name calling and rocks and swings and slides and everything that a little boy should do. But I was different, I longed for something that I was to young to understand. Something that I have longed for ever since and never found. What ten year old longs for love? I peered into the eyes of the woman across from me, and I wondered what loves she missed. Wondered what she longed for as a child? What were her dreams? What did young Kelly dream for? Maybe she dreamed of love too. Prehaps I wasn't the only ten year old looking for a soul mate, and maybe I was. Those blue orbs spoke to me in languages that I couldn't decipher. They spoke volumes in latin, gaelic and aincent aramaic, all dead languages that I had no understanding of. It didn't matter though, I could tell what they were saying, just as she could read my dead eyes as well. 04-18-2001 04:40 |
| Childhood |
| Thanks to my insperation for this one... she is the greatest, even though she is so far away... I guess that that just makes it even more amazing that she can inspire me often enough to write abou her. Thanks... smile love, cause you know who you are... :) |