Not Just on TV
Written Summer 2002
Real name withheld for reasons of privacy.
PrtyInPink101:
I’ve been raped.
Summergrl772:
what?
PrtyInPink101:
well, actually m ore sexually harassed
That is the first thing Diana says to me on
Thursday, July 11, 2002, other than the usual ‘hey what’s ^?’. I am having
a sleepover with my friends Kimberly, Jocelyn, and Emily when m y cousin
instant messages me the shock of my life. I can’t believe it.
PrtyInPink101:
I’m sniffing inhalants
PrtyInPink101:
I figure it’ll kill me one day
I can’t believe it. These things happen on
TV, not in real life. And not to my cousin!
I almost fall out of my chair, the only thing
that stops me is the bar stool next to it. I am totally and completely
shocked that my cousin would be doing such a thing. She’s a popular girl
with a boyfriend, and she’s always happy. Now, all of a sudden, she’s trying
to kill herself.
PrtyInPink101:
if u tell anyone I’ll hurt u
I’m not afraid of that. I want to tell and
can’t, but not because of that. I am afraid of losing her trust. Instead,
I try to get the whole picture, so I can convince her that it isn’t something
she should do.
Summergrl772:
why in the world are you doing this???
All summed up, her reasons are that she’s
being sexually harassed—and not verbally either, she broke up with her
boyfriend—note that she broke up with him, not vice versa, she has some
family problems, and she has a lot of pressure that she just can’t deal
with anymore. I guess that popular kids have a lot of pressure on them
that non-popular kids aren’t aware of. I’ve never thought of that, or that
it could be enough for someone to try to commit suicide.
Summergrl772:
don’t. there is a reason why u were born. u have a life ahead of u, u
have a purpose!
PrtyInPink101:
don’t start with that stuff
Summergrl772:
if u don’t care about your future, u should at least care about this: we’d
miss u.
PrtyInPink101:
who’ll miss me? No one will miss me.
Summergrl772:
me. your parents and sister. your friends. our grandmothers.
PrtyInPink101:
my family hates me
PrtyInPink101:
my friends hate me because I’m a whore
PrtyInPink101:
my grandmothers are dead
I can’t believe it. It can’t be possible that
everyone hates her, and the thing about her grandmothers is not true.
Her mother’s mother just visited her about a week ago, and my Aunt Marilyn
is far from dead, as is my Grandma, her Aunt Florence.
PrtyInPink101:
u have no idea what I’m going through u couldn’t possibly know
I decide to change tactics. Joce had come
to sit next to me as all this was going on, and I had been reading out
what was going on to my friends, along with the occasional ‘oh my G-d, oh
my G-d’.
PrtyInPink101:I
g2g
Summergrl772:
no! stay! I don’t care what u tell your parents, but stay!
I need her to stay on so I can try to convince
her to stop! If she gets off, it would ruin everything! I decide to take
a chance, and got Joce on my screen name. Now, Joce has been through a lot,
getting pregnant twice by the age of thirteen, having a father who is a
drunken drug addict, and she has been through the stage of suicidal. If anyone
can get through to her, Joce can, I think.
I sit there, watching as Joce types to what
seems like no one. Diana is not talking at all. I sit there, watching,
waiting, reading what Joce says, hoping that Diana will respond, hopefully
with an ‘I’ll stop,’ although I know that is not likely.
After a couple of minutes, I hear the AIM
door shutting. I look at the message window. “PrtyInPink101 has signed
off at…” it says. “Drat!”
I try to figure out what to do. Diana can’t
hurt me; she’s in Broward, Florida and I’m in Loudoun, Virginia. I’m afraid
of losing her trust, but what would her trust be worth if she was dead?
I make my decision, and press print.
After the conversation has printed, I go upstairs.
My mother is in the family room, sitting on the floor in front of a box
of books. She has a label in one hand and a paperback horror story in the
other. I go over to her and drop the conversation in the box.
“She told me not to say anything, but I have to,” I say.
“Please don’t read it until I’m back downstairs.”
I turn to go back to the basement, and as
I reached the door to the stairs, I hear my mother gasp. I will never
forget that sound. I go slowly, sadly down the steps.
I try to get back into my good mood of earlier
as I watch TV with my friends, but it’s impossible. I can’t stop thinking,
wondering what my mother will do and if Diana will be okay. Finally, I go
upstairs to find out.
My mother is walking into the kitchen from
the dining room. She is talking on the cell phone with the printout in her
hand, and I ask her if she’s talking to Diana’s mother. She shakes her
head, and I listen to what she is saying. I figure out that she is talking
to Grandma, and after a while of listening, ask to talk to her.
I sit on the oversized chair in the family
room and tell Grandma what happened in my own words, inserting things that
Diana has said before, such as who is sexually abusing Diana and how I know
it’s not verbal. I tell her my fear of losing Diana’s trust, and she assures
me that I did the right thing. Grandma promises to tell Aunt Marilyn, who
will tell Diana’s mother, and we hang up.
I call Diana later. She says, of all things,
that she was just joking; none of it is true. I don’t know what to believe.
I know the sexual harassment is true, she had mentioned that in earlier conversations,
but could it be true that she’s not trying to kill herself? Why would she
make such a thing up? I run downstairs to tell my mother the latest complication.
I do not here anything more about it until
about a week later. I decide to call my grandmother one night, and she tells
me what Aunt Marilyn told her. Diana’s mother banned her from the internet,
and Diana seems to be doing fine. I’m not sure I believe that. She refused
to tell her mother in the first place, why would she let anyone know now?
I put down the phone thinking this. I still
cannot believe that this has happened to my cousin, my best friend from
Florida. This kind of thing happens on TV shows; I guess I never thought
that it would happen in real life, especially not to someone I am close
to.
I put the usual look on my face, and walk
out of my dorm room to go to a hall meeting.