When I walk off the stage, the feeling of emptiness comes over me
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During the last 70 minutes I�ve been through a roller-coaster-ride of emotions. On stage I�m the most self-confident version of myself. I�m proud of what I�m about to present, and have practised enough to be sure that the performance will run smoothly. In between songs, I search for the different moods I have to be in to perform with conviction. I�m enjoying the playing and the music, and I like the pressure I feel on my body bacause I have to prove myself and deliver the goods.�
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At the same time I�m at my most vulnerable, since I�m laid bare if something goes wrong. Whether it is because I�ve not had enough time to focus to get into the right mental setting before I start, or that I haven�t got the right monitor-mix in my ear so that I�m not able to hear myself on stage. Most of the time everything is well taken care of, I have great fun and give absolutely everything that I�ve got, and then some. Then time flies before it suddenly ends.
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I�m totally exhausted when the show is done. And totally empty.
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It takes some time for me to find out how much strength I�ve got left, and to gather myself. If there has been a lot of travelling or stress on the day of the concert, I sometimes almost fall asleep on my way back to the wardrobe. At such times, it�s best to have only the band around me. They know me well, have been onstage with me and shared the experience. Whether the show has been great or not, we�ve been through it together, and I don�t have to explain anything or defend myself.
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No matter how the show was, I often find it difficult meeting unfamiliar faces right after.�It�s good to be able to evaluate yourself before having to deal with what other people think. If I�m not satisfied with something, I want to analyze myself and find out why that is so, and how I can make it better the next time. And when I�m satisfied, it�s important to me to be able to taste that feeling too, so that I�m more ready to take in compliments and nice words from others.
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Finally � when I�ve regained my breath and sorted out my thoughts � it�s good to drink a glass of wine to celebrate tonight�s effort.��